Of Luck By Chance: Part 1

Yesterday, Anupama Chopra, in her new show, The Front Row, that airs every Friday on Star World, said :

"I don't know if this happens to you, but when I watch a good film, I kind of become giddy with happiness. I have a sense of elation and privilege that I was able to experience something so wonderful."

I totally agree with her. Watching a good film makes brings so much happiness to me that it is so difficult to put into words. As she says, I also feel privileged to watch a finely crafted story. If that film contains some references, I love it even more. I have said it many times and will reiterate it again about my all-time favorite movie, Luck By Chance. I adore that movie. If I have to make a list of films one has to watch, I am sure it will rank in my top 10. Every time I watch that movie, I learn something new that I hadn't seen or noticed before. So, in a two-part series, I try to recall why I love that movie so much. 

The film opens with a scene where Sona Mishra, a girl from UP, sits in the office of Choudhury, a producer of B-grade cinema. He says to her:

It is all destiny..सब कुछ यहाँ लिखा होता है (pointing to the forehead!) Maker की आँख camera होती है..Artist और maker एक दुसरे को समझ ले यह बहुत ज़रूरी है , तुम समझ रही हो न मैं क्या कहना चाह रहा हूँ. Possibly a reference to the infamous casting couch.

Looking at the office of Choudhury, we see a poster of Lady Detective, probably a B-grade film..and a poster of a film with the initials Kalap and some photographs of people.

And then begins the song...Yeh Zindagi Bhi. Oh! If you haven't seen the song yet, I think you are missing something. People who are actually associated with the movies. I fell in love with the film at that instant only..so beautiful..how can anyone make such a song.

Exist :) So true!

I loved this scene in the song.Actually, I loved every frame of the song!

The lyrics..

जो पलकों के तले

है अपने 

सपने लेके चले है 

कहदो वोह चले संभल के 

न करना कोई गिले 

कहीं जो ठोकर ऐसी लगे 

के सपने टूटे आसू छलके...

The entire premise of the film is on Luck! How do you succeed in life? And as the song ends, we see a cinema hall..how aptly it is named "Kismet Talkies."

And this is my absolute favorite reference from the movie...If you look closely, Sona's apartment is full of birds. The entire shelf contains birds.. pigeons, parrots.

She has paintings of birds on her wall.

At one point, Vikram comes and picks up the bird that had fallen off.

More birds at the extreme right end of the picture below.

And whoa!! Vikram is wearing a shirt that has a bird!! And that too, it is two-colored - purple and white!

How brilliantly everything is so connected! What do these birds signify? I thought about it a lot..maybe a reference to migration..both of them have come from different cities with dreams in their eyes..they have left their homes. Interestingly, Vikram's shirt has a bird of two colors, probably symbolizing his shrewd personality or the duality in his nature..even the bird that he picked up was multi-colored.. fascinating..am still thinking about the birds.

And spot the reference.. the game that I love to play.

So here is Kagaz Ke Phool.

Another one here..an old film Humayun..(at the right)

The film Aan...

Manish Malhotra and Romi Rolly talking with the poster of Anokhi Ada and Amar Prem in the background.

Raging Bull in Abhi's apartment...(top right)

I love the background below..could identify only two films from the posters - Pyaasa and Range De Basanti.

References I am still wondering about.

The pink elephants in the background...no not Mayawati :)

What is this girl? No idea!!

And why are these Sadhus running in the background?

Another brilliant scene..where Sona says she has no complaints with Mr.Chodhury as he has helped her a lot.

Vikram says:

कामयाबी और नाकामी इंसान खुद ही चुनता है.. Success and failure are choices we make..

And this scene bowled me over.Vikram's friend required a grandfather clock..now when the watch is taken, the place, where the watch was, is shown to be white surrounded by brownish dusty walls.. any amateur director would have not have realized the difference in the color of the walls..my respect for Zoya increased even more.

The imaginary films in Luck By Chance that I would love to see...

Sona's Teer aur Talwar

Sona's Roma Darling.

Ranjit's A Fistful of Rupees..

Even The Good, The Bad and The Worst! ;)

Ranjit's office table has some horses..bringing out his love for the cowboy in him!!

Rani and Akshay's Pyaar Hua Tumse.

Choudhury's office now has another B-grade movie Pyaar Ka Ehsaas.

Vikram was a brilliant person. He knew what he wanted in life and strategized everything with such detail that you couldn't help but get amazed by his thinking. In one scene, he promises his friend he wants to meet Nikki Walia...and his friend laughs at him..so what does he do? He goes and says hello to her mother, Neena, and flirts with her. He tells her, "I am in this world because of you as my parents were big fans of yours and met while watching your movie." Then he goes on to say that his dad once told him that "Neena Walia is one of the most beautiful women he knew," and then he adds, "tonight I will call him and say that she is still the most beautiful person in the room tonight." Awesome..who wouldn't get flattered?!?! A meeting that helped him get a film!

Or another one where his friend, an Assistant Director with the Bhatts, required a grandfather clock immediately. He started smiling when he heard this..took this as an opportunity to get two things done - get into the good books of his friend who will help him meet the Bhatts and impress Mohini Massi..brilliant.

And he took his chances..he knew that if you have to get lucky, you at least have to try things..don't expect things to be given to you just like that..like that scene when Sona says तुम्हे क्या लगता है यह फॉर्म भरने से मुझे fridge मिल जायेगा.. and then he says, मुझे लगता है की अगर तुमने यह फॉर्म नहीं भरा तो fridge जीतने का तुम्हारा कोई chance नहीं है.

In one scene, Zoya shows us that Abhi, Vikram's friend, is enacting a play called Doraha...two ways. I think the play's name is a reference to the movie's central premise..would you do things by going against your grain? Do you believe in only Luck and destiny? Which path will you choose?

The one which Chodhury suggested to Sona..or the one which Vikram sums up beautifully.

इतने दिनों तुमने किसी और पर भरोसा किया..अब अपने आप पर भरोसा करो..मौके मिलते नहीं सोना, बनाये जाते हैं, कामयाबी हम तक नहीं आती, हमें कामयाबी तक जाना होता है..अपने रास्ते पर चलते रहो..चलते रहो..धीरे धीरे सारी दुनिया तुम्हारे रास्ते पर आ जाएगी..

Or as Nand Kishore Sir says "यहाँ talent के साथ साथ luck भी बहुत बड़ा factor है.. You have to be at the right time and at the right place.."

When Sona says to Vikram that Abhi is such a good actor, he would get a break. Vikram says he hopes that as well..but he adds.He is content..उसमे वो आग नहीं है..Doraha is a symbolic reference to the two characters - Abhi, who was a much better actor. Still, he chose contentment..and Vikram, a good actor but ambitious one, is ready to do anything to get what he wants!

