Of Panjak,C, Stupid Seat Change, उर्दू शायरी and J's Resignation...

The past few days have been quite eventful.. a lot of things have happened..some good and bad!

As I have written before that there is some cosmo connection that whenever you think of something, it is some sort of co-incidence that you see it everywhere.. In my last post, I had written about World Sparrow Day and how sparrows reminded me of the story A Portrait of A Lady by Khushwant Singh (about his grandmother). I had written a post about my grandmother and I was reminded of her. Now in office while I was doing primary research for my project, a female respondent from the US, incapacitated by her inability to speak Indian names addressed me a Panjak,which instantly reminded me of my grandmother's way of calling my name Pangad :)

And in my this post, I had written about how my friendship with C has completely deteriorated and you know what C called me today!! It so happened that he had posed some pics on Facebook and I liked them.. I don't know whether it was a catalyst, he suddenly messaged me to send my number to him...I did and called me back. He is now in Delhi and asked to meet up.. I couldn't believe it.. It was after ages I talked to someone for over half an hour on phone but some how I felt it was not the same thing.. something was amiss...let's see how it turns out...
Also, my seat in office has been changed :( Apparently, some new joiners are joining and so to make space for everyone we have to shift on the floor below..What the crap it is!! I love my seat..for the last 1.5 years it has been my home..the place where I have spent the maximum time of my life after my bed..how can one be asked to leave their home suddenly?? that place defines me.. people say  यह पंकज की सीट है.. It is like I am being usurped from my home.. I am not very particularly fond of my neighbours.. I had been sitting alone for some time.. I can sit alone.. I talked the most to R and K both of whom left last year.. it's not the neighbours I am worried about..it's just that I hate change..now I have to start all over again :( Talking of usurping, you know the innocent people who the government chucks out in the name of development, I can totally sympathise with them..my whining might be inconsequential to their humongous suffering.. It's an extremely scary thought.. The Land Acquisition Act of 1894 allows the government to compulsorily acquire private land for a “public purpose” provided it pays just compensation.. So can you believe that tomorrow the government might come and throw me out of my house because they want to make Metro station at my place? What will we do?? It's time to update these laws but unless Miss Mamata Bannerjee allows nothing can be done! I will protest any forced acquisition of land!! How can a family who has stayed at a place for generations be suddenly asked to leave? We are living in an unfair world! More on land acquisition here.

Meanwhile, I saw some fascinating snippets of the debate in the Indian Parliament over cash-for-votes scam. Sushma Swaraj (who these days is my favourite politician because of her sensible and logical views on every issue and the way she is on a roll, I see a potential PM in her but why oh why!, she again said that she will go bald if Sonia G becomes PM, get over it Sushma ji!!)  and Manmohan Singh shared some fantastic couplets in the Lok Sabha..
सुषमा स्वराज: तू इधर उधर की ना बात कर, यह बता की काफिला क्यों लूटा, हमें राह्ज़नो से गिला नहीं, तेरी रहबरी का सवाल है..
(Don't talk hearsay, tell us why the caravan was looted. we have no grouse against dacoits but it is a question of your leadership)
मनमोहन सिंह : माना की तेरी दीद के काबिल नहीं हूँ मैं, तू मेरा शौक़ तो देख, मेरा इंतज़ार तो देख (I understand that I am not worth your gaze, but have a look at my keenness, have a look at my anticipation for you)

It's charming which Sushma ji admitted!! It was nice that the PM showed some spine.. Nice couplet for flirting no? I want to learn Urdu! it is perhaps the only language that has no cuss words and it is sheer poetry! But where to learn Urdu!! In fact, I want to to learn so many languages - French, German, Chinese, Bengali, Tamil, Multani (my own language!) The picture is from Berco's which means Chinese according to the people there! Chinese is so bloody difficult!

Meanwhile, J also resigned this week. He wrote a beautiful post (the link is here) on his feelings post the resignation.. It is a very complex world.. the thing you have been waiting for years and when you get it, you start thinking of the things you are going to miss.. God really is strange..would have made man after so much thinking! Anyhow, J gave a treat at Berco's (the above pic is from there) today and it was very nice! I don't know when I read that post,it also gave me a very weird feeling..very difficult to put down in words.. Once again, a big shout to J for getting what you want..We all will miss you :(

I guess this is enough for today.. Will write more this week about another amazing movie (hindi movie that is!!) that I watched recently.. Till then..Adios!! Hasta Leugo!

Of Holi and Sparrows...

Holi..

There was a Holi party in office on Friday. I am not a big fan of parties. I feel lost in parties whether it is office parties or functions at a relative's place. I only go to parties for food! So my primary purpose of going to the party was food, especially chaat! it is soo long I had gone to a wedding! I had everything from chhole kulcha, pav bhaaji, glo gappe, tikki, macaroni, aloo, dinner. My purpose was solved. I had gone prepared that I will not play Holi at all but I guess was expecting too much, as soon as I entered, I was smeared all over and once you are smeared it is really no point running away from the colours. Everyone, except one person, was completely splashed in colours! Else party was ok.. as usual I was feeling lost when people were drinking and dancing...and I was busy eating :)

Meanwhile I was thinking of Holi. I had only associated Holi with हिरन्यकश्यप-प्रह्लाद-होलिका and knew that people celebrate Holi with much vigour in Vrindavan as it is associated with रास लीला. Today Brunch carried some famous legends on Holi. Apparently,  कृष्ण was jealous of the fair colour of राधा, so he smeared her with colours and that is why we celebrate Holi. There was one more story associated with  शिव पार्वती. It's so fascinating! I absolutely love Indian mythology. I think Greek and Indian mythology have some of the most fascinating stories ever! I saw some amazing pics on Holi.. it is absolutely brilliant. I just want to buy a camera. Here is the link!! Stunning!! I have got these pics from there only!

I think Holi is one festival that epitomises human soul. Each of us has different colours in us - red, green, blue, yellow, pink, black, grey. These colours represent various traits in us. Our soul is a melange of all these colours, however the amount of colour is different in each of us and that is what gives us our individual personalities. That is why perhaps I love India so much, beautiful to the core...

And finally I got my एक चुटकी सिंदूर... see the pic.. एक चुटकी सिंदूर की कीमत तुम क्या जानो रमेश बाबु! ईश्वर का आशीर्वाद होता है एक चुटकी सिंदूर, औरत के सर का ताज होता है एक चुटकी सिंदूर, हर नारी का ख्वाब होता है एक चुटकी सिंदूर! 

Also, today is World Sparrow Day as well. Haven't these beautiful birds simply disappeared? Earlier I used to wake up at the sound of the sparrows but these days I am lucky if I spot one. Sparrows remind me of my childhood and I believe that we should try to preserve memories of our childhood as far as possible. What else will remind us of that? That is why I refused mummy from throwing away my school blazer and the antique watch she had got on her wedding! Sparrows also remind me of the Class 11 story, The Portrait of A Lady by Khushwant Singh. I miss these sparrows. Hope they come back. And isn't it ironical that we are fascinated by the artificial tweets on twitter and hardly care about the birds that bring the real tweets to us...It's an unfair world with unfair comparisons...

Of Deepa from Dil Chahta Hai...

You remember Deepa from Dil Chahta Hai? The girl who used to keep running after Aakash. I absolutely love her. There are some characters who remain etched in our mind forever. And for me, Deepa is one of them. She is one of the characters that I completely identify with. She kept running after a philanderer who avoided her like anything; who used to change his path when he saw her face; who hid behind bushes in hotels; who jumped in the middle of the sea as soon as he heard his name being called by her. In spite of all this, she loved him. Isn't it difficult to maintain the same feeling when you know the person you love totally ignores you? Being totally crazy about a guy who at that point in time did not even believe that there is something called love. Why did she do this? Weren't other guys available who could love her? Why only Aakash? That brat who never left a chance to make fun of her, and the one who got beaten in front of the entire crowd for teasing someone else's fiancée. Wouldn't Sid be a wonderful partner for her? It is this fascinating thing called love. It has no control over anyone. It makes one run after people that Monica would have labeled "What were you thinking?" (Rachel: Well, I should then just go across the hall and write that on Chandler) It was fascinating to see Deepa's eyes, the way she blushed when Aakash called her name. I wish there was more of her in the film. She was not dumb, but a very sensible and a smart girl. It was perhaps her love for Aakash that made her do silly things. At the end. when Sid sees another girl near the fort in Goa, I at first thought it was Deepa.

