Of Money, Kevin, Life of Pie, Etiquette, Loneliness, Ranbir Kapoor, Retirement, and Baradwaj Rangan...

So..long time no see..

Laptop's hard disk crashed and had to pay $300 for repair. I felt terrible. You know I get paid on an hourly basis because I am a temporary employee. So if any holiday is there like it was 04 July yesterday, I do not get paid for that day. I specially took permission from the manager that I want to make up 40 hours a week, so I have been going to office at 7 in the morning for the last two weeks. And lo! this stupid crash.. the more I try to save money, the more I have to pay. I cook own lunch everyday so that faltu spend na karna pade. I was saving money for a trip to New York. And I thought I will buy a tablet for my sister. Saare plans pe paani phir gaya. And upar se I am paying double rent for three months because I am in a different city and the house rent in Iowa City also has to be paid. Salary aati nahi pehle hi sari khatam ho jati hai. And second year ka fees bhi dena hai.. Earning money is really hard :( Anyways, jitna sochogo utna dukh hai isliye theek hai.. or as they say, if wealth is lost, nothing is lost. if health is lost, something is lost, but if character is lost, everything is lost.

For the past one month, I am addicted to Brothers and Sisters. I cannot stop watching it even though it makes me really really sad. Not that it is a sad show but some of the events they show are very true in my own family. I love Kitty and Kevin's relationship as a brother and sister. They pull each other's leg but cannot live without each other. Kevin got married. 

All these crazy people in my family are in this insane free fall and completely incapable of being happy. And then I realize how lucky I am because I get to come home to someone who is kind and caring and changes the light bulbs. And marry me.. I mean it. I don’t want to wait. I want to make this official. I am completely, completely in love with you. I even love the things about you that I hate. Because you make me feel that I don’t have to be anyone other than who I am. And to me that feels like family. And that’s what I want us to be. I want us to be a family because that never ends. I am asking you, will you please marry me? - Kevin

And when Kitty has cancer, he goes to her and starts crying even though Kitty isn't :(

:(

 You just have to let someone go..

I want to meet my soul mate..

But as Nora says, if you don't have faith that the world with turn in your direction, then it just simply never will :) 

I have so much more to write about it but some other day.

And you know a few days ago, this story came out. How an air bubble helped this man survive underwater for 60 hours. This story sent a chill down my spine. I just could not stop thinking about it. How strange ways that our life works no? I was constantly thinking of Life of Pie. That was after all a fictional story but this is a real life story. Seriously an air bubble? I mean just think of yourself in his position. How much calmness he would have required! Does it come on its own or is there any supernatural force that helps us survive such terrifying experiences? I was actually quite surprised by the scant media attention the story got and how everyone missed the Life of Pie connection. 

The last six weeks have been exploring some new things. Watched a play by Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream. Also, attended an etiquette workshop. There was this very interesting rule the lady taught, called as the twelve inch rule."The first twelve words you speak should include some form of thank you; the first twelve steps you take should exude confidence; the first twelve inches from the top of your head should be impeccably groomed; and the last twelve inches from the bottom up, should be very well maintained." I should start following it, given the lack of my personal grooming skills :{

And wherever I see, all around people are talking of loneliness. Even mom was talking to me about her loneliness yesterday. 

"Loneliness is a strange sort of thing. It creeps on you, quiet and still, sits by your side in the dark, strokes by your hair as you sleep. It wraps itself around your bones, squeezing so tight you almost can't breathe. It leaves lies in your heart, lies next to you at night, leaches the light out of every corner. It's a constant companion, clasping your hand only to yank you down when you're struggling to stand up. You wake up in the morning and wonder who you are. You fail to fall asleep at night and tremble in your skin. You doubt you doubt you doubt. 

do I?

don't I?

should I?

why won't I?

And even when you're ready to let go. When you're ready to break free. When you're ready to be brand-new. Loneliness is an old friend stand beside you in the mirror, looking you in the eye, challenging you to live your life without it. You can't find the words to fight yourself, to fight the words screaming that you're not enough never enough never ever enough. 

Loneliness is a bitter, wretched companion. 

Sometimes it just won't let go." 

