Of Comfort Zones, Racism and Lexie

Long time no see...

So yesterday was the last day at the second job. Now officially unemployed for one month. I am getting scared. The first of next month I will be in the US. So scary feeling..for someone like me who hasn't stayed away from home ever. It is going to be a tough task but I hope everything turns out alright. Second farewell in seven months. Don't feel good about it but it was my decision and had anticipated this thing..let's see how will this affect future plans. When I left my first job, I was a bit sad as I was attached to a lot of people there. I have self confidence issues and I always am very self deprecating. I always need validation from others :\ But yesterday, I actually felt good about myself. Because I actually proved something. I have never told this before. When I had given my interview for my second job, my would-be manager told me "Pankaj, you are that sort of a person who thinks from the heart without any logic. I don't see any good reason to hire you. You don't know anything! In this world, you have to step out of your comfort zone else you won't be able to survive here."  I had felt terrible after the interview and was sure he won't call me back. But he did and I thought maybe it was a stress interview. Now, after working with him for six months, I learnt that he is that sort of a person who you would never want to work with in your life ever! And yesterday, he came to me and said "It seems that you have been working with us for over a year or so. You have been a great asset for us. We are going to miss you a lot in the team. I was thinking for the past few days how will we manage without you and we are going to face a lot of problems without you. But you will be missed. And I am sure wherever you will go, you will do very well there." I felt so good after he said this. And then I told him, "In my interview, you told me to step out of your comfort zone and I hope I lived up to it." And then he said "Absolutely." I wanted to prove to him that I am not that bad as you think me to be and I did and I felt as if I achieved something. Then he said to come to office and we'll have lunch together. And I was thinking to myself, if I see you again, I will change my path but will never come to meet you again ;-) In the farewell mail, I actually wrote to prove my point : "I read this quote somewhere yesterday – ‘Life begins after your comfort zone’ and I am reminded of the lyrics of the song Yeh Zindagi Bhi from my one of my favourite movies – Luck By Chance 'Jo palko ke tale hai apne sapne leke chale... yeh keh do wo chale sambhal ke.. Na karna koi gile kaheen jo thokar aisi lage.. ke sapne toote.' So keep dreaming!"

Ya I know thora zyada ho gaya ;) Then I met and thanked all the friends in the team - J,B,J,A,N,D,U,S,P, M, D and S. D sent an SMS last night, and N and A actually wrote a very nice mail. It was one of the very few days when I felt good about myself else I am so I-am-such-a-loser-in-life sort of a person.

Hmmm...so I have to do a lot of things before I go. First and foremost, I have to join this course at Delhi Photography Club. For the past six months, I have been planning to do it. Everytime I miss the date and say to myself that next time..next time..now it is starting my 7 July to 29 July...4 classes on the weekend..very near to home..and if I am not able to it this time, I will never be able to do it..have to do this time pakka se..

And you know yesterday, A randomly remarked to stay away from Blacks in America. I was like, how racist you are :) And then we started discussing. And I remembered about the movie Fashion. In one scene, when Meghna is feeling a depressed, she goes to a pub and gets high. When she wakes up, she realized the horror of all horrors - she slept with a black man! She started cleaning herself. I think that was very racist on the part of Madhur Bandarkar! Infact, Raja Sen in his review of Fashion, has actually written 

Aiming at showing Priyanka Chopra’s fall from grace, the film takes her from having an affair with a married man, to taking to drink, to taking to soft drugs, then harder drugs. What then could possibly further her complete descent into hell? Well, the film shows her sleeping with a black man — and then scrubbing herself off because of how unclean she feels.

                     

And while coming back, our very own Yo Yo! Honey Singh's song was playing on the radio! Brown Rang!

Koi kaam utte jave na rotti paani khave na 

gori gori kudiya nu koi muh laave na

kudiye ni tere brown rang ne 

munde patt te ni saare mere town de

I mean, whatever your views on Honey Singh, you can't call him racist! Talking of Fashion, I had some issues with the film but overall I liked it especially PC!

