Of Himesh and History

It has been two days and I have not spoken a word. That is what happens when you live by yourself. After Friday afternoon, I said a word on Sunday night when my mother called me. It's amusing that, although I may not be speaking, I am constantly having conversations with the voice in my head.

My Instagram feed is filled with videos of Himesh Reshammiya's concert in Delhi. My former high school classmate, who works in the media, actually emceed the event. Himesh Reshammiya is a legend. The music is nostalgia. I recall that he became a sensation in 2005, when I started college, and during ragging, the seniors made us sing and enact songs from Aashiq Banaya Aapne. I love all his popular peppy songs, but there is immense sadness in his songs. Afsana Bana Ke Bhool Na Jaana. Teri Meri. Main Jahaan Rahoon. "Kehne ko saath apne ek duniya chalti hai, par chhup ke is dil mein tanhaai palti hai, bas yaad saath hai, teri yaad saath hai." He deserves a whole thesis. I have never attended a concert in my life, but if I could, it would be of Himesh Reshammiya. His music is best suited for communal singing. 

       

I spent the weekend reading and watching videos on the breakup of Yugoslavia. Earlier this year, I read a lot about the disintegration of the Soviet Union. History is simply fascinating. We can see how the events of today are connected to those in the past. Russia's attack on Ukraine today has its roots in the disintegration of the Soviet Union in the 1990s. The Israel-Palestine war goes back centuries to an old conflict. Even the inauguration of the Ram Temple by Narendra Modi dates back to his life, when riots occurred in 2002 after a train carrying karsevaks from Ayodhya was set on fire, and further back to the Ram Janmabhoomi movement of the 1990s, when he organized the chariot of LK Advani. 

I read a few books this year on the history of the Ram temple movement from both sides. I love history. Meenakshi Jain, who has recently been appointed a member of the Rajya Sabha, has provided archaeological evidence in her book, The Battle for Rama, that the temple existed. But the way the mosque was brought down is one of the most shameful days in the history of India. Former Prime Minister Chandrashekhar had found a peaceful solution to the dispute, which all fighting parties agreed upon. But the Congress party did not want him to claim credit for resolving the issue. So they did not support him. All this could have been avoided had politicians relinquished the greed of claiming credit. The legal case in itself is mind-bending. Under Indian law, a deity in a temple is an individual entity, and like a firm or a trust, can contest its own case. The deity in this case is Ram Lalla, and as per law, is considered a perpetual minor and needs a ‘next friend’ to represent it in court. The case is based on the doctrine of adverse possession, which comes into play when a person, who does not have the title to the property but can become its owner due to their possession, because the original owner did not evict them for 12 years. The counsel for Ram Lalla attempted to prove that the rights of idols over a property are protected forever, as they are considered perpetual minors. As such, Ram Lalla owns the land. That is why lawyers make money; they are skilled at these things. To discuss these topics, I have started another Instagram account where I will post things I find interesting. 

Last weekend, I played golf for the first time. Two of my office colleagues asked me to accompany them. I have no idea how to play, but that is how you learn. It is tiring, though, as one has to carry their clubs from one hole to the next. It was not expensive at all. Just $9 for 18 holes.

I also watched Aap Jaisa Koi. The film has stunning cinematography. Every frame is beautifully shot. I love it when filmmakers spend thought and effort in making films. The first hour is wonderfully charming, but the second half is less engaging. I am considering writing in detail about three films that have recently featured stunning cinematography—Aap Jaisa Koi, Bhakshak, and The Mehta Boys.

I don't receive many messages on WhatsApp either, but this weekend, I heard from one of my very early managers at my workplace. When he joined, he was new to the company. I helped him ramp up, even though he was my manager, as I had been on the team for a longer time. He is no longer at my workplace and has been living in India for ten years. Even though he was my manager ten years ago, he keeps messaging me once in a while. So, I felt nice that someone made an effort to stay in touch. I thanked him for it, and I was so surprised that he replied this message to me. :)

Perhaps, that is why they say, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Talking About Life - To Be Young Again!

