Paris is a city of Gunthers....

Dear Pankaj,

You have been such a sweet friend, so enjoyed eating your yummy things from time to time ..take care always..I really hope you do amazingly well in life..will miss my neighbour..wish you all the best..

P.S. - No relation of the letter to the title.. just missing Phoebe :(

What will you choose? Love or Surgery?

Grey's Anatomy :(
I am still crying..
1. Christina: I choose my gift
2. Owen: People do matter

3. Izzie: The surgery is the one you come home from but what is important is who you come home to.. Love is more important..

4. Man: You know what's demeaning? To love a person who thinks so low of you but you still love..

5. Fat Patient: I don't want to live life where I have to reduce myself everyday
:( :(

Of People Leaving and Unexpected Surprises...

Today it was Hitaishi (who by name appears to be Hitesh's sister :P) last day.. When she was leaving, I don't know I felt sad..I have known her for 8 months only but I was a little unhappy.. She is one the sweetest persons I know..everyone came to her desk and wished her well..I was watching this all day..I made me feel as if it was my last day..Well, I gave her the book Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez..Hmm and surprise! she also gave me soft toy with a message written for me..I will put its pic :) but it made me feel real nice, more so because it was unexpected!! Thanks a lot Hitaishi for that :) I also wrote something for her.

And it was Rahul's birthday also, to whom I gave The Bioscope Man by Indrajit Hazra..it was a book which he once told me that he wants it and I remembered that..so on his birthday, I gave him that and it made me feel nice that he really liked it (hopefully)...

He is also leaving next month and the 2 people who sit opposite me will be gone.. new people will come but I don't know will I be able to gel with them :( Left alone again..

Hmmm..

Living in the Shell....

On Friday, Disha and I were coming back in the cab and she told me something which I have actually been experiencing for some time..

We were talking about change and making our philosophies for change.I told her that I hate change and she was like your life now would change so much that you would stop bothering about change...

But it was the second thing here that I am talking about....She has been working for three years and she told me that she was also like me earlier..but she has become very mature now..She said that till now you have been living a very protected life, you world revolves around your family or your friends..but now you have joined the corporate world so you are metaphorically speaking naked..Now you are all alone..there is no one to help you..your parents and all your friends will stop understanding you and relating to your problems..they won't be able to see what you are going through so you have to stand on your own...this world is a harsh one and you are all alone, so face everything on your own..

I actually knew this thing and have been feeling the same..the friends in college who I talked to, they can't understand what I face..everything has changed..my parents don't even know what I work on.. I must admit I have always been living in this protected shell and still am but these days I feel I am all alone..as my previous blog posts say, I feel something is different..I don't know whether I would be able to survive on my own or always need a helping hand..My friend just got married and I am still living in my dream world..Life is changing yeah..and really fast..God! give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that can be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other..

Of Experiencing Surrealism

Hmmm.. now about this fellow called Hitesh Sachdeva!! Never talked to him in college, different branch, but got in the same company, we are 10 people from the same college. But now I go and tell him everything!! every office gossip and every little crib that I have to do, I go and tell him.. He stays in GK-1 and we shared the same cab but now he has left the cab, so we became good friends during cab rides :) He is the exact opposite of me.. totally dashing (every girl is flat on him!!), even Mummy said "yeh ladka kitna sundar aur smart hai" :D, outgoing, cool, popular, good at everything he does, sensible, how to handle difficult situations, he knows every god damn sports in the world, smooth talker :D and I am his exact opposite..totally dumb and duffer.. but still you know there is this feeling of what do I say "apna jaisa lagta hai" as in like family (we have the same surname as well).. he keeps on telling me "jab mera birthday ayega to main tujhe daaru pilaunga" hahahahaha! piyakkad kahin ha..every weekend he is sloshed! But he is very good at heart. I just can't wait to dance on his wedding which is still 7-8 years away :D Pata nahi, tab tak to bhool hi jayega mujhe :( He scolds me sometimes to do things the correct way. I have a good time with him. I respect him a lot. I consider him to be my good friend but I don't know about the same from his side..sometimes I feel he doesn't like me when he is with his type of people : as in I feel I chepofy him :( There were many instances when I felt this way but it is ok..I am his good friend and not he! But he is one of my coolest friends..All friends that I have are like me..but he is totally opposite so it is kind of surreal that such a person could be friends with me :) Ok!! But I wish this friendship remains forever :)

Acchaa..

H: Koi kamasutra types film nahi aa rahi?
P: Hahahaha

Yamini Goyal is friends on Facebook with who all?

Hmmm...

The last two weeks in office have been quite stressing... running here and there..do this..do that..yeh vo..huh!

