This is another weekend where I did not have any new things to write about. I really feel guilty when I do not do anything productive. It feels like I wasted all this time while the world seems to move far ahead, as if it is some type of competition. I have been spending my time reading some random old history about the conflict in Sudan, the Israel-Palestine dispute, the India-Pakistan war of 1965, and the creation of Bangladesh in 1972. I like to read about geopolitics a lot.
I have also been randomly watching Rituparno's Ghosh Abohomaan (which is allegedly based on the relationship between Satyajit Ray and Madhabi Mukherjee), Om Raut's Adipurush, and Maneesh Sharma's Fan. I wanted to write about Nitesh Tiwari's Bawaal, which is quite lovely (save the last few minutes). It is another interesting addition to the filmography of the writer Ashwini Iyer Tiwari that again delves into the concept of image and shame. Her films often talk about these things. The child was embarrassed by the mother in Nil Battey Sannata. The husband is embarrassed by the wife in Bawaal. Ajay (Varun Dhawan) is so conscious of his perceived image that he almost cages his wife Nisha (Janhvi Kapoor) inside their house. This image thing was also seen in Bareilly Ki Barfi, where Pritam Vidrohi (Rajkummar Rao) becomes Badass Babua so easily as if he always wanted to be him. The opening bits of the Bawaal, where Ajay rides a bike with everyone looking at him, are reminiscent of Badass Babua's entry in Bareilly Ki Barfi. There was also the concept of image in Panga where a housewife takes to sports again because she cannot see herself in the mirror as she feels ashamed. Bawaal makes the point that the image is only a notion in our heads. We have to be comfortable with who we are and find our own ways of happiness. For instance, Ajay made a point to wear only branded clothes. In Paris, his suitcase gets exchanged with a Gujju guy. So now, he has to wear the colorful clothes of the Gujju guy, while the other guy has to wear his branded clothes. What was interesting was that for the Gujju family, Ajay's branded clothes were so dull that the guy's mother said they were not even suited for mourning. If Ajay liked it, it was fine for him to wear those, but he became so focused on it that he forgot to even live his life. The same way he was behaving in relationships. Now, as I have already written the summary here, I did not feel like writing a whole new piece.
Of course, there is also Atlee's Jawan, which was released this week. I just did not feel like going to it. It isn't a film that I want to watch in the theater. I was disappointed with Pathaan, which I could have watched at home. The thing with watching movies in the theater is that one gets a little biased by the audience. It happened to me during Rocky And Rani Kii Prem Kahaani as well, where people next to me were howling at some of the lines, and I was like, what is so funny here. There is pressure to laugh at the same jokes, and I don't like it. I love the experience of the big screen, but I prefer to watch them at home now unless it is a film that I really, really, really want to watch, which is becoming increasingly rare. Jawan is not the kind of film that I want to watch.
This brings me to another topic. Ten-fifteen years ago, I would still watch some of the films as early as possible. But living away from theaters has brought patience in me. I see people all around me who are passionate about films and actors and many other things. I was never passionate about any film actor or filmmaker. I like some films and actors, but I have never been devoted enough to even call myself a fan, something which I also wrote in the piece about Fan. I felt like more than the films, I enjoy reading about them. I still remember some great writing on some of these films, even after years. Writing about those films was my way of understanding them and the world.
I have increasingly struggled to write with the same pace because of a lot of things happening in life, and a lot of things not happening in life. I want many other things in life. I want to see the world, but I don't feel like going anywhere (I have actually traveled to just one place in the last year, which is about an hour away from where I am). I want to be respected in many things in life. But after a while, you know deep inside that you have missed the train. It ain't going to happen now. So, just take it slow. There is also a certain freedom in accepting your own fate. Everyone realizes these things at some point. And, then, I got this email yesterday, which made me feel, you know, it is ok. It is enough. :)
Dialogue of the Day:
"Ek ajeeb sa darr lag raha tha, jaise kuch galat ho raha hai, jaise koi train chhooth rahi hai."—Geet, Jab We Met