Would it have been wrong if Deepa and Sid became a couple? Would her love for Aakash be called as crazy infatuation. I don't know. I somehow cannot picture her with Aakash. What would have happened to her? Where did she go? I wish there was some closure to her story. Will Farhan tell us more about her? Someone who completely ignores you but still somehow you can never let them go. We can imagine what she would have felt by Aakash's behavior. Her story was of hope, courage, determination. Maybe she was banking that one day Aakash might change his mind. She was one of the strongest characters in the film in some ways, even stronger than Aakash, who in spite of loving Shalini, did not even say it once to her, and only does so on the day of Shalini's wedding only after Mahesh makes him realize why Shalini is marrying Rohit. Did he understand then how Deepa would have felt? Didn't she deserve Aakash's love? Was she unlucky in love? Why are people unlucky in love?

In one of the movie's best scenes, Sid and Deepa are sitting on the beach side.

Sid says, "दीपा तुम इतनी  खूबसूरत हो, इन्तेल्लिगेंट हो, तुम्हे तो आकाश के अल्वा कितने अच्छे लड़के मिल जायेंगे."

And, she heartbroken replies, "अगर मैं इतनी ही अच्छी हूँ तो मुझे आकाश क्यूँ नहीं मिल सकता."

Sid says, " हाथ में थामी मिटटी को जितना पकड़ने की कोशिश करोगे उतना ही वो हाथ से निकल जाएगी."

I love you, Deepa. You taught us many things about life. To be never afraid of rejection, to always say about things openly, and to express love without fear. Here's hoping you got what you wanted.

Of Losing Friends..

It's a really weird phenomenon. Like some cosmic connection. You know for the past few days I have been thinking about friends. On March 8, I had tweeted "time has made me lose out so many friends..I used to be a good friend to some of them.. and now I have lost them.." On Friday March 11, I was having lunch in the cafeteria and noticed two friends having lunch. I see them everyday. They have lunch together everyday. They were having Pepsi and seem to be having a good time.I was just thinking how good friends they are na! And today, Dil Chahta Hai was coming..the evergreen story about friendship..I mean whenever I have been thinking about something I see it every where or perhaps it may be that whatever you are thinking about, you notice that thing more so that you see it everywhere..ever since I have left college, I have become some what of a very bad friend. I always used to make friends that will be there with me for life but all of a sudden it is like I am losing those very friends..and it is me who is to blame for it all.. I hardly call any one and rarely meet any one.  I take so much time in making friends and there are very few people who I can call at 3 AM in the morning to help me out but it seems that I am losing them one by one. And add to the fact, I keep on finding flaws in them.. such a terrible person I am..ain't it? 2 months a friend had pinged me and I did not reply at all.. and ever since I haven't talked to him. I thought I will write a mail but you know time never comes.. And one of my friend's father expired.. I just got to know when I had ignored the message the day it was sent.. so bad of me...I don't know why it is happening but some how I don't feel like talking. And you know I am such a boring person, I run out of ideas to talk even with my friends leaving them even more bored of my company. And when I see updates of people on FB with their friends, I can't help but feel pity on myself. At one point I want to have super cool friends like V and K, but at the other end, I don't maintain my existing friends :( I really want to go to places like Kasauli, Bombay, Sikkim with friends.. Frankly speaking, I can go alone but somehow I don't want to..I miss you a lot C.. you were my only friend since I was five..why did you do this to me...what had I done..did I do something that hurt you..it's almost seven years since we talked..I know things will never be the same again ya...I have moved on..and guess so have you..

I guess I went offtrack ya but ever since I have watched Dil Chahta Hai today, I am feeling lost..I will try to be a good friend..While searching for the pic,I found this one.. I love Deepa..wish they had put more of her as to what happened to her after Sid talked to her :(

On Why Being Sad Makes Me Happy..

Some time back I had written a post on why being sad makes me happy, but that was more of a generic post. There have been so many people coming to the blog searching 'why being sad makes them so happy' (one of them is now my facebook friend as well), it somehow made me think even deeper on why some people including me feel a sense of comfort when we are sad. I really couldn't come up with a satisfactory explanation. I think it depends more on our nature and our personality. I am an introvert person and don't open myself easily in front of others. We all are looking for someone who can really understand us because we are surrounded by people of totally opposite to our nature i.e extrovert and too over the top. It somehow makes me feel that I am some kind of a different person, not suited for this world. In this quest for a person who could really understand us and let me be as I am, we somehow feel lost and know in our hearts that we have to change ourselves if we want to survive. And it's not so easy to change yourself as you are. To completely mould yourselves with the society, requires great mental strength, which I do not have. Thus a sense of disillusionment sets in and feel resigned to fate as to I can never be really happy in life unless I change. Moreover, I have had some pretty bad experiences in life. Whenever I have achieved some real happiness, something or the other goes wrong. Now when something good happens, it makes me feel scared as to 'is this happiness really true'? It makes me feel as if this happiness is like an illusion, which will last for a fleeting moment. It is like feeling guilty to enjoy this happy moment. Guilty of what I don't know? How can this happiness come to me? Is God playing some wicked game with me..is it the warning before a storm? Whenever I have tried to come out of this negative phase, something or the other happens, it makes feel as if this was a signal that you are destined to be like this. Whenever I try to bring upon a change in myself, it goes horribly wrong, so I have accepted the fact I will be like this all my life. I have been unhappy for such a long time, that I have become so familiar with it, that when happiness comes it is like something unnatural for me. We have lived in darkness for such a long time that when light comes, we feel blinded as to don't know how to react this flashing beam. We want to quickly go back to my familiar state where we have lived for so long. It is like darkness comforts us and wee don't know how things will pan out when lights goes off again. So why let light come in the first place? And perhaps that is why I hate things changing around me. And it is said that change is the only permanent thing in life. Is it then the uncertainty of future that makes me like this? Does that make me a defeatist? Does that make a less ambitious person? Can introvert people not be ambitious? People say happiness is subjective. Is something wrong when I say that my happiness is sadness. Isn't it better than faking your happiness? Isn't it better than feeling nothing at all? Is that why I love sad films? Is that why I like sad songs? Do you have a better explanation for this?

I don't know what I wrote makes sense or not but I have been thinking a lot about this. So randomly what came in my mind I just wrote..

Of General Post About Life and Grey's...

Every Sunday night, I try to take out some time to think of how of the week went by and how the coming week is going to be..and if am in mood, write a blog post of what comes out of the day dreaming..

Anyways, the past week at office was somewhat bad..I got a somewhat not so good feedback for a project.. and frankly, I didn't feel bad at all because I know my mistakes, I know I am not so good a worker but what I felt bad was that it made me think I am somehow not fit for the corporate culture.. if somebody else was at my place, he would have at least went and asked for clarifications as to were the lacunae that were there.. but I didn't feel like..I don't like to question things that people think of me..If they don't like me I cannot change their opinion..I have been repeatedly told by every one in office that I need to come out of my shell and stop being such a pushover..but I can't change myself so easily..Is it that easy to let go of your self? I kept on thinking that I am not suited for this life ahead..Will I be able to survive? All I wish for is a life near the sea shore with me having not to work at all.. and if I was creative, I could at least think of doing something else but alas! am not one of them..

