R :(

R got engaged :( and I know she is not happy :( and I am not happy because she is not happy :( the news just shook me...Please make things better...

Being sad makes me happy!!!!

Sachin.. by God, he's God!!

When Sachin made 200, there was this whole excitement, cheerfulness, shouting, screaming.. every one in Office was clearly on cloud nine!! When I came to know, I don't know what happpened, but many a tear rolled down from the eyes, of course, I didn't show it to anyone others would think me to be a cry baby, which actually I am :(

I don't know what happened but behind the tremendous happiness and the proud that I felt, I just kept thinking how could anybody be so so good, the amazing grace with which Sachin has conducted himself always puts him as a wonderful human being...

My friend R who sits opposite to me said "I have been waiting for this day since eternity, it was his dream that somebody from India could break this record?"

At that moment, it just hit me like it always does :

Dream? people have dreams!! How tiny a thought maybe, but it was his dream to see this.. but then it kept me thinking, what is my dream? I don't know what my dream is? Isn't it such a terrible thought? A person without dreams is like a human without soul :( I want to do everything in life but what is that one thing, that one thought on whose completion I could feel yes, my dream is achieved? I kept thinking of it the whole time after that.. and when I came back, NDTV Indian of the year was coming, every time for the last 5-6 years it has been coming, I cry every time on watching it, seeing the achievers is just overwhelming..

Of late, I have become a very emotional person which I wasn't before but lately, don't know what happens, I almost cry at the drop of hat!! maybe the dreamless me, finds this as an outlet...

And of Grey's Anatomy, I have seen 4 episodes of season 5 and it makes me really sad :( but there is something about it I just love that show :(

I also saw Up In The Air, another sad movie...

Maybe I am watching too much of sad things, but I just love sad shows, don't know why..comedy never appealed to me.. I am always like this, being sad makes me happy ( what an oxymoron I have invented, I should write a depressing book now!!)

Meanwhile, I had written about MNIK..will post it soon..

Of Valentine's Day

I wrote this on valentine' Day!!
It's Valentine's Day..I am single and very happy to be single. I don't need anyone, I am happy all by myself. But you know the last few days, I have been feeling very lonely. There is this colleague of mine H. She sits opposite to my bay and everyday she gets a call from someone and I am pretty sure it is her bf. She talks to him so sweetly, I mean in a very different way. Although she tries to speak very slowly, but I can still hear her as to what is she saying. Don't blame me for eavesdropping! Even you can hear if you would come to my place :/
Anyway, I think last Thursday was her boyfriend's birthday. She was so excited and she left for the day quite early but you know I even know what she gave him as a gift. She gave him a customized photo album, she had called those guys for printing and was asking for their services, blah blah. I could see that she had been given humongous amounts of work but still she went home and prepared her photo album probably containing their best moments together, being awake all the night, all for what? just to get this smile on her friend's face. Isn't that so touching? I felt so bad that day, I kept thinking of Monica when on Ross's wedding with Emily, she said " My brother is getting married and I don't even have a date" :(
And there is also another colleague of mine M. She comes from a very far off place in Delhi. Lets say it be on the outskirts of Delhi. My office is in Noida, and you know how she comes? Her boyfriend drops her. He first picks her up and then he drops to Noida and then he goes to his office in Gurgaon. And while coming back, he comes from Gurgaon to Noida and then drops her to her home in Outer Delhi. I mean doesn't he get tired ? I commute for 1.5 hours and become a sukha hua aam after that.And he travels almost 4 hours extra just for her???
Love surely is bizarre!! But you know it definitely would make her feel special, ain't it? That there is someone who is there for her 24*7..
I mean you can bitch about your friends, your seniors, in fact tell every god damn thing that you can't even tell your best friend..It reminds me of Rahul's mom in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, when she asks Rahul to marry again, so that she can bitch about her daughter in law in kitty parties :)
No, seriously, I mean love is bizarre. People talk on phones for hours!! OMG, what do they discuss, every god damn thing on earth!!
Sari baatein khatam ho jayengi phir bhi phone nahi hoga..
And it is Valentine's day, and like Monica said, I don't even have a date.. but eventually she did find Chandler on that night when her brother got married...
I am still waiting but please I am not desperate :)

P.S.- On reading again, I found this to be views of a confused dumb ass who is not able to decide whether love is good or bad?

Envy?

Someone in office is jealous of me - I got this news today by a very good friend. But what is he jealous of? Apparently, he is jealous because this very good friend of mine talks to me!! It's not that he likes this friend in a romantic sort of way but because she is very popular ( and very good at heart too) and he wants to be popular and get the 'happening' news from her. He thinks that she tells me everything he wants to know, and sort of ignores him. I had been noticing a slight change in behaviour of this person towards me but ignored it. I am actually amazed that someone could be jealous of me???????? What do I have to make other people jealous :( kuch hota to sabse pehle mujhe bata do koi!!

I also envy some people but not in a hatred kind of way but in a way that I wish I could be like them which I know I can't. I still remember the words of our Class 9 Maths teacher, the super funny Mrs. Dubey ;) She once said "Don't be jealous, be zealous!"

Hmmm I just read a blog entry by someone who wrote this brilliant piece on broken pieces of glass. I am not posting it because I don't think he would like it as that person doesn't even know that I read his blog!! I am so zealous of his writing skills. I just wish I could even think 1% of the way he thinks.

I am zealous of many more things. More on it later :)
Tickets booked for MNIK.. yipeeeee... SRK rocks :)

Of feeling guilty all the time...

This post was meant to be for Ishqiya. I wanted to write it the day I watched it!! The second movie which I watched First Day ( the first was that disastrous What's Your Rashee?) . I loved Ishqiya, it had so many layers to it.. I would write a post on it soon..am just falling in love with Vidya Balan, she was so real in Paa and with Ishqiya, she truly is a desi tamancha..

Anyways, it's February 2010!! Oh shit! I am going to be 23 in May????????? No :-(

I always look forward to reading Seema Goswami's wonderful column Spectator in HT Brunch. In today's article she talks about the guilt that seems to have become a permanent companion of our lives. It is not the guilt of some crime or murder that we are talking about but of small small things. The guilt of not taking out time for your friends, of twittering when instead one should be working, etc. I don't know its kind of surreal that this is exactly what I have been thinking for the past few days. I really feel guilty of not being a good son :( I could not make my parents happy who expect so much from me but am such a loser and I still don't do anything about it. Confucius said that knowing the right path and not following it is an act of supreme cowardice :(

I do not want to be like this but how do I do it? Lack of confidence has made a big dent in my life...