Anyways...

You know I feel awful ...why is that I have to run after you every time? It makes me feel unwanted.. Is there something in me that repels you? Ok fine.. I will not trouble you anymore..In life I have faced many disappointments, I will add one more to it..

Hmmm..so time is running out..a decision has to be made and that too real fast..but the problem is how do I make that? It seems I am trapped in Kafkaesque world..There is no one to help me and it scares me that if I take a wrong decision, it could spoil many things.. but I have to be brave..there is no other option..Pankaj..do it fast fast!! remember God helps those who help themselves..

All my life I have worked so hard.. I have not got anything served on a platter..burnt the midnight oil like anything..yes, no one forced me to do but I wanted it for myself..Life hasn't been that easy as it looks..I have made some big blunders and screwed so many things but still I did not give up..I have seen people getting things they want granted to them like charity..bas maange ki der thi..it has never happened to me..I had to fight for things..I have no one to guide me..no body to help me.. I have taken my own decisions.. but then I feel after 23 years, where have I landed? Sometimes, it really hurts that after so much did I achieve anything at all? I have been plagued by these thoughts for the last two weeks.. it hurts! it really does...

Anyway someone came on my blog searching "Yamini Goyal is friends on Facebook with who all" ... this brought a smile to my usually dull night... oh thank God! for the small mercies! See Yamini Sachdeva! teri judwaa behen bhi hai Yamini Goyal :D

I will still try to be happy.. I am happy :)

Song of the Week.. Aaj piya tohe pyaar dun..love this line especially tu sukh mera lele..main dukh tere lelu...main bhi jiyun tu bhi jiye...

If only someone could love me!

Door jake ke bhi mujhse..tum meri yaadon me rehna..

Rhea: Mera Dev kahi kho gaya hai...

Dev: Khoya bhi to tumne hai..

- Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

What a line!

Aise Kitne Log Hain...

Today Luck By Chance was coming.. It is one of my favourite favourite movies and Konkona says in the end "Main khush hun kyunki main vo kar rahi hun jise muje khushi milti hai, aise kitne log hai jo yeh yeh keh sakte hai? Paise bhi theek thaak kama leti hun aur maine khush rehna seekh liya hai." Hmm if only we all could say that...

Of 23rd Birthday...

Hi... As usual I have been ignoring you my dear blog..but you know I just can't live without you..you are my only friend to whom I tell you everything..

Hmmm.. So a lot has been happening lately.. the last I wrote about was when I was about to leave for Saat-taal.. A lot has taken place in life last month.. and all has been related to office only..it seems that office has become my life! Monday-Friday in office..come back by around 8-8.15 everyday and feel sleepy aate hi.. and Saturday and Sunday I keep thinking of what happened in office or what could happen in office.. It seems as if there is nothing else going on..

A lot of bad things have happened while some good things also did take place..

Hmmm.. on May 19, 2010 I turned 23 :(

I know birthdays are an occasion to be happy about this was probably the saddest part for me..turning 23!!!! OMG! 23?????? shit! it hit me as it always does like a thunderbolt.. 23 is such an aadmi type age.. I had imagined that at 23 my life would be like this like that but alas! kuch nahi mila abhi tak voh.. I don't even know how to behave properly even though now I am a working professional. I don't want to grow up..life is running too fast and all life I will keep cribbing rather than taking any action...some of the people at 23 have everything in they wanted..pata nahi ya! I am very sad for turning 23 :( So, how was the birthday? Hitesh was the first person to wish me! I will write more about him in the coming paragraphs...He calls me at 8.45 PM on 18 May only, saying, "yaar, main bahut tight hun aaj, jaate hi so jaunga, so Happy Birthday. Apne birthday par na kuch bada kariyo! Samjh gaya!" Hahaha! tight???? pagal hai ekdum pagal vo! then at 12, friends started calling and messaging.. thanks to all :) Normally, I don't put my birthday as a notification either on Orkut or Facebook but this year I did not remove it from Facebook, so a lot many people sent their wishes.. but I was very sad that I had expected a call from 3 people who still haven't called..lagta hau bhool gaye mujhe but theek hai who am I to expect anything.. I had gone to office on birthday and in office, balloons are put on your desk so that the whole office knows it is your birthday, which I feel is very embarrassing..so people came and gave their wishes.. I had taken muffins for everybody and everyone loved them :) Then a cake was ordered! I have never cut a cake for my birthday..In school every time it was holidays and in college it was always exam time, so treat and all used to happen later but no cake! but this time proper cake was cut..I will put the pics.. and everyone came and Hitesh bhaisahab ne poore muh par cake laga diya.. so what gifts I got? Aastha gave me Cuckold, the book that I have been dying to read about the story of Meerabai's husband :) Jenny, Raj, Dipanjana and Hitesh gave me 5 movie CDs- Pyaasa, Sahib Biwi aur Ghulam, Sujata, Guide and Baaton Baaton Mein :) Jyotsana gave me Levi's wallet :) I was happy for all the gifts :) I still have to give a treat to all of them...

