Saawariya

Let me make an honest confession. The first time I had watched Saawariya about five years ago, I had liked it but did not love it. I was too naïve to understand cinema at that time. I think my understanding of cinema is still very naïve but it has slightly evolved over the years. I am trying to watch the films of Sanjay Leela Bhansali again to see them with a different perspective and to understand the craftsmanship of one of India’s most eccentric filmmakers. I watched Saawariya again this time and I am not saying for the sake of it, but this time I totally loved it. 

Saawariya is based on Fyodor Dostoyevsky's short story, White Nights. It is the story of Ranbir Raj who meets Sakina on a lonely night and falls in love with her instantly. During the course of the next three nights, Raj and Sakina become friends. Even though Raj is madly in love with Sakina, she is waiting for her lover, Imaan, who had promised her one year ago that he will come and take her the next Eid. To me, Saawariya is the story of waiting. It is the story of pining for love. It is the story of keeping hope in spite of all odds. All the people in the film kept waiting for something. Sakina keeps on waiting for Imaan. Somewhere in her heart Sakina knows that Imaan is not going to come but she doesn't lose hope. At one point, she remarks, "Abbu kahin chale gaye aur ammi ki aankhein unke intezaar me hamesha khuli rahin..aankhri saans tak." Jhumri, her caretaker, is scared that Sakina will end up like her mother, who also kept on waiting and she says, "Teri takhdeer me bhi teri maa ki tarah intezaar likha hai." Raj keeps on waiting that maybe Sakina will eventually accept his love someday. He is ready to wait as much as she wants. He says to Sakina, “Tumhare dil me mere liye koi jagah hai." When Sakina does not reply, he says, "Koi baat nahi, main intezaar karunga." It is the story of endless wait of Lillian for her son, Vincent, who never came back. It is the story of endless wait for the prostitutes for their 'pari.' It is the story of endless wait of Gulaab Ji for her Saawariya who loves her not for her body but for who she is. It is the story of Badi Ammi who to keep away her loneliness ties Sakina with a safety pin so that she does not have to keep on waiting for her. 

The more I think I about it, the more I am sure that Saawariya was the exact opposite of Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. It is the story in which Sakina rejects a musician Raj (similar to Sameer) for a more brooding Imaan (Vanraj). In Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, Vanraj takes Nandini back to her lover. In Saawariya, Raj tries to stop Sakina from going to her lover. Perhaps, that is why Raj did not get Sakina in the end because Bhansali’s notion of love is based on sacrifice. In both cases, Vanraj/Imaan gets his love. It is no coincidence that Bhansali chose Salman as Imaan. He was referring to Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. Not only that, there are other references to the movie as well. At one point, Raj asks Sakina to pick one chit from his hand. That scene was so similar to ek haath choono from Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. In another reference, Imaan keeps on waiting on the bridge. If I recall, Vanraj had also said that he will scream Nandini’s name from the bridge. In the final moments of that film, Nandini came running from the bridge towards Vanraj. In Saawariya, Sakina runs to the bridge to Imaan, leaving Ranbir behind. The similarities between the two films are hard to miss. 

Not only Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, I felt Bhansali referred to all his previous films. When Sakina is feeling happy on the bridge, it suddenly starts snowing, exactly like Michelle sensed snow in Black. Sakina’s crazy devotion to Imaan was like Devdas' for Paro. Devdas spurned the love of Chandramukhi for a married Paro. At the end, when Sakina is leaving Ranbir for Imaan, he starts miming and does not use any words, as if Khamoshi is being played again. 

Bhansali creates a fantasy world where everything is either blue, green or white. This is a dreamland or as Gulaab Ji says, khwaabon ka sheher. Perhaps that is why there is not even a speck of sunlight in the film. It is as if someone is sleeping and dreaming this world. This is a world where Buddha statues are mounted on the tops of mosques. It is a never-land where Mumtaz Mahal's posters adorn the streets. It is a magical world where the clock turns anti-clockwise but it is still clock-wise. Anything is possible in this world. In his world, the cafeterias have posters of body parts, vegetables and freedom fighters of India on their walls. It is a world where Sakina’s house plays Humein toh loot liya milkhe husn valon ne and the prostitutes sing Ae malik tere bande hum.

Anti-clockwise or Clockwise?

I also felt that Saawariya has shades of post-impressionism. Bhansali leaves many subtle hints. Lillianji’s son is named Vincent, probably after the most famous post-impressionist painter, Vincent Van Gogh. One of Van Gogh’s most famous painting is Café Terrace At Night. That painting had many similarities to Saawariya. There are so many cafés shown in the town in Saawariya. Even the floor of the town resembles that in Café Terrace. The architecture in the movie is European, where post-impressionism originated. Post-impressionism is defined as the movement in which the artists were not concerned with depicting the effects of light and other visual effects like those seen in the impressionism movement, they were less idyllic. They wanted to express their meaning beyond the surface appearance. They painted with emotion, intellect, and the eye. The post-impressionism painters stressed their personal view of the visual world and had a freely expressive use of color and form to describe emotions and movement. Fits perfectly to Saawariya. That is why I think Saawariya had themes of post-impressionism.