He is so confident that when Sona points out that he has an eyelash on his face and what wish he would like to have..he says, I don't need it..giving us more insight into his philosophy that a man makes his own Luck..or Fortune favors the brave! 

Another classic scene below where Zoya tried to show us Doraha or two ways..where some street children see Zafar and rush to his car. Zafar starts playing with them. It actually shows two worlds separated by glass boundary. Maybe, Zafar had also come from humble beginnings.. which is why he could probably identify with the children. I loved this scene!! I actually want to know how this scene was shot..the camera spans across from the outside to inside so smoothly.. a challenging scene to execute!

And as I said before, even Vikram's shirt has a two-colored bird - Doraha! Fits perfectly no??

More on this in post 2 but I always get reminded of my conversation with A, which is so so similar to what Vikram says

I feel being ambitious and contented are two sides of the same coin. You cannot have both. And I'd prefer to be contented than be the former. Being ambitious will force me to change myself to what I am not..and I am not ready for that, at least now!.

Zoya has created such beautiful characters, and the art direction by Abid T.P. give us some extra insights about them. It is just out of this world!

For instance, Zafar is proud and too full of himself..in one scene, he says he is an icon for millions.. Therefore, we see that his apartment is full of his images.

Another photograph on the wall.

And to give us more details, the wall has some luxury cars and some cool toys signifying his love for them.

In the scene where Zafar says to Romi Rolly that he won't be able to do the film Dil ki Aag, he says, " तीन साल से मैंने कोई break नहीं लिया है.Mechanical हो रहा हूँ मैं..I am working like a machine." And, at that moment, we see a mechanical robot in the background as if supporting what he is saying!! It is such layered details that make me wonder in amazement..stunning!

Neena..her house is full of flowers..the walls...the sofa covers. The pillow covers.

The curtains.. symbolize that she doesn't want to get old..always wants to remain pretty and fresh...

Choudhury's desk has a black animal signifying his dark intentions.

Pinki..the one person I really felt terrible for..she understood everything, but maybe, she was afraid to confront reality..always living in the shadow of her elder sister or the evil husband.

Mohini Massi is all so arty types..the paintings on the wall..the sculptures.. Most likely, she is reading an arty book.

 More sculptures below....it is fitting that a grandfather clock will be found in such a house!

And another detailed scene here..outside the window, there is a sun-like thing made of iron, no? And if we look closely, it is the same shape in the box below..so exquisitely layered.

Romi Rolly..loved the scene where he starts crying when he says no one respects him.

Lakshmi..in one scene, says...thora grace leke aao..Saroj Khan, no?

And somehow, this look reminds me of the Hatter in Alice in Wonderland :-)

This is the first time I want to put a post on Facebook..want to tell people to please watch and understand this layered movie..but as always, I chicken out by people's judgment. Should I? I Don't know. Will continue in post 2.

Dialogue of the Day

"सपने तो सभी देखते है लेकिन सिर्फ वही सपना साकार होता है जो लाख समझाने पर भी इंसान भुलाना नहीं चाहता. " 

— Anand Babu, Luck By Chance

Of Vicky Donor, Learning To Live With It and Apne Aap Ko Samjha Lena...

So long time no see..No posts..no Facebook..no Twitter for two weeks..didn't feel like..mood off and depression these days..aise hi...will write later about it...

Anyways, saw Vicky Donor. Found it okay. I loved the first half but was so bored during the second half, was constantly checking the time during the second half..a preposterous ending..the movie has a wafer thin plot..nothing great but what works are the one liners, some fine performances and the absolutely hilarious Punjabi-Bengali cross cultural clash. The most terrific performance that I loved was Dolly Aunty. What a stunning performance it is..effortless..natural..heartwarming! Perhaps the best scene of the movie was the one where Vicky comes home late in the night and Dolly is speaking in her sleep about her dead husband. What a scene that is. The character of Dadi was brilliant but somehow the performance came across as too artificial, contrived and forced. The way Shoojit Sircar has named some of the characters on drinks - such as the pet dog is named Whiskey (which the mother and dadi duo love to drink like anything!!) and the neighborhood aunty is named Pepsi (symbolic of the fizz and gas in her character??) is very interesting. Dr. Chadha's car has a model of a hanging sperm and even the paper weights in his office are sperm models! At one point in the movie, there is a book shown in his cabin - Berek and Novak's. I thought it would give a good insight about his character..but after googling, I found out that it is actually a book on gynaecology..so no surprises there. Also, it was so annoying when the Censor Board completely destroyed that scene by silencing the word bhen**** when Dr.Chadha explains to Vicky about his Aryan lineage "tu aryaputra hai bhen****" Continuing the research on the topic of Aryans, Dr. Chadha had shown Vicky the map below.

He says the Alexander and his soldiers fathered many kids while marching on their conquests from Macedonia to Pakistan. If one goes back in history (I know I research every little thing), Aryans attacked India around 1500 BC!! And Alexander reached India only around 325 BC. So Aryans had been coming to India even before Alexander.

After the collapse of the Indus Valley civilization a new wave of people entered India. The Aryans came from central Asia and entered India through Afghanistan after 1500 BC. Their entry into the Indian sub-continent was probably through a series of invasions from the North over a period of time. The Aryans were a semi-nomadic race of pastoralists. By 1,000 BC they had learned to use iron. However in time the Aryans settled down and became farmers.

Slowly a more ordered and settled society evolved. Tribes went on to become kingdoms. The Aryans became the priests, rulers and warriors, free peasants and merchants. The subdued people became the slaves, laborers and artisans. In time this stratified society crystallized into the present day caste system.

And there is a place shown in the map - Persepolis in Persia. It immediately reminded me of that gem of a movie by the same name - Persepolis by Majrane Satrapi. It is a fantastic animated film based on the auto graphical "graphic novel" by Satrapi on the same name about life in modern day Iran. Iranians make such wonderful cinema! I haven't seen many of their films but in terms on emotional content, they are just brilliant. I have heard such terrific things about Majid Majidi's Children of Heaven! 

Anyway too much of a digression..back to Vicky Donor..A few years back, Poonam Saxena had written an article on the curse of the second half.. She had said that most of the films had a fabulous first half but their second half was too much of a disappointment. There should be films that you go and watch their first half and come back! I won't call Vicky Donor a bad film..it is a far far superior film than any recent trash we have been witnessing.. It is a nice movie with some great performances. Watch it!