And I am not talking to my sister who fought with me on who-will-remind-dad-to-call-the-guy-to-repair-the-computer.. it's been 3 days..theek hai..yeh sab to chalta rehta hai.. khud itna sadti hai aur mujhe bolti hai ki main sadu hun...huh!

I was at home during the weekend..saw no movie...wanted to see Tanu Weds Manu but couldn't find anyone to go with..if it was a good movie, I could have gone alone but it's a fun ligh watch and it would be creepy to go alone for this kind of film no? Instead I saw Guzaarish again on TV today..what a movie ya.. simply amazing..I just want to go inside the screen and experience the sets..what beautiful sets..what amazing photography.. what pretty costumes!! and after that I saw Mirch..one of the very few films celebrating a women's sexuality.. the first two stories are hilarious especially Konkona and Prem Chopra one..Ila Arun is fab..the last two are somewhat okayish..overall a light hearted watch..

And also saw two episodes of Grey's.. how can a show be so good ya..Mark is back with Lexie :) Bailey got drunk..haha..loveeee her.. and she has found a new guy for her too...and Arizona came back from Africa but Callie shut the door on her face..and Teddy is marrying a sick guy to cure him as he doesn't have insurance..what a lady!! and Christina is finally getting back on track..she went fishing with Derek who is trying to heal her brilliantly..she caught a fish and cried like anything..what scene ya :( I hope you come back soon Dr. Yang..we miss you totally :( And Alex and Meredith were talking about themselves that only 2 of them survived..they had thought that out of all only 2 will stay till the end - Christina and either of them but look at life..Christina is out, Izzie is out, George is dead.. and Alex and Meredith remain..will watch more..

So enough for the day..will write more later...

Bye.

Of Disappontment with 7 Khoon Maaf and The Fascinating Seventh Murder

I can't help but feel a bit disappointed after watching 7 Khoon Maaf. It's not that I hated it. It's a nice film, perhaps if any other director would have made it, it would have been appreciated but coming from the house of Vishal Bharadwaj, it is sort of underwhelming. Based on the book Susanna's Seven Husbands by Ruskin Bond, 7 Khoon Maaf is the story of Susanna who is perhaps, one of the most unlucky persons to get such terrible husbands, not once, not twice but six times. Vishal uses a very simple storytelling way, each husband is introduced, his flaw is revealed and then Susanna kills him. So very early on, you get to know how the film will pan out. Kaminey was appreciated because of the fact that it did not treat the audience as a duffer. Vishal used a somewhat complicated style in Kaminey to let the audience figure out for themselves what is going on. However, 7 Khoon Maaf adopts a very cliched style. Yes, some of it is expected given the nature of the roles but perhaps he could have executed it in a better way. As in like, time travel that was done beautifully in Kill Bill. Or perhaps, he could have delved more into Susanna's character as to why she only kills her husbands? why does she simply not leave them? And how does she cope with them? There was this scene in which her servant tells the story that she never changes her path and narrates the instance when as a kid she killed a dog who came into her way. Or her love for snakes. I wish they had put some more scenes on her psychology. The film was dragging in a few places and wish it could have been crisper.

But there are some good things to be spoken about in the movie as well.

Priyanka is fabulous. I just love her..however, in some scenes I felt she was struggling a bit..but still, all of it is forgiven..she has truly evolved as an actress..starting from Andaaz to 7 Khoon Maaf..hope her choice of films remains good.

It was very interesting to see the Forensics Lab, a fascinating new place which is hardly shown in our movies..

Vivaan Shah is excellent. how silently he pined for Susanna..his Sahib.. wonderful actor..

Vishal makes superb characters and does extensive research..like the scene in which Susanna marries for the sixth time, she has a Bengali wedding.. after that, we see that she wears red and white bangles that are a mark of a married Bengali woman..

He also leaves a number of pop-cultural references..as in Susanna's favorite book is 'Anna Karenina'.. and when Arun comes back, we see on the table a book "The Seven Wives of Bluebird". Early on we see that a book called Looking Ahead is found in the bag Susanna when Arun is opening her stuff. Or the music that was playing in the background just before Wasiullah urf Musafir was killed..haven't been able to look who was singing but am sure Vishal was referring to some great singer..and of course, he uses newspaper clippings, radio, and TV news headlines to tell us which year we are in.. I got reminded of Midnight's Children.. a brilliant idea to let the audience figure out which year..I am sure I am missing out on some others!

Out of the husbands, the least I liked was Annu Kapoor and John Abraham..rest all were nice.. that scene in which Neil points his amputated leg at Susanna, was fabulous. I thought he is going to kick her..anticipation..brilliant scene..

Or that scene, in which John's college bandmate says something like "pehle Sony ko becha aur ab T-Series ko becha..vo O Mata banake bech rahe hai" it was hilarious.

Aur that scene in which Arun says, "Bharatiya ladkiyon ko guitar bajane vale pasand hai..yeh to gaata bhi that."

I also like Naseeruddin Shah turning a thief..that was a surprise!

Even Irrfan Khan played a perfect sadist poet..what poetry he versed.. and how different was he in real life..just terrific that scene in which he keeps on slapping her.. makes you cringe.

But perhaps the best of all was the seventh murder.. she finally embraces Christ and drinks his blood..she realizes that in spite of all her flaws, Yeshu will embrace her with open arms..her final redemption would be confessing to the one who knows it all..that was perhaps the most haunting scene of the movie that kept playing in my head after I came out..and what place is that when she tells Arun that she will drink his blood in the sea with the waves splashing with the sun setting behind. Pondicherry I think..wonderful cinematography!! I wish there was more of such stuff.. that makes us think!!

And special mention of the music..Darrling is one of the finest songs that we will see this year! But I totally loved Bekaran (what picturization!!) and Awara (haunting)

Here is what one review said..the full review is here. I completely agree when she says that there was no need to kill the husbands.. a better treatment would have ensured the film some rationalization!

I suspect one of the key intentions of the director was to look at woman’s quest for love and the disappointment she faces from men for a variety of reasons. We can no doubt see that Susanna is not just looking for love, she is looking for a love that’s perfect. Her first marriage (with Neil Nitin Mukesh) is an arranged one (her father had wished for this union) and she deals with her husband’s insecurities (perhaps resulting from the awareness that she did not ‘choose’ him). The second marriage, which promises youthful happiness and pleasure, is of her choice and she happily agrees to change herself for him (suggested by her ready acceptance of the name Susie for his Jimmy). But here is a man whose directionless youthfulness is his undoing. He cannot appreciate her self-effacing gesture for he has lost his own self in drug-induced hallucinations. Wasiullah Khan (Irrfan Khan), with his poetic sensibility, carrying an air of hurt humanity seems to be the answer till she realizes that his sensitivity remains tied to his intellect never deigning to come down to his physical or emotional self. The Russian husband is the possibility of a stranger or outsider providing love but not knowing a person has its own pitfalls. By the time the outsider is discarded, some disillusionment has already occurred. So this time when Officer Keemat Lal (Annu Kapur) offers a Teddy Bear (romantic love) with one hand while hiding a Viagra (lust) in the other, it is not difficult for Susanna to call his bluff. The possibility of young innocent love (Arun) is no longer available to her for she has already eaten of the apple, so to say. With the sixth husband it’s no longer a question of love/lust/pain/betrayal; it is a question of life and death and Susanna chooses life.

Now the same material with a lighter treatment and it may have been possible to understand it better at least on a symbolic level. You would now have Susanna only as a tool to examine this quest without any individualized, detailed characterization. Her various marriages would have been attempts to find love and the killings would not have been literal but a mere discarding of possibilities that failed. The episodes with various husbands could have acquired more meaning. The climax of the film – that is brilliant in its conception – would then come to life – it took Susanna almost a lifetime, but she finally realizes that the perfection or truth she is looking for is impossible to find in the material, male-dominated world. It is in religion that she finds the last and final husband, for Christ can not only offer eternal love, he’ll offer it to an imperfect being like her.

