Sunday, January 29, 2012

No Post..

My keyboard and touch pad not working :( I am writing this using the on-screen keyboard. Will try to write a post soon..the next two weeks are going to be difficult :{ Will write the details soon...

Dialogue of the day:
Zindagi ke rashan mein.. gham ka quota zyada hai..
Black mein khareedenge.. khushi ka pitara re..

- Gun Gun Guna Re, Agneepath

P.S.- A lovely song..

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Of Cosmic Theory, Heart-in-a-Box, and Terrible Days...

Long time no see as always..This week again my cosmic connection theory came into play! In the last post, I had written about how I think one should tell the person about their feelings for someone. Now, this week I finally finished reading 'First Day First Show' and there is a delightful essay on Rekha. In the chapter Rekha says:

I am in love with someone I haven't met. It is a perfect image in my mind. I have had much more than love, such intense feeling overflowing and coming out of each hair and cuticle in my body. If it hasn't been real, it has been so strong in my imagination.
Q: Is this person a fantasy?
A: He is totally oblivious to what I feel for him. He has always been and will always be. He has no clue of what I feel for him. It is true and this is a huge confession.
Q: So why don't you just tell him?
A: No man or woman can know how the other person feels. There is no rule, no book, you do the best you can and not expect anything in return.

And this immediately made me think of what I wrote in my post..not to expect anything in return!! Cosmic connections!
Rekha's story is just so tragic..from abusive childhood to two unsuccessful marriages to a lonely existence. She is still in love with Amitabh Bachchan. The chapter on Rekha is beautifully written. 

And the last week, I had a not-so-good day at office and was feeling a bit low. I came back and watched two back to back episodes of Grey's and I could not believe it..the theme of the two episodes was exactly what I was feeling at that time. So in one episode, Cristina was given the task of watching an actual-beating heart that's been placed in a box until it can be transported to its new recipient. Cristina was not very thrilled at babysitting a live heart-in-a-box until Richard informs her that the heart-in-a-box is the key to everything. When she finally understand the miracle of a living heart-in-a-box, she says, 

“When you take an organ out for transplant, what do you do? You put it on ice and run to place it in the recipient's body. And then wait and hope for this cold, dead heart to warm up and come back to life, right? But “she” has never stopped beating. Never stopped being warm. Never stopped living. It’s a friggin miracle, okay? You’re standing before a miracle. I look at an item in my list and look at heart-in-a-box, and if that surgery is half as cool as the heart-in-a-box, then it's not worth my time. She lets you know what’s most important to you. That’s what heart-in-a-box does.” 

As I had written in my post, that what I am doing with my life, I could immediately relate to what they showed by heart-in-a-box..find things that are important to you!

And in the very next episode, they talk about terrible days and ends with this quote:-

I had a terrible day, we say it all the time. A fight with the boss, the stomach flu, traffic. That's what we describe as terrible, when nothing terrible is happening. When the really terrible things happen, we start begging to God to bring back the little horrors and take away this. It seems quaint now, doesn't it. The flood in the kitchen, the fight that leaves you shaking with rage, coffee spilled on our clothes. Would it have helped, if we could see what else was coming? Would we have known that those were the best moments of our lives?

It was seriously a lesson for me. I was thinking I had a terrible day but then when you realize how terrible things can actually be, we wish for the less terrible things. Cosmic connections!!

And here's a brilliant analysis of Sanjay Leela Bhansali's Devdas:

Every prop in the movie echoes an emotion. Devdas' house, off-white and green, reflects sophistication. Paro lives in a glass room, which mirrors her delicate and fragile beauty. While Paro's colors are a happy pink and blue, her in-laws' house in shades of red, reflecting claustrophobia. Chandramukhi's kotha is a festive gold, reflecting her character as a prostitute with a heart of gold!

Wow! I always say that Hindi movies are far more intelligent than they are given credit for. I want to write such stuff :( Guess, you either have it in you or you don't..and I don't.. 

Anyways, it is high time to put life on divert mind..

I have got two books..first is 'Handwriting of the Famous and the Infamous' by Sheila Lowe..the book contains tips for handwriting analysis...always wanted to read such a have one more thing to analyse ;) and the second book is the one which I always wanted to read "The Last Song of Dusk" by Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi..finally bought it!! I have just read the first page where he has dedicated the book to some one called Padmini.He writes

To Padmini, who, in her waltz with Fate,
found her toes stepped on...

What a beautiful way to dedicate a deep and so tragic..

Anyways, more later..

Dialogue of the Day:

इतने चेहरों में अपने चेहरे की पहचान.. ओह हो.. पहचान ओह हो.. 
बड़े बड़े नामों में अपना भी नामों निशान ओह हो.. 
जीने में फिर तोह क्या बात हो..दिन नया और नयी रात हो..
याई रे याई रे..जोर लगाके नाचे रे
- Rangeela

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


There are some days when I feel so low, so low that I feel what am I doing with my life...I have come to this world for a purpose and hope I find it soon...

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Of Telling, Missing, Grey's, Hitchens, Atheism, and CAT Result...

Long time no see..I have so many things to write about but don't know where to begin..

The last week M told me that one of his friends was going through a very difficult phase. The problem was that that his friend liked somebody who was already committed to someone else, but still M's friend wanted to express her feelings to her special someone. M advised her not to go ahead with it because in the end, only she will end up disappointed, and things might get a bit weird, so ultimately whatever friendship is there will also be affected. When you know, there is no hope for the future, why to tell in the first place. I have always been a supporter of the opposite view that one should always tell the person you like him/her as telling things will prevent you from feeling any regret later on. But there is one pre-condition - if you are telling, you should never ever expect any reciprocal feelings. If you are strong enough that you can live by it, then I don't see any harm in telling. But if you think that you cannot face rejection, and start behaving as if your life depends on it, then you are better off not telling because in the end you will end up being hurt. But it always feel nice when someone tells you they love you. Like in that Friends episode, where Rachel tells Ross that she is still in love with him.

Monica: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?
Rachel: Yeah, I don't care.

Rachel: Okay. Ross, you know what, there's something that that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong. Okay, I think I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. I'm still in love with you Ross.

Rachel: Oh God, do you think that you just forget that I told you this?
Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is…
Rachel: The thing is know, that you're married to Emily.
Ross: That is what the thing is.
Rachel: Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?
Ross: No. No. No, I'm glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it's always great when someone tells you they love you.
Rachel: That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice. 
Ross: No thank you for..Thank you.

So, you think one should tell or not?

You know last week, A wrote a sweet mail to me and she wrote that there is no one to talk to now and she misses me. And D sent me a message saying "I might never have been as close as H and A, but I still wanna say that I miss you and it would be great if we ever work together again." And it was very sweet of R to send me this message on FB "My Dear Pankaj... I read your blog today after so so many many days... and some of ur posts just brought a tear to my eyes...! I could not be there on your last day at TSC... but I can just say that.. u ll alwayz find me around... if I can be of any help to you ever! God bless alwayz alwayz. Cheers!" And yesterday, S sent me an e-mail, "I missed you very much today. I was listening to To Zinda Ho Tum and Bin Tere. How much we both liked it…I miss making those aimless conversations with you." It always brings tears to my eyes when I read such touching messages ya..makes me feel so loved and so not alone..that someone is there. I think after I have left office, as D told me that your popularity has increased. But seriously, I have never thought of myself as a person can be missed..because I don't speak mera hona na hona ek barabar hai..doesn't make a difference..but it is always always nice when people miss somebody..Thanks so much ya. I also miss them all. We will always be in touch :)

Continued with watching episode 7 on Grey's Anatomy (Season 8).. Teddy just did the most amazing thing for Christina..she taught her humility and how to work in a team by telling her to go back to the basics..You cannot be the best unless you learn to be she makes her perform surgeries which a first year resident can perform like Appendicitis or Angioplasty rather than giving her the toughest of cardio-thoracic surgeries. What a brilliant scene that is when she finally explained to Christina that she is done..she has learnt the importance of team work..She says,

"I want you to make a list of every surgery you have ever dreamed of performing. Shoot for the moon and I will try to get you some. Because we are done. You have graduated. This is your present. At the beginning of the year, you nearly killed Alex in that OR because you just had to get in had to be the best. and you had to be first but today I saw a different surgeon..every bit as good..every bit as advanced you were willing work on a you put the patient before yourself and that was who I wanted to see, so you're done. Make a list!"

I like Teddy a lot! Grey's is awesome..learnt so much about medical procedures from the last episode, they performed a penile transplant! And they are trying to find a cure for diabetes and Alzheimer's Seriously, watching it makes me feel that being doctors is so cool..(which is not true in reality)..they actually do life changing work..amazing it is..above all, Grey's has taught me so much about learn to live with loss...that humans are imperfect..that death is just a second away..that life can change in seconds..too good it is..

I have been reading about Christopher Hitchens, who died last month. As an atheist, he simply hates the idea of religion. Though many would disagree, but his contrarian views on religion as so sound that it is simply too difficult to dismiss them. He says,

"I suppose that one reason I have always detested religion is its sly tendency to insinuate the idea that the universe is designed with 'you' in mind or, even worse, that there is a divine plan into which one fits whether one knows it or not. This kind of modesty is too arrogant for me.”

"Why, if God was the creator of all things, were we supposed to "praise" him for what came naturally?"

"If Jesus could heal a blind person he happened to meet, then why not heal blindness?"

"The only position that leaves me with no cognitive dissonance is atheism. It is not a creed. Death is certain, replacing both the siren-song of Paradise and the dread of Hell. Life on this earth, with all its mystery and beauty and pain, is then to be lived far more intensely: we stumble and get up, we are sad, confident, insecure, feel loneliness and joy and love. There is nothing more; but I want nothing more. We do not rely solely upon science and reason, because these are necessary rather than sufficient factors, but we distrust anything that contradicts science or outrages reason."

Very can we disagree with him no? But as he says, we distrust anything that contradicts reason!
And talking about athiesm, I remeber reading a terrific post on Amit Varma's blog on atheism. He says,

Some people think that atheism means believing that there is no God. This is a flawed perception. The primary meaning of atheism that most dictionaries will give you, though there are secondary meanings that have evolved from bad usage, is of “disbelief” in God or a deity. That means that atheists are not people who believe that there is no God, but people who do not believe that there is God. The difference is huge.

The conviction that there is no God is irrational because one cannot prove a negative. (How do you prove that something does not exist?) However, it is entirely rational to not believe in something whose existence has not been demonstrated. 

It is a common mistake to view belief in God as running along a continuum in which we have theists (who believe), agnostics (who are undecided) and atheists (who don’t believe). This is based on a misunderstanding of agnosticism, which doesn’t deal with belief at all, but with knowledge. The word ‘agnostic’ is a combination of the Greek α (without) and gnōsis (knowledge), and refers to a person who believes that the truth about something, in this case the existence of God, is unknowable. It has nothing to do with believing or not believing.

Indeed, it is possible to combine agnosticism with either theism or atheism. A believer may choose to believe in God while accepting that some things are fundamentally unknowable. An atheist may agree with that view. I see myself as both an atheist and an agnostic: an atheist because I do not believe in God, as His/Her/Its existence has not been proved; an agnostic because I believe that on this matter, we may never know the truth for sure.

The complete must read post is here. Seriously, people are so brilliant! How succinctly he has explained the difference between atheism and agnosticism.

And this week CAT result also came so so happy for H and A :) I seriously hope they get through. I remember A saying to H "this is going to be our year." I seriously hope it is their year..they deserve the best in life. I did not give's not my cup of tea ya..or as they say meri aukaat nahi hai..hehe but I feel sad for people who inspite of getting a brilliant percentile didn't get a call because they didn't have marks in 10th and sad..ab bhai a student in Class 10 doesn't even know what MBA is..but there is so much competition..but maybe agar main thora sharp hota to mujhe atleast Class 10 and 12 ke mamle me itni fight nahi hoti because I scored 92.6% in Class 10 and 95.4% in Class 12 and 81.6% in engineering. :) Yes, I was a good student...Anyway, as I told H, thora ladkiyon se dimaag hata kar pad lete to IIM A bhi call de dedeta..anyway, wish them all the best :)

Phew..kaafi lambi post ho gayi..I still have so many things to write about..will save that for next post...

Dialogue of the day:

You have to go back to the beginning to understand the end. - Dr.Teddy Altman, Grey's Anatomy

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Of Maya in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna..

Long time no see.. I have been on a self proclaimed exile from social networks for about a week. Don't know why. Generally, so bored with everything. D said to me "You are just 24 and saying like this." I don't know but seriously am really bored. 

After talking to my college friend V, my desire to become a teacher has rekindled. I always wanted to be a professor but never gave it a serious thought. After I spoke with her, I want to become a professor. She is doing her PhD and she teaches a class of about 25 students in the US and she loves it. I don't want to work in the corporate environment like a mechanical worker for long. Maybe I can still try. At least, I will be learning something continuously. So cool it would be no?..Pankaj Sachdeva, Professor, English Literature/Economics at  Harvard University..winner of Nobel Prize for his work on the advent of surrealism in English poetry in Europe in the late 19th century..If Phoebe can get a Nobel for massage, then so can I :) Who am I kidding :( All I will end up is Google+Ctrl C+Ctrl V+PPT formatting..

