Back to the City

I returned from a short India trip last week. It was okay. I got a little bored at home. I have nothing much to do there. The thing is that all my cousins are married and have kids. I met them once, but it is quite formal with them now. They have made their own life. And, I have no friends left except one whom I met. I wanted to visit Bangalore to visit my other friend. But it did not work out. So I was at home, listening to my mother asking me to eat everything or listening to her talking about everything. It comes from a place of care. But after a while, I don't want to hear it. And you feel so bad and guilty for feeling like this. The relatives I met all ask the same, "Shaadi kab kar rahe ho?" It gets annoying. 

After I returned, I had no heating or hot water at home, as the water heater stopped working. It has been freezing. I had to buy a portable heater, but it was not enough. Finally, the gas company installed a new one after a week, and it is so expensive. Last month, I got locked out of my house. I came to throw the garbage, and the door got closed. It never happens, but something weird happened with the lock. I reached out to my neighbors, but they did not respond. I was standing in the cold and luckily had my phone with me. I did not know whom to call, so I called a locksmith. He came and said he would take $450 to open the door. My god. These experiences teach you a lot about life. Honestly, it has not been a good year for me. Somebody tried to physically attack me earlier. I also dealt with a scam that cost a lot of money. Other challenges and struggles. Things not working out for me in any sphere. Financial losses. Personal losses. Professional losses. It is not about being happy or sad. I don't feel at peace. People move forward. Main na bahut peeche jaata jata ja raha hun. I don't share real issues with anyone because these are my problems. Kya hi ho raha hai. 

I made some observations about how much things have changed in India. I have traveled after four years (more like six years, as in 2020, I was in a 15-day quarantine, so I did not travel out at all).

1. Quick Commerce is big. I saw people using Blinkit and Zepto to order everything in minutes. It works. I am curious to know how much profit these companies are making. 

2. In vitro fertilization (IVF) is huge. I had never seen so many clinics before, but I saw one on every road this time. I saw ads written behind auto-rickshaws. When things can be ordered in minutes, babies are not far behind. Who has the time to be patient and keep trying these days? 

3. Ram and Modi are visible a lot in Delhi. 

4. Kejriwal is also quite big in Delhi.

5. I saw a lot of premium pet products shops. 

6. I saw even more phone shops. 

7. I saw a lot of premium skin care and hair care saloons. 

8. Things are costly. Everything was so expensive. You have to pay Rs.80 to take an autorickshaw for 1.5 km. 

When I was on the flight to Delhi, I watched Oppenheimer. I also watched Luck By Chance again. I learn so much from re-watching this film. The film shows that the stars live in a nice big hotel. The crew lives in a small family lodge. We see the façade of the two hotel buildings. This issue has been raised by some film stars recently, but the film had the insight to show it way back. It is such a fabulous film. On the return flight, I watched Inside Out 2. I also watched parts of Dil Chahta Hai again. This time, I again observed something. I saw a very violent streak in Akash. Akash is angry after Sid slaps him for making fun of his relationship with Tara. He could have hit him back, but he controlled himself. The background score in the scene belies this violent tension. When Sameer visits him the next day, Akash is seething and angry. Later, when he meets a disheveled man at the train station in Sydney, it feels like Akash will hit him again. The background score in this scene is similar to the earlier scene with Sid. Further, when Rohit tries to insult him by reminding him of their first meeting, Akash replies that if anyone had done the same thing with Shalini as he did, he would have killed the person. Finally, in the end, when Rohit tries to hurt Shalini, Akash hits him back. Akash was funny, but simultaneously, he had a violent streak.

I keep thinking that I will write about this topic and that topic, but then I keep forgetting them. I have a list of topics in drafts, but something comes up, and I don't publish them. I am thinking of creating micro-blogs to write very brief posts. I might also create another account on Twitter, given that I can't be honest on my current account. People don't like vulnerable people. I used to write these long posts earlier but now struggle to write them honestly. I also asked Perplexity about my blog, and it is so accurate. 

With nothing working out for me, the only thing that keeps me going is my focus on health. I have worked out regularly for another year [started actively working out in 2021]. I bulked up earlier this year and am now in my cut phase. I was happy with the progress. I want to look good. I want to look elegant and dignified. Not sure if it will ever happen, but it gives me a purpose and keeps me motivated.

More later.