The reason Saat Khoon Maaf sends out confusing signals is because Susanna’s motives are unclear and muddied. That takes the force out of the narrative, giving it a rambling quality. Her husbands also come out more as stereotypes than individuals. Vishal Bhardwaj saves his film from becoming a sensational thriller and has all the right intentions but he has not succeeded in making Saat Khoon Maaf either a narrative or stylistic treat.

Of Trolls, Christina, Break Ke Baad and 7 Khoon Maaf..

Hmmm.. my Internet was not working for two days, so wasn't able to put a post that I wanted to write and now I have forgot on what I wanted to write about..

Anyway, I got the worst feeling today..someone in an email to me said "Stop trolling around" and "ruffling feathers of people".. total crap.. I felt terrible.. I know I have been screamed at before a lot..but seriously a troll?? it is the worst insult as a person if one is considered a troll.. please am not a stalker..

Anyhow, Grey's Anatomy :( I have seen 7 episodes of Season 7 and I love love that show.. Christina please start behaving like your normal self..please come back.. I miss the bitchy passionate Christina who always had the fire in her.. always ready to be the best cardio-thoracic surgeon.. Even Burke did not do this to you..please come please back..and please don't blame Meredith for what all happened.. Isn't she your soul mate? And Callie and Arizona broke up..I am sad for Callie :( And please Mark stop sleeping with everyone of Shepherd's wife and sisters..Lexie is the best girl in the world you can ever get..

I also saw Break Ke Baad and Do Dooni Chaar ( which deserves a proper post!!).. Break Ke Baad is one of those movies you can sleep walk.. it is not bad.. it is not very good either..perhaps I missed the emotional connect with the movie..but yes, it was different.. a girl instead of a guy who is wary of commitment..such a beautiful place they have shot.. and I loved that scene when Aaliya says "Maybe I am not meant for love".. it reminded me of myself as I also feel that I am not meant for love and incapable of being loved.. and I also liked it when Aaliya's mom says "you are not special that people love you, you are special because people love you despite what you are".. I still believe that I Hate Luv Storys was one of the best love stories that I saw last year..

Meanwhile, my current favourite song is Darling from 7 Khoon Maaf.. I just love the line "public mein sansani ek baar karne do" :) Just 3 more days..Bhai yeh picture ka intezaar main What's Your Rashee jab release hui thi tab se kar raha hun..Phew 1.5 years!! Hope it is not like What's Your Rashee?!

On a personal note, I have been even more disturbed for some issues but I try to show that all is fine..I am caught between two things..I try not to think of it and let fate decide what is in store but how much will I procrastinate..Will write more about it later..

 It's raining outside.. February Rain.. the rain gods obliging the lovers.. I love the pitter patter of rain drops..

Tata.. catch you later..

Of Change From Abhay Deol to Akshay Kumar..

In the last year, I have turned from Abhay Deol to Akshay Kumar!! From my favourite actor to the actor I hate most!! Sigh!! I remember doing that weight scale in April last year while going to Saataal at New Delhi Railway Station and I did one yesterday at Regal Theatre in CP (I still have both the cards as in the photo below). Yeh kya ho raha hai?? Weight increased by 2 kilos, I have seen my waist increase by an inch, my pants getting tight, my eyesight has has weakened, just got a new spectacles (-3.25 and -2.25) I get breathless after I take stairs to reach office at 5 floor, my hair has turned even more grey (already had grey hair, now according to mummy, it is even more grey who scolds me even more for not putting oil, I use oil everyday but mummy wants to put so much more!!) I have started to forget birthdays (I never forgot them come what may!).. I don't remember mobile numbers now.. Sigh..the side effects of sitting all day with no physical exercise..toh yahi hoga na!! Buddhe ho rahe hai sab.. imagine 23 years ka buddha!! Auro (of Paa) ki bimaari hamein lag rahi hai..Will do something about it.. but of all people Akshay Kumar???? Even Emraan Hashmi is better than Akshay!! Khair chhodo..

Of Song about Yeh Saali Zindagi..No Pun intended!!

Sudhir Mishra's next (of the Hazaaron Khawashien Aisi fame), Yeh Saali Zindagi, is making waves. I just love its song, sung by Shilpa Rao and featuring Chitrangada Singh. Such awesome lyrics—it is the lyrics that give a song its ultimate high. The following lines are so true: how we want things to be, but life has some other plans for us. I will watch it soon. 

Zindagi pe tera mera kisi ka na zor hai

Hum sochte hai kuch wo saali sochti kuch aur hai

Ye zindagi ye saali zindagi...

Hum chahate yahan hai saali jaati kahin aur hai

Lamhein aur lamhon ke beech ye tedhe medhe mod hai

Ye zindagi ye saali zindagi

Of Long Time No See Posts and Thanks to Followers...

I had taken two days off from the office. My 4-day sabbatical is coming to an end. I don't know I am not feeling depressed but I am feeling very angry. No not at the office or thought of going to work but very very angry at some faceless person. Who that person is I don't know :(

Anyways, the purpose of this post is haal chaal..since 4-5 posts and I haven't been told about what is happening.

The last week was quite hectic-work-wise. I worked on 26th January also because of work. I am a bit slow in work and add the fact that already we get limited time for certain projects, mere se to ho hi nahi pata..

So, there was something at home, so applied for leave.

Things aren't very well at home. They are just fine. Papa is very tense because of some issues. 

I had planned so many things that I will do this, I will do that but somehow it didn't plan out, so 4 day weekend was not much of a success, except I managed to watch 3 films - We Are Family, Phas Gaye Re Obama and 127 Hours. I was at home only. Bas aur kuch ho nahi paya because there are some guests at my place, so my mom had to go with them, so no one at home, so I had to stay and phir paani ki  motor chalana, shaam ko doodh lana, vagareh vagareh sab karna hota hai.

Anyway, the post I had written on Dhobi Ghat..a lot of people are coming on the blog, while searching for the words - my muse, my whore, my beloved. I felt nice at least some people liked that line otherwise as Shobhaa De writes on her blog that it is one of the most ridiculous lines about Mumbai she ever heard, although she liked the film. But I like that line. I have an opinion, and you may disagree with it :)

Meanwhile, I had to buy a gift for Aastha for her birthday. I bought Dork by Sidin Vadukut and A Case of Exploding Mangoes by Mohammad Hanif. I wanted to buy Jaane Bhi Do Yaaro - The Book or The Diary of A Social Butterfly by Moni Mohsin but both were out of stock. But these two I hope she hasn't read them! and a funny thing happened, when I asked for this butterfly book, that Texsons Bhaiya said vo to aap ne pad li hai. I felt nice. although I haven't read it but was happy that he knows a little about my choice. He always tells me whenever there is a new Salman Rushdie book out. And he knows my frequency of reading..so it feels nice. I just love book shops..although my reading had drastically reduced in the last year, I feel at home in such shops. I wanted to open a library when I was in Class 9..can still do that but...

Also, I myself have started Cuckold!! finally had got it last birthday.. and I am totally loving it..the story of a King whose wife loves Krishna, so what does he do when he has God for competition..some magical lines are there..such as

Perhaps thinking about someone was the same as loving...

To see in flesh, that's the only way you can fall in love. Not by seeing a carving or a statue or a painting.

I will write more later.

One more follower today. I felt nice. Mannat.I don't know who she is but feels nice when there are people who look forward to your blog!! 6 followers (out of which 3 are not active, so left are 3)..and there are 3 more people who read anonymously. I know them..and a few are just once in a long long time types..so a big big thanks to all of you who read and bear this mediocre blog.

There are so many things that I have to write on..currently, at least 5 posts are pending of which I have thought of. Will write more later. Cya!!

Of Munni Madam and Monica Lewinsky..

