Of Panjak,C, Stupid Seat Change, उर्दू शायरी and J's Resignation...

The past few days have been quite eventful.. a lot of things have happened..some good and bad!

As I have written before that there is some cosmo connection that whenever you think of something, it is some sort of co-incidence that you see it everywhere.. In my last post, I had written about World Sparrow Day and how sparrows reminded me of the story A Portrait of A Lady by Khushwant Singh (about his grandmother). I had written a post about my grandmother and I was reminded of her. Now in office while I was doing primary research for my project, a female respondent from the US, incapacitated by her inability to speak Indian names addressed me a Panjak,which instantly reminded me of my grandmother's way of calling my name Pangad :)

And in my this post, I had written about how my friendship with C has completely deteriorated and you know what C called me today!! It so happened that he had posed some pics on Facebook and I liked them.. I don't know whether it was a catalyst, he suddenly messaged me to send my number to him...I did and called me back. He is now in Delhi and asked to meet up.. I couldn't believe it.. It was after ages I talked to someone for over half an hour on phone but some how I felt it was not the same thing.. something was amiss...let's see how it turns out...
Also, my seat in office has been changed :( Apparently, some new joiners are joining and so to make space for everyone we have to shift on the floor below..What the crap it is!! I love my seat..for the last 1.5 years it has been my home..the place where I have spent the maximum time of my life after my bed..how can one be asked to leave their home suddenly?? that place defines me.. people say  यह पंकज की सीट है.. It is like I am being usurped from my home.. I am not very particularly fond of my neighbours.. I had been sitting alone for some time.. I can sit alone.. I talked the most to R and K both of whom left last year.. it's not the neighbours I am worried about..it's just that I hate change..now I have to start all over again :( Talking of usurping, you know the innocent people who the government chucks out in the name of development, I can totally sympathise with them..my whining might be inconsequential to their humongous suffering.. It's an extremely scary thought.. The Land Acquisition Act of 1894 allows the government to compulsorily acquire private land for a “public purpose” provided it pays just compensation.. So can you believe that tomorrow the government might come and throw me out of my house because they want to make Metro station at my place? What will we do?? It's time to update these laws but unless Miss Mamata Bannerjee allows nothing can be done! I will protest any forced acquisition of land!! How can a family who has stayed at a place for generations be suddenly asked to leave? We are living in an unfair world! More on land acquisition here.

Meanwhile, I saw some fascinating snippets of the debate in the Indian Parliament over cash-for-votes scam. Sushma Swaraj (who these days is my favourite politician because of her sensible and logical views on every issue and the way she is on a roll, I see a potential PM in her but why oh why!, she again said that she will go bald if Sonia G becomes PM, get over it Sushma ji!!)  and Manmohan Singh shared some fantastic couplets in the Lok Sabha..
सुषमा स्वराज: तू इधर उधर की ना बात कर, यह बता की काफिला क्यों लूटा, हमें राह्ज़नो से गिला नहीं, तेरी रहबरी का सवाल है..
(Don't talk hearsay, tell us why the caravan was looted. we have no grouse against dacoits but it is a question of your leadership)
मनमोहन सिंह : माना की तेरी दीद के काबिल नहीं हूँ मैं, तू मेरा शौक़ तो देख, मेरा इंतज़ार तो देख (I understand that I am not worth your gaze, but have a look at my keenness, have a look at my anticipation for you)

It's charming which Sushma ji admitted!! It was nice that the PM showed some spine.. Nice couplet for flirting no? I want to learn Urdu! it is perhaps the only language that has no cuss words and it is sheer poetry! But where to learn Urdu!! In fact, I want to to learn so many languages - French, German, Chinese, Bengali, Tamil, Multani (my own language!) The picture is from Berco's which means Chinese according to the people there! Chinese is so bloody difficult!

Meanwhile, J also resigned this week. He wrote a beautiful post (the link is here) on his feelings post the resignation.. It is a very complex world.. the thing you have been waiting for years and when you get it, you start thinking of the things you are going to miss.. God really is strange..would have made man after so much thinking! Anyhow, J gave a treat at Berco's (the above pic is from there) today and it was very nice! I don't know when I read that post,it also gave me a very weird feeling..very difficult to put down in words.. Once again, a big shout to J for getting what you want..We all will miss you :(

I guess this is enough for today.. Will write more this week about another amazing movie (hindi movie that is!!) that I watched recently.. Till then..Adios!! Hasta Leugo!

Of Holi and Sparrows...

Holi..

There was a Holi party in office on Friday. I am not a big fan of parties. I feel lost in parties whether it is office parties or functions at a relative's place. I only go to parties for food! So my primary purpose of going to the party was food, especially chaat! it is soo long I had gone to a wedding! I had everything from chhole kulcha, pav bhaaji, glo gappe, tikki, macaroni, aloo, dinner. My purpose was solved. I had gone prepared that I will not play Holi at all but I guess was expecting too much, as soon as I entered, I was smeared all over and once you are smeared it is really no point running away from the colours. Everyone, except one person, was completely splashed in colours! Else party was ok.. as usual I was feeling lost when people were drinking and dancing...and I was busy eating :)

Meanwhile I was thinking of Holi. I had only associated Holi with हिरन्यकश्यप-प्रह्लाद-होलिका and knew that people celebrate Holi with much vigour in Vrindavan as it is associated with रास लीला. Today Brunch carried some famous legends on Holi. Apparently,  कृष्ण was jealous of the fair colour of राधा, so he smeared her with colours and that is why we celebrate Holi. There was one more story associated with  शिव पार्वती. It's so fascinating! I absolutely love Indian mythology. I think Greek and Indian mythology have some of the most fascinating stories ever! I saw some amazing pics on Holi.. it is absolutely brilliant. I just want to buy a camera. Here is the link!! Stunning!! I have got these pics from there only!

I think Holi is one festival that epitomises human soul. Each of us has different colours in us - red, green, blue, yellow, pink, black, grey. These colours represent various traits in us. Our soul is a melange of all these colours, however the amount of colour is different in each of us and that is what gives us our individual personalities. That is why perhaps I love India so much, beautiful to the core...

And finally I got my एक चुटकी सिंदूर... see the pic.. एक चुटकी सिंदूर की कीमत तुम क्या जानो रमेश बाबु! ईश्वर का आशीर्वाद होता है एक चुटकी सिंदूर, औरत के सर का ताज होता है एक चुटकी सिंदूर, हर नारी का ख्वाब होता है एक चुटकी सिंदूर! 

Also, today is World Sparrow Day as well. Haven't these beautiful birds simply disappeared? Earlier I used to wake up at the sound of the sparrows but these days I am lucky if I spot one. Sparrows remind me of my childhood and I believe that we should try to preserve memories of our childhood as far as possible. What else will remind us of that? That is why I refused mummy from throwing away my school blazer and the antique watch she had got on her wedding! Sparrows also remind me of the Class 11 story, The Portrait of A Lady by Khushwant Singh. I miss these sparrows. Hope they come back. And isn't it ironical that we are fascinated by the artificial tweets on twitter and hardly care about the birds that bring the real tweets to us...It's an unfair world with unfair comparisons...

Of Deepa from Dil Chahta Hai...

You remember Deepa from Dil Chahta Hai? The girl who used to keep running after Aakash. I absolutely love her. There are some characters who remain etched in our mind forever. And for me, Deepa is one of them. She is one of the characters that I completely identify with. She kept running after a philanderer who avoided her like anything; who used to change his path when he saw her face; who hid behind bushes in hotels; who jumped in the middle of the sea as soon as he heard his name being called by her. In spite of all this, she loved him. Isn't it difficult to maintain the same feeling when you know the person you love totally ignores you? Being totally crazy about a guy who at that point in time did not even believe that there is something called love. Why did she do this? Weren't other guys available who could love her? Why only Aakash? That brat who never left a chance to make fun of her, and the one who got beaten in front of the entire crowd for teasing someone else's fiancée. Wouldn't Sid be a wonderful partner for her? It is this fascinating thing called love. It has no control over anyone. It makes one run after people that Monica would have labeled "What were you thinking?" (Rachel: Well, I should then just go across the hall and write that on Chandler) It was fascinating to see Deepa's eyes, the way she blushed when Aakash called her name. I wish there was more of her in the film. She was not dumb, but a very sensible and a smart girl. It was perhaps her love for Aakash that made her do silly things. At the end. when Sid sees another girl near the fort in Goa, I at first thought it was Deepa.

Would it have been wrong if Deepa and Sid became a couple? Would her love for Aakash be called as crazy infatuation. I don't know. I somehow cannot picture her with Aakash. What would have happened to her? Where did she go? I wish there was some closure to her story. Will Farhan tell us more about her? Someone who completely ignores you but still somehow you can never let them go. We can imagine what she would have felt by Aakash's behavior. Her story was of hope, courage, determination. Maybe she was banking that one day Aakash might change his mind. She was one of the strongest characters in the film in some ways, even stronger than Aakash, who in spite of loving Shalini, did not even say it once to her, and only does so on the day of Shalini's wedding only after Mahesh makes him realize why Shalini is marrying Rohit. Did he understand then how Deepa would have felt? Didn't she deserve Aakash's love? Was she unlucky in love? Why are people unlucky in love?

In one of the movie's best scenes, Sid and Deepa are sitting on the beach side.

Sid says, "दीपा तुम इतनी  खूबसूरत हो, इन्तेल्लिगेंट हो, तुम्हे तो आकाश के अल्वा कितने अच्छे लड़के मिल जायेंगे."

And, she heartbroken replies, "अगर मैं इतनी ही अच्छी हूँ तो मुझे आकाश क्यूँ नहीं मिल सकता."

Sid says, " हाथ में थामी मिटटी को जितना पकड़ने की कोशिश करोगे उतना ही वो हाथ से निकल जाएगी."