I feel guilty of not reading more, I was such a voracious reader a few years back, and now I seem to have lost that reading thing. I still read but my speed has drastically reduced. I just waste my time on net, facebook, twitter, reading tweets of some of the most lame people Riteish Deshmukh!!! can you imagine that? but now I am following only people who I really like.. Anyway I am digressing from my main point. I want to read more but I just while (or wile?) away my time.

I feel guilty of not talking to my friends, I have blocked some people from my gmail permanently. I always think that I will talk the next time but I just keep postponing it. Such a bad friend I am :(

I know I have to study more, have to plan out my future but I always crib on the lack of time. I see some people who have excellent time management skills why can't I do the same? I have to think so much.. Life is not easy but I keep procrastinating..

Hope some better sense prevails over me otherwise I will end being a loser in life :(

Oh Please :(

Hmmm, I got a new laptop, but there is no net connectivity in it as of now by next week , I will get one.. I like it :) Till then good bye...

Vulnerability...

Last year I had posted on Roger Federer crying when he lost to Nadal at the Australian Open..

Today, he won and he totally deserved to win, he played some superb shots and Andy made so many errors..but during the presentation, Andy said.. I can cry like Roger but it is a shame I can't play like him..and he started crying.. there is something inexplicable about the feeling I get when I see people like him crying.. it shows their human side, to express emotions is one of the biggest traits that separates us from machines.. I felt really sad and happy at the same time.. found this pic of him crying.. so vulnerable we all are.. ain't it?

Letters!!

I wrote a mail to a friend last week.. I had written one before also but I am still waiting for the reply but no issues, I understand the paucity of time but I just love writing mail to friends.. it is like writing letters which anyone hardly does these days.. the thrill of writing letters, going to the post office for stamps, putting it in the post boxes..(the red post box is so so much better than the green one)..waiting for the reply.. it is just amazing.. I know e-mail has better speed, the instant reply blah blah but I miss the old days, incidentally today only we were having a discussion whether the old time was better than today's.. I am very nostalgic about it.. I so wish to have a pen friend... I am posting on of my 'letters' that I wrote to a friend.. Apologies for publishing without her permission but I wrote it so I hope she won't mind.. and I am not writing nuclear secrets in it also ;)

Hello..

How have you been? It is such a long time.. I had sent you a mail before also but no reply :P No, I am not blaming you, I understand how it is.. We think that we will write it tomorrow or on weekends and then it slips out of mind..that's human nature..

Anyways.. how is life going on there? How was CAT? Kya socha aage ka.. will you be giving GMAT this year? I don't know how will I manage..there is hardly any time to study ..only weekends jis pe man nahi karta :( pata nahi kya hoga..

and the weather here is so cold and depressing..probably the worst fog and that too in end Jan!! I love winters but is baar I am not liking it :D

And do you really miss college? Main sach bolu toh I don't miss itna.. I don't know why...vaise miss karne ka time kahan hai ;) Ab toh you would have become a smart corporate girl who is idolized by all..good in everything!! You must be rocking every project that you would have done... Any hot crushes? or a special person in your life who I might not be aware of ;D
Hmmm.. any new gossips? Who is doing what? or who is doing whom ;D ? Do tell...

Yeah.. aur you saw 3 Idiots? Did you like it? But main toh waiting for Ishqiya so desperately!! ( ab main movies ki baat to karunga hi.. aur aata hai kya hai mujhe :X )

I stay in Delhi but still I am not in much touch with anyone.. I really have no clue about others.. Its the same whether you are 1600 kms apart or 16 kms apart.. life goes on.. but life is getting real tough aage...maturity, responsibilities, sense..all of which are lacking.. anyway I would stop boring you.. I toh will never stop cribbing.. It is my favourite hobby you know that :D

I had planned to write a mail on New Year but something or the other kept cropping up so kept procrastinating.. wishing you a great year ahead and hope this new decade add stars to your life..( khud likha hai, churaya nahi hai cell se.. theek hai) I mean it, not saying for the sake of it..:D I will keep sending mails as I love writing mails (but only informal :D)

Chao chao for now..
Aal Iz Well...
Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna..

Regards
Pankaj

Life Iz Hard!!

Hmmm long time no see! Happy New Year! Life has been real real busy! This past week there was loads and loads of work to do!! Not even time to think much!! I didn't blog but was pretty active on twitter! I love twitter!! I had a 4 day weekend from 31 December to 3 January!! But time just flew by. I didn't feel like that I had a 4 day weekend. But then I am always like this 'ye dil mange more' holidays types! So what did I do? I watched 3 Idiots, the film everyone is going gaga about it, so did I like it? Hell yeah! I liked it a lot but did I love it 'crazy types' ?? Hell no! I have seen better, but as I always say it is each individual's liking, so its fine by me that people are calling it the best film they have ever seen. Perhaps it was the hype that made me expect too much.I have always admired the kind of cinema Aamir Khan does (except Ghajini of course!) but what I don't like is the lecturebaazi that he always gives us.Rang De Basanti, TZP, and 3 idiots.He thinks that he is the only person doing good things around, or as Sagarika Ghose put it "the system is always wrong in his films" but apart from that, he is and will be one of our finest actors ever!! But the one person who I truly loved in the film was Madhavan (and Omi 'Chatur' too).. never have I cried so much in any scene when Farhan (Madhavan) convinces his dad that he wants to become a wildlife photographer!! Amazing amazing scene!

Enough about the idiots, so let me start about Ishqiya!! I just can't wait for that film... that Phurr song Ibn-E-Batuta is making waves and Dil to bachha hai ji is so so good! Vishal Bharadwaj and Gulzar teaming after Omkara are seriously a cracker of a combination!

I had gone to college also for a reunion, felt so nostalgic (and so cold while commuting!!) but truly speaking except 5 people, from others I did not get positive vibes but theek hai, as if I have to meet those people again!! I had to go somewhere really urgent so I came back early!

And and I got invited by NDTV to participate as an audience in We The People!! I got a call, and this lady she asked my views on the Ruchika case, the Jessica Lall case, the trial by media, etc. etc. and then she told "Would you like to come on We The People shooting on Saturday from 7-8?" I was thrilled but I am real real busy, I have my level 2 Spanish exam today in the evening, I can't miss that but I told her that I would love to join the next time!! In fact, for any of you people (who read this blog), if you want to go, you can mail her at audience@ndtv.com to participate!! I will go someday, previously I was asked to join Hum Log on NDTV India but again I had declined!! Actually, what had happened that I keep sending these SMS' on the questions they ask, so they got the number from there!! No Rocket science!!