I still have to write a lot about my trip. Since it is an off today, I gave the day to my blog. it is almost 3 years since I started blogging... Will keep on writing more..Till then Ciaos!

Tum paas ho ke bhi apne nahi...

I have been listening to this song and makes me very very sad..always want to cry when I hear this :( I love these lines especially..

Nigahon me dekho meri jo hai bas gaya, woh hai milta tumse hu bahu...
ooo..jane teri aankhen thi ya baatien thi vajah, hue tum jo dil ki aarzoo..
tum paas ho ke bhi..
tum aas ho ke bhi..
apne nahi...
aise hai humko gile
tumse na jane kyun..
milon ke hai fasle..
tumse na jane kyun...

Why is everything so different?

Somethings have changed..something has changed definitely.. You know, for the last 15-20 days or so, I feel everything is different around me..I am feeling as if something is going to happen.. I don't know whether it is going to be a good thing or a bad thing..but I can sense the aura..there is this feeling of void as if something is unfulfilled..I don't know what it is.. For the last 5 months or so, I had worked with only 2-3 people in office but in the last month, I had worked with a whole new people..So, a lot of people know me..and no! I am not bragging!! How could I?? So people come to my desk, talk to me about random stuff, chit chat..it is kind of surreal because I have never been comfortable in knowing so many people..In school, I wasn't a famous or a popular student...was more like (and still am!!) a nerdish kid :( In college, I had only 20 people in my class and some friends from school who I knew very well..So I wasn't very much a known face in college either..It is not as if I am the most popular person in Office, I still am the least known face because of my inherent nature to not open up to people easily, but a lot of people (according to my standards!!) now know me.. So it is kind of different to see that i could be known by people..moreover, I am a very boring person..I won't start talking unless the other person starts first..And that makes me kind of uncomfortable that people coming and talking to me.. perhaps, it is this that is making me very restless!! I found some old friends on Facebook who said they specially searched me.. It was kind of weird because I have never been remembered by people or worth remembering so when that friend says that she specially searched my name because I was her good fiend, it made me feel good and bad.. Good obviously and bad because it made me feel as if things are changing.. and I can sense things are no longer the same as Phoebe said that she can hear the voices in her head.. It is as if something is forcing me to grow up and I don't want to.. as if some force is pushing me to change my personality which I don't want to..Everything feels incomplete these days.. there is something missing perhaps happiness, contentment, satisfaction... I don't know what life has in store for me as I turn 23 this week about which I am even more sad (will write another post about it as well).. I miss the things they used to be..

Came back from trip last week.. was kind of OK!! More about in later.. Ciaos!

Of Lovers, Not Made For Each Other

I don't know what has happened to me, but for the past few days, there is this inexplicable feeling that you have cast over me. I am thinking about you all the time. When I don't get to see you, I just want to be with you. I keep on laughing and smiling on my own when I think about what you said or what you did. And when I am with you, I just want to keep looking at your face, which helps me forget everything else that is taking place in my life. Your face has cast this spell over me. I want to see you, listen to what you say, want to tease you, and make you smile. I miss you like anything. I love it when you come over and say things to me that you don't tell others. It makes me feel special.

You are like someone who I always wanted to be like. Your ability to make people long for you is simply amazing. You are like my idol; in fact, you are my idol. An idol is something Utopian. Yes, I can never be like you, but in you, I see a perfectionist version of myself. Is there anything that you cannot do! Some people say that true love is finding your soul's counterpart in others. Perhaps that is why I see my soul in you? So, how do I say this? Am I falling in love with you, or is it just plain liking for a friend? I consider those people lucky in life who get their true love!! Never ever, not even for a moment, I thought there could be something between you and me. We are not meant to be together. My love for you is platonic. I don't want to lose your friendship at any cost. But I can't help it. I know there is no chance for us, but still, you are so good that you made me fall in love with you. I want to get over you as quickly as possible, but the irony is the more I try not to think about you, the more I suppress my feelings about you, and the more I end up falling in love with you all over again. It is as if you control me. Any song I hear, anything I do, just reminds me of you. I cry every time when this thought comes to my mind that we are not made for each other. Sometimes, I wondered why it had to be me. You will ask if I want to get over you, when was I under you? but the thing is, I didn't realize when did this thing happen?

