Of Sad Post: Part 1

I miss blogging so much! I know that I write crap but even posting a picture that I like makes me feel nice but of late! since office started, I don't get time to blog but I do make it a point to read all my favourite blogs (in no particular order) - Shobhaa De, Vir sanghvi, Sushmita Bose, Poonam Saxena, and the people I know- Yamini and Priyanka, both private blogs, having the privilege to read a private blog makes me feel wanted :-)!

Anyway, I hadn't written a personal post for a long time, I mean I haven't written a sad post in a way :

So this is my another sad post..I don't know whenever I am sad, I keep thinking that I will put it on my blog, cribbing and venting out my sadness to my blog friend, who listens to my every thought and gives me space to be myself..

Sometimes, these days I feel such sudden and terrible phases of loneliness and I don't know the reason why.. I am an introvert by nature and don't open up to people easily but of late, I have started to feel as a misfit in society.. I don't know why? Whenever I talk to people it feels that I am wearing a mask and not showing my true self.. it's not that I hate people completely, I love talking to people about news, politics, books, movies, yeah yeah FRIENDS and Grey's Anatomy too ..someone who could tell me about philosophy, psychology, life, poetry,and so many more things.. but I don't know why.. but somehow people all around me talk about things which I don't really understand... The other day, my cousin who has come from Amsterdam came to dinner..she is one of my idols but you know, I had nothing to say to her and everyone else was asking her so many things! Again, it made me wonder whether I will ever be happy in life..whether I could really adjust in life..I am a 22 year old man ( as newspapers say a 22 year old man, not a 22 year old boy) and I still don't know so many things in life.. people 5-6 years younger than me would be better.. My cousin Deepansha can kick any body's ass! and I don't even know how to talk!

I always thought that when I will grow up, some things will come automatically but I am just getting older but not getting wiser ( like Auro of Paa, which releases this sat, I will go for sure..Kurbaan bhi nahi dekhi maine) .. but it is not going as I thought it would.. I cannot change myself now..it is so difficult to change yourself, to go against your grain to be what you are not! I had always wanted to be like one of my acquaintances UI who doesn't even know that I think so highly of him.. smart, intelligent, principled, agnostic, well read.. these were the qualities which i wanted to be but all I could become was a pseudo intellectual - a person who just fakes his sense of knowledge..

And talking of people, in office where I sit, the people who sit opposite to me- Rahul and Hiteshi they share such a good camaraderie and are good friends..they keep on talking and having nice chitchats ( both from the same college).. when I see them, it makes even more sad because I am quite reserved and want to have friends like them.. but then I avoid people...I know nothing of this makes sense at all..but I really wanted to write my thougts today as I had a really depressing day...but I will continue these random thoughts in my next post..waiting for the sequel!

Narcissist Me!

I wrote the following passage for Yamini's Cluster programme and I love reading it... Narcissim you can say..

Since the days of the yore,India has been known for its splendid craftsmanship skills and exquisite designs. Be it from the diamond processing industry in Surat to the marvellous handmade sarees in Banars, Indian skills are right on top. This also being the reason that India has been an inspiration to so many fashion houses and foreign designers from Jean Paul Gautier to Giorgio Armani. The skill based industries are mainly concentrated in the rural areas where workers learn these skills from their parents at an early age as a legacy of their forefathers and their family tradition.But the grim reality is that these people do not realise the worth of their work and still remain confined to their areas earning a paltry sum for their immense hardwork. NIFT's aim has been to bring about a chnage in the social awareness of these people.For this purpose CLUSTER programme has been inculcated to make students aware about the diversity of India and to bring a change in the standard of these people. Cluster educates these people about the importance of market economics. These people have huge potential anf if brought into the mainstream industry, , it could bring scores and scores of foreign revenue benefitng the country and also themselves as these are the people who remain on the verge of poverty. The trip to Indore was agreat learning experience. The practical exposure to actual work and the thrill to work amongst people with brilliant skills was enthralling and exhilirating.

Jo Barse Sapne Boond Boond...

I have been listening to the song Iktara from Wake Up Sid! and it has become one of my most loved songs ever.. It is such a beautiful composition and the male version is even better.. the song has been composed by Amit Trivedi where as the rest of the songs in the film have been composed by Shankar, Ehsaan and Loy and it has amazing lyrics by Javed Akhtar. Amit Trivedi also composed the music for DevD which also had some mindblowing compositions like emotional atyaachar, payaliya, yeh duniya... when Kavita Seth sings the lines jo barse sapne boond boond naino ko moond moond, it makes me feel as if I am standing near the sea and there are rain drops falling on my eyelids *absolute bliss* and in the male version sung by Tochi ( of Pardesi DevD fame) the lines are jo naina karoon band band, beh jaye boond boond meaning as if tears are waiting to fall as soon as close my eyes by the immense happiness or sadness that has bottled up in ourseleves.. so true of our lives where we do not have the time for ourselves..it is songs like these that make me sit all by myself and think about life and its complexities ( like when Himesh Reshammiya says in Radio on being asked 'What's your relationship status? It's complicated!') ... posting the lyrics for myself, if anyone has lyrics of male version I would be glad to put them here as well :-)

