Ok..first things first..I have finally purchased a SLR - Nikon D5100 :) yeyeye..my only big-item purchase in the last 2-3 years..so happy..super clear pictures..now I hope to learn some photography as well..I have always believed that a good photographer is the one who has the ability to tell stories through his pictures..anyone can be a photographer but only a good photographer has the ability to bring out fascinating stories through his pictures..just as writers use their pen to tell stories, a photographer tells the same through clicks..I just cannot click pose-for-camera pics..I can only click natural poses (as I have already said that this word is an oxymoron)..and I am more of a micro person..I like to click photographs of micro details bringing out the finer nuances..I don't like to click larger than life views or macro pictures..like the mountains..(only due to personal choice)..and whoa! today only monsoon arrived in Delhi..how can I not click pics then :) and I have a fascination with drops..all the pictures that I clicked today have a drop. and I love clicking nature..flowers, gardens, leaves, rain, water..these give me some peace..maybe I should become a nature photographer..I now hope to learn clicking portraits.. let us see how things turn out..
Hmm..ok..I have been writing some real real personal stuff lately..unless it harms the privacy of the other, I am comfortable sharing my personal life here..I can lie to thousand people but I can never lie to my blog..my diary..my life..so I am writing some more personal stuff.. You know about one year back I had written two posts - Of Lovers Not Made for Each Other (May 2010) and Of Lovers Made for Each Other (August 2010). People had asked me whether is it for real? I had lied that time that I just imagined someone and wrote. But to tell the truth I was so madly in awe of somebody..Should I use the word Love..I don't know..I still not know whether it is love.. I had completely told what I felt about you in these two posts but you know there was no future between you and me..It was sheer blasphemy to even think about it. I knew you loved someone else and I have not seen both of you together but I am sure you both look amazing..after all with whosoever you are, you anyways look good :-) I have cried nights thinking about you but you know the worse thing I cannot even tell you how I feel about you. It took me so much time to get over you and now look at the turn of events you again come back in my life. Now what do I do? I cannot avoid you and cannot even think of blocking you on FB..how will I get over you once again?
You know I was having this random discussion with neighbor-cum-friend S in office and I just asked her "How do you get over somebody?" She told me that you cannot stop loving anyone till the time you find someone else..and then I told her what if the other person is going around with someone else and you are not their first choice? Then she told that this is the most painful thing but you should just simply avoid thinking about the person by getting immersed on other things and get over with it somehow.. and then I kept thinking what if I don't want to get over? And then H tells me, it is all infatuation :( and that I should tell you and get over with it..but is it that easy to get over someone or is it ever possible to get over someone? I don't know..of course, I haven't told (S and H) them that I am going through such a crisis..
I am just feeling like Joey when he really really liked Rachel but it was killing him from inside when he could not tell her what he felt..and you know why I love Deepa so so much..because I am exactly in her position. I know how she would have felt..People say to me you are such a good person, everybody will want to be with you..and then I just think to myself just as she said to Sid, if I am so good, then why can't I get you..what is my fault :'( And you know why I love Sonam in I Hate Luv Storys..because I can totally identify with her..when she says to Jai..magar mere saath aisa hua hai..
It is just so difficult to realise that you are not meant for somebody..it is such a painful feeling ya to come to terms with it..and as my cosmic connection theory says that whatever you are thinking you see that everywhere :( On Colors, Balika Vadhu comes no..I just saw an episode on Friday, in that also Anandi is finding it very hard to accept her husband's second wife but she still says that she will not curse her as the new wife is connected to her husband.. and then I watched this episode of Grey's Anatomy..Lexie and Mark are still not over each other.and they miss each other terribly :(
I have been listening to the song Bin Tere from I Hate Luv Storys (the best break up song ever) and O Re Piya from Aaja Nachle continuously for the last week or so :( Ya I miss you so much..
And someone told me casually the other day you know you look the kind of person who doesn't need anyone in life..you appear to be emotionally very strong (huh?!) I felt so bad.. so bad because I could not tell how emotionally weak I am and how terribly I need someone.. I need you..How will I live without you ya..why can't I get you.. :(
I think people get the ones they love are really lucky.. I know it happens to others..why does it happen to me..Miss you always..am back to listening to these songs..and have added one more the list Chandni Raatein :(
And check out this amazing video and Joey and Rachel..can't embed it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQsRmQI_rz4
Will write a better not-so-emotional post later this week..