Long Time No See

I was thinking that earlier I used to write on different topics from daily life in general. Somehow, today, I started missing having that conversation. These days, I feel like I have nothing to write on or when I have something, I forget what I was supposed to write on. They say in The Lunchbox that we forget the things if we have no one to tell them to. I guess that is another reason that I have not much to share here as I have noticed a general decline in interest in reading here. Also, there are other things which I am going through but am not able to share here for the fear of being judged. In Jab We Met, Geet says, "Kitni badi bevkoof thi main," when she thinks about her life when she was young and did what whatever her heart told her. I feel the same if I write about them. Showing vulnerability is a difficult trait these days. 

Life has changed a lot in the last few months. It has been quite eventful. I visited India in January of this year for sister's wedding. I met all the relatives after almost seven years. I was a little excited to meet them but you know I felt no one was as excited to meet me. My cousins and others, everybody formed their own groups and they were busy on their own. Almost all of them have got married and are busy in their lives. Once you are away from people, they learn to live without you. It was the instance I actually realized that a lot has changed. I did not enjoy the trip as much as I had hoped I would. I really started missing Seattle though I have nothing exciting there as well, except for my routine life. Not many friends are left in Delhi. The ones that are left were not there. Additionally, my family has moved to a new house and it was the first time, I saw the house. Even that felt new. We had been staying in the old house for nearly thirty-five years and I saw that old house from the outside. I felt that some part of my childhood memories is gone forever. I almost had tears in my eyes when I came back because the trip changed everything. People. Friends. Houses. And my own self. And, there is so much pressure to get married now. I don't see myself in that stage but the everyday pressure is a lot. Really.

I completed five years at my work. Five years is a long time. It has not been easy for an introverted person like me as every day requires a lot of stepping out of comfort zone. When I joined, I thought I won't survive for five weeks. For my future, I have taken another risk by moving to a slightly different role. It involves a lot of traveling and it is making me scared again on whether this thing will work for me. But I will do my best. I really hope the reason I took this works out. 

I was talking to someone recently about the craving for physical desire. This was not a cheap conversation. I have been reading and thinking about it as well. I feel that nature has created this whole aspect in its living creations that they crave someone else's body. Desire is such a strong feeling that it makes one weak. The whole act of sex is beautiful in its conception. Two bodies form the most intimate bond. It is fascinating to me. Seeking out mates. Pheromones. 

In terms of movies, there have been so few movies this year that I want to write on. They are all making biopics these days. And, the ones I end up watching are really overhyped. Like Mard Ko Dard Nahi Hota. I miss watching a good romantic melodrama with the colors and the emotions. There is no excitement at all given the kind of movies that are coming in the remaining part of this year. Also, not many people are reading my posts of movies. At least two years ago, there were many hits even on average movies. But these days, the number of hits is so low which further reduces the motivation to write. Of course, it also points out that my writing quality has declined as well :( I almost decided to not write anymore. What is the point? Crippling self-doubt is the worst feeling. I had hoped to do so much with writing but alas! People are not reading posts of unknown bloggers these days.

Sharda Ugra wrote a piece on being single by choice. It is written wonderfully. Do read it. 

I was feeling a bit lonely today. I did not know whom to talk to so wrote this. Might delete this later as I said earlier, vulnerability is not easy these days. Hopefully, someone will understand. Will write more later. 

Prayers and wishes for everyone. 

Dialogue of the Day:

"Tum to life me bahut serious they. Kya fayda hua. Bahut bade problem me toh tum bhi phas gaye na."

—Geet, Jab We Met