Café

Floor

Vincent

Bhansali also gives ample references to Raj Kapoor trying to show us Ranbir is his grandson. The bar is named RK bar. The cap is the aawara cap. At one point in the film, Raj says to Sakina, "Main ek dum aawara hun." Sakina then replies “Aur ek dum junglee bhi” referring to Shammi Kapoor in 'Chahe mujhe koi junglee kahe' from the film Junglee. At another point in the film, a philanderer comes and starts singing the song 'Barsaat me hum se mile tum sajan' from another of Raj Kapoor’s film—Barsaat. Bhansali also shows us Mughal-E-Azam, referring to Prithviraj Kapoor’s role in that saga. When the song Saawariya starts, Ranbir asks "Doston, kya aapne kabhi kisi se pyaar kiya…maine bhi kiya" referring to the immortal line of his dad, Rishi Kapoor, in the song Meri Umar Ke Naujawaon from Karz. Saawariya might be the first film that refers to all the generations of the Kapoor clan in a film.

Mughal-E-Azam

Like all his films, Bhansali uses inanimate objects to refer to the characters in the film. The first is the umbrella. Sakina is carrying an umbrella on all the four nights. I think umbrella was referring to Raj. On the first night, Sakina lets Raj under her umbrella symbolizing the beginning of their friendship. The second night, she tells her love story and it rains again. She uses her umbrella to let Raj in as he is her friend now. On the third night, it rains but she loses the umbrella just like she has become distant from Raj due to their fight. On the fourth night, it snows but she does not require the umbrella anymore. She gives the umbrella to Raj as her memory which he will keep forever. It was like Sakina was using the umbrella (Raj) as her protection from the rain (her sorrow) and when the rain stopped, she did not need the umbrella any more because it has snowed, as Imaan has come back. Interestingly, Gulaab Ji also says to Raj, “Teri chhatri ke yaahan bhi jashn hoga na?”

In another instance, Raj uses a football as a pillow. He says, “Yeh mera ball hain, kya hain na, mere paas takiya naheen hain, iss liye main mera ball takiya banake so jata hoon, is liye mera ball girta raheta hain.” Immediately after that, the song Pari comes and at the end of that song, all the women start playing with the ball. That was Raj using the ball as a pillow through which he dreams, and when the women were playing with the ball, it was as if he also gave the dreams to the women, to hope, to think of angels. 

There were also a reference to Cinderella as once the clock hit 12 in the night, Sakina had to run. Was that why there were those kitschy posters on the RK bar’s walls? There is a picture of Shivaji and I think something related to Vikram Betaal as well. Was that Bhansali’s another way of showing that this is a dream world? Is Sakina a Cinderella-like figure who has to run every night for Imaan?

At one point in the film, Raj takes Sakina to an alley that has a lot of potholes and he says, "Bina khaddon ke raste nahi hote aur bina dukh ke zindagi". He then tells her to try to keep fighting off sadness always. In the end, Raj goes back to the same alley and starts fighting off as if he is trying to fight off the utter loneliness of his unrequited love. He has Sakina’s anklets and her umbrella which he will keep it with her for his entire life. He knew he has to live in sadness all his life but he will keep fighting. And as Gulaab Ji says, “Kehte hain mil jaye tumhe tumhari mohabbat, toh maan lo khuda tum par meharbaan hogaya, aur agar na mile toh jaan lo khuda tumse ek jaan hogaya.” Saawariya did not get Sakina, but he got God who will be there with him always.

The choreography and music are splendid. I am just awed by the beauty of the choreography in the song Yoon Shabnami. The colors are beautiful. You can clearly see how much effort has gone into each and every song. There are some beautiful shots in the film which I can keep on looking forever. Bhansali has got an ethereal sense of beauty. The sound of the whistle in the background score is charming. I was thrilled by the song Jabse Tere Naina. I want to have Mona Lisa curtains in my home. 

Wow!

Wow again!

If there was one performance that stood out, it was clearly Rani as Gulaabji. I loved loved loved her. That is why she remains my favorite actress of all time. She acts so well. I watched the song Chabeela repeatedly just because of her. She is a fabulous dancer. The next best thing was Begum Para and Zora Sehgal. Begum Para played Badi Ammi and her diction of Urdu language was perfect. I was chuckling when she was saying the dialogues of Mughal-E-Azam. Zohra Sehgal gets better with every film. She emotes beautifully.

Sanjay Leela Bhansali is a master of creating moments. I think the film has one of the most erotic moments of lovemaking without kissing (between Sakina and Imaan). Bhansali also has this knack of gorgeously capturing emotions on the people's face. He makes sad look beautiful.

Some of the dialogues are too deep.

Khwaab dekhta hun, khayaal likhta hun, gham ke badle khushiyan bekhurta hun.

Yeh sikka hai na iske taraf intezaar hai, dusre taraf tanhai. Is sikke ke ek taraf vaada hai, ek taraf imaan.