P.S. - On the desk where Ashima sits, it is written Term Deposit, then how can she open a bank account if she dies work on Term Deposit :P I know stupid thinking it is all possible but likhna tha to likh diya ;)

The concept of sperm donation is not new either. Maybe because we have watched so much of English sitcoms (the first episode of Big bang Theory, Friends and so many more) that it is so normal. But Vicky Donor is not the first film on sperm donation. Last year's movie by Onir, I Am, also had a story on Sperm Donation. And films on surrogacy have come before - the beautiful Filhaal and the melodramatic Chori Chori Chupke Chupke. But as far as I remember, it was Ekta Kapoor who had brought this concept long long before. In that show, Ghar Ek Mandir, one of her first and much better TV soaps (came on Sony), it was Archana who had gone in for artificial insemination as she did not like her husband's looks and personality. But as long as people are enjoying the movie, who cares :)

I think the female version of Pani Da Rang is so so much better than male one..once you hear it, the tune starts playing in you head, even if you don't know the lyrics...very nice!

Anyways, I had written in the last post about S, that I had sent her a mail. Yesterday, she replied me back 

Please don't feel so bad about my mom's news. I am learning to live with it - I have become more stronger in life. Just that, at times, I feel pathetic and feels that everything is a waste. Nevertheless, my dad is my source of strength and would not let him down. It was so nice catching up with you that day.  Thanks for those kind words, Pankaj. You're always supporting and such a genuine person - AND that is why you are one of my very good friends :-)

I felt so nice after reading this. Learning to live with it....because there is no other option no..we have to.. 

I met H yesterday and spoke for like hours. And as we were discussing, there are so so few people who are actually happy from inside..everyone just has a smile on their face but we don't know what is actually going on in people's lives...Learning to live with it..

And you know, yesterday, I also had beer..two Kingfishers ;-) 

I also bumped into A, my once best friend from school..things got somewhat weird due to some reasons..I have not spoken to him for the last 7 years! And I actually had nothing to say to him..just behaved so formally :\

Anyways, I also met you recently after ages :) I felt so happy. I loved it when you said that you should call me more often :) :) And when I asked, that will I find someone for myself and you said "you will find someone" I felt happy and sad at the same time :\ You are so awesome and I love it when you said you miss speaking to me a lot, isliye you should call me more often and don't think too much before calling. I know I am so stupid no?..main itna khush ho jata hun..as they say, chahat ke do pal bhi mil paye duniya me yeh bhi kam hai kya..but it's not the end of world no...main apne aap ko samjha leta hun...jaise har cheez ke liye apne aap ko samjhata hun.. I never fight for things..bas apne aap ko tasalli de deta hun...at home, at office ;-) Theek hai :) :) 

This week Rajeev Masand interviewed Zoya on the fantastic opening credit sequences in Luck By Chance..And I am back in my I -love-Luck-By-Chance phase again. I still haven't written that post on it..will write it soon..I love the part when she talks about the Angel going to the toilet! Awesome it is...I wish I could make a film like this one day :)

Anyways, more later..

Dialogue of the Day:

"अनोखी: प्यार तो बहुत मुश्किल काम है"

"दिया: काम समझ कर करोगी तो हाँ, और प्यार समझ कर करोगी तो नहीं"

  - Aaja Nachle

Of A Lot of Things!

Long time no see!

This last week, all of a sudden, I got messages from old friends. I spoke to some of them after a really long time...after more than two years I think. K messaged me that "are you dead or alive?" And then T also called me and I spoke to him for more than an hour! The thing with speaking to old friends is that you can only talk about past incidents or general topics as of today. You cannot speak with them about what is actually going on in your life because it is very difficult to explain to them what the circumstances as they try to benchmark that with their own experience, which is totally different from yours. But speaking to them reminds you of the good old times. And I also met another friend T. A friend from school and from the same class for 12 years! It is such a big co-incidence. She joined the same office as mine and we are in the same cab. I got a mail that T would be joining the cab as well. I was like as if I really care whosoever joins. But the next day, I get a call from the person who is supposed to join and she asked about the pick up time and place. The voice seemed familiar but I just told the cab details. And woah! when we went to pick her up, I see her and I am like "yeh kahan se aa gayi" and then I figured out. She is now married, so the the last name is different, that is why I couldn't figure out it was she! I didn't talk much after all how much can you speak in front of other cab people when are not sitting next to each other. So in the evening while coming back, I spoke to her. The thing I mentioned, she still thought I was the same person I was in school..and I am not like that anymore..even she has changed..I am not blaming her..how will people know when you are not in touch with them. I spoke about old school friends..who is doing what..who is going around with whom? Un dono ka break up ho gaya? *Shock and Horror* and things like that..

And I also spoke to S after about a year or so. I felt so terrible. She told me that her mother passed away about six months back. She has lost faith in some things. She is such an awesome person and am sure she will get the best in life. I then sent her an email in which I forwarded the passage that I posted a week back, from The Last Song of Dusk, about how life is like water..And did not say anything else. People don't want to hear sympathetic statements in such situations, better to leave them alone..I felt so guilty for not keeping in touch with friends. Aise thori na hota hai...

I also had my mid year appraisal about two weeks back. I just managed to become eligible (anyone joining before 31 December). Surprisingly, it was better than expected in spite of the sermons these people keep giving at regular intervals :\ He said that that you are one of the most positive people in the team (I was like seriously?? me and positive!?!?) And the same old areas of improvement that I have been getting in every appraisal till date - speak more and interact more :\ Theek hai..whatever..

And finally I managed to see Khosla Ka Ghosla this week. I hadn't seen it till the last week. Ya I know..it must have come on the TV about a zillion times. I watched it on the DVD. I loved it. More than the plot (no pun intended), I loved the characters. The film beautifully portrays the nitty-gritties of a father-son relationship. 

In that scene, where Mr. Sahwney advises Mr.Khosla to become his son's friend, he goes and buys liquor and while he is coming back, he is so embarrassed just by the noise of the bottles..only to find out later that Cheery doesn't drink!

Or the scene where Mr. Khosla is worried about Cherry's career being destroyed by their plan to dupe Khurana. And then Mr. Sahwney says, all this while he had grudges that his son doesn't help him and now when he s trying to help, he doesn't want him to!

And the absolutely delightful scene where Mrs.Khosla comes and serves Pizza to Mr. Khosla and he asks her to tell Cherry to stop spending money on this plan. And she says why doesn't he say that to him directly. He says it is Cherry's money, let him splurge. And then she retorts then why are you so worried if it is his money, leaving him speechless and asking for 'chutney'. My dad does the same at times, using mom as the messenger! So true it is..

And finally, where he says to Cherry about Meghna that she is a nice girl, even though Cherry didn't say anything that he is seeing her...

It is one of those rare films where father-son relationship is shown so realistically..neither bound by moral ethos or the other extreme of rebellion..Subtle with no need of words.But the movie also made me sad..the Kafkaesque story could happen to any of us. Any common man would just run pillars and posts if that happens. You can only pray it doesn't happen to you. Only a true Delhite can make such a Delhi film - Dibakar Bannerjee, Jaideep Sahni and Habib Faisal are true Delhites!