So, Lexie is dead :( I loved her...how much I have written about her and Mark :( I watched last four episodes of Season 8 and each one is too brilliant and terrific! I will write more about it later. But I have to write about one scene. I know it is very girly but I loved it. She finally confessed her love to Mark! And she said the amazing lines:

I love you, and I have been trying not to say it.. I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it.. I’m so in love with you...and you’re in me.. it’s like you’re a disease.. it's like I am infected by Mark Sloan and I just can’t.. I can’t think about anything or anybody, and I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe, I can’t eat, and I love you.. I just I love you all the time, every minute of everyday.. and I love you!

I love it when she says you’re in me.. it’s like you’re a disease....
You have to watch this video!

I have to write about so many things and will write soon more often at least this month.

Dialogue of the Day:

"People can surprise you. You get so used to thinking of them one way, stuck in their roles. They are what they are. Then they do something that shows you there's all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed." - Modern Family

Lexie..This Was Not Meant To Be...

Oh Lexie..this was not meant to be.. 

"You can't die, because we're supposed to end up together. We are meant to be." - Mark

What all happened to everybody...Still numbed after the episode..God, please give us all a painless death...

Of AC, Accidents of Birth and People Leaving...

Hmmm..

It was not really a good week..yesterday morning, when I woke up, I saw rashes all over the body and was feeling very uncomfortable. At first, I thought, an allergic reaction had taken place but I was feeling very giddy as well. I thought it will go away slowly, but at night, the rashes spread like anything. So, went to a doctor and he said it is a textbook case of viral :( When he told to lay down, I immediately told him.."no injections please"..I am still so afraid of injections :/ And he said no injections..just check up..Gave a course of 3-4 medicines..Now feeling somewhat ok..a total waste of weekend..And it is so hot these days..I never used to feel hot or cold earlier, ever since I have started working, have got so used to AC that I find it so suffocating to sit at home on weekends without AC. The body has got so used to AC every time that sitting without it, is stifling..not good..not good at all :(

This week, J sent me an email

Also, I saw Dil Chahta Hai again today - thought the guy who drives the speedboat carrying "Deepa" looked just like you :)

See the pic, I think you'll agree :D

I just started laughing at this...Hahaha! And I think it is true...the guy does look a bit like me..So, I combined the above two pics to make a single one..Deepa Pose + Driver = Photo Below :)

And today, I saw this mind numbing documentary by Sutapa De on NDTV - India Matters. De is a fabulous documentary maker, she has made a number of hard hitting documentaries before. Today, she talks about the world of manual scavengers in India. It is so sad that even in this age, we have a whole community of people carrying people's shit. I mean we talk about 'Oh Shit' so casually, and just think of the person who is actually forced to do this work. And such is our hypocrisy, that we do not allow these people to enter temples because they are impure. My dear fellow Indian, a person who carries someone else's shit with his own bare hands, is more pure than you actually think as he is the one who sets aside all his feelings just to do his work. Then how can you blame him for being impure? And you call them 'bhangi'? Remember if he doesn't clean your dry toilet, it is you who will have no place to shit! Such a thankless job it is. You know Sidin Vadukut had written a tweet sometime back - I don't get people being proud about genetic accidents like religion. He says how being proud about something which you really have no control on is so foolish. Now extend the argument further. Everywhere people say, "Proud to be an Indian", "Proud to be a Punjabi". What is so proud about these two? These are just accidents of births..have you actually achieved something? You just got lucky as he says by genetic accident! And these same people say such obnoxious things about Rahul Gandhi being the heir apparent of the Congress party. Yes, Congress does promote dynastic culture but when you are so proud of being an accidental Indian by birth, then how can you blame someone else if he just got lucky and took birth as a scion? Isn't it hypocrisy on our part? But I digress as always, I want to say that just count yourself lucky (and not proud) if you are born in a decent family in India. There are people who are much worse than you and they cannot do anything about it just because they didn't get as lucky as you are. The children of manual scavengers are forced to follow the same profession as their parents because it is hereditary. Don't they have a right to a better life? A dignified living? It is utter pathos...