What characters in Phas Gaye Re Obama!! Munni Madam has a fetish for statues, Dhananyjay Singh has perennial constipation or as they say bawasir who chants mantras, Bhaiya Ji has this ambition to go to Kullu and become a MLA by kidnapping who keeps tightening his pyjama strings!! there are so many laugh out moments when the English teacher comes and scolds Annie, or when Kanhaiyaa says I smell instead of I swear!! Talk is this Sirji.. English speaking no child's play :P And Munni Madam's cohorts are named Kareena, Deepika, Madhuri, Rani, Preity :D What an idea!! What dialogues - Tu apna time le lekin jaldi kar de!! or that hilarious scene where Munni Madam's girls are taking about Bill Clinton - Monica Lewinsky affair..wife bechari ghar me wait karti thi or yeh office me 20-20 ka match khelta tha.. or when Annie is explaining the role of FBI in Saddam Hussein, gatar se dhoond liya, phir check up karvaya aur suli par latka diya :D

Like the whole kidnapping business.. when the guy finally pays 25 lakhs for his father, he gets a receipt that guarantees that he will not be kidnapped again for 1 year.. It was pure black comedy but behind this lay a very strong comment on the state of our political system in rural hinterlands where kidnapping is as common as buying a vegetable.. just like the tragically comical Peepli Live..

Super super fun movie.. Worth checking out..strongly recommended.. Wish I had watched it in theatre..

Of We are Family..

माया: रिश्तों को हमेशा बाँध कर नहीं रख सकते, कभी साथ देते हैं तो कभी नहीं..बस उन्हें निभाने का सिर्फ एक ही तरीका होता है.. प्यार॥
माया: मेरे पास उनका गुज़रा हुआ कल है और तुम्हरे पास उनके आने वाला कल है॥
Totally loved the movie We Are Family..

My love for Kareena grows every time after watching her super acting..awesome she is!! and Kajol is as usual terrific..(these dumb Katrina and others should take acting lessons from her who in the name of God are getting Best Actress and Entertainer awards for her pathetic acting in Rajneeti and for this item song??) .. totally justified the jealousy and fear in Maya's character when she thinks her kids will forget her..But I would have liked if Maya also gave something to Shreya as well..like her necklace..she deserves so much more, she is becoming a mom to her kids and in a way foregoing her own right to be a real mother.. me likes the movie and also cried a bit as well :)

Dhobi Ghat

When you come out of the theatre, there are films that stay in your head for a long time. Ever since I saw Dhobi Ghat, I have been thinking of the film and added it to my favorites list. Yes, the film has flaws and certain issues, but which film doesn’t. And people do not like it, which is fine. Think of it: an average working-class person has two days off and is looking for something that can give him wholesome entertainment. He doesn’t want to get depressed. Take Guzaarish for example, it was not a bad film at all. It was perhaps one of the finest films last year, but the problem was not that the audience did not like it; the problem was that the audience did not watch it in the first place, thinking of the dull premise of the movie. They just didn’t come out and watch it. But I think entertainment is a very subjective thing. As a person, I like films with layered characters and something hidden. So, it is a subjective thing. I don’t look upon people who enjoyed Housefull or Golmaal 3; it is an individual’s choice. Perhaps that is why I could watch Saawariya, the grim story of perpetual longing and sacrifice. Kiran Rao said she wants to make movies only for a certain audience and is looking for more critical than commercial acclaim. She wants to tell a story that she wants the people to see and not a story that people will like to see. Perhaps that is why Aamir never promoted it much. The movie was made for just 5 crores and has recovered it already. The good thing is that there is now an audience for every kind of cinema, which is very positive for the industry.

Anyways, I am not writing a review, but some of the amazing things that I saw in Dhobi Ghat.
1. The films open beautifully with Mumbai in the Monsoons shown through Yasmin’s taxi ride. She says, "Aaye hue to sirf 5 mahine hue gaye phir bhi sab naya sa lagta hai," to the taxi driver who is also from her home state UP, and the song dil dhadak dhadak ke keh raha hai a bhi ja and while she is sitting in the taxi, some kids come for alms and start dancing as soon as they see her camera, just like that scene in the brilliant Luck By Chance when Zafar Khan meets some kids on the traffic signal.
2. Yasmin’s treasure box contains her video letters to her brother Iqbal and her precious things, such as her chain and surmachu. Her video letters were an absolute delight. There is this scene where she says, "Main kaisi lag rahi hun..pehle jaisn na ..abhi tak nahi badli hun." The gradual transition from a bubbly, innocent girl to a betrayed wife shows the irony of the statement. Her eyes reflect this change beautifully. Little did she realise how terribly her life would change.
3. Remember the final scene in Wake Up Sid, when Sid wears Ayesha’s kurta as his acceptance of his love for her. I think one of the most recurring themes of the movie was our desire to be connected. We human beings are essentially loners looking for somebody we can connect to. Just like Arun, who has no personal life and watches Yasmin’s videos as if it's porn, wears her necklace and ring, probably to get connected to her life..as if by wearing those, he would be able to connect to her even more or that taxi driver where he says to Yasmin that he is also from UP, or how Shai says that there was some different emotional connect with Arun, probably that is why she starts stalking him to finish some business. Another theme of the movie was the abruptness. Kiran essentially tries to show that life eventually moves on. She starts her movie in a taxi. She ends it in a car, and Arun initially shifts to a new place. He does the same at the end, and Munna shifts places and starts a new life..the city of Mumbai is ruthlessly indifferent, and there is no option but to just move on with our lives..just like that old lady living next door to Arun. 
4. The scene where Yasin captures her maid and her daughter is so natural, and her daughter sings The Brook by Alfred Lord Tennyson, perhaps one of the movie's most poignant scenes. I came and googled the poem.. the poem is probably a reference to the city of Mumbai.

I come from haunts of coot and hern,

I make a sudden sally

And sparkle out among the fern,

To bicker down a valley.

By thirty hills I hurry down,

Or slip between the ridges,

By twenty thorpes, a little town,

And half a hundred bridges.

Till last by Philip's farm I flow

To join the brimming river,

For men may come and men may go,

But I go on forever.

5. When it is raining, Yasmin says “Yeh bearish na ek dum lohri ki tarah hai jo sabko apni god me sula deti hai...and then she adds lekin meri bai kehti hai use bahut dikkat hoti hai..pani ko nikalne me.. baar baar ek mug se nikalna padta hai”...and when Arun is having a drink, he puts his glass in the rain to add some drops of rain in it to get a taste of rain.. I am sure all rain lovers would have loved this scene.

6. That old lady who is Arun’s neighbor doesn’t say anything in the entire film but says a lot through her eyes. There is so much pathos in her eyes. She is the silent spectator, just like Mumbai, the film’s fifth character.
7. My favorite character was Yasmin.. the way she looked at the bangles in a shop, Elephanta caves, she captured Ganesha Chaturthi..she was a pure delight..the way she wrote her name in the sand before waves kept coming, the way she says, "Yeh samundar apni gehrai me sab kuch chuupa leta hai."
8. I believe the movie's star was Mumbai, and Kiran Rao says that Mumbai is her fifth character. The way she, along with the cinematographer, has captured the essence of Mumbai is sheer magic. I was in Mumbai when I was just one year old, which I have no recollection of. For the last 2-3 months, there is this craving in me to go to Mumbai..the city of dreams..the city of indifference.. the city with so many layers.. That shot when Munna is putting a waterproofing sheet on his slum during the rain with 2 local trains passing by...such magic that shot.. or when Arun walks to sea after he realizes that Yasmin committed suicide..what picturesque beauty..or that scene in which Aamir is walking with thousands of people in the bazaar..what amazing shot.. and when Shai says she wants to capture Munna naturally..not in studios as these look artificial..the way she captures that fisherwoman, Munna in Dhobi Ghaat, local trains. I have fallen in love with the black-and-white mode. I want a camera just like her.. such terrific shots of the city..
9. The class difference that has become so entrenched in our society... like that scene when Shai’s maid serves tea differently.. a glass for Munna and a fancy mug for Shai clearly shows our hypocrisy as a society..we talk of a class-less society. But ask our maids to sit on the floor and serve them tea in glasses, befitting them.. and how Munna eventually realizes that Shai and he are totally different people living in two different worlds.
10. The old-world music sung by Begum Akhtar and Siddeshwari Devi reflects the somber mood of the characters.
11. The brilliant portrait of Yasmin at the end reflects her journey from a colorful life to her ultimate tragedy.
12. The way Munna keeps his money in the tape recorder..terrific camerawork in that scene..
13. The profession of night rat killers