Muhabbat me rupayon se zyada patthar keemti hote hai.

Yeh kambhakht mohabbat cheez hi aisi hai, kabhi patthar ko bhagwaan aur kabhi farishtey jaisey insaan ko patthar banade.

Kaagaz ke phoolon se itar bante dekha hai? 

Ek pal ke liye pyaar kiya, vo zindagi bhar ke liye kaafi hai.

Kisi se itni bhi muhabbat na karna, ke khud se nafrat ho jaye.

Gaane badan ko nahi rooh ko choone chahiye.

Did you know White Nights has been adapted many times in the Hindi film industry? The following films have adapted Dostoyevsky's with one even starring Abhay Deol.

Chhalia, Ahista Ahista, and Saawariya.

Another trivia: 

At one point, Lillianji sings this song.

The flowers that bloom in the spring,

Tra la,

Have nothing to do with the case.

I've got to take under my wing,

Tra la,

A most unattractive old thing,

Tra la,

With a caricature of a face,

With a caricature of a face.

Tra la la la la,

Tra la la la la,

"Oh, bother the flowers of spring.

The song has been taken from Gilbert & Sullivan's two-act comic opera The Mikado.

Saawariya is one man’s vision. It is only for a certain section of the audience who have the patience to appreciate his vision. One of the criticisms that is often heard for Sanjay Leela Bhansali is that he doesn't care for the audience. What is wrong in that? In this day, when every filmmaker is trying to cash in on the 100 Crore club, here is a filmmaker who refuses to compromise. He takes risks. And he is not afraid of failure. Why do we have a problem with that? I will lap up every Bhansali film because he is an enigma. When was the last time you heard the word 'kaaleen' in any film?

Saawariya is lonely. It is depressing. But still, it gave me enough to savor it for a repeat viewing. I am sure I still have to understand it better and I leave that to another day.

Dialogue of the Day:

"Jinke saath mohabbat ka noor hota hai, unhe koi andhera nahi choo sakta." 

- Sakina, Saawariya

Gravity: Falling Into It

Even though I love Hindi films like anything, once a while I make it a point to watch an English film. It is not that I do not like them, but that I am not very adept at understanding them. I had a slight hesitation in my mind when I heard so much about Gravity that it is such an exhilarating experience. I do not like 3D much, so I watched Gravity in 2D. Even in 2D, I loved it. More than the science-fiction part which is heart stopping, I was simply fascinated by the spiritual undertones in the film, particularly Buddhism.  

Gravity is a beautiful story of learning to let go of your past, of accepting grief, of going back home and of standing up again on your feet. The film’s message is to move on with grief in life. Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) used to work in a hospital in Illinois. One day, she got a call that her daughter hit her head and she died. After that, she said all she did was going to the hospital and ‘driving and driving’. She is still not able to accept her loss and is wandering all over. The outer space where she gets stuck is a perfect metaphor for her ‘driving’ life and refers to her wandering soul. Gravity uses the notion of outer space to impart some deep inner lessons to us. It is shown when the debris (death of her daughter?) hits their shuttle, she is the one who gets lost, and not Matt Kowalski who is in control, just like she is lost in her real life. At one point later, she even remarks, ‘I hate space’, referring to her current wandering state. She needs to go home and for that she has to fight. She will face numerous difficulties (such as lack of oxygen) but she is the one who has to believe in her that she can do it (else oxygen will burn faster). Matt is her guide, counselor, mentor, motivator, who will teach and inspire her to go back. At one of the film’s most moving movements, when Ryan’s legs gets entangled in the shuttle, but Matt who has a higher momentum, tells Ryan that she will have to let him go. She will have to detach him. And instantly at that moment, he removes a physical attachment from the belt. I found it a very profound moment referring to death. The more attachments you have in life, the more it will stop you from going to peace. The more attached you are to people, the more you risk the chance of hurting them as well in the process. Learn to let go of these attachments,which causes this grief. You are not going to carry them with you. Death is a reality. Accept it. Embrace it with your open arms. The more you resist, the more you will get hurt. That is why Matt lets go of himself smoothly. Ryan has to learn this. Matt in his subtle ways teaches Ryan the importance of fighting back. At one point he says to her, “I could get used to silence here”. The silence refers to his ability to accept pain silently. At another point, he says, “What do you miss down there in Lake Zurich in Illinois? Somebody down there, looking up and thinking about you?” Again, referring that Ryan needs to fight back for the people who love her on earth. She cannot just be stuck in a limbo. Gravity is essentially the spiritual journey of Ryan to her home.

I found numerous other references to spiritualism. At one point, Matt says to Ryan that the view is spectacular as the sun just rose over the Ganges. Ganges, one of the most sacred rivers in the world, in which people come and wash their sins and ask for forgiveness to start a life afresh. It is the Ganges in which the ashes of dead people are immersed to send them to heaven. 