And finally I have started watching The Big Bang Theory. It's fine. Maybe I will start loving it slowly. Comedy is not my favorite genre but I love the science part of it. Sheldon's concepts make me want to go back to science.  The bathroom has a periodic table curtain! And in one episode, Leonard wears a paradox shirt. This is so bloody intelligent. Perfect! D and OX are at para positions - Paradox! Is this structure actually possible? Maybe! Replacing one H atom with Deuterium and adding O and X (a halogen) at para position. Will this be stable? Unlikely!!  X, being more electronegative than O, would try to take the electrons from O, giving it a positive charge. And a positive O would not be stable? Ain't it? I don't know it made sense or not..miss chemistry..my favorite subject in Class 11 and 12. I still make the resonance structures of chloro benzene at the back of notebooks, newspapers, rough papers,etc. I want this shirt.

Talking about pictures, in an episode of Modern Family, Haley dressed as Mother Teresa..a sexy Mother Teresa..Her mom said why did she dress like that and she said when she would have been young Mother Teresa would have been like this..Heh!

And I think you would have noticed that Central Board of Film Certification has now changed its certificate. It is now in English. Another thing changed. RIP to the old Hindi certificate that used to be shown before the beginning of every film. Now its clean and all in English!

I am so disappointed I will not be able to the Takshashila's GCPP program this time also. It starts in June and ends in September. I won't be here in August :\ So will miss the exam. I really want to do it. I am in complete awe of such smart people like Pratap Bhanu Mehta, Nitin Pai, Vikram Sood, Atanu Dey, Bibek Debroy, Swaminathan Aiyar, Swapan Dasgupta, Mukul Kesavan, Shekhar Gupta (yes, still respect him in spite of the 'C' word, it was a story that needed to be reported!) and so many more...To learn public policy from such intellectuals is  such a rare opportunity. I really wonder why aren't these sensible people running the country. Just read some of the columns by Pratap Bhanu Mehta here: 

http://www.indianexpress.com/columnist/pratapbhanumehta/

In addition to the high quality content and the points, the way he writes is so beautiful..what language.. literary orgasms if I may use the word. Superb. Like in the article about the Right to Education, he says:

The objective should be to remove deprivations based on caste, but using the instrumentality of caste itself to address that deprivation often reinstates the very identities we are trying to dissolve.

Or in this one about the Peter Heehs visa controversy, he says,

The relationship between “higher experiences” and ordinary life, the relationship between the transcendent and the social, has also continuously plagued modern Indian intellectual history. For figures like Aurobindo and Vivekananda, this tension is resolved at the plane of their consciousness. But it is never even remotely resolved at the level of social existence. For followers, bereft of the experience, what remains is the assertion of faith. We put ourselves under the yoke of the Divine when we feel its presence the least.

The complete articles here:

http://www.indianexpress.com/story-print/492798/

http://www.indianexpress.com/news/book-clubbed/935545/0

Or this where Swaminathan Aiyar talks about the concept of inclusive growth-

Inclusive institutions lead to creative destruction, which is essential for sustained prosperity but threatens extractive regimes, and is typically sabotaged by them. Only politically-free regimes will ultimately allow creative destruction. This is why some nations fail and others succeed. All Indian parties swear by inclusive growth, but define inclusion in terms of subsidies and reservations in jobs and education. This is vote-bank politics parading as inclusion.For Acemoglu and Robinson, inclusive growth means the spreading of opportunity to all to participate in economic activity, leading to creative destruction in which newcomers oust the old.

I really want to do something like this in life. But I just keep on saying..never do anything :\

And these days one of my favorite websites is www.newslaundry.com. It has been started by Madhu Trehan, well known author, also the wife of Dr.Naresh Trehan. It is a site on the happenings in the Indian news media. Some great content! Also, every week, Madhu interviews a journalist and asks them uncomfortable questions. It is really nice to hear candid confessions by journalists. This is where Sagarika  Ghose speaks

Sagarika makes a very interesting point. She says journalists and politicians should not be friends but should be friendly. Very valid point but as you know it is an ideal situation. For example - Anuradha Prasad, the well known face on News 24, is actually the wife of Rajiv Shukla and the sister of Ravi Shankar Prasad! NDTV's Sonia Singh (one of my favorites) is the wife of UP Congress leader RPN Singh. And of course, Prannoy Roy and Prakash Karat are brothers-in-laws. Do we expect media to be impartial then? I really don't know. There are so many links between politicians and journalists...hiding under the guise of 'sources'!!

And finally, the weather in Delhi has been so pleasant the last week or so. I was really hoping it doesn't rain as untimely rains would destroy the standing crop! Such freaky weather patterns we are witnessing. And when the weather is pleasant, one tends to enjoy the surroundings. While going to office, I see such beautiful trees in Delhi that I am amazed. Trees with purple leaves, trees with maroon leaves, trees with no leaves..so spellbinding they are.. every tree has its own physiology..almost like an individual telling its own story...standing under a neem tree is so comforting..I wish I knew photography :\ I love my Delhi..it is the best place in the world!

I wrote a lot today...anyways, still have so much to write..Will write later..

Dialogue of the Day:

We like to think we're so smart, that we have all the answers. And we want to pass that on to our children. But if you scratch beneath the surface, you won't have to dig deep to find the kid you were, which is why it's kind of crazy that we're raising kids of our own. I guess that's the real circle of life. Your parents faked their way through it. You fake your way through it. And you just hope you didn't raise a serial killer.

 - Modern Family

Peace...

I am feeling terrible after hearing about a friend's loss..I did not even know about it...

All around I see people battling their inner demons..at home, at office, among friends..But what can we do..Just pray that they all get what they want..

I don't feel like writing what I had thought about..

Peace.

........

.............................................................

Water...

A long, long time ago, I started out as a thought in the head of the Universe. When we were sent on our way, it was with the understanding that if we did good, it'd be returned to us. And if we did what was not appropriate..well...The point is, if we perform the right actions, do our dharma now, we may receive its dues in this life. Or...it may be carried forward, bestowed on us in another life. Death isn't the end. Each life, well, think of it as bead after bead on some divine unfathomable necklace. 