Do watch the documentary here.

http://www.ndtv.com/video/player/india-matters/manual-scavengers-the-dirty-picture/236176

Hmm..for the last two three weeks, I have cleaned up my Facebook account, meaning I have deleted about 35-40 people from my 'Friends' list. I mean those people, who you have never really spoken more than once in your life and still get to see their updates and they get to see mine..I deleted them..and you wont' believe when I deleted one such person, I bump into him the very next day in the office basement. How funny is that? I am sure he wouldn't have noticed  though ;-)

And yesterday, it was J's farewell in office. I mean there are so many people leaving and going everywhere, I have to make a list of people to keep track. Last week, I had met T, after three years as he is going to Lucknow. So, J in his farewell mail, wrote about everybody in the team and he also wrote about me :-

Pankaj: One of the most genuine people I have ever met. You don’t know your worth, but the day you’ll realize it, you will see how the world changes around you. You have taken a great step and I hope by the next time I see you, you are what you deserve to be.

He was a bit angry with me because I didn't go to his lunch but I apologized to him. And in the evening also, I didn't go to the drinks session as I was stuck in the stupid shift but he told me to come for five minutes as he wants me to meet someone. I went and he introduced me to his friend and woah! she turned out to be from my school! Such a small place this world is..But I am going to miss him :(

And this week, it was also H's farewell party. I don't know when we are going to meet next but he told me a lot of things. He asked me to promise him that I will be happy or at least try to be. He said that do not go in to your shell and also think of people who are connected with you..for they also want to see you happy..And he said, that he will come and visit me..and to keep calling him and do not think too much. And he said, stay the way you are :(....He said a few other things as well.. He also messaged before leaving...Things are going to change...I am going to miss him but I am sure he will do well in life :) :) As they say, the only thing constant is change.. Everybody is leaving these days..it's ok..everyone has some purpose which they want to achieve..haina? Yeh sab to chalta rehta hai...I wish everybody gets what they want in life or find what they are looking for....

Will write more later...

Dialogue of the Day:

Ek sahi aur ek galat raste mein se sahi ko chunna asaan hai, par do sahi raaston me se behtar chunna aur do galat raaston mein se munasiv, yehi humari zindagi ke faisle karte hain..

 - Zooni, Fanaa 

P.S. - So true! So true!

.......

I will be happy..no? I will find happiness..no?

Of Finding Your 'Ehsaas'

Hmmm...

I haven't watched any episodes of Grey's Anatomy for the last two-three weeks ever since the torrents have been blocked. However, its Facebook page posted this picture. Isn't it awesome? I love it..This reminds me when Monica said to Chandler, "Will you still love me if I get fat?"

I was just randomly searching for videos on YouTube and came across this gem - the climax of Wake Up Sid.

Aisha says:

"Jab main Mumbai ayi bahut clear the mere goals lekin ab jaanti hun ki goals paane ki khushi tabhi mehsoos hoti hai jab use kisi ke saath share kar sako..ab janti hun Mumbai sheher se jo mera ajeeb pyaar hai vo actually us dost ke liye hai..vo bhi mera apna ho gaya hai...is sheher se bhi zyada apna.. Mumbai jitni khoobsurat hai utni hi sakht bhi..apni manzil ke peeche daudte hue hamari nazar kai baaton se hat jaati hai ..isliye kuch der ke liye hi sahi..apni busy zindagi se kuch samay ke liye hi apni nazar hataiye aur us special ehsaas ko dhoondiye jo apke sheher..aapki zindagi ko..aapke liye aur bhi khoobsurat banata hai...kya pata aapko bhi ek humsafar mil jaye."

And as she says, apni busy zindagi se kuch samay ke liye hi apni nazar hataiye aur us special ehsaas ko dhoondiye..I have been seriously thinking about this, but I'm unable to find anything. People have a passion for several things..work, music, read, food, dance, drink, talk, sports, photography, write, think, gadgets, technology, cars...I am indifferent to these things...When people talk about these things, I sit quietly..I seriously have nothing which I can say about myself...I watch movies but that too very selectively and not very often..then how will I find that special one :/ All weekends I just waste time at home..One has to cultivate these things since childhood..I will find one for myself soon.. :/

I was watching Indian Idol today and there were so many young people..17 years, 18 years...20 years..they come and say like it's their dream to be a singer..they have been learning music since 4-5 years.. and I am like how cool they are..at least they have a passion. Indian Idol is an amazing concept. In a country like India, where, unless you have a godfather or a political connection, getting anything is very difficult, it gives hope to millions that they can reach the stars as well.  

And today was the French Open Women's Final. It was fantastic to see Monica Seles back after like ages. What a lady she is..reaching the top rank, being stabbed by a Steffi Graf fan, career coming to an end, suffering from depression and food addiction, losing father to cancer..and then making a comeback..what a story of courage and determination...I sometimes wonder how Steffi Graf would have felt..although she had no role in the stabbing, it was one of her mentally unstable fans who did this. It's a terrible thing...but after that Steffi Graf actually reached the top..what if the stabbing incident had not taken place..would she have reached such heights as she did? What if Monica had continued to dominate her? God really plays some cruel things with people.

And you know, for the last few days, I have become so emotionally dead..it is like nothing can move me..It is as if I don't have any feelings.. It is a peculiar feeling (metaphysics?)..And I don't want to write about the office..as we know when the going gets tough, it actually gets tough :/ But I try to be positive..I randomly told to A in office that humne na zaroor koi paap kiye honge pichle janam me, jo aisa hota hai hamare saath...and then she said..koi nahi, hum yeh sochte hain ki hamare paap kat rahe hain..isliye bhagwaan ka naam lekar  jhel lete hain.. :)

And Namita Bhandare wrote a very nice column in HT today about heroism. She says,

"We confuse achievement with heroism and we should ask what it is that we are celebrating. Is it success, celebrity, wealth or is it some inherent human quality that touches us? Does the current adulation of Viswanathan Anand, for instance, spring from our understanding of his game and genius, our respect for his innate decency, or does it come from the fact that he’s brought us sporting glory? When we say that NR Narayana Murthy is our role model do we wish to emulate his bank balance or his philanthropy?  Society needs heroes because they tell us how to live, they give us something to aspire to and they bring us in contact with our core values. But perhaps we also need heroes to reassure ourselves that we are still capable of goodness, that we still have values we want to pass on to our children."

Loved it. Anyway, I will write more later... I have so many things to write.

Dialogue of the Day:

Tumhe aise kitne din yaad hai Roy, Your first job, pehla suit, pehli salary? Jab tumne ek ladki ko pehli baar chooa, pehli baar chooma? Jab pehli baar tumhara dil dhadka. 30 saal ki Zindagi mein aise kitne din hain jo tumhe yaad hain - 15 , 20 , 25, 30… 30 din hain na? 30 saal ki zindagi aur bas 30 din... baaki ke dino ka kya hua Roy?

—Bluffmaster

Of Utter Pathos...

About two weeks back, The Hoot carried an interview with Sten Lindstrom, the Swedish police officer who carried out investigations in the Bofors case. He said that Amitabh Bachchan's name was implanted by the Indian investigators although he had no role in the Bofors kickbacks. This week, Newslaundry conducted an interview with Chitra Subramaniam, the journalist who actually broke the story in India. The fabulous Madhu Trehan conducted the interview with aplomb! Chitra has already written a book, India Is For Sale, on the controversy, but here again, she recounts some fascinating insights about the Bofors controversy. The brilliant team of Newslaundry has published a complete timeline of the Bofors case here (http://www.newslaundry.com/2012/06/bofors-the-complete-timeline/)

Chitra says that at first she was shocked by the scandal. She said that she believed in the inherent goodness of Indians. She said that she couldn't believe that we could do such things. She says when the scandal broke out, Rajiv Gandhi said that neither he nor any of his family members were involved in any of the kickbacks. She says that the Swedish radio had said that Indians were involved..they hadn't taken any name. This to her was clinching evidence against Rajiv Gandhi! Then she says that the investigators were told that they can reveal Arun Nehru's name but not that of Quatrochhi. This Madhu says, according to her, is another clinching evidence of Rajiv's involvement as he was apparently very close to Q. Another fascinating insight that Chitra recounts is that Martin Ardbo's (MD of Bofors) diary had one statement - Met Gandhi trustee's lawyers. This was the first actual proof the Gandhi name being mentioned. She says there was too much pressure being put on The Hindu, and that she left the paper to join The Indian Express. N Ram was under pressure to stop the publications. Madhu says the problem was that The Hindu published on a piecemeal basis, this actually was very  frightening. Chitra says that she was actually scared for some time but then she had to do her job.