I sometimes feel you deliberately ignore me, and even the snob I am, I would not bow unless you talk to me first, but it is fine. Who am I to say anything? You have your own life, your own love, your own dreams. I know you treat me as a good friend and I am pleased about that. To just enter your good books is a sort of an achievement for me. But sometimes, I do feel life has been very unfair. Life just doesn't turn out the way you want it to be.

Should I be sorry for what has happened? I never even want to tell you the way I feel about you. I just want to keep loving you in silence; I don't know who is to blame for this mess that has happened. I just wish you get everything and all the success in life, for if you fail, it means my idealist soul fails. I don't know whether my love for you is like Catherine's for Heathcliff as she said that her love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods; time will change it, but her love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath, a source of little visible delight but necessary. Nothing can change it. I just hope it is like hers, but also, I want to get over you as quickly as possible. I want to love you, but I don't want to love you. See how paradoxical you have made me? You don't understand me, and perhaps you never will, but I don't expect anything from you. I don't know what the future holds for me, but one thing is certain: I will always remember you. You are the one who made me feel and understand what love is and what it means to care for someone. Hope that years later, when you hear my name, you at least remember me.

Miss you always. This is the best I could express my feelings for you, for never ever can I say to you or even want you to read this...

Yours (if I can use that)

.......

P.S. Yamini, if you even copy even one line, I will kill youuuuuuuuu. 

Adios!!

Going to Nainital and Sattal for Office Outbound training.. Will be going somewhere outside Delhi after 6 1/2 years.. last I went on a school trip to Dalhousie in Class 12..I don't like to go outside Delhi.. I am such a contradictory person.. I want to travel to exotic places but when it actually comes to travelling I am the first person to back out.. don't like to leave my Delhi.. How will I survive without reading HT??? And that a Sunday one!!!! Twitter? that makes me feel connected to the outside world..but now it would be like completely cut off from reality.. mera man nahi hai jaane ka... and I have this terrible cold with my nose leaking (and I don't even have a handkerchief, so using my shirt sleeves and hands to wipe it off :D) as I write this from office...Hmmm Housefull releasing tomorrow..but main nahin dekhu.. I don't like Akshay..huh but I love the film's songs.. Like the Apni to jaise taise and Oh girl you're mine!!!!!!!!! But I don't even like Deepika so mujhe koi enthu nahi hai dekhne ka..

Not even Kites looks exciting..

But the 2 I am eagerly waiting for are Raavan and Rajneeti!!!!!!!

Anyway have started to read Franz Kafka's The Trial..

I don't want to go but have to :(

Miss you..

Tere bina sona peetal...

I just love this pic!!!! Look how happy Nita Ambani is :) Someone said Bhajji is trying to do the Tere Bina song from Guru..hahaha.. fianlly a happy pic :)

Haunting...

What an amazing pic!!!!!! 'Chori'fied from some one's facebook pictures.. I think these tears are of out of sadness instead of happiness.. don't you think the light of happiness is missing from this person's eyes? Or is it that what I am feeling, I am trying to see the same in these haunting eyes? And that is why humans are such fabulous creatures.. peculiar, individualistic, emotional..

I can go on looking at this picture till eternity....

Impromptu Dog :)

This is the dog that I made today in the cafeteria :)
Only if you imagine it to be a dog, then only it would look like one.. How did I make this?? That's a secret ;P which I would be happy to be reveal in the comments or the next post which ever is sooner :P
I love this picture howsoever amateurish it may seem to be and would add to another of my short happy incidents :)

Of Small Instances

There are these small small incidents that keep happening that bring a smile to our faces but I tend to forget those..and to remember those I turn to my blog..
So what happened?

Yesterday, H who has become a very good friend of mine (I consider him as a good friend, uska pata nahi :) )

Now he had some work and was sitting in a conference room which is clearly visible from my seat.. I saw that he was making some call.. and then after 5 minutes, I get this call from him on my extension.. he says " yaar tujhe nahi lagta I (a girl in office) bahut hot hai.. mujhe koi bol toh raha tha lekin aaj main dhyan se dekh raha hun.. she is actually quite hot.. kuch chakkar chalana padega..."

I could not stop laughing when he said this.. he specially called me to say this...

He is totally like Joey.. but not at all dumb..very very smart he is..

I am still smiling.. :D

Try to be happy..

I will try to be happy..just give me enough strength.. my motto that being sad makes me happy should change from being happy makes me happy.. hope life helps me in this..

P.S. - I am not feeling good already but this weird sinking feeling.. I will still try to be happy..

Speaking a 1000 words...

These are the two pictures that I took from cell phone.. not very good resolution but I love both the pics.

First is of a white rose blossoming in my house, took it sometime in February..

Second one is of the scene outside my house on a rainy afternoon sometime in last July..

There is something serene and calming about the two pictures... as they say a picture is worth a 1000 words..

Hmmmm..

Elixir :(

Long time.. Life has been really busy.. working continuously for 2 weeks because of so much work and the fact that I am an even slower worker.. last weekend also went like this :'(

I was sad at times.. don't know what something is definitely amiss in life.. searching for something that elixir which could remove this feeling of incompleteness..

And life works in strange ways - as I have written previously also that whenever I am thinking about something, I see that thing everywhere..

Like I was reading this book The Pregnant King in which this king accidentally drinks a magical potion and becomes pregnant, now what does he do? Is he a man or a woman, this whole conflict of who we really are.. There was this particular character of Yaksha who was the man who lent his manhood to Shikhandi so that Shikhandi could prove that he was a man, Yaksha was a woman for the time he had no 'manhood'.. ultimately, he becomes a man again but there was this restlessness in him that crept up.. he had experience of both of a man and a woman, but there was this inexplicable urge to do experience something new, to question life...

Yuvanashva, the pregnant king, experiencing the same feeling of who we really are, what are our primary purpose in life, is it the soul or the flesh that is more important..

Now since this was happening on the book, the movie I saw The Great Indian Butterfly was about a couple who are looking for this butterfly in the Cardiguez's valley that will bring them happiness, prosperity, and luck.. they finally find the valley but the thing they learnt was that it is all in the state of mind, as they said "peace comes knocking on your door, and you tell him to go away".. we are too worried about the future and forgetting the present in which we are..

And on the same lines Grey's Anatomy :'( Izzie and George are most likely dead.. Nooo.. loved them both because I am a little like George in real life .. shy, reserved, don't open up easily... seeing him die was like a part of me die.. and Izzie..she is too good..please come back.. the season finale in which Meredith says " We spend our whole life worrying about the future, planning about the future, trying to predict our future, as if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow but the future is always changing. But one thing for certain is that when it finally reveals it self, it is never the way we imagine it to be" So true..especially for someone like me who is always worried about the future.. Meredith and Derek decide to get married because they do not know what will happen ahead, so try to make most of the present.. like what happened to Izzie.. and in the season finale after Callie cuts a man's healthy leg so that he could join the Army and another cancer patient is almost dead, Bailey shows her the joy on the face of a young boy who just had a successful operation and was happy.. that scene *amazing*.. it makes me cry every time I watch such a sissy I am :'(

3 different things- the book, the movie, the TV show.. all talking on the same lines.. it is strange.. ain't it.. may be someone is trying to give me a message that I should do the same but what do I do..I can't help it..

Anyway, I had my first office party, and I liked it.. will write more about it.. I have started reading The Shadow Lines by Amitav Ghosh, don't know when will I finish that.. such a slow reader I have become :(

Movies..nothing much.. loved LSD, haven't seen many the last two months.. hope The Japanese Wife is good..but no other movie as of now I am really crazy about.. maybe Kites but still it hasn't given me that thunderbolt.. and no Houseful..bakvaas.. don't like Akshay.. waiting for Saat Khoon Maaf but it will come out next year.. so boring.. till then will catch up with classics.. More in another posts... hopefully I will try to write more...

The greatest days are those...

Izzie got married to Alex :)

Oooohhhh... the way she got married, I was weak in the knees :

Oh and when she said to Christina that you are maid of honour, because you tried to save my life and that is very honourable :((((

And at the wedding, the way they all looked at each other.. Alex and Izzie, Sloan and Lexie, Christina and Owen, Meredith and Derek, Callie and Arizona, Bailey.. it was amazing.. cried a lot again seeing them all so close :(( and Izzie said the greatest days are those that make you want to live forever...

Ohh Izzie please don't die...

Messy!!

My life is total mess!! :( more on it later..so many crappy things all around.. if I analyze, my life sucks.. the eternal cribber and pessimist in me is back !!

Am a follower..

Is it to bad to be a follower? I am not a leader, am a follower.. so what? If all lead, who will follow.. I don't have that thing in me.. why is it such a bad thing? leadership is overhyped? ain't it?

O Re Pia...

O Re Pia...

Love this song..have been listening to this... there is some magic about this song.. makes me forget all that is going on in my head..

Just like Izzie said that sometimes when you wake up in the middle of the night and it is still not morning, you feel that everything is possible in that time and you go back to sleep thinking that everything is well, but come morning and you know it ain't going to be true.....