But don't you believe in heaven? There be no Heaven and no Hell that I haven't lived through already and so I see now it is all here, the compassion we hope to receive and the cruelty we beg to escape. Right here. In my palms and on your soles. Over this room and beneath your bed. In some fundamental way, we all are in total control of destiny. Because destiny is what we build each day with our correct action. With our work, our dharma, with the actions that are in complete abeyance to the Law of our Being. That's precisely what makes it so crucial that you should never see you life in terms of one singular existence, but try and imagine as if it were like water. See that rain? Well, our life is like the water that tumbles out of the sky and into the stream. And then some day, the stream arches in to the river. Running with a mad fever, this river heads for the ocean. Where it rests and plays. But before you know it, that same bead of water will rise up from the ocean's chest and soar into the great old sky to become the cloud it came from...and so on, life starts over and over again. Thunder unfrees the drop, lightning announces its return and the earth sighs at its inception..oh, the old sky we all are here, and always the ocean will be.

Even love comes with own season...and relationships with their own kismet. They start through us and then love loves through us. And when the give-and-take between the two individuals is over, the relationship fades. Like a fruit that must fall from the bough if it to carry its life in the next avatar. There is nothing more critical than to exercise the generosity to let something end with the grace that it started with. By your dying, you love doesn't vanish..Oh no no..never! It survives. Quietly. Under the skin of things.

The memory of happiness is as heart breaking at its absence. All the things we carry inside us are precisely the things we're just bursting to tell.

- Anuradha Gandharva, The Last Song of Dusk

Why did Van Gogh paint a starry night? Because the sky is beautiful and everybody likes looking at it. And it reminds us that there is something up there watching all of us.

- Luke, Modern Family

Of Charlotte (Chandra) in Pride (Bride) and Prejudice, Sanjog, and Black..

Hmm. Long time no see.

Last week the whole world was going crazy about Virat Kohli. I don't know there was this whole peculiar twang that I was hearing in my head. I couldn't figure out who it was. Then after much deliberation, I realized it was Nadira Babbar's 'Mr. Kohli'. Nadira Babbar in Bride and Prejudice. Yes, the same Mr. Kohli for whom they sang that song 'No Life Without Wife'.

So, this week I have been thinking about Pride and Prejudice and as always the cosmic connection theory works this time as well. Pride and Prejudice. I am a big fan of English Classics. I love the language in them..the air of everything so formal..the high frequency of the word 'countenance'. I had read all of Jane Austen's classics in Class 10 - Pride and Prejudice, Emma, Northanger Abbey, Sense and Sensibility, Mansfield Park. I have forgotten the exact details of all of them. I should read them again. I will appreciate the language even more as I think I have developed into a better reader over the years. Earlier, I used to just read..slowly, as one picks up the habit, one tends to connect with the characters even more. I will try but I still remember Pride and Prejudice and it remains my all-time favorite. So, this whole Kohli thing reminded me of a much-hated character in Pride and Prejudice...Charlotte Lucas..or if you have seen Bride and Prejudice, I am talking about Chandra (played by Sonali Kulkarni), Lalita's friend.

Mr.Collins (Mr. Kohli) had proposed to Elizabeth Bennett (Lalita), but she refused the proposal because she didn't love him at all. After all, he was a conceited, pompous, and bombastic man whom no woman would ever like. However, days later, after Elizabeth had rejected Mr.Collins, Charlotte (or Chandra) marries the obnoxious Mr.Collins (Mr.Kohli). Lizzie was shocked to see that her sensible friend had made such a disastrous choice, as Lizzie always believed in the concept of love in a marriage and she could not understand how could Charlotte love Mr.Collins! Charlotte was not very pretty, was twenty-seven years of age and her family had limited income. In those days, women were not allowed to inherit property. And to be 27 and still unmarried was very very unusual. So, did she do any wrong if she chose to marry Mr.Collins, who was perhaps her last chance to live a decent life? No..she chose to be pragmatic. She knew she can't find love now. Charlotte thinks that marriage changes people drastically, so it hardly matters whether couples marry after knowing each other for a day or a year. Charlotte says, "Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance". Isn't it so true? You never know, how things turn out later in a marriage..the person you thought you knew might not be as you expected. It's a big risk anyway. Lizzie said, only the deepest love will induce me into matrimony, and she slowly falls in love with Mr. Darcy although she hated him after their first meeting! So, what wrong did Charlotte do if she chose a stable future over love..everybody has their own choices and limitations and has to take decisions accordingly? Elizabeth seems to blame Charlotte for wanting a comfortable home and a family. But Charlotte was not dumb! She was very very sensible, insightful, and prescient. In fact, she was the first one who told Lizzie that Jane's introverted nature may force Mr.Bingley to think that she doesn't like him. And this is what happened. Charlotte was a realist and Lizzie was an idealist..maybe she might slowly learn to love Mr. Collins. Why being judgemental about her choices. As it is said, There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they are the way they are. Think about that before you judge someone.

Here is something rightly said about Charlotte

Charlotte also gets in that famous line, "happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance…It is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life". Elizabeth laughs at her, and says, "you would never act in this way yourself." As we know, though, that's exactly what Charlotte does. After Elizabeth rejects Mr. Collins, Charlotte accepts him, even knowing that she's only his second choice (third, actually, since Mr. Collins initially had his eye on Jane). How did Charlotte manage to get a marriage proposal out of Mr. Collins the day after he'd been rejected by Elizabeth? We don't really know, because Austen doesn't narrate the proposal scene. Does Charlotte recognize that his business in town is wife-hunting, and deliberately flirting in the way that she suggested that Jane should do with Bingley? Maybe.

That's not all! We have even a third idea about what Charlotte's point in the novel is – she is another lesson in empathy for Elizabeth. Check out how horrified Elizabeth first is when Charlotte tells her she's going to marry Mr. Collins. Seriously, she almost throws up a little in her mouth. Then, after she goes to visit the Collinses, Elizabeth slowly realizes that not everyone has to live life the way she would want to, and kind of gets a better sense of her friend.

And this is my favorite quote from Pride and Prejudice

“Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves; vanity, to what we would have others think of us.”

And talking about marriage, our cab driver this week told his sad story this week. He said he was married in 1996 but the lady loved someone else and left him. He then said that what was his fault? The marriage didn't work out. Had he known before, he wouldn't have married in the first place but then things are not in our control. And later he fell in love with another woman..and again, this time he was betrayed as the woman was already married and had two kids. So, he has seen failure in both love and marriage..Such sad stories.and he said the same thing as Charlotte said, shaadi karne ke baad, kya ho kise pata...mujhe bhi thori pata tha aisa kuch hoga...

And I just hate..literally hate arranged marriage meetings :( For the last 3-4 Sundays, I have to go to see prospective grooms for my sister and I don't like it. I can empathize with what she actually goes through...Saath me mera interview bhi ho jata hai :( :( Ab bhai, how is my salary going to impact your life. I am not giving you any of my hard-earned salaries..huh. I will spend it on myself.