Talking about Rockets, I had seen Rocket Singh as I said in my last post, I had said that I would write a post on it on why I loved it.. yes, the film bombed but it got huge critical acclaim and proves yet again that Ranbir Kapoor is one of the finest actors of this generation! I saw some shades of Ayn Rand's controversial book The Fountainhead where she talks about her philosophy of objectivism!! Though I am not sure how she would have reacted to the film, Ranbir's character had some qualities of Howard Roark, as the man who should be, his boss Nitin looked like Gail Wynand, who compromises his ideals to survive, as the book said the man who could have been, and the head of the company ACS (I forgot his real as well as his character name) was like Ellsworth Toohey, the demagogue, the man who couldn't be and knew that who couldn't be, and all the other employees were like Peter Keating, the man who couldn't be and did not know that couldn't be!! I maybe reading too much in the characters, but it is films like these that make me think or remind of some other things, that do not treat audiences as a duffer, that I absolutely love!

Hmm, we also had this thing called Secret Santa in office in which one person has to give a gift to someone else without revealing your name. So the person who I had to give (we had to pick chits) was a friend of mine from college only!! I gave him Freakonomics without knowing that he had wanted to buy it, so at least I think he liked it :-) I told him later that I was your Secret Santa. In return, I got a pen but don't know who gave it...

Hmmm, I love to use this word hmmmmm..

Talking of books, I am still on Weight Loss by Upamanyu Cahtterjee for the last 2 months, I hardly get time to read ( a euphemism for wasting time on twitter) but somehow, I read 5-6 pages daily, so hopefully I will not lose my reading habit :( the only good thing I have :( But whatever happens, even if it is 1 in the night, I do read the whole newspaper, and blogs of people I am following...

Y has gone to Indore so I don't have anyone to crib to :D after all I am the perennial cribber!!

And also, laptop booked will come in 15 days, so happy.. now I can watch movies sitting cosy :)
I want to see Sherlock Holmes, maybe I will go tomorrow but I don't know whether I would have time or not!! So busy on weekends!!

OK!! Enough for now!! Will be back as soon as possible, or as they ASAP ( I don't like ASAP, in fact I don't like to use SMS lingo while speaking!!)

Hmmm, that song from Ishqiya Chidiya.... Phurrrrr is ringing in my head!!

Buhbye (with a fake accent)!!

P.S.- Priyanka Chopra is looking super stylish in Pyaar Impossible but the movie is a dud going by the reviews, what else could be with an actor like Uday Chopra!! But I love Piggy Chops!! Hope she does some sensible films like Kaminey!!

Phurrrrrrr :-D

It is a long time since I wrote something ( I have lost the count of the number of times I have used this line as a start to my post!)

Anyways, December has come and gone and 2009 has come and gone!! My life in general has become somewhat busy..2009 was a difficult year personally for me, even more than the 2008! In comparison, 2008 was nothing as compared to 2009! And I am pretty sure that 2010 is definitely going to be an eventful year, good or bad, that time would tell but I seriously hope it turns out well! I have been thinking for the last few days about 2009 and some instances of the year make me feel " accha yeh bhi hua tha?", some are like " Are haan, kal hi ki to baat hai", and some are like " yeh toh bahut pehle hua tha" I think I haven't changed much in the last year but I am still introspecting what all happened to me and how i reacted in each situation.. In a few days, I will try to write how 2009 went for me and am pretty sure it is going to be on the negative side, me being the eternal pessimistic :-

This month on the movies side, I have been watching some excellent movies like Being John Malkovich, American Beauty, Gran Torino and Road to Perdition! In Hindi, I saw Rocket Singh whcih I will write a small post on why I loved it!! 3 Idiots has opened to some great reviews and I really want to watch it but there is this Sonia Gandhish-inner voice that stops me because the subject matter being the rote encouraging education system in India that still considers engineering and medicine as the best careers and the need to identify and follow your passion in life.. these are the things which I have been thinking for the last few months and the movie will make me even more confused than I am right now :-(

But I will watch it for sure, I will not miss it..if not possible this week, then next week for sure..BTW next week I also plan to see Raat Gayi Baat Gayi which has got some great reviews at the New York film festival, if I remember correctly!

I love Ishqiya's trailer in which the song has Phurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ;-)

More in another posts!

American Beauty: A Real Beauty...

Another week passes by!! So much happened this week but I will write about it soon!! But I am becoming more and more obsessed with films.. I don't know is it a good thing or bad thing? but the thing is the people I know have some passion!! Like my friend R is so passionate about cars that one can ask him anything literally anything about any car! or P whose passion in life is dance! or Y who can create the most amazing things!! But sadly I don't know what my passion is! I want to do everything.. I love films and to talk about them but even in movies my knowledge is very limited.. I hardly know anything :-( I haven't watched Mughal-E-Azam completely yet!!!! OK I will crib in another post!

Today I watched American Beauty! I had wanted to see this film like for ages! It is such a wonderful movie that I wonder why don't we ever make films like these here.. But yeah I can understand, not many would like to watch!

The film's tag line is Look Closer! There are many beautiful things in the world but we just have to look closer! There is this awe inspiring scene where you know you have seen a poly bag how it flies in the air when it is windy? They show that scene and it is so beautiful! I am writing some of my favourite lines and scenes for so that I do not forget..I keep forgetting about the scenes :(

The Bag Scene:

It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in

Rick:

Never underestimate the power of denial

The death of Lester:

I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.

There was this smile on his face when he died! So content!

The Dead Bird:

Ricky Fitts: I was filming this dead bird.
Angela Hayes: Why?
Ricky Fitts: Because it's beautiful.

Ordinary:

I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.

There are so many more scenes that it just made me think more and more! The dysfunctional families where each felt trapped!

Burnham Family: Lester in the marriage! His wife in her unsuccessful business! Daughter who looks ugly!

Fitts: Colonel who hides his sexuality, mother who forgets everything, and Rick a drug addict!

Angela who knows that she is an ordinary beautiful girl and tries to be cool by her explicit talks!

This was Sam Mendes first film and won 5 Oscars! I loved his Revolutionary Road, again about a dysfunctional family!

Both are just amazing! Watch them!

Paa :-)

I saw Paa today and after Wake Up Sid, this is the film that I really liked..

Paa is about Auro, a 12 year old child suffering from a rare genetic disorder called Progeria where the body ages much faster than others, a 12 year old boy could look an 80 year old man..

Auro's mother Vidya Balan eponymously called Vidya is raising him herself along with some help from her own mother as she refused to get him aborted when her college boyfriend Amol played by Abhishek Bacchhan asked her to do so as he wants to nurture his political career. Years later he becomes an MP and meets Auro at a school function without realising that Auro is his own blood. There starts the journey of Paa...

When the movie begins Jaya Bacchhan speaks all the credits and she says " Introducing Amitabh Bacchhan" Well, I thought who doesn't know Mr. B but the film rightly introduces him in his whole new avatar. What I really liked about the film that it doesn't make us to have too much sympathy for Auro and treats him like a normal child.. his friends don't mock him..so unlike Taare Zameeen Par where Ishaan's friends used to ridicule him!

