Happy 2020!

• In Hum Tum, there is a scene where Bobby Aunty (Kirron Kher) talks to Karan (Saif Ali Khan) about the life of Rhea (Rani Mukerji) after her husband's death. She says that Rhea has become so quiet that sometimes she does not even realize that she is in the same room as her. This scene has been coming to my mind for the last few days. Even I have become quieter than I already was. Nothing has happened as such. My mother told me because I stay alone, I would now get irritated just by someone's speaking voice. I have become so used to silence that sometimes even I forget that I am in the same room as myself.
  
• These days I avoid sharing even random opinion on anything on Twitter because someone or the other gets offended. Like some singer's fans, some lyricist's fans. It just takes the fun out of everything. And, they come after you like really really bad. I don't have the smartness or the inclination to even defend my opinions. So, I put some funny RTs, some motivational stuff, and some trivia. The problem with others on Twitter, as Sahil Lavingia tweeted the other day, was, "People often poke holes in tweets, not realizing they were written to hit an emotional resonance instead of an intellectual one. The intended audience gets it, and responds positively. Others see this and dunk for their own audiences–spreading the message like wildfire." I thought to put some random thoughts that have been coming to me here. 
  

• Sometimes, we read the news of some injustice or some misunderstanding that leads to huge repercussions for someone. Then, the news about them completely disappears. In some cases, the news affects me so much that I keep searching for any information about what happened to them. For instance, there was this big case about Purvi Patel, an Indian-American woman who was convicted of illegally inducing her own abortion. If one reads the details, it becomes clear that she went through a difficult time and did not even know she was pregnant. She was ultimately released by the courts. But some days, I often think about her life in general. How is she doing?  How is she dealing with life? What would happen if this happened to someone you knew? I also think about Vikas Sachdeva who was named as a molester in the Zaira Wasim flight case. I believe it was a misunderstanding and he was unfairly targeted by everyone. I hope he is also doing well. Injustices like these make me really sad. Which is why I admire Monica Lewinsky so much. She has got so much more amazing with time. Imagine going through what she went at that age. Anybody else would have been shattered but she has tried to come out of it. She is helping others to not go through the same bullying she did. So much courage people show in their lives. People keep on harping about mental health and empathy on Twitter. The same people will then mercilessly troll by using words such as "ended her" and "destroyed her". People want others to say exactly what they want them to say. Else, they will label them with their favorite pejorative terms. 

• When I was growing up, the Indian pop music scene was great. There was Ho Gayi Hai Mohabbat Tumse by Aslam. I listen and watch this song every few months. It has a really cool story in its video. I used to think if I will ever fall in love, I hope it happens in a way such as this. Then you grow up and realize, all this happens in films. I don't even believe in romantic love these days. I just love to watch romantic films which nobody is making these days. They all want to make biopics which we do not want. #NahiChahiye
• These days whenever someone makes a list of their favorite things, such as movies or scenes, whatever be it, the first comment will be from someone who will say why is this included, why is this not included. Calm down a little, people. No need to take offense on something that people will forget in three weeks. Lists are inherently personal. There is no agenda. And, everyone can make their own. 

• I really miss talking to friends without any fear of being judged. I have friends at work but I am always very guarded there to disclose what I want to share. I miss having conversations where I can say anything that I want, like sharing some stupid joke. I am a funny person in real life but I am funny with only the people I am close with. These friends are now in different parts of the world and you cannot talk to them freely as conversations on call are usually specific. One cannot just talk about random stuff with them. I miss talking to my cousins and my friends. I miss Iowa. 

• I was looking at one of my older blog posts from 2011. I cringed when I read it. Thank you to everyone who did not sever ties with me given how atrocious some of my older posts are. This particular post was about five bucket list items that we were asked in an office meeting. I read that post again and these were what I had written:
1. I want to visit Europe
2. I want to study human psychology
3. I want to write a book
4. I want to be a journalist and a film critic
5. I want to fall in love
   
   Throwback to London where I met Queen Elizabeth in Buckingham Palace and asked her to return India's Kohinoor. #KohinoorWapsi
   

• I tried to track the above. This year, I visited Europe because of work. I saw London, Paris, Amsterdam, and Luxembourg City. So, number 1 is done. I have read up on psychology a bit (not studied in detail though) and I try to bring that in my writing. So, number 2 is sort of done. I am working on writing a book (which I will never finish I know) so number 3 is sort of work-in-progress. I don't really consider myself a critic, because I feel I don't have the necessary writing skills but my articles were published on Film Companion. I no longer have the desire to be a journalist, so, I can consider number 4 also complete. The last remaining is fall in love i.e. number 5. Oh, god. How did I even think of this then? I have become cynical that I don't believe in love. I don't think I am made for love. I am very selfish to love anyone. I only think about myself. I have started to think like Akash from Dil Chahta Hai even though I absolutely love Sid. For the next year, I have a few other bucket lists goals that I am working on. 

• I was talking to my cousin who visited me recently and I told her that I feel like I am becoming like my mother in the sense, I inadvertently do the things the way she does. I guess it is true. We become our parents in adulthood. I was also wondering our parents' generations will, perhaps, be the last ones who actually know all the rituals and festivities for special occasions. And, these days, I also really miss my grandmother. We were never really close when she was alive but she used to tell my father that I am her favorite of all her grandkids. I just miss her presence even though it is nearly eighteen years since she passed away. 

• I managed to write 33 posts this year which is the lowest since 2009. It was due to some disruptions in personal life for the first half of the year. And, then the uninspiring films released this year also did not help. It is really difficult to keep yourself motivated to write when the quality of the films is so disappointing. Also, the blog crossed 1 million views this year. To be honest, it is really not a big number considering that people have millions of views on their single post. And, this is over a span of thirteen years. But it is fine. I can at least brag about it. Haha. I must add that it is tempting to just not write these days. But I will try to not give up but then please give us some good Hindi films.
  

• These days, one of my favorite things to read is the YouTube comments on my favorite songs. People are really funny. 

• I am surprised by the kindness of people whom I never thought I will be in touch with my entire life and left heartbroken by the aloofness of the people whom I thought will be with me all life. No complaints though. That's how we learn about life. 

• I watched parts of Lakshya again on new year's day. I will always always always love Hrithik for that. It is a beautiful movie in every way. 
  
  

• I am already getting stressed about the amount of work for the next month. Why do we have to go to work? Why do I take so much stress about things not under my control? 

• I love this song below. Its beats are actually very calming. In the last year, I would have listened to it thousands of times. Haha. 

• 2020 is going to be a challenging year for me because I have to work on some life-altering decisions for which I took steps in the last year. I really hope things work out for me. Please keep me in your prayers.
• I wish everyone a very happy new year. I pray that everyone is successful in the things that they have been working on this year. Once again, have a great year ahead. Ask. Believe. Receive. 

Dialogue of the Day:

"Kabhi toh pehli mulaqat hi kaafi hoti hai, aur kabhi bahut si mulaqatein lag jaati hai."
—Rhea, Hum Tum