There was this song that was playing on the radio on one of the last few days...Yashoda Ka Nand Lala from the movie Sanjog. Aah. Sanjog. I love that movie. This movie always makes me nostalgic. I had first seen it at a time when I actually used to watch movies on TV. Zee Cinema, Home TV, ATM..the few channels that played movies. Meri Jung, Karz, and Karma used to come every third day and after school, I used to watch these movies religiously. And these days I hardly watch TV :{ I have seen Sanjog so many times and I still love it. There is this hilarious track in the movie in which Aruna Irani keeps winking her one eye and Asrani thinks that she is trying to hit on him..haha..later he realizes that she has a congenital effect :P And when they have kids, they also have this defect..it is so so funny.

As usual, I digress.Sanjog is a beautiful movie. Yashoda (Jaya Prada) and Naren (Jeetendra) get married. Naren's elder brother and sister-in-law have a kid named Raju. Raju's mother is least interested in taking care of him. Yashoda takes the charge of Raju and gives him all the love and affection. However, one day Raju dies in an accident during a procession. Unable to bear the loss of Raju's death, Yashoda gets depressed and her mental health deteriorates. However, she also delivers a daughter named Asha. So this time, Naren's elder brother and sister-in-law take care of her upbringing. Yashoda is sent to a mental asylum and Naren turns into an alcoholic. Years later, Asha is well settled and grows up. She has her own kid, who strikingly resembles Raju. She finds the truth about her mother and visits her in the asylum. Seeing her pitiable state where her mother is carrying a log of wood dressed as a baby, Asha is heartbroken and depressed. As a mark of her respect and as a way to help her, Asha then leaves her son to her mother and makes the ultimate sacrifice. It is a really nice movie with decent performances. Worth a watch!!

Birthday wishes to Rani, one of my all-time favorite actresses. Just watch this stunning video...Brilliant!

Dialogue of the Day:

"Kai koshishon ke baad, aakhir makdi ne baar baar girne ke bavjood apna ghar bana hi liya, cheenti pahaad par chadi, ek khhachue ne registan par kar liya..aur aaj Micheele ek graduate ho gayi." - Black

"Black ka matlab sirf ghutan ya andera nahi hota...it is the color of achievement, the color of knowledge..the color of the graduation robe." - Black

Of Disliking RHTDM, Disagreeing with 3 Idiots, and Loving Modern Family

You know what takes real strength? Showing affection.

The last week I again watched Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein. For some people, it is a cult movie (cult movie definition: a movie that flopped but some will still fight for it). I have never had a fascination with that movie. In fact, I did not like the film at all. The movie is a perfect example of terrible acting. Madhavan and his gang of friends consistently ham and deliver horrible performances. Of course, it was Madhavan's first hindi film, so expectedly, in a first film, an actor tries very hard to be natural but doesn't always work. But as usual I digress. I did not like the film because of bad acting! I have no problems with bad acting per se (after all I loved Sonam in I Hate Luv Storys). Dia Mirza and Saif weren't that bad. I had a problem with its concept. Consider the plot. Maddy falls in love (at first sight) with Reena. Later he finds out that Reena is supposed to meet Rajiv, her childhood friend to whom her parents are considering getting her married. Rajiv is planning to come to town to meet Reena but for some reason doesn't come. Maddy, who is actually spying and stalking Reena, gets to know of Rajeev's plans and impersonates him and meets Reena. He spends five days with her in the city, during which Reena eventually falls in love with Maddy, thinking of him as Rajiv. Of course, the real Rajiv turns up and Reena is shocked and heart broken by Maddy's lies. Rajiv and Maddy, infact, turn out to be old college rivals with a history of confrontation between them. Reena tries to forget Maddy by agreeing to marry Rajiv. Rajiv, just like Aman in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, senses the unhappiness in Reena and asks her whom she really loves. Sensing that Reena is still madly in love with Maddy, he lets go of her. 

My problem is with Maddy's character. What he did was so so wrong!! You are spying on a girl, literally stalking her, and have the guts to impersonate as her friend and spend time with her. And when the girl finds out, you threaten her by going to her office to tell her to fall in love with you! I mean think of it in real life..if you were an single woman living in a city like Delhi, and what if a guy does to you like this!! He could actually be jailed. And look at the guts of Maddy, he and his cohorts go and threaten Rajiv with dire consequences if he marries Reena. I mean, what is Rajiv's fault?!?! That he is Rajiv! Get a life you morons! 

Shruti, Reena's friend, tries to justify Maddy's act by saying to Reena, चाहे ही उसका रास्ता गलत हो, पर वो इंसान गलत नहीं है.. Reena counteracts that जब इंसान ही गलत हो, तोह फिर क्या सही और क्या गलत. उसने मेरे विशवास को तोडा है. He hurt me. 

The fact is Maddy started his relationship with Reena on lies, howsoever madly in love with her he may be. Yes, he even ate chicken by going against his religion just to show his love!!. Still, he was wrong. And instead of being apologetic, he is trying to get her through vengeance. He was a loser. Rajiv was actually the hero but they treated him as a villain. He let go of Reena..it was he understood that Reena will never be happy be with him..he let go of what could have been a perfect life if Maddy had not come into the picture..but alas! as they say, the winner is the one who gets the girl in the end. So so unfair. I hate Maddy :X Talking about stalking, I think Hindi films actually have scant respect for women's rights. Here the hero follows the girl until she says yes to him and this is so normal, that should we surprised that these roadside romeos stalking outside girls' colleges think themselves as 'heroes' and misbehave with them. But it is too naive to blame films for such things! Nevertheless, I loved the music of RHTDM. Zara Zara is so beautifully shot..and awesome lyrics..Dil Ko Tum Se Pyaar Hua :) 

Kho Gaya Main Khayalon Me

Ab Neend Nahin Aankhon Me

Karvate Bas Badalta Hoon

Ab Jaagta Hoon Main Raaton Me

Ab Doori Na Sehni Har Lamha Kehta Hai

Na Jaane Haal Mera Aisa Kyon Rehta Hai

The last week, A sent me an email that I should read this and give my opinion on this.

Rawls argues that even meritocracy-a distributive system that rewards effort-doesn’t go far enough in leveling the playing field because those who are naturally gifted will always get ahead. Furthermore, says Rawls, the naturally gifted can’t claim much credit because their success often depends on factors as arbitrary as birth order. 

I totally agree with this. I was immediately reminded of 3 Idiots. I hated that movie. Yes, I hated that movie. For some people, it is the best piece of cinema, a classic, masterpiece. I respect that opinion. It is subjective. I cannot watch that movie again. The film was preachy and morally sanctimonious as Aamir's films typically are. As Sagarika Ghose, brilliantly puts it "The system is always wrong in Aamir's film." I think that guy is a credit hogger, who steals people's ideas and claims them as his own. He is a LOSER.