The film belongs to Auro.. it is hard to not to be charmed by Auro! Mr. B is totally unrecognizable and his tremendous persona never overshadows Auro. He calls his grandmother Bum as she has a big bum! He believes that doing Potty on the road is better than defecating in public toilets! He is so shy of girls and runs away from them..

What is being shown as father son son father relationship but what works better is mother son relationship! Vidya Balan is terrific in the role though the script doesn't give her much scope! She looks so beautiful in the film and her acting skills are as always excellent! There's this terrific scene when she gets to know of Auro's disease and tears fall from her eyes..it is so natural that you can almost feel her pain! Vidya's mother played by Arundhati Naag is also really good

Yes, the film has its flaws.. the second half drags at places but it never loses the plot though! Illayaraja music is soothing, the 3 versions - Mudhi Mudhi ( great cinematography), Udhi Udhi, Gali Udhi, and Gum Sum are different from the "Pritamish" influence of today..

My Best Scenes in the film:

Childen's Visions- India Pakistan Band Aid, Obama reading Hindi, Child Labour and Auro designing a white globe devoid of any boundaries signifying a united world...so thoughtful!

Vidya's mom supporting her to keep the child rather than abort it..any other mother would have told her to think about her future!

Auro says that he hates slow motion, perhaps in a way his body also hates slow motion!

When Vishnu (Auro's friend) talks about the similarities between him and his dad saying that his dad should say sorry tom him for giving him such looks..so funny..

When that small girl comes to meet Auro in the hospital bringing a sorry drawing in the shape of Auro's face apologising for laughing at him and saying that "galti karne valo ko galti sehne vale se zyada bura lagta hai"

Paa is different and not at all Benjamin Button..it deserves to be seen for its novel subject in these days where pathetic films earn humongous amounts... ***1/2

P.S.- Rocket Singh trailer was so cool..he says " life mark sheets se nahi, heartbeats se chalti hai".....if only..... :-(

Of Sad Post: Part 1

I miss blogging so much! I know that I write crap but even posting a picture that I like makes me feel nice but of late! since office started, I don't get time to blog but I do make it a point to read all my favourite blogs (in no particular order) - Shobhaa De, Vir sanghvi, Sushmita Bose, Poonam Saxena, and the people I know- Yamini and Priyanka, both private blogs, having the privilege to read a private blog makes me feel wanted :-)!

Anyway, I hadn't written a personal post for a long time, I mean I haven't written a sad post in a way :

So this is my another sad post..I don't know whenever I am sad, I keep thinking that I will put it on my blog, cribbing and venting out my sadness to my blog friend, who listens to my every thought and gives me space to be myself..

Sometimes, these days I feel such sudden and terrible phases of loneliness and I don't know the reason why.. I am an introvert by nature and don't open up to people easily but of late, I have started to feel as a misfit in society.. I don't know why? Whenever I talk to people it feels that I am wearing a mask and not showing my true self.. it's not that I hate people completely, I love talking to people about news, politics, books, movies, yeah yeah FRIENDS and Grey's Anatomy too ..someone who could tell me about philosophy, psychology, life, poetry,and so many more things.. but I don't know why.. but somehow people all around me talk about things which I don't really understand... The other day, my cousin who has come from Amsterdam came to dinner..she is one of my idols but you know, I had nothing to say to her and everyone else was asking her so many things! Again, it made me wonder whether I will ever be happy in life..whether I could really adjust in life..I am a 22 year old man ( as newspapers say a 22 year old man, not a 22 year old boy) and I still don't know so many things in life.. people 5-6 years younger than me would be better.. My cousin Deepansha can kick any body's ass! and I don't even know how to talk!

I always thought that when I will grow up, some things will come automatically but I am just getting older but not getting wiser ( like Auro of Paa, which releases this sat, I will go for sure..Kurbaan bhi nahi dekhi maine) .. but it is not going as I thought it would.. I cannot change myself now..it is so difficult to change yourself, to go against your grain to be what you are not! I had always wanted to be like one of my acquaintances UI who doesn't even know that I think so highly of him.. smart, intelligent, principled, agnostic, well read.. these were the qualities which i wanted to be but all I could become was a pseudo intellectual - a person who just fakes his sense of knowledge..

And talking of people, in office where I sit, the people who sit opposite to me- Rahul and Hiteshi they share such a good camaraderie and are good friends..they keep on talking and having nice chitchats ( both from the same college).. when I see them, it makes even more sad because I am quite reserved and want to have friends like them.. but then I avoid people...I know nothing of this makes sense at all..but I really wanted to write my thougts today as I had a really depressing day...but I will continue these random thoughts in my next post..waiting for the sequel!

Narcissist Me!

I wrote the following passage for Yamini's Cluster programme and I love reading it... Narcissim you can say..

Since the days of the yore,India has been known for its splendid craftsmanship skills and exquisite designs. Be it from the diamond processing industry in Surat to the marvellous handmade sarees in Banars, Indian skills are right on top. This also being the reason that India has been an inspiration to so many fashion houses and foreign designers from Jean Paul Gautier to Giorgio Armani. The skill based industries are mainly concentrated in the rural areas where workers learn these skills from their parents at an early age as a legacy of their forefathers and their family tradition.But the grim reality is that these people do not realise the worth of their work and still remain confined to their areas earning a paltry sum for their immense hardwork. NIFT's aim has been to bring about a chnage in the social awareness of these people.For this purpose CLUSTER programme has been inculcated to make students aware about the diversity of India and to bring a change in the standard of these people. Cluster educates these people about the importance of market economics. These people have huge potential anf if brought into the mainstream industry, , it could bring scores and scores of foreign revenue benefitng the country and also themselves as these are the people who remain on the verge of poverty. The trip to Indore was agreat learning experience. The practical exposure to actual work and the thrill to work amongst people with brilliant skills was enthralling and exhilirating.

Jo Barse Sapne Boond Boond...