I received many lovely comments on my earlier post, which made me feel both sad and happy simultaneously. Thank you to all of you who read and reached out to me. I feel so grateful and humbled that someone would take the time out of their lives to reply to me. I truly appreciate everyone who took the time to write these comments. I read many newsletters and blogs, but I rarely comment on anyone's posts. So, thank you again. I want to write more, not just about movies, but about random events from life, because, as they said in The Lunchbox, "We forget things if we have no one to tell them to." I used to write those posts in the early 2010s about the daily happenings in my life. I plan to write this type of post more often.

This is the summertime in Seattle, and many interns join during this time. So, last week, I ran into an intern. I was entering my office, and he entered right behind me. It was a Sunday. He looked at me and said he was surprised to see someone in the office on Sunday. So, he asks me, "What are you doing here?" I was like, "What are you doing here?" He said that he did not work last week, so he wants to finish his work because he has a design review. And then he introduced himself and started talking. He thought that I was an intern as well. I was like, brother, I was an intern when you were probably born. He is in his early 20s. And then, he spoke about his project, his university, his apartment, and all the cool (and some unprintable) things he is doing. And then he said he likes Seattle, but people don't talk here (finally, someone who agrees with me). I was listening to him with fascination. He has this zest and enthusiasm. Every day, he posts a thoughtful status on Slack that holds meaning for him. I told him I wish I were young again and could live life the way he is living. He has now become my friend, and I took him out to the lake one day, and then we went for dinner. Oh, to be young again! These days, there are numerous exciting opportunities available to young people. The young people today are incredibly sharp. I miss growing up in this time. It also reminds me of the time I met my cousin's kids in California last year. Her younger one is sixteen and is quite popular in school. He already knows how to drive and his eyes light up when he sees a fancy car on the road. He wears the best perfumes. He plays volleyball for the state. He coaches young kids in tennis lessons. He told me he has a girlfriend, but he pleaded not to tell his mom. But I told him I will tell his mom. He got so scared. Haha. But my cousin knows already. It is not a big deal. Moms know everything. When I was sixteen, I was such a shy, stupid kid, learning about electrophilic aromatic substitution of benzene. You see, I still follow all the content creators and teachers on Instagram who teach integration. Two months ago, I downloaded all the NCERT books and was reading them. I wish I could be young again and live life differently.

I read this tweet, and I have not been able to stop thinking about it. It reminds me of what I was trying to say in my last post. Some people are so articulate with words. It is a beautiful and sad tweet.

I also watched Bhakshak, which is a very well-made film. I was avoiding watching it because of the grim subject matter. But after I watched it, I was surprised. I will try to write a paragraph or two on it and The Mehta Boys. Hopefully soon.

Also, birthday greetings to the Dalai Lama—one of the most graceful human beings on earth. They don't make people like him anymore. Sharing this excerpt from the Open magazine.

Dialogue of the Day:

"There is only one important point you must keep in your mind and let it be your guide. No matter what people call you, you are just who you are. Keep to this truth. You must ask yourself how is it you want to live your life. We live and we die, this is the truth that we can only face alone. No one can help us, not even the Buddha. So consider carefully, what prevents you from living the way you want to live your life?"

— Dalai Lama XIV

Birthday Post—2025

It is my annual birthday post, which I have written for the last twenty years. This is birthday number thirty-eight. I have not written anything substantial this year. I don't feel like writing because films are nothing to write about. I started a few draft posts on Jigra, The Mehta Boys, and Superboys of Malegaon, which I never finished. Secondly, I don't feel like writing anything because I have been occupied with many other things. Work, personal, etc. I have mentioned it before, but things have been working out for me. It has been six months, and it is just what it is. The last twelve months have been some of the worst of my life. In a moment of vulnerability, I told my friend T (the only friend who now talks to me these days) that I have never been as miserable as I have been in the last twelve months. I had also been working on something for the previous few months, and it did not work out either. It has been frustrating and helpless, but I don't tell anyone these things because they are my problems. A few kind people sometimes reach out to me when they occasionally read some earlier post, but what do I tell them?

Routine has been my only companion for the last year. I go to work and come back home. I go to the gym and come home. I cook the same thing daily. I drink the same thing daily. I get one free drink from the café at work and order one iced tea daily. The baristas know I will get that, and they don't even bother asking. They smile and say, "You want the iced tea, right?" I watch Jeopardy while completing my steps. This routine keeps me going.  

Work has been okay. Work has not been okay. Two people in my team left in the last few months, and there is no one to do that work, so I am effectively doing a three-person job. It is a thankless job because you know how it is these days. We are all dispensable. Every day, I tell myself I will finish all my pending tasks, but new ones keep coming. That is the new standard these days. What else to do? Ek toh I am not smart also kuch apna kar sakun.  

I have been going to work even on weekends. My manager asked me why I am coming on weekends. I feel lonely and isolated at home. So, I have made it a point to get out of it daily to be active. Otherwise, I go into a spiral of negative thoughts. That is why I go to the office. There is also a quietness in the office that I like. I go to any random seat on the topmost floor of my building. I can see the entire city from there. And, if I have to do office work, I get it done there faster.

I read this book by a former colleague, who mentions her career and how she remained stuck. I felt she was telling my story. The same things happened to me, and I had similar experiences. You know that line, "Apna time aayega." Mera toh time chala bhi gaya. I was such a smart kid in school, but, like in other things, life has also not worked out for me here. Even at the gym, I have plateaued. I have been going for five days, and now my trainer says to do six days. It takes years to build that body.

However, one thing that I did was get my driver's license, and I will finally get a car soon. I know it is shocking that I did not know how to drive until now. Ladkon ko toh vaise hi aa jaati hai, but being the loser I am, I did not know. I never learned it, nor did I want to learn it earlier, but this year, I had to because I wanted to leave my home. I want to travel by myself. So, I finally joined a driving school last year, and after four months, I got my license this year.

And to keep busy, I have been reading many books these days. I have read about fifteen books this year. I used to buy physical books, but have only read digital books this year. I read them faster on my phone. Every day, when commuting or covering my steps on the treadmill, I can read many more pages on my phone. I have always loved contemporary political history and have read many books in this genre. One thing we realize when we read history is that everything in the present has had some connection to the past. These things have always happened, so the present is not unique except for a black swan event (such as Covid, perhaps). It is a continuation of the past. 

I also want to start this meetup group. I will make new friends because my friends don't bother talking to me anymore. Koi baat nahi karta ab. Sab busy ho jaate hain. Or they only ping when they want something. My colleagues are not in Seattle, so it is like always talking to virtual people. Only my mother talks to me and cares about me, but I don't feel like talking to her because she remains worried about me.

And this year, the cold has affected me quite severely. Seattle winters are dark and wet. It may not rain much, but it is always overcast and cold. I used to be okay with it; however, this time, it has made me feel depressed. I miss the sun. Seattle is not the place for me. Besides, people don't talk much here. I don't feel safe. Crime has increased, and I see armed guards standing watch whenever I go to the grocery store. Half of the things are locked. But then, when it comes to which place to go, I cannot decide.

My friend told me today that I hope it works out for you this year. I got a bit emotional. Bas aise hi chal raha hai. Sab aage badhte jaa rahe hain, main peeche jaata ja raha hun. Happy birthday to me.

The Calmness of Beauty—On Demi Moore's Speech

 Link: https://pankajsachdeva.substack.com/p/the-value-of-your-worth

The Calmness of Beauty

I started a new newsletter where I will write about beautiful things I find. I want to continue writing more, so I hope to keep up with it and not give it up after a few weeks. I have written my first post. Here is the link:

Newsletter: https://pankajsachdeva.substack.com/

First Post: https://pankajsachdeva.substack.com/p/the-calmness-of-beauty

Happy New Year

It is 2025. It is a new year. Even though not much changes in life, a new year provides an opportunity to reset and restart.

Like always, I have been thinking of everything I want to do. Start a new newsletter. Write more personal posts. Read more old books. Start a meetup club. Meet new people and learn about their life. Make friends. Practice Yoga more often. Publish my book on Kindle. Learn that language. Go to the doctor. Increase squat weights 2X. Get a six-pack (after waiting for years). Learn public speaking. Grow a beard. Buy that leather jacket. Get that fade haircut. Get a car. Practise gratitude. Learn to not take things seriously. Have the courage to live life on my terms. I plan to do some of these this year. Time is passing quickly. As Bunny once said in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani, "Waqt kisi ke liye nahi rukta, beet ta waqt hai, lekin kharch hum hote hain." 

Happiness and sadness are transient. They will come and go based on the moment. But I wish for inner peace and contentment in 2025.