Of Letters Part 2 :)

The last week, Pranab Mukherjee's daughter Sharmishta had written a letter to her father about the budget she would like to see. Mr. Mukherjee replied to her. The following is his letter. I loved the letter, I believe that letters have their own charm , how much slow they could be, but there is this whole excitement about writing a letter and waiting anxiously for the reply... And we are losing that charm, when was the last time any of us got a letter.. I love letters and also posted one that I had written to a friend.. Coming back, note the wit and the humor.. it is amazing :) It remeinded me of Nehru's letters to Indira

I must confess that I was a bit surprised reading your open letter. I know you from the moment you opened your tiny mouth to take in your first breath and gave a hearty yell. Since then your mother and I learnt that we are not ingenious enough to make you keep your mouth shut for two minutes at a go. So it is not really correct to say that you were "silenced by my steely glance" (I wish it was that simple)! However, out of sheer pragmatism, I have learnt to shut my ears when you start your non- stop chattering. (This practice has also helped me somehow to tide over noisy situations in my long political innings). That could be the reason why I might have missed your wise suggestions on the Budget.

I have noticed that you have also adopted this trait very well. Consequently, all advices given to you fall on deaf ears. But I do hope that you read this letter and don't shut your eyes as well. I am happy that in your letter you have raised certain concerns like animal welfare, security of women and irresponsible social behaviour of some people. But here's a piece of advice -- do not except to have solutions to all the problems by just writing a letter to your father even though he happens to be the finance minister of the country.

The functioning of a democratic society is a collective responsibility of the government, the political leadership and the common citizens of the country. The state can not function in isolation for creating an ideal society where kindness to animals and respect to fellow citizens would be a norm not imposed by the state but out of genuine concerns for others. Only an active participation of all responsible citizens of the country can help us achieve this goal.

If you are seriously concerned about these issues, then be more proactive in addressing these concerns.Voicing these is just a preliminary step. As I have quoted in my Budget speech this year, "With development and economic reforms, the focus of economic activity has shifted towards the non-governmental actors, bringing into sharper focus the role of government as an enabler. An enabling govt.does not try to deliver directly to the citizens everything that they need.Instead it creates an enabling ethos so that individual enterprise and creativity can flourish. Govt. concentrates on supporting and delivering to the disadvantaged sections of the society".

To address some of your personal concerns, I wish to make no comment on your cooking. Only thing I may say that I empathise with your friends. As a father, I am left with no option other than to literally "lump" your food. As friends, they have the option to exercise their right to choose. But you may use your culinary skill as a litmus test for your friendship. A true friend will indeed endure your cooking occasionally as long as you don't try their patience too often.

Coming to the last point, ie, your demand for pocket money. I am willing to look into the matter as long as you are willing to negotiate reasonably. We may arrive at a sum through mutual consent but only if you promise to rationally discuss the matter and not try to get your way through emotional blackmailing.

Yours truly,

Pranab Mukherjee

We are born...

We are born, we live and we die but not necessarily in the same order...
Meredith in Grey's Anatomy
Season 5!! 7 episodes watched..
Izzie, George, Christina, Meredith, Callie, Bailey!!!! <3 all :)

Khwaab dekho lekin...

Khwaab dekho lekin unka pure hone ki shart mat rakho? - DDLJ

R :(

R got engaged :( and I know she is not happy :( and I am not happy because she is not happy :( the news just shook me...Please make things better...

Being sad makes me happy!!!!

Sachin.. by God, he's God!!

When Sachin made 200, there was this whole excitement, cheerfulness, shouting, screaming.. every one in Office was clearly on cloud nine!! When I came to know, I don't know what happpened, but many a tear rolled down from the eyes, of course, I didn't show it to anyone others would think me to be a cry baby, which actually I am :(

I don't know what happened but behind the tremendous happiness and the proud that I felt, I just kept thinking how could anybody be so so good, the amazing grace with which Sachin has conducted himself always puts him as a wonderful human being...

My friend R who sits opposite to me said "I have been waiting for this day since eternity, it was his dream that somebody from India could break this record?"

At that moment, it just hit me like it always does :

Dream? people have dreams!! How tiny a thought maybe, but it was his dream to see this.. but then it kept me thinking, what is my dream? I don't know what my dream is? Isn't it such a terrible thought? A person without dreams is like a human without soul :( I want to do everything in life but what is that one thing, that one thought on whose completion I could feel yes, my dream is achieved? I kept thinking of it the whole time after that.. and when I came back, NDTV Indian of the year was coming, every time for the last 5-6 years it has been coming, I cry every time on watching it, seeing the achievers is just overwhelming..

Of late, I have become a very emotional person which I wasn't before but lately, don't know what happens, I almost cry at the drop of hat!! maybe the dreamless me, finds this as an outlet...