At another deeply spiritual moment in the film, when she gets back to the international space shuttle, she takes off her space suit and relaxes. In that terrific moment, her body shapes like a new baby in a mother’s womb. Her body rolled into a baby in a womb symbolizing that she has got a new lease of life and this is her rebirth. She has come overcome that challenge and she has to start afresh and she has to make use of this moment to go home. 

At another point in the movie, Ryan, when she is sitting in the international space shuttle, she is crying. In another fascinating moment of cinematic excellence, her tear drop is shown and there is a face in the tear drop, that of her daughter’s. She has so much grief in her that her tears have her daughter’s face and the only way she can overcome is when she lets them out. And she does. Earlier, when they inspect the damaged space ship, a red doll with messed up hair (which later she uses to describe her daughter) is seen to be going out of the space shuttle. That doll was her daughter. She has to move on and let her daughter go into another world. Eventually, when she understands this, she asks Matt (who is dead) to say 'hi' to her daughter and tell her that she is her angel because now both Matt and her daughter are in another world. 

In a scene, Ryan manages to establish a contact with one man in China. He is not able to understand what she is saying. But he has a puppy and a baby. She starts making the same barking sound as the puppy. I am not particularly sure what it meant but I think it was comforting her to speak to someone. She could not speak to the Chinese guy but the puppy made some noises which she was familiar to and this gave her peace and courage. Maybe referring to the support that one needs to come out of the depression? Also, when the Chinese guy starts singing the lullaby, she feels calmed. This was again referring to the new birth that she has now got, and the lullaby comforts her because she is now a baby. 

While talking to the Chinese guy, she had said that she is lonely and no one is going to pray for her. No one taught her how to pray. No one is going to mourn for her. And in one of the most famous paradoxes of nature, we see that there is a picture of Jesus Christ in the space shuttle. Does that mean that we need to believe in a higher entity to give us some faith? Who is God? Is it some kind of placebo that gives us motivation? Then, why do we see a God’s picture in the space shuttle? Not only the international space station, even the Chinese space ship had a statue of a laughing Buddha. Why is this phenomenon of God a universal thing? Is it this ‘gravity’ that ties us from falling part? I remember tweeting a picture when Sunita Williams had a conversation from space last year. This is that picture. Isn't it a paradox that scientists – some of the most rational people – believe in something totally irrational? Gravity gives us no answers but only alludes that maybe we all require a gravitational force to keep us from falling apart and that could be God.

Jesus Christ in the Space Shuttle

In one of the film’s other poignant moments, when Ryan lands, she crashes in the sea. I think again, it referred to something related to despair. Probably, it meant that re-entry to your normal position is not going to be easy. You will crash and go further down in the abyss, surrounded by evil but you have to fight it off again and come up. Just like the frog that was shown. It was very symbolic that director Alfonso Curon uses a frog and not some fish. Frogs are amphibians, capable of living on both land and water. Similarly, humans have to face both happiness (the land) and the sadness (the water) in their lives and Ryan has to crawl her way up to the land. Finally, Ryan lands back to the shore. She manages to escape not only the physical tragedy of the space shuttle but the emotional turmoil of her grief. When she tries to get up, the ‘gravity’ again tries to pull her back but this time she stands firm. She has learnt her lesson and that is why there is a smile on her face. The sun has risen again. She has been reborn and reached home after ‘one hell of a ride’.

Gravity to me was a spiritual lesson. It is breath taking, wonderful and makes your heart stop, not only by its effects but also by its sublime messages. It will make you ‘fall’ into it. It is a splendid film. Watch it.

And yes, I have not talked about the special effects which are simply spectacular. The music is excellent. Emmanuel Lubezki’s cinematography gets brilliant with every film. Terrence Mallick’s Tree of Life had similar space themes, which was again beautifully portrayed by Emmanuel Lubezki. Genius.

There  are still some things that I am still not sure of what exactly they mean. When Ryan says, “I am used to things falling on the hospital floor”. At another instance, they show the Chinese space shuttle as a similar shape of an astronaut. I am still thinking what she meant by this.

As always, some fascinating trivia. At one point, Shareef is singing the song – “Mera joota hai japani”. Not only is then only a Ganges connection, but our very own Bollywood connection. In another funny detail, the Chinese space shuttle had green herbs and ping-pong rackets. I chuckled when I saw this. Funny. 

Dialogue of the Day:

"No harm, no foul." 

 - Dr. Ryan Stone, Gravity

Of Many, Many Things...

It has actually been a long time no see. The last month has been full of events. I was actually missing writing a lot but kept on waiting for the exams to get over. There was one take-home exam and it took me almost ten days to complete it. Take-home exams are longer and more difficult than in-class exams. The course was a marketing one, which is very subjective and abstract. I had no idea that the twenty-pages of answers that I wrote, did it make sense or not. I am glad it is over. Apart from it, I have many things to talk about and a lot of self-praise to be showered upon in this post. You see, I am a bit of a show-off.