We all know of the allegations made against Barka Dutt during the Nira Radia scandal. N Ram had  criticized her role in The Hindu. Now he is talking of journalistic ethics. But what was his role during the Bofors scandal when Chitra says she was very sure that the reasons for the delay in publishing the investigations were not journalistic, and were surely political. The Columbia University had brought a list of 50 Best stories since 1915 and Bofors was one of them. In the list, the story credit was given to N.Ram. So does he have the right to speak about ethics. Such hypocrites they are! In fact, The Hindu was perhaps the only newspaper that had actually brought full page ads supporting A Raja's innocence in the 2G scandal. 

My favorite part of the interview is the one where she says about the shamelessness of it all. She says that it seemed that nobody had an interest in the case, and then Madhu says that it may be the other way round..that everybody had an interest in it, that is why no wanted to pursue the case. Chitra then recalls a line by MJ Akbar who had once written, "It is everybody's fault, hence it is nobody's fault." Madhu says that she now understands that why VP Singh didn't want to pursue the case after he won the elections as he had implanted Amitabh Bachchan's role but she fails to understand why the BJP didn't go after it? So it seems even the BJP had a role in the implants. Arun Jaitley might have had a role to play, because then the truth will be revealed. And the note that the CBI gave to Interpol is just mind boggling! Chitra says it was a scandal that actually tarred the image of all our institutions - Army, Judiciary and Executive and people say to her what is the point now. It is just 64 crores but she says it is about principles of being good..being ethical..and that is why she pursued the case. But the sad thing is that we may never know the truth! But kudos to Ms Subramaniam..clearly they don't make like her anymore.

Do watch the interview below. 

Hasn't the Congress party sytematically destoryed all our institutions ever since it came to power - the EC, the Army, the Judiciary, federalism and even the economy..Isn't it another scandal of gigantic proportions? But alas! no body cares. And the ever so controversial Aakar Patel actually writes here Why the Congress represents Indian values best (http://www.livemint.com/2012/05/17205925/Why-the-Congress-represents-In.html). I sometimes wonder how are we surviving as a nation...

Dialogue of the Day:
"Woh gutter ke liye jiye, aur gutter ke liye mare. Woh kaha karte the ki kisi desh ki unnati uske gutter se jani jati hai. Unhone apni sari jindgi gutter mein guzaar di."

 - Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron!

.

Why does it happen to good people? Giving hope every time and then taking it away every single time..It's so unfair..To make them stronger? For what? Another jolt? My wishes are with you..No worries...

Hmmm....

Long time no see..

I didn't feeling like writing..still feeling lonely..

Some things happened in office. About two weeks ago, perhaps the second time in my professional life, I confronted someone face to face. And I stood for myself. All those who were sitting were so surprised - A, A, J, and S - that I could react in such a way. But I needed to say some things...and as usual after that I felt so guilty that should I have said that? I also sent a message to J that I was angry not wit her but with someone else and that is why I reacted. She said that if at any time if you feel the other person is crossing the line with you then just let the other person know. But it's ok now. Let bygones be bygones. And the next day, there was an office party. I went to the party so that I can leave early from office on Friday. As usual I was so bored. There was no dancing also. Just drinks and talk. What can you talk in front of bosses? Was so so so bored that I sneaked out in just an hour after having a drink or two...have become an occasional drinker ;-). B got angry with me that I came without informing him. And then the next Friday, I got a good feedback. C and E, the people for whom I work for in the UK, on a call with the team that they were very happy with some of the responses that I sent out. So D came and told me that..he said that C had told the same thing last week also, so keep it up. And in case I forgot, I also accidentally broke A's phone as well. Was running with it to give it to him and it fell from my hands :/ And he didn't even take money :( And also for the last two-three weeks, I have seen true colors of some people. I failed to read some of them correctly. The ones who I used to think as good, I find them irritating now. Anyways, yeh sab to chalta rehta..as H says that I always over-analyse people :/

