Of M...

So long time no see...

This week was the thanksgiving celebration, so we had a few days off. As usual I had planned to finish some pending work but managed to do only half of it :\ I don't know where to begin. I have so many things to write but I am stopping myself from writing them. I don't know why..will write later everything. 

So this week followed a bell-shaped happiness level curve, staring with a low levels of happiness, reaching a peak and ending with a low level. On Friday, my friend M sent me a text message that she needs someone to talk to and she doesn't know who to talk to. I am not very close to her but I don't know why she sent me the message. I text-ed her back and she said she is feeling helpless and alone and she wants to say things because no one understands her and she thought I would. I really don't know why she said that because as I said I am not very close to her. So I called her back and she told me everything. The things that have been bothering her and she started crying :( Then she told me if we could meet the next day. We met and then she told her sad story. I was trying to console her even though I have the same insecurities :( It becomes very difficult when you face the same problem and have to tell someone else that it will be fine. You have to let go of your insecurity to make the other one comfortable. I hope she is happy. And then on FB, she put a status message thanking me. She calls me PKJ. No one can say my name here!

And the things she said disturbed me and I really don't want to go more in detail. I will be strong :)  And I am not going home in December. Things not working out, so will be here. Also, no money. Ticket costs 1,40,000. It will be cold and depressing here but it's ok :) 

I finally made paranthas for myself today. Had them after ages :) Onion parantha..will do more experiment in winter when my room mate is not here. Will be more free :)

Also, started a Facebook page for discussing movies. Thought a number of plans for it. I don't publicise my blog but I can post things on Facebook. Do like the page if you love movies: 

https://www.facebook.com/HindiMovieQuotes

Will write more later. Have a lot of things to write. Soon :)

Dialogue of the Day:
सबसे ज्यादा पसंद मुझे यह दूरी है , क्यूंकि अगर यह दूरी न हो तो तुम्हारे करीब आने का बहाना न मिले।

 - Amar, Dil Se

Of Diwali and English Vinglish

Hmmm.. long time no see..

I don't know where to begin. It was a roller coaster week. By the time Sunday came I was lost.

So it was Diwali the last week. We had a Diwali function in college on October 29 itself, so there was nothing to look forward to. I had a full day class till 5 on Tuesday with an assignment due the next day. So celebrating Diwali was not on the agenda. But the good part was that my roommate's wife came over for Diwali. She had got the 'jalebi' mix from India. She made some 'jalebis' and we did a small pooja. It felt weird celebrating Diwali away from home but I guess home is where the heart is and I don't know where my heart is. Mummy called and she keeps saying such things which I don't want to hear. Always tries to make me emotional like she said "tujhe hamari yaad aati hai"...ab what do I respond to this?!?! Moms are funny. But as I always say it is only mummy and papa who are there always. Rest all people can only show concern but it's them only who stand by you always. Like Gloria said in another brilliant episode this week on Modern Family

"Making a child is the easy part; The hard part is everything that comes after: keeping them safe, making sacrifices for them, and standing by them even when they let you down.” 

I gifted myself a packet of cashew nuts. (Fact: In this country, peanuts and cashew nuts cost the same). You remember in Dil To Pagal Hai, on Valentine's Day, Pooja (Madhuri) bought gifts for herself because she felt that on Valentine's Day, you give gifts to people you love, since she did not have a boyfriend, so she gave gifts to her own self.

No one will give gifts to me here I bought some for my own. As I was thinking last week also to love yourself, what better way is than to gift yourself something. And as always, the cosmic connection theory comes into play. Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi posted such a beautiful and touching message. How can anybody use words to create something that goes and touches the deepest inner nerve in your body! He wrote:

Sometimes I wonder why people – friends, lovers, allies – leave our lives. The answer is: They do because they do. But the more who leave the chambered heart, the more it is returned to its authentic silence, its original darkness. Every diya you light tonight is a remembrance that the person you have been waiting for to return is so deep in memory it not possible for them to leave: you are the sum total of all you have known together. In the darkness of their departure, when you are entirely alone, the sort of alone comparable to old oaks and sentinels, know that everyday you wake up you are already in the best company: Yourself. Everything is just right. Happy Diwali 2012.

It so relates to what I had been feeling the entire week. I don't know how many times I have read this. Loved it.

Arti

Diya

That's Jalebi (no.. not me but in my hand)

I somehow found out English Vinglish is available online. I signed up for Netflix. It wasn't there. I then searched Eros. I found it there. I cannot watch a bad print movie. And torrents are not allowed here. So I specially paid for the subscription. I cannot live without Hindi movies. I was planning a trip to Chicago just because I want to watch Jab Tak Hai Jaan but it didn't materialize :( Will have to wait. So I finally saw English Vinglish. I loved loved loved every bit of it.

Sridevi is fabulous. Can you believe she hasn't done a film in fifteen years? How spontaneous and naturally she played the role of Shashi. If I ask you to do something you did fifteen years ago, would you be able to do it with the same perfection? It is very easy to say this but think of it in your real life. Can you still do a  thing which you do fifteen years ago. Sridevi is lovely in the movie. During her interview with Anupama she gave a terrific answer.

Anupama: I remember watching you during the shooting of “Chandni” and you were sitting when they were setting up the lights and not really talking to people but when Yash Chopra would say “action,” you would just transform completely. Is it still like that? Are you still a switch-on-switch-off actor?

Sridevi: I’m the same. I always believe in one thing: that acting should be from here [heart] not from your mind. I don’t believe in planning things. It has to come from your heart.

Acting from the heart. She truly does that. Look at those scenes with Shashi and her son Sagar. Such moments of perfection Sridevi brings to a character.

The most beautiful part of English Vinglish was the conversations between Shashi and Laurent. They both couldn't speak to each other and yet they perfectly understood what the other is trying to say. They shared a beautiful bond and as they say love has no barriers, it was shown as well. I could watch the film again and again just for the scenes between them.

Here are the English translated version of what Laurent said to Shaa-shee

They are sitting at the road side cafe and she laughs after realizing that she ordered in impeccable English, he says , "il fait plaisir de te voir rire" - which means it is a pleasure to see you laughing.

The day before their final meeting, on the phone he says "Shashi I fell in love with you..can’t help it..despite me knowing that...and obviously I will be pleased to see u again..one cup of coffee maybe"

In the last wedding scene he says, "You will remain very special to me and I will cherish the moments spent with you for the rest of my life..”

One of my favorite scenes in the movie was when Laurent takes Shashi to the top of the building and she sees the beautiful city of New York. I thought that it was his way of making her see a new perspective, to see a world from new eyes. He is trying to open her heart, symbolic of the open space of the city that he is trying to show. He is trying to make her realize that she is at the top herself. In one of the earlier scenes, he explained to Shashi that she is an artist. When Shashi says, मर्द खाना बनाये तो कला है.. औरत खाना बनाये तो फ़र्ज़.. He then says to her, Food is love, You cook (sic) with love. Good Food. You make people happy. You are an artist.

Laurent was awesome. What acting has Mehdi Nebbou done. His expressions were so genuine as if he is really in love with Shashi. The way he emoted was fantastic. And as usual, I loved him because he didn't expect anything in return. He knew she was married but didn't expect anything except a cup of coffee. He used to take the same train as Shashi although he lived the other side so that he could spend some time with her. When she refused a coffee, he said if they could go for a walk. What else could he get no? And he would remember these moments forever. I want to know what happened to Laurent later :(

He is obviously in love with her!

And I loved Shashi because I could relate to her so much. While watching her scenes of coming to the US, it was like I was re-running my journey again. When she is sitting in the plane, she isn't able to figure out how to use the earplugs. When I was in the plane, I spent half an hour on how to use those earplugs with my co-passenger smirking at me. When she is trying to use the metro, she gets stuck and the guard helps her. But slowly, she gets used to it. I was lost when I sat in a bus here. But now I can go anywhere. In one scene, she says why do they keep numbers on the streets, why not simply name them. She was under confident about her life, whether she will be able to travel and survive. I couldn't help but think about the parallels between me and Shashi. When she gave the final speech I was shedding copious tears :( She said, "No body can help you better than you. If you do that, you will return back feeling equal. Your life will be beautiful. Family can never be judgmental. Family will never put you down. Family will never make you feel small." It's brilliant and totally what I had been thinking before. Cosmic connections no? :) Watch the speech here.

Gauri Shinde (wife of Balki who made Cheeni Kum and Paa) has truly done a commendable job. She dedicated the film to her mother. This is the story of every mother in some way no? Would be waiting for her next film :)

FT ranked her on the list of 25 people to watch for:

http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/2/e158c112-2eb7-11e2-9b98-00144feabdc0.html

My favorite dialogues:

मुझे प्यार की नहीं इज्ज़त की ज़रुरत है

हम सब अलग है, तुम्हारे लिए वो normal नहीं है, उनके लिए शायद तुम normal नहीं हो। दिल तो दिल है न, दर्द तो दर्द है न..

पही बार एक ही बार आता है, पहला अनुभव बहुत ही स्पेशल होता है, एन्जॉय बेशक बेफिक्र बिंदास

Entrepreneur...शब्द नहीं हुआ, ग़ज़ल हो गयी।

यह कैसी मासूमियत है जो हर पल हमारी कमजोरी का फायदा उठाती है, सब कुछ सिखाया जा सकता है पर किसी की भावनाओं का ख्याल रखना कैसे सिखाया जाये।

Every child should see English Vinglish..to stop treating moms as an embarrassment. When you do something embarrassing, she is the one who will come and stand by us. Natasha Bhadwar wrote a column on English Vinglish. I did not read it when she posted it but I just read it yesterday. It's too good. Read it here:

http://www.livemint.com/Leisure/jsSIkQaH4vuOhC3qjHHFAI/Parenting-sharenting-English-Vinglishstyle.html

The next time Shashi’s husband laughs off her entrepreneurial venture and “jokes” that his wife was born to make laddoos, I want to hear her rejoinder. Say something witty, sharp and satisfying.

Shashi’s children need to hear her speak up. They will learn from their mother how to stand up to put-downs in their own lives. It will take more than just Shashi’s functional English to heal this family.

I want to see this woman confidently declare her aspirations to her family in their living room. No more guilty secrets. No silent tears.

I have some more things to write that completely spoilt my mood on Saturday and Sunday. I felt so low because of some things. I will write later.

Dialogue of the Day:
जब अपने आप को पसंद नहीं करते है तो अपने से जुडी हर चीज़ अच्छी नहीं लगती, नयी चीज़ें आकर्षित करती है, जब अपने आप को प्यार करने लगते है, तो वोह पुरानी  ज़िन्दगी भी नयी  लगने लगती है।

 - Shashi, Enlgish Vinglish

P.S. - If only I could learn this myself.

Of Chicago, Getting Back Your Hand, Dil Chahta Hai's Traditionalism, Shah Rukh Khan, Rekha and Dil To Pagal Hai Trivia

Finally...as I wrote the last week was super hectic. Somehow managed to scrape through it. I have a number of things lined up.

I am so so so happy for A :) I spoke to her and she told me a very good news. I know the last time I called her, she was sad and confused. Now, she has taken a decision :) :) Hope it turns out to be a very good one. She deserves all the best in life...one of the very few people who can relate to me so much. 

I visited Chicago - my second visit after coming here. Every time I go fall in love with it a little more. It reminds me of Delhi in so many ways. It is modern and yet so traditional, people are rude, life is so fast, there are pockets where one should never ever venture out, but it is beautiful beyond words. It lets you be. It doesn't judge you. It is harsh but still you love it. I wish I could visit everything there. There are so many things to do there. We visited some companies there. One of them had a terrific office. A view of Lake Michigan with the Chicago river flowing in the front.

Park on Michigan Avenue

View from Sears Towers..