I have been listening to the song Iktara from Wake Up Sid! and it has become one of my most loved songs ever.. It is such a beautiful composition and the male version is even better.. the song has been composed by Amit Trivedi where as the rest of the songs in the film have been composed by Shankar, Ehsaan and Loy and it has amazing lyrics by Javed Akhtar. Amit Trivedi also composed the music for DevD which also had some mindblowing compositions like emotional atyaachar, payaliya, yeh duniya... when Kavita Seth sings the lines jo barse sapne boond boond naino ko moond moond, it makes me feel as if I am standing near the sea and there are rain drops falling on my eyelids *absolute bliss* and in the male version sung by Tochi ( of Pardesi DevD fame) the lines are jo naina karoon band band, beh jaye boond boond meaning as if tears are waiting to fall as soon as close my eyes by the immense happiness or sadness that has bottled up in ourseleves.. so true of our lives where we do not have the time for ourselves..it is songs like these that make me sit all by myself and think about life and its complexities ( like when Himesh Reshammiya says in Radio on being asked 'What's your relationship status? It's complicated!') ... posting the lyrics for myself, if anyone has lyrics of male version I would be glad to put them here as well :-)

Orey manva tu to bavra hai

Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai

Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai bavre

Kyun dikhaye sapne tu sote jaagte

Jo barse sapne boond boond

Nainon ko moond moond

Nainon ko moond moond

Jo barse sapne boond boond

Nainon ko moond moond

Kaise main chaloon, dekh na sakoon

Anjaane raastein
Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Dheeme bole koi iktara iktara, dheeme bole koi iktara

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Sun rahi hoon sudh budh khoke koi main kahani

Poori kahani hai kya kise hai pata

Main to kisiki hoke yeh bhi na jaani

Ruth hai ye do pal ki ya rehgi sada, kise hai pata… kise hai pata

Jo barse sapne boond boond

Nainon ko moond moond

Nainon ko moond moond

Jo barse sapne boond boond

Nainon ko moond moond

Kaise main chaloon, dekh na sakoon

Anjaane raastein

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Dheeme bole koi iktara iktara, dheeme bole koi iktara

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Rat Chase..

On Friday morning in Office, a very funny incident happened. A rat and that too a big brown one entered the office from the cafeteria door! And lo! what a big commotion it created! Everybody jumped from their seats to catch hold of the rat..from the office boys to the senior most manager, every one had their attention on where that cat enemy was hiding and running..Girls screamed whenever it passed through their legs and guys screamed Fuck! whenever it came near them.. Some people started making videos of rat chase so that they could send it to India TV for showing them their Breaking News "Bhagora Chooha pakda gaya"! Finally it was caught by one person who trapped it in the dustbin! For about 20 minutes, the whole office came to a standstill it was like we were all the Toms running after Jerry..but it surely was good fun! :)

Natural Beauty...

Isn't it a stunning picture? Thanks to Cyrus Broacha's tweet!

Waiting for a good film...

I mean WTF? I have stopped expecting good Hindi films these days! like I was so eagerly waiting for What's Your Rashee? and Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani! WYR was not good and Ajab Prem is ok ok types!

I mean after Kaminey and Wake Up Sid, I don't think a worth watching film has released! Ajab Prem is directed by Raj Kumar Santoshi who also made Andaaz Apna Apna ( which shockingy was not a hit!!!!!!)

It is not a great film on the lines of AAA as it is made out to be.. just time pass stuff..there are some scenes which are hilarious like the one where Prem wears Jenny's top! and Prem's mother singing a song! and the party scene where Prem keeps on dancing..but at times the humor and the gags seem artificial and forced! I loved the picturisation of the song Kaise Bataye!..such a beautiful place..I want to know where that place is!

Ranbir is a star but the thing is that he needs a better script! Perhaps Rocket Singh might do wonders for him! I had liked his performance in Wake Up Sid!

Anyway, in these era of bad films, I saw a rare gem of movie Chintuji, a movie which when released and went, no one knows but it is a delightful film that makes you smile! Especially that Akira Kurosawa song!!!

So, the next movie I hope is good is Rocket Singh..but the best thing is I will keep my expectations low..I know how terrible it feels if a film doesn't live up to the expectations which you have been waiting for!

First *Salary*

Got my first salary :-)

It seems a bit weird that I have got my first salary.. your first salary is always special, in fact, your 'first' anything is always worth remembrance..your first day in school, the first day in college, first day at job, first car, first bike and first salary.. since it is only 10 days that I joined, I have only got 10 day salary which is a bit less than the full month salary, but to be true full month salary is also not that much :( but its fine by me..it is the first job and I am grateful that they are paying a dumb ass like me..

So, what are my plans for it?

I will gift something to mummy..probably a ring or something like that

Some part of it to god

Some to sister and papa

thora sa mere liye..but I don't know what to but for myself? The only things I love are books and movies, which I already have.. maybe after 2-3 months I could get an i-pod..don't like spending money on clothes, shoes, whatever because nothing looks good on me vaise bhi :) then why waste money!

It still seems a bit surreal that I have started earning..become an adult :-( nooo, I don't want to become an adult so sooon.. I still want to be the child that asked for money from mummy for a movie and got scolding to stop wasting money on watching movies, want to remain the same person who used to save money to buy Harry Potter for 1000 bucks..and now I have money and still I am craving for the past..I have always been like this.. the perennial crib who thinks that grass is always greener on the other side..

But I still have big guilt in my heart about some issue..please I hope I am able to overcome it quickly :-(

Anyway will write more posts today but small ones :-)

Bye blog!

Life's like that only...

So, office has finally started..it has been 10 days almost.. Cab comes around 7.35-40 and reaches Noida about 9..so how has it been for me? Till now it is absolutely fine but the problem is that I am not used to office life yet, so sitting and working whole day is a sea change for a person like me who did not do any work for the last 3-4 months except just lazing around *pure bliss* people here are really nice and friendly and I know a lot of people from college who have joined with me, so we all stay together generally..
I am a slightly reserved person and it find it very difficult to change myself..but its ok..and about the work, now there is a little less workload but sometimes I fear whether I would be able to do the work up to the expectations or not :(
But the only grouse I have is that I am not getting time for myself ..I am not able to read the book that I had stared..I can’t watch movies because I am so tired after coming that my eyes just doze off as soon as I hit the bed…I just hope that I get used to life as as soon as possible because the fact is sooner or later we have to work for life anyways..whether it happens now or 5 years later is just a matter of time.. Now I realize that life ain’t easy dear fellow..how difficult it is to earn a penny.. Even to wake up in the morning is a battle..I keep counting how many days left to go in the week..

5 :’(
4 :(
3:-[
2 :/

1 :)
Now waiting for my first salary :-)))))))) bye for now…hope I am able to update at the same pace…

Think it Over...

A beautiful poem I came across in HT, the context was Indira Gandhi.. a beautiful composition...

I have loved you before,
This meeting, this life, seems just another round,
One of thousands,
One of one, endless current,
In which new love is recognition,
Nothing more than a new shape,
For two pieces of an ancient heart,
And I will love you again,
And toss my soul to the sea until it breaks upon the tide,
As it will, as it must, to take shape again,
A limpet soul that clings to you
For I would make this round a thousand times

To find your love in every life…

A Picture is worth a 1000 Words :-)

Isn't this a beautiful drawing?
Courtesy : English Spoken Here...
How globalization is changing the Indian novel.
By Chandrahas Choudhury

On Religion...