And of Grey's Anatomy, I have seen 4 episodes of season 5 and it makes me really sad :( but there is something about it I just love that show :(

I also saw Up In The Air, another sad movie...

Maybe I am watching too much of sad things, but I just love sad shows, don't know why..comedy never appealed to me.. I am always like this, being sad makes me happy ( what an oxymoron I have invented, I should write a depressing book now!!)

Meanwhile, I had written about MNIK..will post it soon..

Of Valentine's Day

I wrote this on valentine' Day!!
It's Valentine's Day..I am single and very happy to be single. I don't need anyone, I am happy all by myself. But you know the last few days, I have been feeling very lonely. There is this colleague of mine H. She sits opposite to my bay and everyday she gets a call from someone and I am pretty sure it is her bf. She talks to him so sweetly, I mean in a very different way. Although she tries to speak very slowly, but I can still hear her as to what is she saying. Don't blame me for eavesdropping! Even you can hear if you would come to my place :/
Anyway, I think last Thursday was her boyfriend's birthday. She was so excited and she left for the day quite early but you know I even know what she gave him as a gift. She gave him a customized photo album, she had called those guys for printing and was asking for their services, blah blah. I could see that she had been given humongous amounts of work but still she went home and prepared her photo album probably containing their best moments together, being awake all the night, all for what? just to get this smile on her friend's face. Isn't that so touching? I felt so bad that day, I kept thinking of Monica when on Ross's wedding with Emily, she said " My brother is getting married and I don't even have a date" :(
And there is also another colleague of mine M. She comes from a very far off place in Delhi. Lets say it be on the outskirts of Delhi. My office is in Noida, and you know how she comes? Her boyfriend drops her. He first picks her up and then he drops to Noida and then he goes to his office in Gurgaon. And while coming back, he comes from Gurgaon to Noida and then drops her to her home in Outer Delhi. I mean doesn't he get tired ? I commute for 1.5 hours and become a sukha hua aam after that.And he travels almost 4 hours extra just for her???
Love surely is bizarre!! But you know it definitely would make her feel special, ain't it? That there is someone who is there for her 24*7..
I mean you can bitch about your friends, your seniors, in fact tell every god damn thing that you can't even tell your best friend..It reminds me of Rahul's mom in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, when she asks Rahul to marry again, so that she can bitch about her daughter in law in kitty parties :)
No, seriously, I mean love is bizarre. People talk on phones for hours!! OMG, what do they discuss, every god damn thing on earth!!
Sari baatein khatam ho jayengi phir bhi phone nahi hoga..
And it is Valentine's day, and like Monica said, I don't even have a date.. but eventually she did find Chandler on that night when her brother got married...
I am still waiting but please I am not desperate :)

P.S.- On reading again, I found this to be views of a confused dumb ass who is not able to decide whether love is good or bad?

Envy?

Someone in office is jealous of me - I got this news today by a very good friend. But what is he jealous of? Apparently, he is jealous because this very good friend of mine talks to me!! It's not that he likes this friend in a romantic sort of way but because she is very popular ( and very good at heart too) and he wants to be popular and get the 'happening' news from her. He thinks that she tells me everything he wants to know, and sort of ignores him. I had been noticing a slight change in behaviour of this person towards me but ignored it. I am actually amazed that someone could be jealous of me???????? What do I have to make other people jealous :( kuch hota to sabse pehle mujhe bata do koi!!

I also envy some people but not in a hatred kind of way but in a way that I wish I could be like them which I know I can't. I still remember the words of our Class 9 Maths teacher, the super funny Mrs. Dubey ;) She once said "Don't be jealous, be zealous!"

Hmmm I just read a blog entry by someone who wrote this brilliant piece on broken pieces of glass. I am not posting it because I don't think he would like it as that person doesn't even know that I read his blog!! I am so zealous of his writing skills. I just wish I could even think 1% of the way he thinks.

I am zealous of many more things. More on it later :)
Tickets booked for MNIK.. yipeeeee... SRK rocks :)

Of feeling guilty all the time...

This post was meant to be for Ishqiya. I wanted to write it the day I watched it!! The second movie which I watched First Day ( the first was that disastrous What's Your Rashee?) . I loved Ishqiya, it had so many layers to it.. I would write a post on it soon..am just falling in love with Vidya Balan, she was so real in Paa and with Ishqiya, she truly is a desi tamancha..