Anyways, I also got the US Visa. I had got the admit in March but didn't disclose it until I was very sure. So, if all goes well, I will be joining the University of Iowa for the MBA program. I had planned something totally different. But life planning se chalti to baat hi kya thi :/ Did I want this? Partly..Am I really happy? Am not sure..Mom is not really happy. When I told J in office, he said if he had been at my place, he would be jumping with joy. And I was like I am feeling normal. As much as I try to convince myself, I am not really an ambitious person.Then why am I doing this? To find my own happiness..this is just a means to attain some end..as someone as has rightly said..nahi dhoondoge to nahi milegi..Will I be successful? Will I find my inner happiness? That time will tell haina? And Mom has started to say some things through which I now know what all she has thought for me. I don't like it when she says such things.

I still have to write about so many other things. But don't feel like. Will write soon.

Dialogue(s) of the Day:

"Kyun nazar ke kinaare toote hain khwaab saare tu bata." - Bin Tere, I Hate Luv Storys

"Risk to spiderman ko bhi lena padta hai, main to phir bhi ek Salesman hun." -  Rocket Singh, Salesman of the Year 

.....

Feeling terribly lonely since Saturday.. 

25!

25 Years!! In 5 years, it will be 30!

I am indifferent to my birthday.. I don't really feel that it is my day..It's just another day...

And then V put this as her status..Thanks ya...I don't know what to say..It's not true..Everyone is special...

The last 2-3 days, somethings have been happening..I don't want to write..I have become more conscious of what I write here..Maybe not telling the truth is also a form of lying...Let it be..

Anyways something terrible is going to happen to Lexie :( :( I loved this poster that was posted on Facebook! Noooo..Mark and Lexie have to be together!

Dialogue of the Day:
"Maine khush rehne ka faisla kiya hai."
 - Sona, Luck By Chance

Of Moving On..

"It's one of those things that people say, you can't move on until you let go of the past. Letting go is the easy part, it's the moving on that's painful. So sometimes we fight it, try and keep things the same. Things can't stay the same though. At some point, you just have to let go. Move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow." — Meredith Grey

Dialogue of the Day:

पल्लवी: तुम बहुत बहुत अच्छे हो विरेन! 

—Lamhe

Of Luck By Chance: Part 1

Yesterday, Anupama Chopra, in her new show, The Front Row, that airs every Friday on Star World, said :

"I don't know if this happens to you, but when I watch a good film, I kind of become giddy with happiness. I have a sense of elation and privilege that I was able to experience something so wonderful."

I totally agree with her. Watching a good film makes brings so much happiness to me that it is so difficult to put into words. As she says, I also feel privileged to watch a finely crafted story. If that film contains some references, I love it even more. I have said it many times and will reiterate it again about my all-time favorite movie, Luck By Chance. I adore that movie. If I have to make a list of films one has to watch, I am sure it will rank in my top 10. Every time I watch that movie, I learn something new that I hadn't seen or noticed before. So, in a two-part series, I try to recall why I love that movie so much. 

The film opens with a scene where Sona Mishra, a girl from UP, sits in the office of Choudhury, a producer of B-grade cinema. He says to her:

It is all destiny..सब कुछ यहाँ लिखा होता है (pointing to the forehead!) Maker की आँख camera होती है..Artist और maker एक दुसरे को समझ ले यह बहुत ज़रूरी है , तुम समझ रही हो न मैं क्या कहना चाह रहा हूँ. Possibly a reference to the infamous casting couch.

Looking at the office of Choudhury, we see a poster of Lady Detective, probably a B-grade film..and a poster of a film with the initials Kalap and some photographs of people.

And then begins the song...Yeh Zindagi Bhi. Oh! If you haven't seen the song yet, I think you are missing something. People who are actually associated with the movies. I fell in love with the film at that instant only..so beautiful..how can anyone make such a song.

Exist :) So true!