I was walking outside my house and heard those little kids,who were playing and talking amongst themselves. They were saying, " Tu punjabi nahi hai, teri dadi thori punjabi hai, yeh punjabi hai kyunki iske nana ji bhi Sardarji hai". Their talk went about distinguishing " Tu hindu hai", " Tu Punjabi Hai". These are just innocuous remarks but isn't it in a way tragic and sad that these kids are discussing religion without even understanding how private an affair religion is. But why to blame the kids? People in our country don't realize that their relationship to God is something very personal and no religion is superior or inferior.Our polity claims to be secular which means that the State has no religion. But this secularism is thrown in to the bin when elections come about and calculations on religion and caste decide who gets the ticket.

Lately I have come to know about people who are "atheists". Being a nastik, evokes a certain sense of shock (perhaps except for the Communists) in our society but I have nothing but respect for these people who have the ability to question and might have arrived at being an atheist after some extensive thinking. Most of us (including me) follow what we are told, we have never questioned about the existence of a supernatural power and we simply believe in what others tell us. I remember last year a campaign ran in Britain where atheist groups wrote on buses " Stop worrying and Start living, because there's no god". I can imagine the horror and shock that such a campaign, if at all, ever takes place in India. We must start questioning and arrive at a decision logically and not just blindly aping someone...But firstly I should this do myself rather giving a lecture to others.Huh!

A New Phase..

Scared, really scared... start my job from Monday (hopefully) if everyhting goes fine and no more delays..

am really really nervous..

a new phase starts..

i hope i become a better person than i am now :(

What I want from life...

Soumya Bhattacharya, one of my favourtie columnist, wrote the following in last week's Dad's the Word. I am not really sure but I guess I want the best of the both world. Yeah, I am acting too greedy and it never going to happen but.........

In the opening pages of Nobel Laureate JM Coetzee’s new book, Summertime, two old school mates meet by chance. One of them — the one who tried to understand things as a child — is now a writer and a poet; he lives with his father in an old, damp cottage. The other — the one who was a duffer seeking to get ahead in the world — is now a marketing man (“marketer or marketeer”, Coetzee writes with an admixture of contempt and bewilderment); he is affluent, cocksure, and lives across the road in a huge house and drives a BMW.

What does that suggest about the world, Coetzee asks. And then goes on to give his answer. No, this is not me ranting.

This is the Nobel Prize winner for literature, so his thoughts ought to have rather more heft and clout than mine.
And this is what he has to say: “... Understanding things is a waste of time; that if you want to succeed in the world and have a happy family and a nice home and a BMW you should not try to understand things but just add up the numbers or press the buttons or do whatever else it is that marketers are so richly rewarded for doing.”

Think about it. You might not want to, on a Sunday morning, but then, given that we do so much through the week, we should set aside some time to think on Sundays.I indulge in the sort of etiolated, inconclusive, disjointed meanderings of the mind that pass for thinking in my case. But you are not me, are you? Who knows, you could even be — like the man Coetzee writes about, and like some of my friends — someone who is richly rewarded for adding up the numbers and pressing the buttons.

So think about what you might want for your child. Would you want her to understand things as she grows up? Or would you rather she got ahead and pursued the path to what Coetzee calls “material success”?I am as always confused.

I think (I think, I don’t know) I would want for her:
1. To know about things. (Is that understanding? Well, no. But it could be Step 1 towards it.)
2. To be interested in the arts, literature, sport, culture.
3. To be passionate about some of the above things.
4. To be not overly passionate about money, and the accoutrements of material success. To not be competitive in the least about those things. To value money, but not crave it, more and more of it.
5. To enjoy and love whatever it is that she ends up doing.
6. However she turns out to be, to not worry too much about however she has turned out to be. To be happy. Above all, to be happy.

Now what if pushing the right buttons makes her happy? What then? I told you, didn’t I, that I am not much good at thinking? How about you?

Co-Incidences...

For the past few days, a lot of co-incidental events have been happening. So here is what happened.

I had this book The Ground beneath her feet by Salman Rushdie, my favourite author :-). I was gifted this book by Y on my last birthday. I didn't read it then and kept in my tiny library thinking that I will read later. Now after 4-5 months, I had nothing to read and was thinking what to read next. So I finally start reading this book. And since I have been learning Spanish for the past few months,what happens is that the book is based in Mexico and has some Spanish words and phrases, which I can now make out what they mean! I had no idea that this would have some Spanish references and if I had read this book earlier I would have some problem in appreciating the wonderful language that Mr. Rushdie uses. What a co-incidence! It could have been any other language and I could have read it before but as they say right place at the right moment!

I love Grey's Anatomy and in one episode, Dr. Miranda Bailey talks about seeing the bigger picture. She says she is missing something and wants to see the whole picture. She finally understands whta she is mssing when she comes out of the surgery thatshe is performing and then sees through the window what she missed.And at that very night, in the book that I have been reading, I read this terrific line, " The only people who can see the complete picture are those who are out of the picture" . Almost the real life imitation of the line!!!!

Recently, I was planning to go to my school for some work after almost 4 1/2 years. And on the day I was thinking, I see my Physics ma'am Mrs. Nopani pass by in front of my eyes near my house! while I was going to some shop to get something!! I mean, never did I see her before for the last 5 years and the day I was thinking about school, I see her! and when I had gone to watch Wake Up Sid! I see another teacher of mine. Mrs. Kanda!!

I mean these are tiny incidents ( not even incidents to be true) but isn't it strange that when you least expect something to happen, it happens before you can even expect! Although, this is not mysterious like the story 'Face on the Wall' which we read in Class 12 but still these co-incidents always continue to surprise me :-)

A Closed Book...

The following post is nonsensical to anyone except me so do not waste your precious time by reading it (though I doubt, there are any readers :] )
Don't know what is happening. My mood is so off. There are some things that hit you the most where it hurts a lot. And it even hurts more when you have only yourself to blame. I have been running away from something, instead of facing it, solving it. Ever since I was young, I had a dream that I wanted to be like this, like that..wanted to have something special. For the past few days, I have realised that it is not going the way I planned. I thought slowly things turn out to be fine but it is not. I think I will remain a wannabe of what I want. Life has given me so many things which for others might be nothing but for me those small things really matter. But there is one thing which I desperately need. I need that self confidence. I am very self deprecating and I don't want to be like that. Modesty is one thing but I think but this is not modesty. I am very self conscious to the extent that while writing this post I do not like to use 'I' as it makes me uncomfortable. Yes, I know that it very easy for others to say that it comes easily but I have reached such an age where it is hard to change myself. It is extremely hard to bring the changes in you. I have tried so many times in the past but it has always backfired leaving me even more frustrated. I still curse that day in Class 8 which I think sowed the seeds of this problem. I sometimes blame God why did he make me like this but to blame him/her (whoever God is), is the easiest way to run away from your faults. I don't know what life has in store but I don't want to be an escapist. I don't know that what I am writing makes sense or not but I don't care because it is coming from what I have been thinking for the past few days. It scares me, I can't sleep at night thinking what if ? There are so many more situations which are definitely going to arise and I haven't even given a thought to them. Don't know what life has in store but I don't want to be known as a loser :( scared, lonely, a closed book. I can't say anything to anyone becuase no one will understand. I am pretty sure of that :( :(

Anti - Climax...