Anyways, it's February 2010!! Oh shit! I am going to be 23 in May????????? No :-(

I always look forward to reading Seema Goswami's wonderful column Spectator in HT Brunch. In today's article she talks about the guilt that seems to have become a permanent companion of our lives. It is not the guilt of some crime or murder that we are talking about but of small small things. The guilt of not taking out time for your friends, of twittering when instead one should be working, etc. I don't know its kind of surreal that this is exactly what I have been thinking for the past few days. I really feel guilty of not being a good son :( I could not make my parents happy who expect so much from me but am such a loser and I still don't do anything about it. Confucius said that knowing the right path and not following it is an act of supreme cowardice :(

I do not want to be like this but how do I do it? Lack of confidence has made a big dent in my life...

I feel guilty of not reading more, I was such a voracious reader a few years back, and now I seem to have lost that reading thing. I still read but my speed has drastically reduced. I just waste my time on net, facebook, twitter, reading tweets of some of the most lame people Riteish Deshmukh!!! can you imagine that? but now I am following only people who I really like.. Anyway I am digressing from my main point. I want to read more but I just while (or wile?) away my time.

I feel guilty of not talking to my friends, I have blocked some people from my gmail permanently. I always think that I will talk the next time but I just keep postponing it. Such a bad friend I am :(

I know I have to study more, have to plan out my future but I always crib on the lack of time. I see some people who have excellent time management skills why can't I do the same? I have to think so much.. Life is not easy but I keep procrastinating..

Hope some better sense prevails over me otherwise I will end being a loser in life :(

Oh Please :(

Hmmm, I got a new laptop, but there is no net connectivity in it as of now by next week , I will get one.. I like it :) Till then good bye...

Vulnerability...

Last year I had posted on Roger Federer crying when he lost to Nadal at the Australian Open..

Today, he won and he totally deserved to win, he played some superb shots and Andy made so many errors..but during the presentation, Andy said.. I can cry like Roger but it is a shame I can't play like him..and he started crying.. there is something inexplicable about the feeling I get when I see people like him crying.. it shows their human side, to express emotions is one of the biggest traits that separates us from machines.. I felt really sad and happy at the same time.. found this pic of him crying.. so vulnerable we all are.. ain't it?

Letters!!

I wrote a mail to a friend last week.. I had written one before also but I am still waiting for the reply but no issues, I understand the paucity of time but I just love writing mail to friends.. it is like writing letters which anyone hardly does these days.. the thrill of writing letters, going to the post office for stamps, putting it in the post boxes..(the red post box is so so much better than the green one)..waiting for the reply.. it is just amazing.. I know e-mail has better speed, the instant reply blah blah but I miss the old days, incidentally today only we were having a discussion whether the old time was better than today's.. I am very nostalgic about it.. I so wish to have a pen friend... I am posting on of my 'letters' that I wrote to a friend.. Apologies for publishing without her permission but I wrote it so I hope she won't mind.. and I am not writing nuclear secrets in it also ;)

Hello..

How have you been? It is such a long time.. I had sent you a mail before also but no reply :P No, I am not blaming you, I understand how it is.. We think that we will write it tomorrow or on weekends and then it slips out of mind..that's human nature..

Anyways.. how is life going on there? How was CAT? Kya socha aage ka.. will you be giving GMAT this year? I don't know how will I manage..there is hardly any time to study ..only weekends jis pe man nahi karta :( pata nahi kya hoga..

and the weather here is so cold and depressing..probably the worst fog and that too in end Jan!! I love winters but is baar I am not liking it :D

And do you really miss college? Main sach bolu toh I don't miss itna.. I don't know why...vaise miss karne ka time kahan hai ;) Ab toh you would have become a smart corporate girl who is idolized by all..good in everything!! You must be rocking every project that you would have done... Any hot crushes? or a special person in your life who I might not be aware of ;D
Hmmm.. any new gossips? Who is doing what? or who is doing whom ;D ? Do tell...

Yeah.. aur you saw 3 Idiots? Did you like it? But main toh waiting for Ishqiya so desperately!! ( ab main movies ki baat to karunga hi.. aur aata hai kya hai mujhe :X )

I stay in Delhi but still I am not in much touch with anyone.. I really have no clue about others.. Its the same whether you are 1600 kms apart or 16 kms apart.. life goes on.. but life is getting real tough aage...maturity, responsibilities, sense..all of which are lacking.. anyway I would stop boring you.. I toh will never stop cribbing.. It is my favourite hobby you know that :D

I had planned to write a mail on New Year but something or the other kept cropping up so kept procrastinating.. wishing you a great year ahead and hope this new decade add stars to your life..( khud likha hai, churaya nahi hai cell se.. theek hai) I mean it, not saying for the sake of it..:D I will keep sending mails as I love writing mails (but only informal :D)

Chao chao for now..
Aal Iz Well...
Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna..

Regards
Pankaj