R :(

R got engaged :( and I know she is not happy :( and I am not happy because she is not happy :( the news just shook me...Please make things better...

Being sad makes me happy!!!!

Sachin.. by God, he's God!!

When Sachin made 200, there was this whole excitement, cheerfulness, shouting, screaming.. every one in Office was clearly on cloud nine!! When I came to know, I don't know what happpened, but many a tear rolled down from the eyes, of course, I didn't show it to anyone others would think me to be a cry baby, which actually I am :(

I don't know what happened but behind the tremendous happiness and the proud that I felt, I just kept thinking how could anybody be so so good, the amazing grace with which Sachin has conducted himself always puts him as a wonderful human being...

My friend R who sits opposite to me said "I have been waiting for this day since eternity, it was his dream that somebody from India could break this record?"

At that moment, it just hit me like it always does :

Dream? people have dreams!! How tiny a thought maybe, but it was his dream to see this.. but then it kept me thinking, what is my dream? I don't know what my dream is? Isn't it such a terrible thought? A person without dreams is like a human without soul :( I want to do everything in life but what is that one thing, that one thought on whose completion I could feel yes, my dream is achieved? I kept thinking of it the whole time after that.. and when I came back, NDTV Indian of the year was coming, every time for the last 5-6 years it has been coming, I cry every time on watching it, seeing the achievers is just overwhelming..

Of late, I have become a very emotional person which I wasn't before but lately, don't know what happens, I almost cry at the drop of hat!! maybe the dreamless me, finds this as an outlet...

And of Grey's Anatomy, I have seen 4 episodes of season 5 and it makes me really sad :( but there is something about it I just love that show :(

I also saw Up In The Air, another sad movie...

Maybe I am watching too much of sad things, but I just love sad shows, don't know why..comedy never appealed to me.. I am always like this, being sad makes me happy ( what an oxymoron I have invented, I should write a depressing book now!!)

Meanwhile, I had written about MNIK..will post it soon..

Of Valentine's Day

I wrote this on valentine' Day!!
It's Valentine's Day..I am single and very happy to be single. I don't need anyone, I am happy all by myself. But you know the last few days, I have been feeling very lonely. There is this colleague of mine H. She sits opposite to my bay and everyday she gets a call from someone and I am pretty sure it is her bf. She talks to him so sweetly, I mean in a very different way. Although she tries to speak very slowly, but I can still hear her as to what is she saying. Don't blame me for eavesdropping! Even you can hear if you would come to my place :/
Anyway, I think last Thursday was her boyfriend's birthday. She was so excited and she left for the day quite early but you know I even know what she gave him as a gift. She gave him a customized photo album, she had called those guys for printing and was asking for their services, blah blah. I could see that she had been given humongous amounts of work but still she went home and prepared her photo album probably containing their best moments together, being awake all the night, all for what? just to get this smile on her friend's face. Isn't that so touching? I felt so bad that day, I kept thinking of Monica when on Ross's wedding with Emily, she said " My brother is getting married and I don't even have a date" :(
And there is also another colleague of mine M. She comes from a very far off place in Delhi. Lets say it be on the outskirts of Delhi. My office is in Noida, and you know how she comes? Her boyfriend drops her. He first picks her up and then he drops to Noida and then he goes to his office in Gurgaon. And while coming back, he comes from Gurgaon to Noida and then drops her to her home in Outer Delhi. I mean doesn't he get tired ? I commute for 1.5 hours and become a sukha hua aam after that.And he travels almost 4 hours extra just for her???
Love surely is bizarre!! But you know it definitely would make her feel special, ain't it? That there is someone who is there for her 24*7..
I mean you can bitch about your friends, your seniors, in fact tell every god damn thing that you can't even tell your best friend..It reminds me of Rahul's mom in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, when she asks Rahul to marry again, so that she can bitch about her daughter in law in kitty parties :)
No, seriously, I mean love is bizarre. People talk on phones for hours!! OMG, what do they discuss, every god damn thing on earth!!
Sari baatein khatam ho jayengi phir bhi phone nahi hoga..
And it is Valentine's day, and like Monica said, I don't even have a date.. but eventually she did find Chandler on that night when her brother got married...
I am still waiting but please I am not desperate :)

P.S.- On reading again, I found this to be views of a confused dumb ass who is not able to decide whether love is good or bad?

Envy?

Someone in office is jealous of me - I got this news today by a very good friend. But what is he jealous of? Apparently, he is jealous because this very good friend of mine talks to me!! It's not that he likes this friend in a romantic sort of way but because she is very popular ( and very good at heart too) and he wants to be popular and get the 'happening' news from her. He thinks that she tells me everything he wants to know, and sort of ignores him. I had been noticing a slight change in behaviour of this person towards me but ignored it. I am actually amazed that someone could be jealous of me???????? What do I have to make other people jealous :( kuch hota to sabse pehle mujhe bata do koi!!

I also envy some people but not in a hatred kind of way but in a way that I wish I could be like them which I know I can't. I still remember the words of our Class 9 Maths teacher, the super funny Mrs. Dubey ;) She once said "Don't be jealous, be zealous!"

Hmmm I just read a blog entry by someone who wrote this brilliant piece on broken pieces of glass. I am not posting it because I don't think he would like it as that person doesn't even know that I read his blog!! I am so zealous of his writing skills. I just wish I could even think 1% of the way he thinks.

I am zealous of many more things. More on it later :)
Tickets booked for MNIK.. yipeeeee... SRK rocks :)

Of feeling guilty all the time...

This post was meant to be for Ishqiya. I wanted to write it the day I watched it!! The second movie which I watched First Day ( the first was that disastrous What's Your Rashee?) . I loved Ishqiya, it had so many layers to it.. I would write a post on it soon..am just falling in love with Vidya Balan, she was so real in Paa and with Ishqiya, she truly is a desi tamancha..

Anyways, it's February 2010!! Oh shit! I am going to be 23 in May????????? No :-(

I always look forward to reading Seema Goswami's wonderful column Spectator in HT Brunch. In today's article she talks about the guilt that seems to have become a permanent companion of our lives. It is not the guilt of some crime or murder that we are talking about but of small small things. The guilt of not taking out time for your friends, of twittering when instead one should be working, etc. I don't know its kind of surreal that this is exactly what I have been thinking for the past few days. I really feel guilty of not being a good son :( I could not make my parents happy who expect so much from me but am such a loser and I still don't do anything about it. Confucius said that knowing the right path and not following it is an act of supreme cowardice :(

I do not want to be like this but how do I do it? Lack of confidence has made a big dent in my life...

I feel guilty of not reading more, I was such a voracious reader a few years back, and now I seem to have lost that reading thing. I still read but my speed has drastically reduced. I just waste my time on net, facebook, twitter, reading tweets of some of the most lame people Riteish Deshmukh!!! can you imagine that? but now I am following only people who I really like.. Anyway I am digressing from my main point. I want to read more but I just while (or wile?) away my time.

I feel guilty of not talking to my friends, I have blocked some people from my gmail permanently. I always think that I will talk the next time but I just keep postponing it. Such a bad friend I am :(

I know I have to study more, have to plan out my future but I always crib on the lack of time. I see some people who have excellent time management skills why can't I do the same? I have to think so much.. Life is not easy but I keep procrastinating..

Hope some better sense prevails over me otherwise I will end being a loser in life :(

Oh Please :(

Hmmm, I got a new laptop, but there is no net connectivity in it as of now by next week , I will get one.. I like it :) Till then good bye...