I loved this scene in the song.Actually, I loved every frame of the song!

The lyrics..

जो पलकों के तले

है अपने 

सपने लेके चले है 

कहदो वोह चले संभल के 

न करना कोई गिले 

कहीं जो ठोकर ऐसी लगे 

के सपने टूटे आसू छलके...

The entire premise of the film is on Luck! How do you succeed in life? And as the song ends, we see a cinema hall..how aptly it is named "Kismet Talkies."

And this is my absolute favorite reference from the movie...If you look closely, Sona's apartment is full of birds. The entire shelf contains birds.. pigeons, parrots.

She has paintings of birds on her wall.

At one point, Vikram comes and picks up the bird that had fallen off.

More birds at the extreme right end of the picture below.

And whoa!! Vikram is wearing a shirt that has a bird!! And that too, it is two-colored - purple and white!

How brilliantly everything is so connected! What do these birds signify? I thought about it a lot..maybe a reference to migration..both of them have come from different cities with dreams in their eyes..they have left their homes. Interestingly, Vikram's shirt has a bird of two colors, probably symbolizing his shrewd personality or the duality in his nature..even the bird that he picked up was multi-colored.. fascinating..am still thinking about the birds.

And spot the reference.. the game that I love to play.

So here is Kagaz Ke Phool.

Another one here..an old film Humayun..(at the right)

The film Aan...

Manish Malhotra and Romi Rolly talking with the poster of Anokhi Ada and Amar Prem in the background.

Raging Bull in Abhi's apartment...(top right)

I love the background below..could identify only two films from the posters - Pyaasa and Range De Basanti.

References I am still wondering about.

The pink elephants in the background...no not Mayawati :)

What is this girl? No idea!!

And why are these Sadhus running in the background?

Another brilliant scene..where Sona says she has no complaints with Mr.Chodhury as he has helped her a lot.

Vikram says:

कामयाबी और नाकामी इंसान खुद ही चुनता है.. Success and failure are choices we make..

And this scene bowled me over.Vikram's friend required a grandfather clock..now when the watch is taken, the place, where the watch was, is shown to be white surrounded by brownish dusty walls.. any amateur director would have not have realized the difference in the color of the walls..my respect for Zoya increased even more.

The imaginary films in Luck By Chance that I would love to see...

Sona's Teer aur Talwar

Sona's Roma Darling.

Ranjit's A Fistful of Rupees..

Even The Good, The Bad and The Worst! ;)

Ranjit's office table has some horses..bringing out his love for the cowboy in him!!

Rani and Akshay's Pyaar Hua Tumse.

Choudhury's office now has another B-grade movie Pyaar Ka Ehsaas.

Vikram was a brilliant person. He knew what he wanted in life and strategized everything with such detail that you couldn't help but get amazed by his thinking. In one scene, he promises his friend he wants to meet Nikki Walia...and his friend laughs at him..so what does he do? He goes and says hello to her mother, Neena, and flirts with her. He tells her, "I am in this world because of you as my parents were big fans of yours and met while watching your movie." Then he goes on to say that his dad once told him that "Neena Walia is one of the most beautiful women he knew," and then he adds, "tonight I will call him and say that she is still the most beautiful person in the room tonight." Awesome..who wouldn't get flattered?!?! A meeting that helped him get a film!

Or another one where his friend, an Assistant Director with the Bhatts, required a grandfather clock immediately. He started smiling when he heard this..took this as an opportunity to get two things done - get into the good books of his friend who will help him meet the Bhatts and impress Mohini Massi..brilliant.

And he took his chances..he knew that if you have to get lucky, you at least have to try things..don't expect things to be given to you just like that..like that scene when Sona says तुम्हे क्या लगता है यह फॉर्म भरने से मुझे fridge मिल जायेगा.. and then he says, मुझे लगता है की अगर तुमने यह फॉर्म नहीं भरा तो fridge जीतने का तुम्हारा कोई chance नहीं है.

In one scene, Zoya shows us that Abhi, Vikram's friend, is enacting a play called Doraha...two ways. I think the play's name is a reference to the movie's central premise..would you do things by going against your grain? Do you believe in only Luck and destiny? Which path will you choose?

