Weekend Blues

When I am happy, I keep quiet. When I am sad, I feel like writing. And I am feeling sad today. That may be why they say great art comes from sadness. Take your broken heart, make it into art.

• Every child is special, they say. But the same child, when he turns an adult, becomes average, following the principles of normal distribution. I do not want to be average. I want to be special even as an adult. 
• The advice we often get is to never compare yourself with others; compare yourself with your own self. The only competition is your own self. But this is the problem. I want to be better than my current self. I want to be at the top. I want to know everything.   
• I miss having genuine friends nearby with whom I can share heart-to-heart talks. I have a lot of formal friends, but I don't share much with them. I hesitate a bit. I keep things to myself. You cannot tell these things to virtual friends.
• I hate when people copy my pictures and notes from here, put them on Instagram or elsewhere, and get millions of views.
• I don't feel like being at home during weekends. I don't feel inner satisfaction anywhere. I don't feel that sense of belongingness anywhere. This feeling never goes away.
• When I read some old posts of mine, I disagree with some of them now. It is what they call growing up.
• I feel left behind all the time. Like time is passing by quickly, and I am not reaching where I want to be.
• I feel jealous of people who write well with a literary flair. That part cannot be learned.
• I miss my old me. I used to be so much fun.
• All my hair has turned grey. I have started coloring it. Even facial hair is grey. I don't want to look old. 
• I don't feel like watching any new stuff. I keep watching and rewatching the old stuff. It is comforting.
• Tu Jhoothi Main Makkaar is a terrible film. Mrs. Chatterjee vs. Norway is a good film. I really want to watch Satya Prem Ki Katha and feel like going to the theater to watch it. I have watched only one film in the theater in the last three years. All the other films for the rest of the year don't seem theater-worthy yet.
• I keep wondering if this is how my life will be from now? I want to find something that gives me a purpose.
• I will be fine in some days. Happiness and sadness are phases of life.