14. Munna's final act of giving Arun's address to Shai..super acting in the climax by both Prateik Babbar and Monica Dogra
The only thing I did not like much was Aamir Khan's performance as Arun. He seemed to be trying too hard, hamming, and overacting. 
There were so many other scenes, I will surely watch it again just to understand the finer nuances of the film..I read a fantastic review that said that Arun's character could be seen in the way he sees Yasmin's videos..he could stop them and start them on his will..but he could not do the same for real people; that is why it made him uncomfortable. Such layers are in all characters. It was sheer poetry in motion that slowly grows on you. It is a perfect tribute to the city of Mumbai and, as Arun says—To my muse, my whore, my beloved.

Of Growing Up..

Few days back, I had written about how there seems to be no goal left in my life as soon as we turn adults. And today, the always-so-so-good Brunch columnist Seema Goswami writes in her weekly Spectator ( full article is here)

She writes...

I think, to some extent, that’s the problem with growing up – or even, growing older. The prospect of new beginnings begins to fade with each year, becoming more and more remote with every decade that passes you by.

I don’t mean to suggest that adults – young, middle-aged or old – cannot start over. Yes, of course we can. But without the optimism of youth to back us up, we find it much harder to take that leap of faith. It takes a certain insouciance to press alt, control, delete on the keyboard of life and start afresh. And the older we grow the less willing we are to take that risk.

That’s not to say that people don’t indulge in some sort of course correction at some point in their lives. Sometimes it comes as part of a mid-life crisis, sometimes as a wake-up call after a health scare, and sometimes it is the result of sheer boredom with the life you have been leading so far.

But no matter what you hard you try to re-invent yourself as an adult, there is no denying the fact that the older you get the more difficult it is to rid yourself of the baggage of your past.

So so true.. she always writes about things that I can totally relate to... Sigh..

Of Profound Quote...

It has been 2-3 weeks, I have seen a further degradation of attitude of people towards me. Every one is trying to pull me down. Yes, I may not be a very good person or a worker, but what can I do? I know I am a mediocre person..but that does not mean I am dumb. I feel bad :(
I found this amazing collections of quotes from a person called Robert Brault. The following quote is perhaps one of the bestest quotes I have ever read...
In a soulmate we find not company but a completed solitude

This is just amazing..Just like Meredith was saying to Christina as I had written in the previous post about soul mates...

Spare me your judgements...Spare me your dreams..

Grey's is a treasure for some awesome lyrics..this gem I discovered on Season 7 Episode 1..so true ya :( I want to be like them..cool doctors but the best line was by Meredith..
Meredith to Christina: Derek might be the love of my life but you are still my soulmate :(
I want a soulmate too :(

Spare me your judgements and spare me your dreams,
Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams,
I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind,
Alone in the wind and the rain you left me,
It's getting dark darling, too dark to see,
And I'm on my knees, and your faith in shreds, it seems.

Corrupted by the simple sniff of riches blown,
I know you have felt much more love than you've shown,
And I'm on my knees and the water creeps to my chest.

But plant your hope with good seeds,
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds,
Rain down, rain down on me,
Look over your hills and be still,
The sky above us shoots to kill,
Rain down, rain down on me.

But I will hold on
I will hold on hope

I begged you to hear me, there's more than flesh and bones,
Let the dead bury their dead, they will come out in droves,
But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes, you've made.

But plant your hope with good seeds,
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds,
Rain down, rain down on me

Of No One Killed Jessica...

No One Killed Jessica is officially a hit now and has been able to break the January jinx! The film has done well at the box office. Raj Kumar Gupta of the hauntingly beautiful Aamir gives another critically as well as a commercially acclaimed film in No One Killed Jessica. So how did I like it? I liked the film a lot but I must add I was slightly disappointed after watching. I don't think it was the storyline that I was familiar with that we knew what is going to happen next but perhaps what was lacking was the emotional connect with the film that gives a film its high. There is this brilliant film called Maine Gandhi Ko Nahin Maara starring Anupam Kher and Urmila Matondkar and directed by Jhanu Barua that talks about the protagonist who thinks that he killed Gandhi when he was a child using his toy gun. In the end, the film says that how we all have killed Gandhi by forgetting his values, his teachings (this film was before the cult classic Lage Raho Munnabhai, which I must add I didn't find it too convincing, was more of caricature)..

I was hoping the same for No One Killed Jessica. By its title I assumed that since no one killed her, we as a society failed her..the mockery of the judicial system that the case made was a watershed moment in contemporary political India. I thought the film would add certain of these elements that Manu Sharma might have killed her, but our system killed her spirit.

Moreover, the film was too simplistic in its portrayal of events. However, there are some stunning scenes in the film, such as the cop (the best character in the film) saying to Sabrina..har koi khata hai..kis duniya mein rehti ho tum..70 lakh liye the maine uspar haath na uthane ke or that scene where Sabrina is taking Jessica to hospital and says she is gone, or that gut wrenching scene of Jessica's mother crying or another one where Manu Sharma's parents visit the Lalls saying absolutely nothing or another one where Ram Jethmalani asks Malini Ramini what was she wearing that night or Sabrina's spontaneous laughing at Shankar in court.

I didn't like Rani's character too much. It was too caricaturing and it didn't suit her. It was like she is giving gaalis for the sake of it and trying too hard to show herself as a modern independent woman. Moreover, Sabrina is shown more as a defeatist but we know how bravely Sabrina in reality has fought this battle. I found that dialogue by Manu Sharma's mother..kuch bhi kijiye lekin mere Manu ko kuch nahi hona chahiye somewhat offensive. It was as if it is funny, it's not.

There were some hidden reference scenes as well like the one in which Jessica is travelling and on the road it is shown Caution! Men at Work referring to the manipulations of accused to destroy all evidence or another one in which Sabrina accidentally comes in front of an elephant perhaps a metaphor for the war she is fighting with the big elephants of the society. These scenes were few and I wish there were more of such insightful scenes.

But the true star of the film has been the music, the haunting background score of Aamir and the same for No One Killed Jessica shows once again that Amit Trivedi is the next big big biggg thing in Indian music. The songs Dilli Dilli, Aali Re and Aitbaar are just brilliant.

In spite of all the above, I will still say the film is so so much better than those mind numbingly brain dead films that we have been witnessing of late. Worth a watch!!

The next film I am dying to watch is Dhobi Ghaat. Just love its trailer.

P.S. - On Picture This, when Anupama asked Aamir about his reaction when Kiran was narrating him the script, he said that "I just kept looking at her and said to myself that I love her, how can she write so well". That is sweet no?

Of Post Partum Depression, Being Let Down, and Moving Up the Value Chain..