Orey manva tu to bavra hai

Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai

Tu hi jaane tu kya sochta hai bavre

Kyun dikhaye sapne tu sote jaagte

Jo barse sapne boond boond

Nainon ko moond moond

Nainon ko moond moond

Jo barse sapne boond boond

Nainon ko moond moond

Kaise main chaloon, dekh na sakoon

Anjaane raastein
Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Dheeme bole koi iktara iktara, dheeme bole koi iktara

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Sun rahi hoon sudh budh khoke koi main kahani

Poori kahani hai kya kise hai pata

Main to kisiki hoke yeh bhi na jaani

Ruth hai ye do pal ki ya rehgi sada, kise hai pata… kise hai pata

Jo barse sapne boond boond

Nainon ko moond moond

Nainon ko moond moond

Jo barse sapne boond boond

Nainon ko moond moond

Kaise main chaloon, dekh na sakoon

Anjaane raastein

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Dheeme bole koi iktara iktara, dheeme bole koi iktara

Gunjasa hai koi iktara iktara, gunjasa hai koi iktara

Rat Chase..

On Friday morning in Office, a very funny incident happened. A rat and that too a big brown one entered the office from the cafeteria door! And lo! what a big commotion it created! Everybody jumped from their seats to catch hold of the rat..from the office boys to the senior most manager, every one had their attention on where that cat enemy was hiding and running..Girls screamed whenever it passed through their legs and guys screamed Fuck! whenever it came near them.. Some people started making videos of rat chase so that they could send it to India TV for showing them their Breaking News "Bhagora Chooha pakda gaya"! Finally it was caught by one person who trapped it in the dustbin! For about 20 minutes, the whole office came to a standstill it was like we were all the Toms running after Jerry..but it surely was good fun! :)

Natural Beauty...

Isn't it a stunning picture? Thanks to Cyrus Broacha's tweet!

Waiting for a good film...

I mean WTF? I have stopped expecting good Hindi films these days! like I was so eagerly waiting for What's Your Rashee? and Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani! WYR was not good and Ajab Prem is ok ok types!

I mean after Kaminey and Wake Up Sid, I don't think a worth watching film has released! Ajab Prem is directed by Raj Kumar Santoshi who also made Andaaz Apna Apna ( which shockingy was not a hit!!!!!!)

It is not a great film on the lines of AAA as it is made out to be.. just time pass stuff..there are some scenes which are hilarious like the one where Prem wears Jenny's top! and Prem's mother singing a song! and the party scene where Prem keeps on dancing..but at times the humor and the gags seem artificial and forced! I loved the picturisation of the song Kaise Bataye!..such a beautiful place..I want to know where that place is!

Ranbir is a star but the thing is that he needs a better script! Perhaps Rocket Singh might do wonders for him! I had liked his performance in Wake Up Sid!

Anyway, in these era of bad films, I saw a rare gem of movie Chintuji, a movie which when released and went, no one knows but it is a delightful film that makes you smile! Especially that Akira Kurosawa song!!!

So, the next movie I hope is good is Rocket Singh..but the best thing is I will keep my expectations low..I know how terrible it feels if a film doesn't live up to the expectations which you have been waiting for!

First *Salary*

Got my first salary :-)

It seems a bit weird that I have got my first salary.. your first salary is always special, in fact, your 'first' anything is always worth remembrance..your first day in school, the first day in college, first day at job, first car, first bike and first salary.. since it is only 10 days that I joined, I have only got 10 day salary which is a bit less than the full month salary, but to be true full month salary is also not that much :( but its fine by me..it is the first job and I am grateful that they are paying a dumb ass like me..

So, what are my plans for it?

I will gift something to mummy..probably a ring or something like that

Some part of it to god

Some to sister and papa

thora sa mere liye..but I don't know what to but for myself? The only things I love are books and movies, which I already have.. maybe after 2-3 months I could get an i-pod..don't like spending money on clothes, shoes, whatever because nothing looks good on me vaise bhi :) then why waste money!

It still seems a bit surreal that I have started earning..become an adult :-( nooo, I don't want to become an adult so sooon.. I still want to be the child that asked for money from mummy for a movie and got scolding to stop wasting money on watching movies, want to remain the same person who used to save money to buy Harry Potter for 1000 bucks..and now I have money and still I am craving for the past..I have always been like this.. the perennial crib who thinks that grass is always greener on the other side..

But I still have big guilt in my heart about some issue..please I hope I am able to overcome it quickly :-(

Anyway will write more posts today but small ones :-)

Bye blog!