In the Ethics class this semester, there was a discussion on sexual harassment. The professor, who has done a lot of research on sexual harassment, told us some of the most bizarre cases. I think there was one when I heard I was flabbergasted. What happens is that there is a top executive at a firm who has an eye for women. He had been making some sexual remarks to one of the women who worked for him. One particular day, he sees the women looking ravishing in a white blouse. He, also, has the habit of popping M&Ms into the air and putting them in his mouth. He is walking by the lady, popping M&Ms into his mouth. One M&M lands in the woman's blouse. So, given the gentleman he is - he puts his hand in the woman's blouse and takes that M&M out and not only this, he admits this in court that he did that and he says to the judge that he was concerned that the lady's white blouse might get dirty and he did not want that to happen, that is why he put his hand in the woman's breasts. Seriously. How ridiculous can people be? I could not stop laughing when the professor told this. She told another case. This guy works with a beautiful lady in his office. He thinks she is the love of his life. He gets flowers for her, keeps on staring at her, and stalks her because he cannot take his eyes off her. He says to the judge that he could not live without her. Did I tell you that he is also married to another woman? People are unintentionally funny. Apart from this case, there is a case that made global headlines last year. It was related to Iowa Supreme Court. Iowa Supreme Court Rules Firing Of Woman For Being Too Attractive Was Legal. That is why I am fascinated by law. It is brilliantly subjective and objective at the same time. I wish I had done Political Science honors. But I would have made a terrible lawyer like Vanraj in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. Interestingly, Devdutt Pattanaik posted an article on sexual harassment that he wrote earlier. Devdutt, as we know, is India's most famous writer on mythology and is adept at incorporating mythological references to our daily lives. He wrote this article: Predator on the Prowl. Devdutt has just come out with his new book, Sita, a story of Ramayana through Sita's eyes. Back to the Ethics class, our professor who had been teaching for thirty years retired this year. We were in her last class. During the last class, she started crying. I mean you have given thirty years of your life teaching students and now you won't do that anymore. Perhaps that is why people are afraid to retire and move one. Be it sports, be it politics. The University is going to start a scholarship in her name. Isn't it such an accomplishing feeling? Talking of accomplishments, this week Nobel prizes were announced. After years of hard work, you get awarded the Nobel. This also reminds me of Phoebe winning a Nobel for massage. Oh! I love you, Phoebe.

Not only the Nobel, a few days ago Man Booker prize was announced. I was strongly rooting for Jhumpa Lahiri's The Lowland but Eleanor Catton's The Luminaries won it. Eleanor is only 28. Winning one of the highest prizes in the literary world at only 28. I wish I was smart enough to accomplish something like this. I want to win a Booker prize too. If only, I had even the smallest bit of literary sense. I am awed by all the people who write fiction. If I will write something, it will be mainly autobiographical. I cannot imagine a new world far away from my reality, such as Rushdie's Midnight's Children, Tolkein's The Lord of The Rings, or Jhumpa Lahiri's The Lowland. If I stretch myself, I will only have one book in me. I love these authors who can transport us to an altogether new world. Maybe that is why Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi in an interview said he does not have any more books in him. This is an old interview of Siddharth when his first book, The Last Song of Dusk, came out and he talks about how he became a writer. He says to be a writer you have to experience solitude.

Q&A with Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi

That I was left alone as a child was the most crucial gift my parents gave me. I shacked up in a tree house until I was 12 or 13 – reading books or just being alone. There’s a lot you can learn from that space, stuff you cannot always use in a practical way – but it’s the stuff that makes you who you are, it’s what adds fibre to your character, nuance to your personality. Today, when I see my nephews rush from some kind of a tuition to some other equally annoying music-class-type activity, I wonder where they’ll find the time to look at the monsoon puddles or fly kites for unstructured slots of time. That kind of time is far more instructional than any class you can go to. I am grateful that my mother always allowed me to run away from school almost on a regular basis (which, incidentally, I found mind numbingly boring.) I was allowed the space to not become anyone in particular but my own self.

Even if I write a book, I am sure no body is going to read it. 

Amitav Ghosh posted a very beautiful poem by Salil Chautrvedi on malls called The Grave of Two Friends.   

It’s an awfully large tombstone,
for a tree so small, and the little bird’s call, so big, this mall.

For the last few days, a Facebook page has been posting very deep words. Words we never thought that could exist.

 

  

I think sillage is one of the most erotic words that I know now. Beautiful.

There is a big stone right outside my house. Two weeks ago, while I was throwing out the trash at night, I didn't see the stone and fell down. I had also not turned on the light. It was so sudden that I didn't realize what happened to me. There were bruises all over the two legs. I think that is why they say mistakes are so important in life because they teach you a  lot. I now make a point to switch on the light. I will always remember that there is a stone outside my place. In this context, Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, wrote a very thought-provoking piece on failure. Scott Adams' Secret of Success: Failure. I am sure my Organizational Theory professor would dis this article because Scott doesn't believe in goals. Setting SMART goals is one of the first lessons in organizational theory class. He says, 

To put it bluntly, goals are for losers. That's literally true most of the time. For example, if your goal is to lose 10 pounds, you will spend every moment until you reach the goal—if you reach it at all—feeling as if you were short of your goal. In other words, goal-oriented people exist in a state of nearly continuous failure that they hope will be temporary.