So, finally my project is gone. Went out yesterday night. for the last 40 days, I was all the time thinking about data on data (can we call it metadata??).. I don't know what the client thinks about it. She will let us know. Whatever! But as I went to office today, I don't know there was this weird feeling. I was almost feeling as newly-became-mothers experience sometimes a.k.a post partum depression! It felt as if I lost something very dear to me. No, I am not that obsessed about my work, it is just that after you have been thinking on a topic for so long a time, it gets ingrained into you, occupying a tiny space in the brain completely like becoming a part of the body. It didn't make me depressed, I was rather happy it went, but I could experience post-partum-mixed-feelings. My work is anyways like a delivery (deliverable) ;)

Anyways, yesterday papa who never says anything to me regarding my job, suddenly told me that I shouldn't have done engineering, instead should have become a CA. I felt terrible on listening this. It made me feel as if I failed him. He always wanted me to be someone worthy of respect in life, but when he said this, it was like I had let him down. My cousin Divya had once said that if you give happiness to your parents, you will automatically get happy. I kept thinking about it for a long time but...there is this community on facebook that says, Dad, one day I will make you proud.. I haven't joined because one should not promise what one cannot promise. I had made a resolution to be happy, so I will try to be :) Not to be sad! I have reduced the amount of cribbing especially about petty issues like cab problems, lack of time in life. What is the point to do it? Unless there are better options, all this cribbing does is spread negativity..

Meanwhile, one of India's most famous blogger Amit Verma of India Uncut writes on his blog

That’s really the great mystery about bureaucracies. Why is it so often that the best people are stuck in the middle and the people who are running things—the leaders—are the mediocrities? Because excellence isn’t usually what gets you up the greasy pole. What gets you up is a talent for maneuvering. Kissing up to the people above you, kicking down to the people below you. Pleasing your teachers, pleasing your superiors, picking a powerful mentor and riding his coattails until it’s time to stab him in the back. Jumping through hoops. Getting along by going along..

He adds
Besides this, I found that I was much more productive while working on my own than in a company environment. Maybe it’s just me, but I found that in a normal office day, I might be at work for 10 hours, but within that period I’d only actually work for a total of maybe one. The rest of the time would go surfing, faffing, idling, day-dreaming, gossiping and other such ings. When I am by myself, on the other hand, I may idle all day, but when I work, I work. It may only be for an hour, but at least I don’t waste nine more in a pretense of work, in an elaborate charade that benefits no one.
Still, that’s just me, and I speak of my experience in television (in the last millennium) and journalism (in this one), and I’m sure there are other corporate environments which are more productive. But Deresiewicz’s observation about the greasy pole, I suspect, holds true for them all. That’s the nature of the beast..

I was nodding my head all the while reading this, not that I am saying I am intelligent.. this is just so bloody true.. I wish I could think like him.. objective and to the point!!

Hmmm

Of Old Recyled Resolutions...

I know it's a tad late for making resolutions, but things have begun on a very gloomy and depressing note. My uncle expired 4 days back, although we weren't that close but still family is family, you feel sad when some one of your extended family parts away. I can only pray for his soul. And the fact that have been so loaded with work, was working on New Year's eve :(, things have been pretty dull in the new year.

But I have been thinking a lot about resolutions and it's never too late for resolutions, all that is required is will power and the strength to follow them. I had written one of other resolution posts in 2009 and these are almost carbon copies of each other.

1. Read, read, read and more read.. the number of books that I read last year have shocked me!! Reading is perhaps the only thing that I have inculcated and to lose such a thing would be a shame. More of Salman Rushdie, more of classics, more of philosophy, more of history..but no non fiction!!

2. Watch more movies and learn from them

3. Try to be a little more positive in life (considering the melancholy themed posts on my blog), perhaps most difficult to follow in view of my glass-half-empty outlook towards life

4. Continue with self learning of piano lessons and play at least 2 full hindi songs (have started with ajeeb dastaan hai yeh)

5. Write more and not necessarily my-life-sucks posts but more of interesting anecdotes, events, incidents to remember by..

6. As Monica had the resolution to click more photographs, I have the same (though Ross's seems more interesting to do one new thing everyday).. Photography is a brilliant way of capturing time..it is perhaps the only way to go back in time and relive the memories that make us misty eyed.. So more photographs of people, places, poses, naturals, random, things, anything and everything..

7. Think something about the future..about the big picture..give some sense of direction to life..this should have been No.1 actually..

8. Be happy.. and enjoy the small tiny moments of happiness..

एक छोटी सी ख़ुशी की कीमत तुम क्या जानो रमेश बाबु! ईश्वर का आशीर्वाद होती है एक छोटी सी ख़ुशी॥

okok.. as Saroj Khan says in Nachleve ...नाचते रहिये, खुश रहिये, अल्लाह हाफ़िज़..

ok tata bye!!

Of Posing Pics...

Matke vali, Krishna, Adam teaser and Smoker :)

Of Aman-Anjali-Rahul and Vanraj-Nandini-Sameer

Kal na TV par Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was coming..one of those films that reminds me of my childhood..I clearly remember Class 6 it was and in those days, I didn't go to cinema halls every week as I do now.. used to wait when cable vale bhaiya will show it on TV..as soon as he used to show his pirated version, there was discussion among gali ke bacche like hamare cable vale ne to dikha bhi di..tere vale ne nahi dikhai..

Anyways, of topic..as I watched it for I don't know like for the nth time, I think Aman's character was much superior to Rahul's. I have been fascinated by sacrificial love since long (perhaps that is why Vanraj of Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam remains one of my favorite characters ever).. Talking of KKHH, Aman was the scene stealer..and just look at his character.. he knows that Anjali doesn't love him..he could see it in her eyes..as he says to her at the end "maine tumhari aankhon me mere liye hamesha vo pyaar dekhna chaha jo meri aankhon me tumhare liye hai..aur aaj mujhe vo pyaar dikha..lekin mere liye nahi Rahul ke liye" .. He clearly understood that Anjali is just doing marriage for the sake of it..he even told it to Anjali's mom that he thinks that Anjali doesn't love him...but still he loved her immensely despite Anjali did or did not love him.. that is called true love..perhaps it was his love for her that he wanted to see her happy that he let go of her..

And compare Rahul's character!! He didn't even realise that Anjali is totally in love with him, even Tina could make out but how could he not?? And then he says.. hum pyaar ek baar karte hain, aur shaadi bhi ek baar karte hain.. then why did he marry Anjali if Tina was his first love? And not once did he say to Anjali to that he loved her..even at the end he just tells how he feel about her by using dumb charades of I-love-you and that when he sees Anjali fully dressed as a bride..Yes, perhaps he didn't realize that he was in love with her.. He coud not understand Anjali while Aman did, therfore wasn't he a superior character than Rahul..isn't love about understanding?

Rahul may have got Anjali but for me Aman came out the winner.. and in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, Vanraj rightly came out the winner as Nandini says to Sameer..tumne mujhe pyar karna sikhaya lekin pyar nibhana maine Vanraj se seekha hai.. that is why she leaves Sameer and comes back to Vanraj..

But I still loved both the films.. movies are magic. 

More later

Of Last Posts of the Year..

So am writing the last post of 2010. I saw some blogs talking about the end of decade. Although decade could be any period of 10 years but wasn't this decade over last year itself from 2000-2009? But we like to end things completely..2009 gives a feeling of one year left, so the end of 2010 feels more complete. But let's talk about 2010!! One of my favourite tweeters Surekha Pillai says "the last day of the year feels more important than the first day..it is like seeing off an old friend and meeting a new one" very true..

Yamini gave a beautiful summary of 2010 through photographs.. I don't have photographs (have some though, but not worth telling a story).. So I guess I will pen down..whatever I remember this year for..

Well, now I when I think about writing..most of what happened to me this year, I have put already here in that job poem post. Moreover, I have the habit of writing year gone by reviews ever since I started blogging, which look carbon copies of each other.