I love you, Deepa. You taught us many things about life. To be never afraid of rejection, to always say about things openly, and to express love without fear. Here's hoping you got what you wanted.

Of Losing Friends..

It's a really weird phenomenon. Like some cosmic connection. You know for the past few days I have been thinking about friends. On March 8, I had tweeted "time has made me lose out so many friends..I used to be a good friend to some of them.. and now I have lost them.." On Friday March 11, I was having lunch in the cafeteria and noticed two friends having lunch. I see them everyday. They have lunch together everyday. They were having Pepsi and seem to be having a good time.I was just thinking how good friends they are na! And today, Dil Chahta Hai was coming..the evergreen story about friendship..I mean whenever I have been thinking about something I see it every where or perhaps it may be that whatever you are thinking about, you notice that thing more so that you see it everywhere..ever since I have left college, I have become some what of a very bad friend. I always used to make friends that will be there with me for life but all of a sudden it is like I am losing those very friends..and it is me who is to blame for it all.. I hardly call any one and rarely meet any one.  I take so much time in making friends and there are very few people who I can call at 3 AM in the morning to help me out but it seems that I am losing them one by one. And add to the fact, I keep on finding flaws in them.. such a terrible person I am..ain't it? 2 months a friend had pinged me and I did not reply at all.. and ever since I haven't talked to him. I thought I will write a mail but you know time never comes.. And one of my friend's father expired.. I just got to know when I had ignored the message the day it was sent.. so bad of me...I don't know why it is happening but some how I don't feel like talking. And you know I am such a boring person, I run out of ideas to talk even with my friends leaving them even more bored of my company. And when I see updates of people on FB with their friends, I can't help but feel pity on myself. At one point I want to have super cool friends like V and K, but at the other end, I don't maintain my existing friends :( I really want to go to places like Kasauli, Bombay, Sikkim with friends.. Frankly speaking, I can go alone but somehow I don't want to..I miss you a lot C.. you were my only friend since I was five..why did you do this to me...what had I done..did I do something that hurt you..it's almost seven years since we talked..I know things will never be the same again ya...I have moved on..and guess so have you..

I guess I went offtrack ya but ever since I have watched Dil Chahta Hai today, I am feeling lost..I will try to be a good friend..While searching for the pic,I found this one.. I love Deepa..wish they had put more of her as to what happened to her after Sid talked to her :(

On Why Being Sad Makes Me Happy..

Some time back I had written a post on why being sad makes me happy, but that was more of a generic post. There have been so many people coming to the blog searching 'why being sad makes them so happy' (one of them is now my facebook friend as well), it somehow made me think even deeper on why some people including me feel a sense of comfort when we are sad. I really couldn't come up with a satisfactory explanation. I think it depends more on our nature and our personality. I am an introvert person and don't open myself easily in front of others. We all are looking for someone who can really understand us because we are surrounded by people of totally opposite to our nature i.e extrovert and too over the top. It somehow makes me feel that I am some kind of a different person, not suited for this world. In this quest for a person who could really understand us and let me be as I am, we somehow feel lost and know in our hearts that we have to change ourselves if we want to survive. And it's not so easy to change yourself as you are. To completely mould yourselves with the society, requires great mental strength, which I do not have. Thus a sense of disillusionment sets in and feel resigned to fate as to I can never be really happy in life unless I change. Moreover, I have had some pretty bad experiences in life. Whenever I have achieved some real happiness, something or the other goes wrong. Now when something good happens, it makes me feel scared as to 'is this happiness really true'? It makes me feel as if this happiness is like an illusion, which will last for a fleeting moment. It is like feeling guilty to enjoy this happy moment. Guilty of what I don't know? How can this happiness come to me? Is God playing some wicked game with me..is it the warning before a storm? Whenever I have tried to come out of this negative phase, something or the other happens, it makes feel as if this was a signal that you are destined to be like this. Whenever I try to bring upon a change in myself, it goes horribly wrong, so I have accepted the fact I will be like this all my life. I have been unhappy for such a long time, that I have become so familiar with it, that when happiness comes it is like something unnatural for me. We have lived in darkness for such a long time that when light comes, we feel blinded as to don't know how to react this flashing beam. We want to quickly go back to my familiar state where we have lived for so long. It is like darkness comforts us and wee don't know how things will pan out when lights goes off again. So why let light come in the first place? And perhaps that is why I hate things changing around me. And it is said that change is the only permanent thing in life. Is it then the uncertainty of future that makes me like this? Does that make me a defeatist? Does that make a less ambitious person? Can introvert people not be ambitious? People say happiness is subjective. Is something wrong when I say that my happiness is sadness. Isn't it better than faking your happiness? Isn't it better than feeling nothing at all? Is that why I love sad films? Is that why I like sad songs? Do you have a better explanation for this?

I don't know what I wrote makes sense or not but I have been thinking a lot about this. So randomly what came in my mind I just wrote..