Glass Deck at Sears Towers (Paid $18 for the view)

Chicago River

I just managed to watch another awesome episode of Grey's Anatomy - Love the One You Are With. It was as always terrific. I learn so much from it. I should rather take it as a lesson to live life. The theme focused on how people in your life make so much effort to be with you, howsoever you behave with them - so give importance to them and love them back. Even if you are alone, love yourself. This was exactly what A told me - to love yourself. I always try but somehow am never able to.

 Richard gave this advice to Bailey. 

"You know what happens when someone lets go of your hand? You get it back. It’s a good thing. They all still love you. But it means you get your hand back. It means you have time… not to wash the dishes…But to do something with, to get out there, to take it to the next level. But you got to get out there, do something. And don’t look back."

Isn't it so true? When someone lets go of you, you get to be yourself and start loving yourself. But it's not easy no?

And this week, D sent me a mail which made me feel good. I was worried over some things but this made me smile. He wrote:

You are so awesome dude…especially your blog posts…it’s a weekly ritual for me and I wish I could be like you sometimes..so analytical, so much in love with movies…I’m going to watch that Yash Chopra interview. I also think SRK’s character in Darr is one of the finest.

And last week, A had also sent me an e-mail.

And you know what, I visit your blog every alternate day. On Saturday and Sunday, I visit at least 10 times, because I know that you will post something. Woh alag baat hai that I don't comment a lot, simply because you write very deep things and I can't think of what to comment :) 

Thanks so much :) I think A, D and S are the only people who read everything I write. I sometimes feel I should publicize my blog but then I will think every time I write. People don't understand things. They will always say kya rota rehta hai types. I am very shy (or afraid) of being judged by people. Call me a hypocrite but I think every time I write something on Facebook. Last week On Facebook, I put this picture of Simran and Raj from DDLJ and it became such a huge topic of controversy. I hate that. I removed it. Why can't people understand emotions? I avoid judging anyone as much as possible but why can't people do the same. I guess I will keep my blog as it is. But reading such comments is indeed very flattering :)

I also read another equally fascinating anecdote about my favorite film ever - Dil Chahta Hai. How much there is to learn from that movie. The writer says, 

Although it seems like a Hollywood movie, Dil Chahta Hai’s heart remains Hindustani, with its three principals professing a dosti that they will never torenge (“I will always be there for you”), Sid’s lap-hugging loyalty to mother  - even after she says cruel and unfair things to the woman he loves, and (as in Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge and Pardes) benevolent paternal agreement the crucial ingredient for making Aakash and Shalini’s boat-rocking “love marriage” acceptable.

Love it. I love the point about Sid's lap-hugging loyalty to his mother. Awesome no? It is so true of DDLJ as well. I suddenly remembered what Anupama wrote in her book about it. She wrote that how DDLJ was so much about acceptance of parents (when Raj refuses to take the jewels given to him by Simran's mom) unlike the rebellion of Bobby. I miss that book. It is back home :( I want to re-read that chapter. She has written a beautiful chapter on DDLJ. 

This week on the The Front Row, it was the Yash Chopra special. Anupama interviewed Shah Rukh, Katrina, and Anushka. I love this picture. Have you seen such beautiful people in one picture? How sharp everyone is looking. I have to watch Jab Tak Hai Jaan but how? :( :( 

Read the interview here:

http://blogs.wsj.com/indiarealtime/2012/11/09/the-front-row-shah-rukh-khan-on-jab-tak-hai-jaan/?mod=irt

Seriously what is with Shah Rukh these days? He writes such deep lines that leave me thinking. I cannot wait for his autobiography. He is an awesome writer. Check his Twitter or Facebook timeline to see how profound he is.

The illusion that you could hold to yourself the things you most want and lose the things you least wanted to keep is the struggle of life...

There is something wrong in me. I sense it. I feel it but I don't know what it is. I have a beautiful family. I have a few friends with whom I spend lot of time. I don't want to die like my father. I don't want to be unknown. I would like to be just successful. Believe me it is lonely at the top.

Somehow there is this feeling of emptiness. I have this restlessness, strangeness, which I fill up with my acting. Once, my father took me to show a cinema in Delhi. He did not have enough money. We sat near Kamati auditorium and he told me that it is wonderful to see the vehicles passing. When I want to take my son out for a movie I should be able to show him the movie and not the cars. I think my father was most successful failure in the world and I am proud of him.

A lot of things which are Bollywood-like or flamboyant in me are actually to cover up my emotions. I don't have guts to be so simple. To avoid depression I act. 90 per cent of the things which I depict in the films are experiences of my life.

And finally after waiting for so long, Rachel Dwyer posted her moving tribute to Yash Chopra. She wrote this:

Leaving Bombay, stunned at seeing Yashji's memorial photo but full of admiration (as ever) for Pam Chopra. Yashji wanted to be a good person and often asked me if he was. I wish I had told him that he was a great person and that I am honoured that he was my friend. His body may have gone but his films are immortal.

Do read it here. 

http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/obituary-of-yash-chopra/1/226400.html

I was also watching some excerpts of Rekha's interview with Simi. Simi asks her, "in the process of working with Amitabh Bachchan did you fall in love with him?" I loved her answer. She is awesome.

Absolutely...that's a dumb question. I have yet to come across a single man, woman  child, who can't help but fall completely, passionately, insanely, desperately, specially hopelessly in love with him..so why should I be singled out.

Finally, I was just reading some trivia on Dil To Pagal Hai. Aditya Chopra and his ex-wife Payal made an appearance in the title song Ek Duje Ke Vaaste. It's ironic that the song began as someone somewhere is made for you. They both are now separated. This is perhaps Aditya Chopra's only appearance on screen. He is never ever seen. Very media shy he is.

And while I was listening, I see Siddharth Kak of the Surabhi fame is also there.

And of course, Yash Johar and Hiroo Johar

And Yash Chopra and Pamela Chopra..

Again confronted with some realizations. Something happened as well but I will fight :)

Wrote a lot today. Have a lot more to write. Will save that for another day.

Dialogue of the Day:

कितनी अजीब बात है हमसे मीलों दूर रहनेवाले चाँद की पूजा तो हम कर लेते हैं, लेकिन जो पास है, उसको पहचानते तक नहीं।

 - Rahul, Yes Boss

Of Work, Icarus Paradox, Rachel Dwyer...

Long time no see.

This past week was terrible, and the next week is even more terrible in terms of work. Three assignments, two midterms, two full days of classes before the midterms, class until 8, a Chicago trip, and household work—I am already getting tensed. How will I cope? I didn't have the time to read even the newspaper—I was just skimming through the news. When work piles up, I feel helpless and lonely. But what else can we do? :) That may be the purpose. 

I don't have much to write about, though. I have to send emails to so many people. I haven't responded to their mail. U, M, A, A, C, R, and D...I must mail M. I just keep postponing. She sent me a long message on Facebook. She wrote such beautiful mail that I read it every time I logged onto Facebook and shed a tear. Solitude has switched places with perpetual loneliness. Why can't everyone be happy? I hope people find real happiness and remove the masks they wear. I remember what Anuradha's mom told her in The Last Song Of Dusk, "in this life, my darling, there is no mercy." 

I am also trying to make peace with the tyranny of distance. Some say distance makes the heart grow fonder. But it is right when they say: Out of Sight, Out of Mind. The hardest thing is just to convince yourself. I will like I always have.

I absolutely love organisational behavior class, in other terms, it is also called the human resources. It is more of psychology. This week's topic was conflict resolution. How do you resolve conflict in a team? During the discussion, someone said that sometimes working with a rude and demanding boss who ridicules you is good, as he makes you tougher. Look at the military; people are tough there because of disciplined bosses. Then, someone pointed out that the military also has the highest suicide rate in the world. People get so affected psychologically that they get emotionally stunted. I totally agree with this. I just cannot work with a person who mocks and ridicules continuously. Prefer to be direct in communication rather than adopting negative ways to motivate. But I love this class. I also learned something called the Icarus Paradox. More on that class later.

Icarus was a figure in Greek mythology who fashioned some wings out of feathers and beeswax to escape an island. So enamored of his new found ability to fly, Icarus ignored warnings not to fly too close to the sun. Upon getting close to the sun, the beeswax melted, his wings fell off, and he plummeted to his death. This tale forms the Icarus Paradox: The same thing that had made Icarus successful is what led to his downfall. In his overconfidence he had become blind to the dangers of flying too close to the sun.

And do watch this video. It is a discussion on the life of Yash Chopra conducted at Brown University. Barkha Dutt and Rachel Dwyer talk about him. Rachel Dwyer is one of the most respected voices in Hindi cinema. She teaches PhD students at Oxford University doing their thesis on Hindi cinema. Isn't it fascinating that one of the experts on Hindi cinema is a foreigner? She writes such brilliant insights on Hindi cinema. I am considering doing some courses with her if possible. I will write to her. But the only thing that stops me is money. How will I make a living out of it? Can I teach cinema? Neither am I a good critic (think more from heart) nor a good teacher? So how will I live? I get withdrawal symptoms sometimes. I still don't know what I want to do, but reading and writing about cinema comes very close. In the video, she talks about Yash Chopra (she has written a book on him), his life, and his upbringing. I love the part of Silsila and Lamhe. She also says there were different Yash Chopras - one of the Dhool Ka Phool, one of Deewar and Kaala Pathhar, and the third of Darr and films afterward. Barkha makes a fascinating point that his films were based on romance, but in essence, they also explored the darker side of love. Extramarital affairs, getting married to the wrong person, falling in love with your mother's lover. Rachel makes an equally fascinating point that his films made us think about what we would do if we were in their place. In Darr, he made SRK a stalker, yet the audience was rooting for him. Brilliant. I love such people. I have seen only half of it. Will see it completely. Here is the link. 

http://mediacapture.brown.edu:8080/ess/echo/presentation/c760c8ce-3e43-46ab-b147-6f92ea3ea50c

Got to run...more later.

Dialogue of the Day. 

Raj: "हे Simran, चाँद निकल आया "
Simran: “कहाँ ?”
Raj: “वोह देखो "

— Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge

P.S. — Who would not fall in love with Raj? He is such a charmer.

Of Armaan, Strengths Finder, and Halloween...

Yesterday, I watched Armaan. Remember, it was the first film of Honey Irani. She is a very famous screenplay writer. She wrote screenplay for movies, such as Lamhe, Aaina, Darr, Krissh, and Koi Mil Gaya among others. She is also the mother of Zoya Akhtar and Farhan Akhtar and the maternal aunt (or massi) of Farah Khan and Sajid Khan. I had always wanted to see Armaan but never got the time to specially download it, so this week while I was browsing some films at the library, I found Armaan. I immediately took it with me. Armaan is the story of Dr. Siddharth Sinha (Amitabh Bachchan), owner of a hospital in Chandipur who requires funds for running it. His adopted son, Dr. Aakash Sinha (Anil Kapoor), is a top neurosurgeon. He meets with Dr. Neha Mathur (Gracy Singh) and falls in love with her. Due to some turn of events, Dr. Siddharth dies and Aakash marries Sonia Kapoor (Preity Zinta), a short tempered, stubborn and spoilt daughter of a rich industrialist, who promises to give him funds for the hospital. Honestly, I was very disappointed by the film. Some unintentionally funny sequences in the operating room, terrible acting by Gracy Singh, even more terrible acting by side characters - Armaan was a big let down. The film had the potential to go to some new boundaries. In one scene, Sonia meets with an accident and is lying on the operating table having just 5% chance of survival. Siddharth's ghost comes and asks this question to Aakash. What is she died during the operation? What will the world say to him? That he killed his wife because she was troubling him? And if he doesn't do the operation, he will fail as a doctor because he didn't do his duty. If she survives, she is going to make his life hell again. I thought this scene could actually have been such a fantastic theme to explore..the moral dilemma of a doctor. But the film chose a very simple path rather than exploring some ethical issues - a successful operation with a change of heart in Sonia - no dilemma. There were so many scenes which I thought could have provided a very meaty film but it didn't. There was this film that had come - My Wife's Murder starring Anil Kapoor and Suchitra Krishnamurty. I think that too explored some of these issues. I haven't seen it though. So many movies to be seen and so less time. But I was disappointed with Armaan. However, Preity Zinta was fabulous. She was the best performer in the film even overshadowing Amitabh Bachchan. She was effortless as the impulsive Sonia, a very natural performance, perhaps one of her best till date. The last scene where she walks away from Aakash's life with tears rolling down her eyes is stunning. She saved the film from utter boredom. The music is soothing, one of my all time favorite songs, Mere Zindagi Me Aye Ho, is in this movie. Some dialogues were really good, after all Javed Akhtar wrote them.

अपनी मोहब्बत को अपने हाथों से दफनाना आसान नहीं होता

ज़िन्दगी अगर एक धुन है, तो हम दोनों उसे अलग अलग सुरों में गाते है, और इसलिए साथ नहीं गा सकते...

As part of the course, I had to take the Gallup's Strength Finder Assessment. Yeah, I know what my strengths are  - to constantly get worried, under confidence, and a loser in life :{ But I had to do it and this is what it threw. My top 5 strengths are:

Intellection

Learner

Empathy

Responsibility

Context

This is what the personalized assessment said in detail about the top five strengths. The more I read in detail, the more I think it that it is somewhat true. 

Intellection

You like to think. On the other hand, this mental activity may very well lack focus. The theme of Intellection does not dictate what you are thinking about; it simply describes that you like to think. You are the kind of person who enjoys your time alone because it is your time for musing and reflection. You are introspective. In a sense you are your own best companion, as you pose yourself questions and try out answers on yourself to see how they sound. This introspection may lead you to a slight sense of discontent as you compare what you are actually doing with all the thoughts and ideas that your mind conceives. Or this introspection may tend toward more pragmatic matters such as the events of the day or a conversation that you plan to have later. Wherever it leads you, this mental hum is one of the constants of your life.

Learner

You love to learn. The subject matter that interests you most will be determined by your other themes and experiences, but whatever the subject, you will always be drawn to the process of learning. This Learner theme does not necessarily mean that you seek to become the subject matter expert, or that you are striving for the respect that accompanies a professional or academic credential. The outcome of the learning is less significant than the “getting there.”

Empathy

You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person’s perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person’s predicament - this would be sympathy, not Empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings - to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you.

Responsibility

Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. You will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution. This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable. Your willingness to volunteer may sometimes lead you to take on more than you should.

Context

You look back. You look back because that is where the answers lie. You look back to understand the  present. From your vantage point the present is unstable, a confusing clamor of competing voices. It is only by casting your mind back to an earlier time, a time when the plans were being drawn up, that the present regains its stability. The earlier time was a simpler time. It was a time of blueprints. As you look back, you begin to see these blueprints emerge.You realize what the initial intentions were. These blueprints or intentions have since become so embellished that they are almost unrecognizable, but now this Context theme reveals them again.

We also had a session for this and they said Context is one of the rarest strengths in people. 

Anyways, yesterday was Halloween Party. To tell you the truth, I hated it. I don't know why but it felt so weird. Ewww.. it was at some body's place..if it was at a pub/bar, I might have enjoyed it slightly though. But don't know why I just hated it. Fake people with fake feelings, fake dresses, photos only for Facebook.. I am such a socially outcast person no? Perhaps that is why...

I totally missed Saif Kareena celebrations. I was checking updates every day. Ya, call me cheap but I was going through all their wedding pictures on the news sites :) Saif and Kareena make one of the most beautiful couples ever in the world. Just look at their picture below. Fifty years later, this picture would become a classic. 

Anyways, more later..

Dialogue of the Day:

"अपनी तनहाइयों का मुझे कोई ग़म नहीं, तुमने किसी के साथ मोहब्बत निभा तो दी, चलो कोई वादा तो पूरा कर रहे हो" - नेहा, अरमान

"मैं कौन सी मोहब्बत निभा रहा हूँ, और कौन से वादे पूरा कर रहा हूँ, लगता है तुम कुछ समझ ही नहीं पाई हो" - आकाश, अरमान

Of Yash Chopra, Emptied and Replenished, and All I Want Is...

Long time no see..

Yash Chopra died a few days ago. I felt terrible. I don't know whether I have felt such a feeling of loss for any film celebrity before. I was shocked by the news. I actually shed some tears, where as otherwise I am usually emotionless about whatever happens. I don't know why. Yash Chopra taught me to love movies, and more importantly taught what love is and what it feels like. His movies created this world with larger than life characters guided solely by emotions. Whether it is Viren's unrequited love for Pallavi in Lamhe, Nisha's heartbreaking poise when she learns that Rahul is not in love with her in Dil To Pagal Hai, Vijay's grace in accepting that his wife could once have a lover in Kabhie Kabhie, or Veer and Zara's supreme sacrifices for each other in Veer Zaara, no body seriously no body can project romance as perfectly as Yash ji did. He was so ahead of his time. I don't think anyone had the guts to make a film like Lamhe which was sheer poetry in motion. In an interview, he says Lamhe remains his favorite film. Lamhe remains my all time favorite film too and I have already written about it many times here. I have learnt so much from his movies. It is a great loss for all of us. The thrill of watching a Yash Chopra film is simply unmatched. Isn't it befitting that his last film is called Jab Tak Hai Jaan..who would have thought that he won't even live to see it being released? I am going miss watching a Yash Chopra movie...RIP

Shah Rukh, who is my favorite person on Twitter these days (seriously he should think of being a writer, he is awesome) gave a moving tribute to Yash ji. It is so beautiful. He says,

Whenever my loved ones depart...I feel a part of me extinguishes itself with them. Will there come a day, that I will no longer have a bit of myself to let go of? And then the thought follows...that every time they have taken some of me, with them onto their last journey , I have found a fragment of them left inside me too...I will always have some love to give and I will always be both emptied and replenished by the loved ones I lose. I keep you with me Yash ji and I miss u too Yash ji...lots.

I also found the interview where he says why Lamhe is his favorite film. It is a three part interview. The first one is here. There is so much to learn from people no?

As Shah Rukh tweeted those magical words, Meredith said almost similar lines in Episode 2 of Season 9. She talks about how the hospital has given her as much as it has taken away from her similar to what he says that he will be emptied and replenished by the love of the people he loses. She says,

This is a place where horrible things happen. You were right to go. You’re probably escaping disaster. Look at me, I practically grew up here and you’re right. It’s hurt me in ways I’ll probably never get over. I have a lot of memories of people. People I've lost forever but I have a lot of other memories too. This is the place where I fell in love. The place where I found my family. This is where I learned to be a doctor. Where I learned how to take responsibility for someone else’s life. And it’s the place I met you. So I figure this place has given me as much as it’s taken from me. I've lived here just as much as I've survived here. It just depends on how I look at it. I’m gonna choose to look at it that way and remember you that way.

Beautiful words...

And as Mark died, in the episode they showed how he died. While he was dying, he said this to Avery.

"I want you to promise me something, if you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing, even if you’re scared that it will cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it and you say it loud. And then you go from there.” 

It is as if someone also believes in what I have always said before here :)

And when the episode ended, the song played was terrific. It is called All I Want by Kodaline.

When you said your last goodbye

I died a little bit inside

I lay in tears in bed all night

alone without you by my side

but If you loved me

why did you leave me

take my body

take my body

all I want is

all I need is

to find somebody

like you..

I have been listening to this song for the past two-three days. Its original video is very different. I cringed at first but after you get used to the initial shock, it tells an awesome story. Watch it here.

It is a funny thing. My friend P was discussing with me how she has a crush on this guy and she has told this guy but she feels embarrassed now. I was like what is there to be embarrassed, and then told her that being in love is such a beautiful feeling which only some people can feel, so she should enjoy this as much as she can. One doesn't know how time changes. She got so happy on hearing this, perhaps she heard what she wanted to hear.

Some things happened and I don't feel like talking about them..Why does it always happen like this? No more mood off because I have to be happy for myself :) Nobody is going to help me.

Dialogue of the Day:

This is life, bad things happen, it's hard. But you find your people, you find your person, and you lean on them.

 – Meredith

"काश....काश मैं तुम्हारी जगह होता रोहित."
- Aman, Kal Ho Na Ho 

Of Thinking, Barfi, McGregor and Moms

Long time no see. Had exams this week. It was fun giving an open-book exam. Everything was allowed, from notes to the book to cheat sheets, except the Internet. It was very challenging. The professor made one comment during the exam. He said to learn to think rather than use the Internet for everything. You get paid for thinking; otherwise, they pay minimum wages to people in India who make beautiful PPTs for picking stuff from the Internet. Ouch! I was the one who used to do that at minimum wage ;-) But I love reading everything and anything on the Internet. That may be why I am not such a great thinker. My viewpoint is formed by what I read on the Internet. But I loved what Barkha Dutt writes in her column today. I know she is scam-tainted and all, but her writing style is beautiful. The way she uses words to bring that emotion (which seems forced on TV, though) is what I wish I could have. She writes:

Surely, irrespective of our ideological proclivities, our minds would be more drawn to a conversation that tells us something we don’t know? Or at the very least exposes us to a contrarian view that fiddles around with our doctrinaire comfort zones? After all, wasn't the job of the journalist to dig up the nuances left buried by an avalanche of polarized politics? If you’re shaped by the Socratic ideal of the unexamined life not being worth living, the absence of self-doubt and the assertion of smug certitude can make for extremely dull television viewing — even when it’s your own ideological compatriot doing the hectoring. As a student of mass communication, one of the first films I watched was Akira Kurosawa’s masterpiece Rashomon in which the same crime is recounted in completely divergent ways, casting a doubt on the singularity of Truth. Wasn't journalism meant to explore these many shades of truth?

And after the exams were over, I finally watched Barfi. No prizes for guessing, I loved it. The stars of the film are Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra. Two of my favorite stars are always trying to do something new, which constantly challenges them. They are rockstars. What acting they have done.. I am so happy that they received appreciation for their role after the boring Anjaana Anjaani (the film was nice, but challenging to watch again), which they had done together. I haven't seen any of the English movies that Barfi is copied from - The Notebook and all. Maybe he made it for people like me who haven't seen these movies. Anurag Basu, who himself suffered from cancer at one point in time, has made such a remarkable film without the pity and sentimentality that is typically associated with such movies. As Rajeev Masand puts it, Bhansali should watch Barfi to realize that people with special abilities can lead happy lives. It is difficult to believe that Basu is the same man who made Murder. I loved Murder and Life in a Metro, but was indifferent to Kites. Even Ileana was terrific in the movie. One of my favorite scenes in the movie was the test that Barfi used to do on his friends. When he tested Shruti, she didn't leave him, but instead slightly stepped back. In contrast, when he tested Jhilmil, she didn't even move an inch. That actually was the story of the film. Shruti was in love with him, but perhaps she didn't dare to make some difficult decisions, and when she did, it was too late, while Jhilmil stood the test of time. What I also liked was the hard-to-believe honesty of the characters. At one point, Shruti says she wasn't that sad that Jhilmil was lost, but was happy as she got Barfi. We all experience some pleasure when we get something at the cost of others, but we do not say such things, no? In fact, in the end, when Jhilmil was calling Barfi, Shruti would pretend not to hear, and both she and Barfi would walk away from the school. Or the terrific scene where Barfi realizes that has no competition in front of the Ranjeet..and my absolute favorite (which could never be possible in real life) was when Shruti's mom takes her to the jungle and shows her the man she used to love once. Was Shruti's mom wrong? She made some pragmatic choices that she thought would give her happiness. She did not get love in life, but at least she got what she wanted - a secure life, perhaps. What I also liked was that they didn't judge Shruti's mom at all. They did not try to portray her as a selfish woman who left a guy just because he didn't have money. In fact, she was one of my favorite characters in the movie. The conversations between Shruti and her mom were profound.

श्रुति: माँ, खामिशी भी तो प्यार की एक जुबान होती है.

माँ: वो ख़ामोशी ही धीरे धीरे एक दिन तुम्हारे प्यार को खामोश कर देगी, किसने कहा की प्यार सिर्फ एक बार होता है.

The film discusses the importance of making choices and taking risks, as not taking a risk is another risk in itself. These were my favorite dialogues, all by Shruti:

हम शब्दों को सुनते थे लेकिन उन्हें महसूस नहीं करते थे..हम हर तरह से पूरे थे लेकिन हमारा प्यार अधूरा था..बर्फी अधूरा था लेकिन उसका प्यार हर तरह से पूरा था.

झिलमिल ने सोच समझ कर प्यार नहीं किया और न उसने प्यार हो जाने के बाद कुछ सोचा समझा..उसने सुख और आराम की ज़िन्दगी बिताने के लिए प्यार नहीं किया..उसने बस प्यार किया और ज़िन्दगी अपने आप सुख और आराम से बीतती गयी.

बर्फी ने सिखाया था खुशियाँ छोटी छोटी चीज़ों में होती है..हथेली पर पानी में भी जहाज़ तैरते हैं..कागज़ की चिड़िया के भी पंख होते है.

And as always, my cosmic connection theory comes into play. Yesterday, I watched Barfi and then started Season 9 of Grey's Anatomy. The same thing happened in it as well. Mark and Lexie died together. My favorite people on Grey's. The same thing happens in Barfi as well. And one more Barfi connection. Today I went to this small town called McGregor. I loved it. I was the only one from my class who went. The rest of the people were busy partying. It was sponsored by the University, and I know I am not going to visit any place on my own. I don't want to miss these chances. Phir pata nahi kab milega..if I am thrown out of here after two years :{ It is a small town situated in a mountainous area and near a river. There was an art festival on the streets. At one kiosk, a man was making bubbles exactly like those in Barfi, the types that Jhilmil sees just before that song Aashiyaan. I was amazed by the coincidence. It always happens... these small cosmic connections. I was trying to click some pictures and the man comes and says to me.."You know I have had a bubble show so many times. Of the 35 people who come, 30 are photographers. What is with bubbles and photographers?" Then I told him about Jhilmil and the way she used to see everything upside down. However, these days, if you carry an SLR, people assume you are a skilled photographer. I have had a D-SLR for one year and still know nothing. I struggle so much with manual mode..use it only for macro pictures ..just cannot cannot cannot keep the camera steady at low shutter speeds :{ And you know, there was another young girl who seemed fascinated by the bubble, just like Jhilmil. I tried clicking here as well. It was my 'Barfi' moment, and I have named her the 'Barfi girl.'

This week, Varsha Bhonsle, Asha Bhonsle's daughter, died. Rachel Dwyer posted a moving article that Varsha had written for her mother, Asha. It is such a fantastic article. What is it with people that they write the best about their moms or dads? Many of the best articles I have read are written movingly about their mothers. I wish I could write one such for my mom someday. 

You have to read it here http://www.rediff.com/entertai/may/16varsha.htm

If I were to sum up my mother in one word, it would have to be zidd:'wilfulness' or 'obstinacy' doesn't connote the shades of determination and the readiness to toil that I associate with it and her. The more formidable the task, the harder she applies herself to it.

Haven't people on Twitter lost all their sense of shame? They make jokes about anything and everything, even a person's death.

I also wrote an article for my school blog. Since everything I write is posted here, the link for that one is 

http://www.biz.uiowa.edu/tippiemba/the-ties-that-bind/

Have to write about so many other things. The following two months are going to be more difficult. Something happened yesterday, but I'm not keeping my hopes high. End me, I only get disappointed. More later.

Dialogue of the Day:

"बर्फी ने आज़ाद बादल की तरह जीना सिखाया..उलटे पैर में सीधे पैर की जुराब पेहेनना सिखाया..पर सबसे बड़ी बात यह सिखाई की Life में सबसा बड़ा risk होता हो कभी कोई risk नहीं लेना."

—Shruti, Barfi

Of Imperfect God

Just saw this heartfelt interview of Jerry Pinto by Madhu Trehan on Newslaundry. I don't remember seeing any interview with such genuine honesty and a child like innocence. Jerry talks about living life with a mad mother, atheism, belief in God, the imperfection of God, doubts, Leela Samson, Arundhati Roy, writing, teaching.

I loved the part where he talks about the dilemma of an atheist - who to blame for your misfortunes and suffering. Also, when he says that there are two places he came closest to finding God - Banaras and Rome. And also where he recounts the guilt of a child - narrating a story of little girl who thought she was responsible for her house being bombed. The following is an excerpt from his book "Em and The Big Hoom", in which he has written about his mentally challenged mother, learning to let go and losing faith in God. He narrates the same passage in the interview as well. It is deeply moving...some absolutely beautiful lines in there. Will write more about it later.

"I lost my faith as an hourglass loses sand. There was no breaking moment but one day I found myself reading the Gospel without a twinge. I had always hated the Gospels because they had unhappy endings, all four of them. They seemed rush stories. He's born. He grows up. He preaches. He cures. He saves. All this is in the course of a few chapters. And then that Thursday and Friday, the horror of his foreknowledge, the last desperate plea to be permitted to elude this ordeal, the abandonment by friends who cannot keep vigil with him, the humiliation of his nakedness, the pain of the scourgings and the crown of thorns, the mocking crowds, the crying women, the cross, the crucifixion and even the last request – 'I thirst' – denied. I had always felt genuine distress at all this. I could not bear to read it, could not bear to put it down. It was the pain of empathy, the sorrow that this should happen to anyone.'