If you achieve your goal, you celebrate and feel terrific, but only until you realize that you just lost the thing that gave you purpose and direction. Your options are to feel empty and useless, perhaps enjoying the spoils of your success until they bore you, or to set new goals and re-enter the cycle of permanent presuccess failure.

Becoming stronger is obviously a good thing, but it's only barely optimistic. I do want my failures to make me stronger, of course, but I also want to become smarter, more talented, better networked, healthier and more energized. If I find a cow turd on my front steps, I'm not satisfied knowing that I'll be mentally prepared to find some future cow turd. I want to shovel that turd onto my garden and hope the cow returns every week so I never have to buy fertilizer again. Failure is a resource that can be managed.

Basically, Scott disparages the management theory of motivation by goals. The ever-so-brilliant Sidin Vadukut had also mentioned a similar point in Cubiclenama: The Leadership Canard, talking about problems in the leadership style of the CEO of HTC. 

Earlier this week Reuters published a long profile of the company’s totemic CEO, Peter Chou, and suggested that HTC’s decline may be down to Chou’s “leadership style”. From my reading of the Reuters profile this is a list of problems people have pointed out with Chou’s management style:

• Abrasive management style
• No clear succession plan
• Perfectionist with an obsessive eye for materials and design
• Takes decisions on the fly
• Control freak who openly berated managers
• Does not delegate

So I reached the end of the profile. And then it suddenly struck me. I knew one other manager who possessed these exact same qualities. To the letter. He also used to work in the exact same sector. Making the exact same products. Steve Jobs. Jobs was one of the most abrasive, secretive, obsessive man ever to run a major company. I think most of this punditry about leadership styles and management theories is BS. This is the bottom line: the leadership style that works is…ta da…the one that actually works. Go big or go bust. Full-on profit, or full and final.

Very true. Cubiclenama is a great read for people in the office. There was another article where he talks about how people are constantly thinking of changing jobs.
Each time I moved to a new job I’d have the exact same parting conversations with colleagues at my old one. First of all, without fail, they’d say how fortunate I was. “Boss, you are lucky yaar. You are escaping from this horrible place.” Every. Single. Time. Not once has anyone asked me to stay back because the new job sounded inferior in comparison. It was as if the only thing on people’s minds as soon as they got into company…was to figure how to get out.

But I would definitely agree with one leadership attribute mentioned by Sanjay Baru, former media advisor to PM Dr. Manmohan Singh. He wrote an excellent article in the Indian Express on the nonsense ordinance controversy involving Rahul Gandhi. He says, "It requires great sophistication and maturity to provide leadership to a transition without undermining the image of the predecessor."

More here: The inheritor as insurgent

For the last few weeks, I have been feeling something weird. The feeling when you realize that your friends are your friends because they are using you. It happened at least four times with me when I felt that some of my friends acted in ways so that I can be influenced. I felt irritated at first but then I tried to understand their perspective. The thing that I don't like is that they think I am not smart enough, but I understand everything. Say it to me on my face rather than using puns. It is all right. After all, they are my friends, no?

A few days Forbes magazine rated Tippie College of Business as number 20 on the best business schools in America. The rating criterion is based solely on the return on investment. Honestly, 20 is not a number one should be really proud of, right?  And I typically do not like to talk much about MBA rankings which are very subjective. But somehow I felt good about it. A lot of my friends used to make fun of me that I am living in Iowa - the middle of nowhere. I do not understand what their problem is. I have been to many cities in the US - each one ruder than the other - go to Houston and then realize what I am talking about. The Midwest has a totally different culture than the rest of the US. As much it was my dream to study someday in Harvard or Yale, I realized I am not smart enough for these prestigious institutions. More importantly, I did not have money for these. Even if I got through, I am not a very confident person that I could have survived these places. People say you have got a scholarship and keep on repeating this. I have got a scholarship, that is why I am here else I would not have been here. Even after the scholarship, I am spending around Rs. 25 Lakhs here. If I was in California or New York, living expenses would shoot up astronomically and I do not have that much money. So, I chose 'middle of nowhere' because it was the only option for me. When this ranking came, it was as if it validated some of my beliefs. I felt reassured by it. And I was in NSIT, supposedly one of India's best engineering colleges. Did I do something great there? No. But my friends did great things there. And they are very smart. And maybe that is why they are in top schools now and they deserve it. I am not a very talented person. I have hardly any talents. People call me defeatist. Yes, I am. But I have learned to live with whatever I have.