What's your Rashee? turned out to be a big big disappointment. It was one of my most awaited films of the year (others include Wake Up Sid and Ajab Prem Ki Gajab Kahani ). I have never watched a movie on first day first show. I woke up early on Friday, checked out the listings for DT Cinemas and off I went feeling so excited. I came to know that the movie was 22o minutes and I was like 'not a problem as long as it is good, the more the better'. Little did I realize that watching the movie would be not less than a herculean task. The movie adapted from the novel Kimball Ravenswood based on a Gujarati boy Yogesh (Harman Baweja) who reluctantly agrees to marry in order to bail out his philandering brother's debts. He decides to meet 12 different girls each of a different rashi all played by Priyanka Chopra in the hope of finding true love. So each meeting is shown with Yogesh and the girl of a differnt rashi which falls into the same old cliched "what are your hobbies" and a song for each of the rashi. The movie is so long that it will surely put down even the most ardent Ashutosh fans (like me) to sleep. The ridiculous explanation for the same faces, the even more ridiculous ending, the useless subplots of the detective and Yogesh's Uncle's extramarital affair, and the really bad songs add to the boredom of the film. Priyanka might have gotten into a Guinness book, but none of the characters she plays are able to evoke an emotional connection except for Anjali (the first one, and that too very little). The fake accent of Sanjana and the stupidity of that Su chee girl (forgot her name) are irritating. Harman is like able but he doesn't have the commanding screen presence, which makes the viewer notice the faults of the film even more. This film could have bee so better had some proper editing been done and the screenplay made a bit logical. Though I liked the choreography of the song Manunga Manunga (irrespective of the fact that it reminded of that dud Love Story 2050), Aaja Lehrate (hip hop is fab) and also Chehre Jo dekhe Hain :)

I have loved Lagaan and Jodhaa Akbar and Swades is my all time favourite movie ( still cry when I watch that scene where Mohan meets the poor family or the one where he sees the boy selling water for 25 p at the platform) but What's your Rashee? will be Ashutosh's blunder. I genuinely felt so bad for the film :( :( Hope his next turns out to be fabulous.

Cinema, Lies, Illusion..

I saw Dil Bole Hadippa today. The movie is just average, very predictable.By now everyone knows that Rani plays a cricket fanatic girl who is not allowed to play cricket so she disguises as a boy and joins the cricket team. Since it is a Yashraj film, you expect lush green fields of Punjab, colourful Bhangra dancers, lale di jaan speaking India Pakistan friends and ek onkar being played in the background and since it is a cricket film, so you obviously know that who is going to win at the end. There is nothing new in the film..we have all seen it Lagaan, Chak De, Veer Zaara and other countless Yashraj films. The song jhappiyon sa desh hai mera reminds of Aisa desh hai mera from Veer Zaara, Shahid as captain-cum-coach reminds of Kabir Khan of Chak de! There is no novelty factor that is why the film has been panned by the critics. But what does work is the delightful Rani Mukherjee as Veer. Rani is a veteran actress and there have been no doubts over her acting prowess,only her selection of films..Thoda Pyaar,Laga Chunri ..all did not work because they were bad films and never has a doubt been cast over her. Rani as Veera is very predictable but Rani as Veer is very good. I also really liked the choreography of the songs. I give **1/2, only for Rani :) Come back Rani, there is no need for you to wear those bikinis and short clothes..you are terrific :)

Movies like these have no depth..typical one time watch with no layers.. anyway while the movie was being played I kept on thinking are films like those made by Yashraj responsible for creating an illusion about always brimming-with-happiness Punjab? There is so much poverty in the interiors of Punjab but have we ever seen a film on Punjab's poverty? UP, Bihar, Vidarbha..we all know of the immense hardship faced by the people in these areas but Punjab also has some of the poorest farmers..the drought has affected the farmers in these areas the most.. and this illusion..do films like those of Yashraj banner are responsible? I just remembered this discussion on TV a few months back when a religious sect of the Sikhs was murdered in Vienna and then there was immense public anger especially by Dalit Sikhs. I didn't know that Sikhs also had Dalit, thought it was only Hinduism. The immensely knowledgable Shekhar Gupta of Indian Express made this point that there is simmering discontent in Punjab and all is not well. This bonhomie is a sham..I guess I am over reacting after all everyone knows this is not reality just a film but some times cinema does paint a false picture and creates an illusion of reality.. Remember the hue and cry over Slumdog Millionaire?

Anyway, I am so so eagerly waiting for What's Your Rashee? I am addicted to its song Chehre Jo Dekhe Hain...it is not a great song but somehow it is captivating to me..I have been listening to it continuously for the past few days..it has all the beats of the other 12 songs from the film.. I hope the film is excellent..fingers crossed :)

The Mind is Restless...

I just finished reading English, August. It has become one of my favourite books and Upamanyu Chatterjee one of the best writers. The book is about Agastya, an IAS officer who is posted in a remote Indian town called Madna. It is the story of his mental restlessness that he is facing whether he is actually fit for the job, what does he really want to be. It is one of the very few books that I have been able to relate with. Agastya's non pretentiousness and his behaviour mirror ours. Like when someone asks him whether he is married or not, he gives different answers to everyone as if the people really care :D The humour of the book like his comments on Vasant's cooking and Srivastava and many many more instances are simply superb. I found myself laughing so loud at some places. Bungaali Uncle has come! Pumbaali Kunkal has bum! The observations of the author are detailed, at one point he says that he felt like the smell of the new eraser in a geometry box, great! :-)

Anyway, I am posting some of my favourite lines and passages from the book.

• He realised obscurely that the sense of loneliness was too precious to be shared and finally incommunicable that men were ultimately islands, each had his own universe, immense only to himself, far beyond the grasp of the interest of others.

• The ecstasy of arrival never compensates for the emptiness of the departure.

• Perhaps he was merely longing for the past in an uncongenial present, forgetting its petty unhappiness, bewitched by it only because he was not its master.

• Remember, you're not James Bond..you only live once. (Brilliant line, referring to Bond's You Only Live twice)

• Today I have got myself out of all my perplexities, or rather I have got the perplexities out of myself, for they were not without but within, they lay in my own outlook.

• Movement without purpose, an endless ebb and flow, from one world to another, journeys and passages undertaken by cocoons for not for rest or solace but for ephemerals.

• He had first to banish all yearning and learn to accept the drift, perhaps it was true all was clouded by desire, a fire by smoke,or as a mirror by dust.

His references to Krishna and Arjuna about the mind being restless and Marcus Aurelius are so true of the facets that we wear daily. A great book to learn from...

Cowmputer :-D

Amit Varma, India's best known blogger, India Uncut fame, has now started tweeting here. This was one of his tweet on the Austerity Drive and the Twittergate controversy of Mr. Tharoor's cattle class remarks. Some of his other tweets read as:

What's the difference between Twitter and the Lok Sabha? Twitter allows 140 characters -- the LS allows 552.

In the land of the Cowma Sutra, how can anyone be lonely? ( Referring to the Newshour debate on Times Now where a Congress spokesperson said, those who tweet are lonely!!!!!)

I'm not lonely - I just like hanging out with cows and cattle!

There's a T-shirt slogan right there: I'm not lonely, I'm just on an austerity drive.

Look Mommy!!!

Some of the best pictures that I have seen in along long time...

Of Old History Books and Grey's Anatomy...

Mary Alice in Desperate Housewives at the end of each episode says some thought provoking sayings. I have posted them a few of my favourites here in one of my earlier posts. It was raining since the last few days and I have been watching the rain all morning and enjoying the nip in the air..so relaxing and the voice of Mary Alice pops into my head and makes me remember one of her sayings about human companionship. She says " Life is a journey that is much better travelled with a companion by our side of course that companion can be anyone..human beings are designed for many things but loneliness isn't one of them!"

For the last few days, I have been feeling lonely. And by lonely I don't mean totally alone. I have family and I have friends whom I can talk but it is not that. I didn't even call R on his birthday just messaged him so bad of me :..a lot of friends are online but I am mostly invisible..I have even stopped talking to myself which I used to = (don't call me mad! we all talk to ourselves mentally) but this feeling is a very creepy one. I am missing something..it is like a void. I need someone with whom I can discuss movies that I like and can watch..someone who could come to watch the film festival going on at IHC..somebody I could talk about the wonderful character of August of English August...yes, of course there are forums on the net but still it is not that..

Anyways, I am also reading my Class 9 History book also..about the Renaissance and Reformation, the American Revolution, the French Revolution..the Renaissance period is fascinating and that is why I have put some of the paintings of that era on my blog..I plan to buy Class 11 and 12 history books for some more details..I really liked NCERT books of Social Studies..I know it is weird being a science student, how can I read about history, guess in a way I am still not sure what I really want from life..if someone asks where will you be doing 2 years from now..I have no idea..

Also I again started watching Grey's Anatomy religiously :) I missed the complete 3 Season last year,so I read the episode guide of Season 3 on tv.com :D ( Yeah! call me whatever you want) and now I watch Season 4 every Sat & Sun on Star World :) the songs they play at the end of episode are so good.. every time I watch it, it makes me teary eyed..last week, Lexie (Meredith's half sister) tells Christina that 'she has no one' so Christina brings her over to Meredith's to party.. yesterday they showed an episode on faith healing- is it really possible? Izzie, George,Christina, Miranda,Meredith, Chief...all are my favourite characters..I never wanted to be a doctor but seeing them makes me really want to be one..

Movie Updates- Not many..just watched The Sound of Music and The Queen..liked them both.. waiting for Wake Up Sid and What's Your Rashee...

Practical Example...

In Class 11, there was a chapter in Physics called Fluid Dynamics. The chapter had properties of fluids- streamlined flow and turbulent flow. Streamlined flow is the flow of a fluid in an ordered manner where as turbulent flow is a fluid that flows erratically like sometimes very fast and sometimes very slow. But why the hell am I lecturing on a mundane physics lesson? The reason is that I still remember an incident on this topic. This happened when I was in class 11. There were 2 guys- Rajeev and Samant. A class had just got over and there was some other class. Samant and Rajeev had both gone to the loo and Rajeev came back but Samant took a few more minutes. When he came back, Rajeev asked Samant ," Tune itna time kyun lagaya? kya kar raha tha?" and then the witty Samant says, " Abey, mera flow stramlined hai, tum sabka turbulent hai isliye tu jaldi kar ke aa gaya..tabhi mujhe time laga!" OMG! I still remember every one's faces after he said this. Now that is called practical example ;-) Mr. Sibal need not worry about the learning. We students find our own way to understand things :D

Hawai Qila...

Of late, I have been thinking of some of the places I really really want to visit before I die..

1. The Khajuraho temples built by the Chandelas in the earlier centuries. I mean it is a shame that a country like ours that gave the world Kamasutra and such exquisite sculptures, sex is still taboo..anyway I so want to see the Khajuraho temples.
2. The Taj Mahal. Shame on me that I am an Indian and still haven't seen the magnificent wonder!
3. The Eiffel tower. And to also eat at the restaurant at top of the Eiffel tower...
4. The Mona Lisa at the Louvre. The enigmatic smile of the woman is bewildering...
5. The cities of Milan, Venice, Rome, Paris...Renaissance has a magical charm...
6. Watching a Wimbledon final live at the All England Tennis Championships..
7. The Pyramids of Egypt by the Nile..the song Suraj Hua Madham is beautifully shot there..
8. The Sydney Opera House..

Hmmmm so likh liya na..now start dreaming.. itne paise to hai nahi mere paas, sapno me hi dekh sakhta hun sob sob :

A thing of beauty is a joy forever...

In my house, there are a few peacock feathers. Papa got them from the park where he found them lying them on the ground (neither by murdering a peacock nor by buying them from an animal parts smuggler!). It is almost a year since we have them but I have never looked at them properly. Today, just accidentally I saw them lying on the floor and they drew my attention. I was awed by the absolute symmetry and the melange of colours it has. Its resplendence is so inspiring that it is no wonder that Krishna had one of these in his 'mukut'. The different shades of blue and green forming a pattern is the perfect example of nature's exhilarating beauty. And even a peacock feather has a certain significance. A single feather is made of sort of hair like strands collectively forming it. If we look at a single strand, it looks quite ordinary, the colours are hardly visible. But only when we look at collection of these strands forming a complete feather, then only each and every feature of it is completely visible perhaps in a way signifying that strength lies in unity and only in unity we can see the diversity of creation. A single strand has no significance of its existence.Nature gives us so many lessons from the most innocuous of things. I so wish to see a peacock dancing in the rain with its full grandeur. What a stunning sight it would be :)

P.S. - I just realized that it is my 100th post. Cheers for a pathetic blog!