— Tahereh Maf

Stephen Fry posted his experience with it a few days ago. It is beautifully sad.  He writes about his utter loneliness. When he meets someone new, he wants to go back to his lonesome oneself and then after sometime he feels alone again. Only The Lonely 

But the fact is I value my privacy too. It’s a lose-lose matter. I don’t want to be alone, but I want to be left alone. Perhaps this is just a form of narcissism, vanity, over demanding entitlement – give it whatever derogatory term you think it deserves. I don’t know the answer. 

And someone posted this on Twitter

 Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi posted this..

And that yeh aise hone chahiye, vaise to vo bhi hota hai wrote this :\

Kunal Pradhan wrote an excellent column on Ranbir Kapoor in India Today. Star next door. I loved this part.

Today Ranbir's star meter is at a point few actors have reached before. Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani is a rare, epochal moment that comes along perhaps once in a decade, when the audience starts believing that the person they're seeing on the screen is not the character, but the actor himself. It happened with Shah Rukh Khan in Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (1995) when viewers thought Raj was a physical embodiment of Shah Rukh. They thought he was a passionate lover who would go to any lengths to win the girl of his dreams, charming his way past any opposition. Shah Rukh emerged from that film as a funny, confident, upright, master-of-all-trades who women wanted to fall in love with and men wanted to be friends with.

The article finishes in such an excellent way.

It's past midnight now. Ranbir is back in his room. The gym session is long over, and so is dinner with friends at Bandra's new nightspot Nido. But he won't be going to bed anytime soon. "I am too insecure to crash early," says Ranbir. "I feel life will pass me by while I'm sleeping."

And if you recall Kabir also said something similar in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani that he doesn't want to miss anything. It is almost Ranbir is an embodiment of Kabir. Kunal says that the audience believed that Ranbir was like Kabir. As the last passage says, maybe Kabir is Ranbir.

Sidin wrote another of his thoughtful columns, Cubiclenama: The gaping void in our lives. 

Given the way we’re living healthier lives and have better access to medical care, chances are that we will live well past our retirements. So it only behooves us to develop interests, hobbies and passions outside work and home that we can fall back on. Running, cooking, writing, climbing or even cricket…whatever can keep the old circuits firing away till the battery finally runs out. Anything but sitting at home and waiting to flicker away without a fight.

Personally, I’m thinking of enrolling in some distance learning programme and catching up on all the humanities courses I never took. What are your plans?

I loved it when he said he is going to take up humanities courses which he never took. I am going to do the same. Take up humanities courses. In fact, for the last few weeks, I have been thinking of my own research project that I want to do it for my self..not for anybody but for my self. I have shortlisted a few topics. It is just I need to make up my mind and stop wasting time on useless things like sleeping. I want to achieve something :( Have to do it soon...

I have read so much of the terrific writings of the national award winning film critic, Baradwaj Rangan, that I just cannot get enough of it. He writes such detailed analysis of movies and he never ever gives a rating to any movie, leaving it to the viewer to decide on his own. I want to be like him.

About Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, he makes such an excellent point, calling it the meatiest love story since Lamhe, and I totally agree, given how much I love that movie. He says,

When Dev and Maya finally admit to their spouses that they are in love, Rishi flies into a rage and begins to break things around the house, while Ria remains calm and collected. Rishi wants to know if Maya enjoyed sleeping with Dev, but Ria asks Dev if he’s in love with Maya; the man is more concerned with the sexual aspect of the betrayal while Ria, all woman, tries to come to grips with the emotional implications.

Another beautiful point about Aishaa, he says,

Even the way Aisha sips from a spoon has a calculated daintiness, just this side of precious, and it ‘s only fitting that she reveals she’s in love by mumbling through a mouthful of gaajar halwa, as if alleviating the bitter onset of the grown-up emotion of love.

Wow! If anyone loves reading and analyzing films, check it out. Baradwaj Rangan. I make it a point to read comments as well as there is a lively discussion about the films. Such new insights. Like the comments on Talaash are outstanding.

More later.

Dialogue of the Day:

"Madam, ishq karna achchi baat hai, par uska sahi jagah istemaal karana seekho." 

  - Khan, Kahaani