This week the movie that I have been thinking is Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. As usual, notwithstanding the popular perception, I love this movie, although at 3.15 hours it tests your patience..but I like it. The character that most of us hate is of Maya. I mean how can she not fall in love with a guy like Rishi! He is such a good husband and Maya goes and sleeps with a cynical irritable Dev! I mean why Maya! In that introductory scene, 

माया: कभी कभी दोस्ती मोहब्बत की जगह ले लेती है, और फिर मोहब्बत के लिए जगह ही नहीं रहती|   इसका मतलब आप अपनी बीवी से मोहब्बत नहीं करते

देव: हम खुश हैं, हमने अपनी ज़िन्दगी बना ली है, सवाल तुम्हारी ज़िन्दगी का है, ज़िन्दगी के जिस मक़ाम पर तुम हो वहा सिर्फ दो रास्ते हैं, एक खुशियों का, जो में चाहता हूँ की तुम्हे मिले, दूसरा इंतज़ार का, मोहब्बत के इंतज़ार का, जो हो सकता है, ज़िन्दगी भर ना मिले 

माया: और वो मोहब्बत मुझे शादी के बाद मिल जाये तो.. 

देव: नहीं ढून्धोगी तो नहीं मिलेगी..

Maya says that she loves Rishi but not in that passionate way..maybe after marriage she could find love if she tries. But did she try hard? I think not..she only took Rishi as a kid treating herself to be his mother. Maybe she never wanted to love Rishi in that way. Was she wrong? Maybe if she had tried some more..Rishi would have been a perfect husband! But love doesn't work that ways no? As Sam says in the end, 
मौत और मोहब्बत दोनों बिन बुलाये मेहमान है, वो किसी का साथ नहीं छोड़ते ..
Here is what one blogger says about Maya..
The effort put in by Maya is just a sham; it does not arises from her own interpretation of a successful marriage but from the sensibilities pushed from another failed marriage. You can instantly tell why Maya fall for Dev; they both are covered extensively inside the emotional turmoil. Their problems are more in the minds; less in reality. He can't play soccer any more, she can't be a mother any more. He has a broken leg, she has a broken womb. He is sick of his wife being serious all the time, she is sick of her husband being funny all the time. He is embittered by his professional shortcomings, she is disappointed with her personal failings. They are imperfect people trying to find perfection in their respective marriages; in turn making it even more imperfect.  In the end, which ever way you want to look at it...only she can fully make you comprehend the film's basic premise - Perfect lovers don't make perfect husbands, you need perfect, or almost perfect love to make a perfect marriage.

Very true..However, as much as we love to hate Maya, in an episode on We The People on KANK, Shah Rukh makes a very interesting point. He says that Maya and Dev both had an extra-marital affair, so why is only Maya being targeted? Wasn't Dev equally wrong? Is it because she is a woman why we love to hate her? Very interesting observation he makes! In fact, in that crackling scene in the movie when Rhea slaps Dev, she says would he have forgiven her if she had an affair? Very true! KANK was a landmark film in which a married woman has an affair without any strong reasons..usually it is the men who are the philanderers. From Guide to Astitva (another landmark film talking about female sexuality) to that TV show Saans, married women had affairs only if they were trapped in a love-less marriage..

But I feel so bad for Rishi. As they say, life is unfair..
Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna had some crackling dialogues..

My personal favourite:
रीया: मेरा देव कही खो गया है
देव: खोया भी तो तुमने है..

देव: वैसे भी अजनबियों की बात सुन लेनी चाहिए, कभी कभी अजनबी अपनों से ज्यादा जानते हैं 

देव: कहते है वक़्त हर ज़ख़्म भूला देता, पर कुछ रिश्ते ऐसे होते है की वक़्त के साथ साथ हर ज़ख्म और भी गहरा हो जाता है ..

There are so many more lines I love and a haunting background score!

And also, I saw a part of Dil Chahta Hai again on this new channel called Sonic..Of course, every time I watch it, I learn about that movie. Now, there is the scene in which Aakash and Shalini are at the underground station and Aakash enters the train while Shalini is left behind..I was like wow! what a brilliant scene! 

They both don't say anything and yet they say everything..from that point Shalini probably realized that she likes Aakash as if he was going away from her..she was vulnerable and desperate to get along..Even Aakash felt something..otherwise given his nature, he would have made fun of her or asked her to wait and yet he feels locked out like he is leaving Shalini forever..Superb..I seriously love that movie like anything! Just look at their emotions..acting!!

Already said so many dialogues, so here is a statement that I loved from the weekly column Third Eye that Barkha Dutt is on the BJP..

The BJP’s mistake may lie in veering away from its right-of-centre ideological mooring when it comes to economics but remaining perilously right-wing on societal/religious issues. In modern India, it should be the other way around.