Anyway, more on why I dislike Aamir Khan later. As I was saying about 3 Idiots, I think for me, the true winner in the movie was Chatur. As Rawls states that if you take into account only merit, then naturally gifted people have a distinct advantage over others who work only on hard work. Chatur was not born intelligent, but it was through his sheer handwork that he reached the top. Rancho, on the other hand, was a naturally gifted chap. He didn't study at all..used to be thrown out of classes but still managed to top the charts. So, how can you compare Rancho with Chatur? The film tries to portray that only naturally gifted people should pursue science. But what about others? A person who is not so intelligent, can't he do hard work to reach the top? I mean look at Chatur, that guy had the confidence and the panache to read a speech in a language, that he has never spoken, in front of the entire auditorium!! Importantly, agreed that Farhan (Madhavan), wanted to be a wildlife photographer, but the film did not portray what Raju (Sherman Joshi) wanted to be in life. He did not have an option because he was poor. He had to study engineering although he was not naturally gifted, he used to fail, but why did the movie not try to tell Raju to leave engineering? All these things that people say to leave your job and do something can only be done if you are rich! And people say to you to follow your heart. But I am sure not even half the people really know what they want to do in life. But for me, Chatur was actually the winner instead of Rancho! And if I simply hate this song, "Saari umar hum..mar mar ke ji liye, ek pal to ab humein jeene do jeene do". Who has stopped you from living your life? There will be thousands of poeple who will be glad to study in colleges you are studying! Anyway enough of my ranting against 3 Idiots. I still have one of the articles that exactly shared my view point. Here are some excerpts from it.

I almost rose up on my seat to acknowledge the bravery of the scriptwriters when Virus starts explaining the income levels. I was thinking, ok now it gets interesting because that’s exactly the point. To have the kind of confidence and devil may care attitude that Ryan, sorry Rancho is supposed to have, you have to be a rich brat in real life, who doesn’t have to worry about finding a job as soon as you get out. I had many such students in my own class, who could afford to question the system, some of them very bright and original thinkers like Rancho. But then the film killed the point again and again in the film.

First they killed it, when Rancho started topping the class again and again. He then became a superhero at that moment, not a normal human being anymore. The fact is, no matter, how brilliant a mind you got, how original thinker you are, you still had to slog to get grades. Granted, you could still top a subject or two. There were some subjects such as Machine Drawing that you either get or you don’t, no matter what your IQ level is. But topping every subject, without any effort, while you are having fun drinking alcohol on the rooftop? I am sorry but that just doesn’t happen. No, I am not saying that you have to be Chatur to top the class. The reality is, the people who top the class are all very smart students, way different from Chatur, but they also have to slog harder than everyone else. I can say that, because I was a good student and slogged my ass off, still couldn’t top the class. Those who did, slogged harder than me and were brighter than me. It was never only one thing; you had to have both- IQ and the ability to work hard. If the message was, you should not follow grades, but gain and apply knowledge, and develop a broader set of skills that are needed in the real world, then it got killed by showing Rancho getting the best of the grades, all the time.

My other issue with the plot was about following your heart. It’s easier said than done. Have you ever wondered what you knew and how aware of yourself you were at the age when you entered college? Did you have any clue what you wanted to do or what you liked to do at that age? I certainly didn’t and know that 95% of my class didn’t either. We probably had some idea about what would be cool but was that something we would love doing, we had no clue. In fact, there are very few people who are lucky enough to know what they want to do in life and even fewer who figure that out so early in their lives. To me, they are clearly Gods’ children. Even in the field of Sports or Show business which are full of stories of people who just followed their dreams, there are very few people like Sachin Tendulkar who knew at an early age what they wanted to do in life. Remember that dialog in the film Iqbal, where Naseer explains to the parents of Shreyas’s character, what a special thing it is to know what you want to do in life. That’s so true. I am in my late thirties and I still don’t know what makes me happy and what would have been an ideal thing or profession for me.

Read the complete article here. I agree with each and every point the author makes.

https://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=416598433102 

The quote in the beginning:
You know what takes real strength? Showing affection.

This awesome quote is from Modern Family. I just watched an amazing episode of it and still thinking about. Season 2 Episode 2. Here is some context for it. Cam and Mitchell are two gay guys living together. Mitchell is very uncomfortable to show his love for Cam in public, so he avoids all PDA but Cam does not like this. He wants to feel loved and says that to Mitchell. Mitchell responds saying he's the one who stands up for the relationship, making speeches on airplanes or talking to his dad when he calls Cam a "friend." "That's different-that's confrontation," Cam says. "You know what takes real strength? Affection."

Awesome? ain't it. It takes real guts to show your affection in public. As @Notebook tweeted yesterday, A lot of guys are nice to girls when it's just them, but it takes a man to be nice to a girl when around all his friends. 

And continuing about Modern Family, that episode was so awesome..I love Gloria. She said that sometimes, people need something else-kisses, hugs! As I wrote in this post about Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu, everyone needs a hug ya..who doesn't? Haina?

She says: 

In Colombia, we kiss for everything, because a kiss can mean so many different things. It can be the start of something new, it can be how we say 'this is the person that I love', it can be romantic, it can also be worth waiting for.

And then Jay kissed his son for the first time since he was 12. Cam and Mitchell kissed. And Alex decided to wait to kiss her boyfriend for a perfect moment. It was handled so gracefully without any cheesy moments. No wonder, Modern Family has grabbed so many Emmys.

That's a father kissing the son BTW :)

I just watched Honey Moon Travels Pvt Ltd again. I love that movie :) I also want to do that salsa dance  that Abhay and Minissha do in pyaar ki kahani suno :(

Dialogue of the Day:

"Baal kaale nahi rahe to kya hua, dil abhi bhi kaala hai."- Nahid, Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd.

The Voice...

You can seek the advice of others, surround yourself with trusted advisors. But in the end, the decision is always yours and yours alone. And when it's time to act and you're all alone with your back against the wall, the only voice that matters is the one in your head. The one telling you what you already knew. The one that's almost always right.

 - Meredith Grey

Of Tryst with Media...

Long time no see...

As last week, I had written about how much I loved the story by Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi. I had commented on their website that it was indeed a sort of coming to age when you learn to come to terms with loss. Voila! They printed it on the print edition this week. I know it is no big deal, 99% of the people don't even bother to read the comments page. It is a very stupid thing, nothing to brag about but still it made me happy :) Is bahane paper me naam to aya :) I like to do such silly things, brings me closer to the hidden journalist in me. And you won't believe..the next day, there was an earthquake in Delhi. I randomly posted a comment on NDTV's forum about it. I keep doing that on many other issues. And lo and behold! The comment was posted in their article! I mean two times in two days. I know again, it's no big deal but at least it made me feel as if I am famous, howsoever fickle it may be. My cousin called me from his office that is it you who wrote! Three people in office came and asked me whether I wrote it. So funny it is. Even someone who stays in Singapore wrote on my FB wall, whether it was I who is mentioned in the article. Hehe! So this post, I am dedicating to my tryst, howsoever shallow and wannabe types it may be, with media. 