I went to Seattle last month. Ever since I have watched Grey's Anatomy which is shot in Seattle, I always had a fascination to go there. I went to the Space Needle. I was so happy. Seattle looks beautiful from the top. I was all the while thinking of Derek who had said to Meredith, "Seattle has ferry boats. I have a thing for ferry boats." Grey's Season 10 has started and somehow, Derek has now become my favorite character. I mean I always liked his role but of late he has become my favorite. He is one of the nicest characters on the show. He is a perfect person - a great doctor, a great husband, a great father, a great friend, a great teacher, and a great human being. He is brilliant and no wonder he is called McDreamy. One of my college friends, K, stays in Seattle. I met her after four years. Her boyfriend was also there. We gossiped so much. Made fun of people. Somehow, I never felt like I met her after four years. She also said the same. Maybe because we were in touch more or less. But four years ago, who would have thought that the next time we will meet in Seattle?!?! Life changes so much no? When I went to Space Needle, they click a picture for free with a background of Seattle. I should give lessons to people on how to ruin a picture. This is what they gave me.

How to ruin a picture :|

Some more Seattle pictures:

I did not tell the purpose of why I went to Seattle. I had a job interview. And by the grace of God, I got through. The company is this online retailer. I had six interviews. One hour each. Two on the phone and four on the final day. I was very sure that they will not take me. But they accepted. I am simply relieved that I have a job and won't be asked to go back. I have told only a few friends because my mom says not to spread it. And after I got it, I called my friend J in Des Moines. She is 50 years old but was my gossip and lunch partner during the internship. We used to discuss TV shows (Downton Abbey, House of Cards) and US politics. She felt really happy because she knew how worried I was. But somehow, I am not feeling happy because again, I am having doubts about whether I will be able to survive their culture or not. I will keep on hoping that I am able to. I have struggled a lot to reach where I am and I still have to fight to reach where I want to be. As they say, keep on hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. My mom is now calling me to come home in December. She is adamant that I come since it is going to be 1.5 years and then next June, there will visa problems till I start working and then it will become next December. 

And now for some self-praise. In the Ethics class, there was a very difficult assignment. We had to write up a solution in which there are eight people who require a kidney and we had to select only one person to whom we will give the kidney. It was just so hard to decide to whom we should give the kidney because all of them were equally deserving. There was no right or wrong answer. I read a lot on how we should allocate resources and then wrote this. The Kidney Case. The professor called it a 'fabulous paper'. Nothing gives me more happiness if someone praises my writing because it is very close to me. And then she called me for a meeting and she told me that I should go in for a PhD because she said, "you have a very different way of thinking that stands out from your peers and you think very deeply about issues, and you will be suited for an academic career". As if she read my mind because I have thought a lot about PhD. But I don't think I can do it right now. I wish I had thought about it five years earlier. I will always regret this.

You know, F on his Twitter posted this,

Pankaj, gravity dekhi @sachdeva_pankaj
— khanna ji (@furobiker) October 14, 2013

Waiting to read Sir @sachdeva_pankaj 's review of the lunch box
— khanna ji (@furobiker) September 20, 2013

I was stumped for a minute that am I reading it right?  It has been probably the very few times that someone waits for my opinion on movies. I have such a funny way of analyzing movies. I remember when I went for my interview at the second company I worked for, my manager made so much fun of me because I told him I really loved Sonam Kapoor in Mausam, I Hate Luv Storys and Saawariya - all three box office duds :\ He was just so critical of my choice that I felt terrible after it. He then said since you do not think logically, I am not sure if I can trust you with business :( But then later he gave me the job. I have a very naive understanding of cinema and emotions and most of it is my own interpretation. People try to see the logic in movies which I do not have. So when F posted this, I felt good as if my opinion mattered :) Thank you so much. Y also told me to watch The Lunchbox and she will wait for my review about how I felt about it. I wish I could do this job full time :( I have a simple philosophy - watch movies with a heart because each scene is there for a purpose and we have to interpret that purpose.

Finally, some thing about movies - any blog post feels incomplete with out them.

A few days ago, this made headlines. Woody Allen Cancels 'Blue Jasmine' Release in India Over Anti-Tobacco Ads. It is such a shame because The Blue Jasmine is getting excellent reviews and a lot of people wait for his films. Yes, India is not a big market for him but the government's policy is really stupid. In this context, I remembered a very funny line. Have you seen Manorama Six Feet Under? It is an excellent murder mystery starring Abhay Deol, Gul Panag and Sarika and directed by Navdeep Singh. During that time, A. Ramadoss who was the Union Health Minister started his campaign for no smoking in films. At one point in the film, Abhay Deol's character purchases a cigarette and says to the shopkeeper, "Ek Ramadoss dena". Brilliant satire. Naming the cigarette after the minister. It was really funny. That is called creativity and making a point through films.

A few days ago, Beth asked this question on Twitter, 

If you had to live in the films of one director, whose works would you choose?
— Beth Loves Bollywood (@bethlovesbolly) October 14, 2013

One person replied this,

@bethlovesbolly @anishok Here's my list - SLB (HDDCS,Devdas), any KJo film, Imtiaz Ali (JWM) & mad super filmy Aiyyaa.
— Rahul (@filmyrants) October 14, 2013

I would include exactly the same list of people. And Aiyyaa too. This made me want to watch Bhansali's films again, trying to deconstruct his grandeur vision. I re-watched the second half of Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. And I am right now watching Saawariya. Saawariya is a paradise of references and I am loving it even more now because I think I understand it better now. I found such fascinating details about it which I will write later. But for now, I am writing about some new things about Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, which I had not thought about it before. Beth actually hates Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam as she felt that the biggest problem with the film was that all the three male characters kept throwing Nandini away. But I unabashedly love that movie. So here it goes.