"That pain vanished one day. I read the passion through to check myself again. I read another version by another evangelist and was left unmoved. I remember being vaguely relieved and slightly guilty. I did not even realize at that moment that I had lost my faith. What I had left was a syrupy sentimentality and aesthetic appreciation of the Gregorian chant, the form of the fasting Buddha, and a love of stories. This is the standard equipment of the neo-atheist: eager to allow other people to believe, unwilling to proselytize to his own world which seems bleaker without God but easier to accept.'

"No one could offer any explanation for the suffering I watched my mother go through. Nothing I read or heard fitted with the notion of a compassionate God, and God's compassion, one uncomplicated, unequivocal miracle of happiness, was the only thing that could have helped. The sophisticated arguments of all the wise men of faith – their talk about the sins of a past life, the attachment to desire, the lack of perfect submission – only convinced me that there was something capricious about God. How could one demand perfect submission from those who are imperfect? How could one create desire and then expect everyone to pull the plug on it? And if God were capricious, then God was imperfect. If God were imperfect, God was not God.'

"But being an atheist offers a terrible problem. There is nothing you can do with the feeling that the world has done you wrong or that you, in turn, have hurt someone. I wavered and struggled for a long time before I exiled myself from God's mansion."

Do watch the interview here. I love Madhu Trehan and what she is doing with Newslaundry. I think this is my dream job.

Dialogue of the Day:

"खूबसूरती सादगी में होती है. इसे नकली सजावट से ख़राब मत करना"

  – Kaho Na Pyaar Hai

Of Mail, Indianapolis, And Eugene Cernan...

Hmmm...

Long time no see..

Last week I wrote about Judy no? I had sent her an email and this is what she replied to me..

I am so happy you wrote. You know I've been thinking about you and was about to ask M for your email. You read my mind. 

I am truly honored and touched about what you wrote. Your sincerity, inquisitiveness and honesty are at the essence of true leadership. Leadership is not about the loud band leader who beckons everyone to follow. The real leaders have a deep understanding of others and seek to help others be the best they can be. 

I believe that we are all connected Pankaj It is interesting that somehow I touched upon an aspect that you have dwelled on, the speaking up. I think our meeting and interaction was meant to be. Speaking up, in my mind, is not just the act of speaking but the self-recognition of the worthiness of what lies within and the need for your knowing to be shared with others. You have a depth of understanding, insight and compassion, Pankaj, that I know can be of benefit to others. 

This a new and strange world to you! With time, you will know what is worth adapting to and what is not worth adapting to. In the midst, you will feel your values and certainty challenged. Yet it is in that very challenge that you will learn what matters most to you. 

I have been away from my family, especially my children for 5 long days (the longest since I've had children!), so this was a big change for me. I just returned home last night. Your email and your words are like gold to me, for it is knowing that I have benefited others, that it makes the travel and the being away from my children worth its while. So my thank you! 

Keep in touch. Know your gifts. And enjoy all that which is around you.

And I came back from Indianapolis. It was so expensive. I spent $330 for the hotel stay plus another $50 for the food plus another $200 for registration :( There was a career fair there. It is so difficult to sell yourself and especially for a loser like me who doesn't even know how to talk :( I was so depressed seeing the atmosphere there..thousands of MBAs from all over the US running all over the place to find a job. I met people from office - A, A and P. They had also come. I just wanted to run away from that place. I actually came out early the first day. I was like I have spent so much money, at least I should see the city. It is a beautiful city. I also made a good friend R. He is in second year at my college. He saw me standing in one corner when I was just looking at things there. He came up to me and said, "feeling depressed?" Then he told me that these fairs are not for introvert people like me and him. He also wanted to get out of there. And then we both went and explored the city. He told me so many things which I will write later but that was the only good part of the trip. Then we went to a pub and had locally brewed beer. I loved it. Usually I don't like beer but I had two glasses. All the while we were talking about life and our insecurities. Then after that I went to two churches as well. They were beautiful. 

The last pic is taken at Hooters. Interesting...

On Modern Family, I was so amazed by Phil. It brought tears in my eyes. He is such a great father and a great husband. Awesome he is... Here is what happens. He talks about Eugene Cernan who is called the coolest father ever.

Phil: “I want to be Eugene Cernan.”

Alex: “Who’s Eugene Cernan?”

Phil: “Apollo 17 astronaut. Last man on the moon. Coolest dad of all time. When he was leaving the moon, he reached down and wrote his daughter’s initials into the lunar surface. Since there’s no atmosphere…”

Alex: “They’ll be there forever. Wow, so every time she looks in the sky she’ll know there’s a message just for her.”

Phil: “Exactly. That’s why dads everywhere hate Eugene Cernan.

All through the episode he tried doing something that would be a great memory for him and Alex. In the end, he did this absolutely brilliant thing. He wrote the initials of Alex (AD) on the board of a restaurant that was named Moonbeam. Fantastic no? Fathers are great. As they say, fathers are closer to daughters and mothers are closer to sons. I still remember this quote from Desperate Housewives, it said: "the best fathers are those who make the women in their lives feel like good mothers." And I read this even more awesome story yesterday where a dad advised his young son about porn. So cool are fathers no? Read about him here (http://www.salon.com/2012/09/30/finding_your_kids_porn/). Who do you want as a kid? A boy? A girl? 

I know I should have written a better post..I had five things pending from last week but I don't feel like writing about them now :( Getting worried about some things..anyways...

Dialogue of the Day:

"They say the important thing in life isn’t the destination, it’s the journey. the challenges you face along the way; the unexpected twists and turns; the disappointments you overcome, but they’re wrong. it’s all about the destination."

 - Manny, Modern Family

"ये जो वक़्त है न यहाँ जो हम काट रहे है, ये बहुत अच्छा टाइम है...देखना आगे चल कर हम इसे याद करेंगे और हसेंगे.."

- Geet, Jab We Met