The comment in HT that was printed.

This is screen grab of the NDTV thing. Original link:

http://www.ndtv.com/article/cities/earthquake-in-north-india-strong-tremors-in-delhi-182693

This is when I won the NDTV Picture This weekly film contest. They gave the DVD of the movie 'A Single Man'.

And about two years ago, I met this fellow - Rajdeep Sardesai. I used to idolise him then, but not any more. His views on Twitter are so morally sanctimonious and pretentious and self congratulatory, that I totally agree with Kanchan Gupta who calls him St.Pontificate! Nevertheless, I have a picture with Rajdeep Sardesai!!

And with Suhasini Haidar, one of the best foreign policy journalists :)

And about 3-4 years back, there was this column in HT by Sushmita Bose, Single In The City. It was one of my favorite columns back then. Supercool it was..even in Wake Up Sid, the column that Konkona writes, New Girl In the City, was said to be inspired from it. When Sushmita left HT and moved to Dubai to work with the Khaleej Times, I sent her an email on her last column. And continuing with my above luck, it was printed too :)

Original link:

http://www.hindustantimes.com/News-Feed/LetterToEditor/To-Goodbye-and-Goodluck/Article1-334855.aspx

And this was the mail that Sushmita replied back :P

Dear Pankaj

thanks a ton for ur mail. sorry for the belated response -- but i was chilling in Lansdowne!! i felt very bad abt having to write my last column, but as they say, all good things come to an end! anyhow, hopefully i'll start blogging soon, and will keep u posted on that front. am probably leaving the country for a while (not to get married!), but will let u know exact details when everything's finalised. meanwhile, be in touch. 
best wishes

Dialogue of the day

"Jab insaan hi galat ho, toh phir kya sahi aur kya galat. Usne mere vishvaas ko toda hai. He hurt me."  - Rina, Rehna Hai Tere Dil Me

एक बात कहूँ...कुछ नहीं...

Hmm..Long time no see..

I am in absolute awe of Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi! I have been reading this book by him The Last Song of Dusk and last Sunday, HT Brunch carried the cover story on Shanghvi! What a big co-incidence, considering he ain't that famous as compared to other authors. Shanghvi wrote an essay on his stay in Matheran, where he chose to live alone, away from the hullabaloo of Mumbai. He writes about his way to deal with loss and failure..Oh! What a superb essay it is..candid, honest, moving, troubling..add other adjectives but the sheer pleasure of reading it gave me so much satisfaction. I have read something so beautiful after a really really long time.. Below are some of my favourite lines fom the essay..

Events need their invitation, writes James Salter in Light Years, dissolutions their start.

There are three chief reasons I decided to leave Bombay: the failure of aesthetic, the failure of conversation, the failure of love. 

Mostly, though, I decided to leave Bombay after something like a friendship, by which I mean a kind of indefinable love, failed. This was an equal, an ally of solitude, lonesome and shy, a familiar of novels, someone who sat hunched in cafés writing, strolled through small towns and their ancient temples, forever transformed by beauty witnessed and sensed as inextirpable truth. 

I became a student of literature, which is to say, a student of solitude. The fear of a lion alone was calmed by imagined lives and their choices, anxieties, failures, reprises. I felt literature had come into existence not to perform for critics but to lay bare the disquiet of fate, to parent us across the waves; it was the art of experience, collected and communed, before it was ever literary endeavor. 

Time, like a harmonium, stretched out, releasing note and melody. 

The hills made me see more with my eyes closed. 

I had come to Matheran chiefly to think about the nature of loss. People, over the years, had repeated to me trite truisms: Time heals all. You’ll get over it. All you need is closure. So I waited, I wrote, I photographed, I travelled, I took long walks. I watched obscure Iranian cinema, I cared for men around me who were dying, I sat on a bench on the seashore. In this way, time passed. But, after a few years of being unable to give up the ghost, it occurred to me I’d have to learn to live with the loss of my friend; it was to be permanent, unyielding, like a battle scar or birthmark. The idea that there was any closure, or healing, seemed repugnant, too easy to be true. What truth, after all, might be closed as easily as if it were only a door? 

Early in life we come to see it either as a tragedy or a comedy; great literature is a result of these choices. Speaking for myself, I veered to the tragic mode: there was consolation in the essential impermanence of things, a relief in knowing it would all come to end. The tragedy was not the end but a knowledge of the end foreshadowing all things. However, my brief time in Matheran makes me believe that life might not be as tragic as I had originally believed, but comic – possibly even a total and complete farce.

The complete essay is here..

http://www.hindustantimes.com/Brunch/Brunch-Stories/In-a-clear-darkness/Article1-816409.aspx

Siddharth has written two novels and said he doesn't plan to write more novels. I wish he would write more. As he says, he is driven to the tragic mode, his book, The Last Song of Dusk, similarly has an underlying tone of extreme melancholy and pathos. Somehow, I am also driven to the tragic mode. There is something that pushes me towards utter grimness. Not surprisingly, my blog was earlier called Inheritance of Loss (before I changed it to Dichotomy of Irony). 

Hmmm..so yesterday, a funny thing happened..I send a quote of the day to my friends from my old office everyday and also to M and J in office..so some people got to know that I send a quote to M and J only and why not to them..everyone literally pounded at me that why I don't send them the quote of the day :{ Ok, I told them I will send it to all of them. The world is a really small place. Wherever, you go you find some connections. M is very good friends with some of my batch mates from school and knows them really well. The entire team calls me Pankazzz, all because of her. So, yesterday, M was telling me the same thing which everyone else says..stop deprecating yourself. She threatened me that she will send a mail to the entire team to conduct a poll in the team whether Pankaj is the most adorable person in the team. I was so embarrassed that I had to literally beg her to not to do it :( I always think that people think of me as bhola-bhala, which means dumb, but I am not dumb :( I understand everything, I just don't say it.

Anyway, too much digression..and I have to thank D. Last week, he put this as his FB status.

This came as such a big surprise. I was actually embarrassed and also felt good at the same time. Thanks so much ya :) So I have told him to start his own blog and write something of his own as well. 

Ok..today on Sahara One, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam was coming...and the eternal love for that movie made me stop everything I was doing and watch it all over again. Just watch this scene again ya :( What a scene..

I have so many things to write but I will write later...very busy the next week..so much work to do :(

Dialogue of the day:

कभी कभी इंसान कुछ न कह कर भी सब कुछ कह देता है - नंदिनी, हम दिल दे चुके सनम