After Nandini's father finds out about her relationship with Sameer, she is seen sitting on a swing. I found it very interesting that Bhansali shows her on a swing which in some ways reflected her state of mind. At one side is her father and on the other side is Sameer and she is left swinging between those two people. 

When she says to her mom that, "Sameer ne meri aaatma ko chua hai, maa", her upper body is on one side and her legs are on the other side reflecting that her heart is with Sameer but she cannot move her legs to this side because her father will not her and she is left at the cusp of the two. When she says, "mujhe do hisso me mat baanto, maa", I became sure that was the very purpose of Bhansali.

The Swinging State?

The chandelier played another important role in the picture. Nandini and Sameer meet for the very first time at the chandelier. Nandini is shown lighting the chandelier with a candle and that was actually a symbol of starting their love.  When Sameer is leaving, Nandini runs, her dupatta catches fire and the chandelier shakes, and later eventually Nandini breaks the chandelier as if their love has ended. The chandelier was the symbol of their love.

Chandelier - Delicate Love

Now, when she finally gets married to Vanraj and they both travel to Italy, there is another scene where Bhansali uses inanimate objects to refer to something related to the film. Nandini is not able to open the blue suitcase and she refuses to take Vanraj's help. Vanraj, watching her struggle, offers to open it but she refuses. He grabs the suitcase from her and opens it. He has to apply a lot of force to open it. I think that the blue suitcase was referring to Nandini's closeness. She would not open her heart to Vanraj and he will have to force her to accept his help in finding Sameer, just like the closed suitcase which would not open.

Blue Suitcase -  Nandini's Closeness

Again, in the cafe scene if you see Vanraj is wearing a blue sweater over his shoulders. He is not wearing it but only keeping it over his shoulders. There were some metaphorical references to Nandini and Vanraj's blue sweater (like the blue suitcase). He won't wear the sweater but he will keep it with him like he would not force Nandini to love him but he will keep her with him. When they come back after Nandini falls in front of the tram and she says to Vanraj, "aaj aapki vajah se maine Sameer ko kho diya". He then says,"tum kya jano pyaar kya hota hai", and then he storms out of the room but still makes a point to grab that blue sweater like he would not let her go. And when he goes out of the room, he is seen roaming in the streets. Now he accidentally bumps into Sameer, who is also wearing blue! The evening colors are blue too. I think it meant due to some cosmic connections of blue light referring to Nandini's love, Sameer's love for Nandini will be transferred to Vanraj (signified by their bumping) and then Vanraj is shown wearing that sweater as if Nandini is going to accept him now. I was just stunned by Bhansali's deep thoughtfulness here. He is a genius.

 Blue - Nandini's Love?

There is excellent trivia in the cafeteria scene as well. When they both are sitting in the background, an Italian song is being played. When I heard it, I thought I had listened to the tune before. And then after some thinking, I found out. The song that was being played was:

And this famous Italian song was copied in the film Mann in the song Nasha Yeh Pyaar Ka Nasha Hai!

Both Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam and Mann released in 1999. Make it a point to listen to the song in cafeteria next time you watch Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam. Or listen this if you can.

And one more reference. Vanraj and Nandini start their friendship on a train. Now, immediately after that there is the scene of Sameer and his mother talking in the cemetery. Again, I felt that the cemetery was a signal by Bhansali that as soon as the friendship of Vanraj started, Sameer's relationship was effectively dead, signified by the cemetery. Each scene is there for a purpose and I think Bhansali meant that there, else why would he show Sameer and his mother joking in a cemetery.

End of Sameer and Nandini in the Cemetery

Bhansali is a master at creating deeply aching moments (meri awaaz pehchanogi na tum?) and uses the camera beautifully (the tango dance scene - brilliant!).

Seriously, I am addicted to Dholi Taaro song. I used to like this song before but for the past few days, I am stunned at its brilliance. Vaibhavi Merchant has excellently choreographed this song and she deservedly got the National Award for it. Kavita Krishnamurthy's voice is perfect. The melange of colors, the dance moves, the voice, the actors - it's poetry in motion. I love it.

I am sure I missed many other references that Bhansali is trying to show. But without a doubt, given a chance to live in a film, I would without thinking go into any Bhansali film. I will try to understand more of Bhansali in the coming weeks. 

Wrote a lot today. More later. Comments welcome :)

Dialogue of the Day:

"Beete hue waqt ko haathon me jakad kar raha hai tumne, Nandini. Jaane do ise. Jis din tum yeh haath khologi, tumhare hathon me kuch nahi rahega. Zindagi har waqt badalti hai, Nandini. Badalte hue waqt ko apnao."

 - Nandini's Mom, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam