Of Lovers, Not Made For Each Other

I don't know what has happened to me, but for the past few days, there is this inexplicable feeling that you have cast over me. I am thinking about you all the time. When I don't get to see you, I just want to be with you. I keep on laughing and smiling on my own when I think about what you said or what you did. And when I am with you, I just want to keep looking at your face, which helps me forget everything else that is taking place in my life. Your face has cast this spell over me. I want to see you, listen to what you say, want to tease you, and make you smile. I miss you like anything. I love it when you come over and say things to me that you don't tell others. It makes me feel special.

You are like someone who I always wanted to be like. Your ability to make people long for you is simply amazing. You are like my idol; in fact, you are my idol. An idol is something Utopian. Yes, I can never be like you, but in you, I see a perfectionist version of myself. Is there anything that you cannot do! Some people say that true love is finding your soul's counterpart in others. Perhaps that is why I see my soul in you? So, how do I say this? Am I falling in love with you, or is it just plain liking for a friend? I consider those people lucky in life who get their true love!! Never ever, not even for a moment, I thought there could be something between you and me. We are not meant to be together. My love for you is platonic. I don't want to lose your friendship at any cost. But I can't help it. I know there is no chance for us, but still, you are so good that you made me fall in love with you. I want to get over you as quickly as possible, but the irony is the more I try not to think about you, the more I suppress my feelings about you, and the more I end up falling in love with you all over again. It is as if you control me. Any song I hear, anything I do, just reminds me of you. I cry every time when this thought comes to my mind that we are not made for each other. Sometimes, I wondered why it had to be me. You will ask if I want to get over you, when was I under you? but the thing is, I didn't realize when did this thing happen?

I sometimes feel you deliberately ignore me, and even the snob I am, I would not bow unless you talk to me first, but it is fine. Who am I to say anything? You have your own life, your own love, your own dreams. I know you treat me as a good friend and I am pleased about that. To just enter your good books is a sort of an achievement for me. But sometimes, I do feel life has been very unfair. Life just doesn't turn out the way you want it to be.

Should I be sorry for what has happened? I never even want to tell you the way I feel about you. I just want to keep loving you in silence; I don't know who is to blame for this mess that has happened. I just wish you get everything and all the success in life, for if you fail, it means my idealist soul fails. I don't know whether my love for you is like Catherine's for Heathcliff as she said that her love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods; time will change it, but her love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath, a source of little visible delight but necessary. Nothing can change it. I just hope it is like hers, but also, I want to get over you as quickly as possible. I want to love you, but I don't want to love you. See how paradoxical you have made me? You don't understand me, and perhaps you never will, but I don't expect anything from you. I don't know what the future holds for me, but one thing is certain: I will always remember you. You are the one who made me feel and understand what love is and what it means to care for someone. Hope that years later, when you hear my name, you at least remember me.

Miss you always. This is the best I could express my feelings for you, for never ever can I say to you or even want you to read this...

Yours (if I can use that)

.......

P.S. Yamini, if you even copy even one line, I will kill youuuuuuuuu.