2010.. I finally came to terms with life. You know this thing like when we are in Class 10, 11 and 12, everybody realises that school is about to come to an end and everyone will go to colleges and everybody starts working towards getting in to the best college, and when we reach college, it is like you have three-four years, you enjoy your college life but in a way you know that college is also a means to attaining your as they say dream job or dream life. I mean we all are working towards a larger goal in life when we are in school on college, how so ever confusing or obscure that goal or life may be. Now, since I have gone pass through this school and college phase and finally started working for almost 1.5 years, I realise this is it! What next are you aiming for? There is nothing to go ahead to work towards a larger goal? Someone in office had put this status message.. Retirement is still 35 years away!! and I was like shit! I have to work all my life for earning my living!! I know I am sounding like what-is-that-word.. ummm defeatist I guess, I could start my own business or I could do whatever I like..but since I haven't been able to figure it out yet, I finally accepted that there is no goal now.. this is dead end!! I have to accept this.. I really don't know where will I be in 2020. Like I was in Class 8 in 2000, and in 10 years what a drastic drastic shift life has taken. Board exams, entrance exams, college life, started working, fall in love or lust whatever you call, develop physically (though not mentally in my case) and as they say boys stop growing after 21, in a way life has also stopped growing.. In 2020, if I am alive, I will be working in some job.. enough of this coming to terms with life thing, life goes on.. but I am totally shit scared.. In 6.5 years I will be 30!!!! OMG, panic.. Gul Panag's next film is Turning 30..I have already developed bald patches in my head..

Ok.. next.. everybody around me is getting married!! Richa got married!! I still remember the day she called me out of the blue and I was having lunch in office that she got engaged and I gasped like anything. I mean the person you literally grew up with and you see them married is surreal. That was another highlight of the year. In 2-3 years, people will have start having kids!! Talking about my marriage, I am safe because I will not get married because I am incapable of being loved by anybody : Hum itne bade ho gaye kya :( Now little kids have started calling me uncle :( Uncle mat kaho na..

Meredith said about her sister Lexie in Grey's that she has inappropriate feelings for inappropriate people. Having crushes is a part of life, in school, there would be definitely be some english or chemistry teacher, that you developed a crush for..There was this phase in 2010, when I realised that I had inappropriate feelings for inappropriate people, still do though :( I didn't know what happened but sometimes it just happens.. that was a very very difficult phase.

I have so much to write more..will continue in other posts. Till then Happy New Year

Sugar Cubes

On Christmas, there was this thing called for Sugar Cubes, in which you could write a message to a person you want to send one and it would be delivered to him/her by the people. You could also write it anonymously. Nice no?
These were the ones I got.
Am guessing this is from Arpita..

This is from Jaspreet..

This is again from Arpita I guess..

This one is from our manager who sent it to all

This one is from Aastha..

These small things make us more happy than those material gifts..ain't it? And looks like that many people like my smile..didn't know that :)

I loved all of them. I had written for

आस्था, जसप्रीत, हितेश, अर्पिता, जेन्नी and ऋषि

I hope they liked it. Jaspreet put what I had written on FB which became quite controversial :D

And I wanted to write for अभिषेक but since he is not here, so will write for him here only...

Someone who is one of the very few genuine and real persons,

who is an inspiration to be good at everything one does..

I liked Sugar Cubes because some things you just can't say especially someone like me, so why not write...

Hmmm..Will write more..Cioas..

A New Solar System

What awesome pic na? I know totally photoshopped but still amazing concept. The yolk in the egg as a solar system, a harbinger of new life.. People just think brilliantly.

Pic Courtesy: The famous lyricist Swanand Kirkire of Bawra Man Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna fame, via Twitter

Karz Signature Tune

Hi again.. it's me playing the tune of Karz. I felt so happy when I played it for the first time without any mistake. The notes were

G# F# G# A, G# F# G# A, G# F# G# A F#,

F# F# D# F# G# F, F F# G# G# F#

All that is required is practise, practise, and practise.. Isn't it wonderful that only seven notes can make an awesome music. Fascinating ain't it? Will put some another song next time.. Ciaos..

Kahan chali gayi hai saali khushi..

Sad again.. Don't kill me ya but whenever I am sad, I find solace here only..I promise, next time I will also write a post when I am super happy. The past week was terrible work wise. I had some client call, in which she wasn't happy at all and screwed our work..errr my work :( So, now have to work in less time..Now, had brought work home, so now working in 3 day weekend :( isliye na sad :( bahut sara kam hai.. and upar se aise hi thora low time chal raha hai ghar par bhi and personally also..:'( DevD ka gaana mere dimaag yaad aata rehta hai...

Saanp jaisi kaal raatein hai yeh..

Hai yeh zeher si yeh zindagi..

Kahaan chali gayi hai Saali khushi..

Kahaan chali gayi hai saali khushi..

Aur in aankhon ke peeche kaun si duniya chupi hai..kya pata..

this was the link by the Dil Chahta Hai community on FB. I had to put this!! How can I not?! If I make a list of Hindi movies you have to see before you die, this one will come in Top 5 for sure.

And this dialogue will rank 1 in my list.

Tara - Aaj maine tumhare bare me ek nayi baat jani hai..kehno ko to tum logo se milte ho, unse baat karte ho lekin tumhari ek alag hi duniya hai..tum apne khwaab kisi se nahi baante..balki main to yeh kahungi jo log tumhe jaante hai vo bhi nahi jaante..

Sid - Aur yeh aap kaise keh sakti hain..

Tara - Darwaza band hai andar koi ja nahi sakta, bakse ko kas ke tala lagaya hua koi kuch chura nahi sakta..aur yeh..in aankhon ke peeche kaun si duniya chhupi hai..kya pata..

I need to find this scene. Tara..how deep you can go?? I want to be like her. If only..

Gubbare!

I am getting this intuition something is going to happen and I am going to land in some deep trouble. I am getting this feeling that someone is asking me to pay for my sins. Why? Because I sense negative vibes all around in office..in cousin's wedding..But what can I do, except only hope, a feeling which I don't have a good relationship with. Meanwhile, I went to my cousin's wedding. *Yawn* I wasn't interested at all but still went to show my shakal and eat some shadi ka khana.. The best part was playing with the balloon (those big round ones) with my 6 year old cousin..So much fun!! I love balloons. Nice concept no? playing with hava!!

Meanwhile, went to Anish Kapoor's exhibition..Will write more about it.. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant..what an artist.. exhilarating!!

Of Twinkling Stars..

It's me playing Twinle Twinkle.. Apologies for any mistake or lack of continuity as I am still learning.. Also learnt Mary had a little lamb. Will put that after some more practice.

Yeh kya baal bana rakha hai..kuch lete kyun nahi..

The next superstar is here :D
OMG..It looks like that I have a full fledged tond in this pic...yikessssss...
This wig is of my manager in office..borrowed it from her to get clicked :P
I will also buy one sometime..it is so cool..how different can clothes make us all look..

Anyway, super Ad show at office..loved the India TV reporter selling Men's fairness cream in Africa..what acting..what satire..a terrific black comedy..in just 30 seconds, one can express so much..brilliant!! I won an audience prize for identifying the logo for NCERT..my favorite books..still have all NCERT books of classes 9, 10, 11 and 12..Will put pics..sigh..I want to go back to school.

Going against your grain?

Will you go against your grain? We had our Unit Lunch today and as usual it was not a very great experience. Not because the food was terrible which actually it was, but because I felt so out of place. I had nobody to talk to, everybody was busy conversing in some topic or other..cracking jokes, narrating experiences..blah blah..but I felt so out of place..Yes, I agree that I am introvert and shy but I don't feel comfortable to just randomly start any conversation.. For the last 2 weeks, A and J have been forcing me to change myself..I agree that I should change myself but is it that easy to change yourself so easily..is it that simple to go against your grain..to do what you are not supposed to..I remember Priyanka Gandhi once saying in an interview that she has immense respect for her mother, Sonia Gandhi not because she is her mother but the way she has gone against her grain to become someone who is totally opposite to what she wishes for. She never wanted to be a politician but still she has moulded herself into a new avatar. Now, when I look at her, I can see what she meant..I know one thing.. I will never be successful or happy in life.. I will always remain a laggard :(

I keep on saying the Serenity prayer to myself but to no avail.. it actually makes me serene...

God, grant us the

Serenity to accept the things we cannot change..

Courage to change the things we can..and the

Wisdom to know the difference...

I don't want to end up like this ya :(