The one which Chodhury suggested to Sona..or the one which Vikram sums up beautifully.

इतने दिनों तुमने किसी और पर भरोसा किया..अब अपने आप पर भरोसा करो..मौके मिलते नहीं सोना, बनाये जाते हैं, कामयाबी हम तक नहीं आती, हमें कामयाबी तक जाना होता है..अपने रास्ते पर चलते रहो..चलते रहो..धीरे धीरे सारी दुनिया तुम्हारे रास्ते पर आ जाएगी..

Or as Nand Kishore Sir says "यहाँ talent के साथ साथ luck भी बहुत बड़ा factor है.. You have to be at the right time and at the right place.."

When Sona says to Vikram that Abhi is such a good actor, he would get a break. Vikram says he hopes that as well..but he adds.He is content..उसमे वो आग नहीं है..Doraha is a symbolic reference to the two characters - Abhi, who was a much better actor. Still, he chose contentment..and Vikram, a good actor but ambitious one, is ready to do anything to get what he wants!

He is so confident that when Sona points out that he has an eyelash on his face and what wish he would like to have..he says, I don't need it..giving us more insight into his philosophy that a man makes his own Luck..or Fortune favors the brave! 

Another classic scene below where Zoya tried to show us Doraha or two ways..where some street children see Zafar and rush to his car. Zafar starts playing with them. It actually shows two worlds separated by glass boundary. Maybe, Zafar had also come from humble beginnings.. which is why he could probably identify with the children. I loved this scene!! I actually want to know how this scene was shot..the camera spans across from the outside to inside so smoothly.. a challenging scene to execute!

And as I said before, even Vikram's shirt has a two-colored bird - Doraha! Fits perfectly no??

More on this in post 2 but I always get reminded of my conversation with A, which is so so similar to what Vikram says

I feel being ambitious and contented are two sides of the same coin. You cannot have both. And I'd prefer to be contented than be the former. Being ambitious will force me to change myself to what I am not..and I am not ready for that, at least now!.

Zoya has created such beautiful characters, and the art direction by Abid T.P. give us some extra insights about them. It is just out of this world!

For instance, Zafar is proud and too full of himself..in one scene, he says he is an icon for millions.. Therefore, we see that his apartment is full of his images.

Another photograph on the wall.

And to give us more details, the wall has some luxury cars and some cool toys signifying his love for them.

In the scene where Zafar says to Romi Rolly that he won't be able to do the film Dil ki Aag, he says, " तीन साल से मैंने कोई break नहीं लिया है.Mechanical हो रहा हूँ मैं..I am working like a machine." And, at that moment, we see a mechanical robot in the background as if supporting what he is saying!! It is such layered details that make me wonder in amazement..stunning!

Neena..her house is full of flowers..the walls...the sofa covers. The pillow covers.

The curtains.. symbolize that she doesn't want to get old..always wants to remain pretty and fresh...

Choudhury's desk has a black animal signifying his dark intentions.

Pinki..the one person I really felt terrible for..she understood everything, but maybe, she was afraid to confront reality..always living in the shadow of her elder sister or the evil husband.

Mohini Massi is all so arty types..the paintings on the wall..the sculptures.. Most likely, she is reading an arty book.

 More sculptures below....it is fitting that a grandfather clock will be found in such a house!

And another detailed scene here..outside the window, there is a sun-like thing made of iron, no? And if we look closely, it is the same shape in the box below..so exquisitely layered.

Romi Rolly..loved the scene where he starts crying when he says no one respects him.

Lakshmi..in one scene, says...thora grace leke aao..Saroj Khan, no?

And somehow, this look reminds me of the Hatter in Alice in Wonderland :-)

This is the first time I want to put a post on Facebook..want to tell people to please watch and understand this layered movie..but as always, I chicken out by people's judgment. Should I? I Don't know. Will continue in post 2.

Dialogue of the Day

"सपने तो सभी देखते है लेकिन सिर्फ वही सपना साकार होता है जो लाख समझाने पर भी इंसान भुलाना नहीं चाहता. " 

— Anand Babu, Luck By Chance