Saturday, June 30, 2012

Of Comfort Zones, Racism and Lexie

Long time no see...

So yesterday was the last day at the second job. Now officially unemployed for one month. I am getting scared. The first of next month I will be in the US. So scary feeling..for someone like me who hasn't stayed away from home ever. It is going to be a tough task but I hope everything turns out alright. Second farewell in seven months. Don't feel good about it but it was my decision and had anticipated this thing..let's see how will this affect future plans. When I left my first job, I was a bit sad as I was attached to a lot of people there. I have self confidence issues and I always am very self deprecating. I always need validation from others :\ But yesterday, I actually felt good about myself. Because I actually proved something. I have never told this before. When I had given my interview for my second job, my would-be manager told me "Pankaj, you are that sort of a person who thinks from the heart without any logic. I don't see any good reason to hire you. You don't know anything! In this world, you have to step out of your comfort zone else you won't be able to survive here."  I had felt terrible after the interview and was sure he won't call me back. But he did and I thought maybe it was a stress interview. Now, after working with him for six months, I learnt that he is that sort of a person who you would never want to work with in your life ever! And yesterday, he came to me and said "It seems that you have been working with us for over a year or so. You have been a great asset for us. We are going to miss you a lot in the team. I was thinking for the past few days how will we manage without you and we are going to face a lot of problems without you. But you will be missed. And I am sure wherever you will go, you will do very well there." I felt so good after he said this. And then I told him, "In my interview, you told me to step out of your comfort zone and I hope I lived up to it." And then he said "Absolutely." I wanted to prove to him that I am not that bad as you think me to be and I did and I felt as if I achieved something. Then he said to come to office and we'll have lunch together. And I was thinking to myself, if I see you again, I will change my path but will never come to meet you again ;-) In the farewell mail, I actually wrote to prove my point : "I read this quote somewhere yesterday – ‘Life begins after your comfort zone’ and I am reminded of the lyrics of the song Yeh Zindagi Bhi from my one of my favourite movies – Luck By Chance 'Jo palko ke tale hai apne sapne leke chale... yeh keh do wo chale sambhal ke.. Na karna koi gile kaheen jo thokar aisi lage.. ke sapne toote.' So keep dreaming!"

Ya I know thora zyada ho gaya ;) Then I met and thanked all the friends in the team - J,B,J,A,N,D,U,S,P, M, D and S. D sent an SMS last night, and N and A actually wrote a very nice mail. It was one of the very few days when I felt good about myself else I am so I-am-such-a-loser-in-life sort of a person. I have to do a lot of things before I go. First and foremost, I have to join this course at Delhi Photography Club. For the past six months, I have been planning to do it. Everytime I miss the date and say to myself that next it is starting my 7 July to 29 July...4 classes on the weekend..very near to home..and if I am not able to it this time, I will never be able to do it..have to do this time pakka se..

And you know yesterday, A randomly remarked to stay away from Blacks in America. I was like, how racist you are :) And then we started discussing. And I remembered about the movie Fashion. In one scene, when Meghna is feeling a depressed, she goes to a pub and gets high. When she wakes up, she realized the horror of all horrors - she slept with a black man! She started cleaning herself. I think that was very racist on the part of Madhur Bandarkar! Infact, Raja Sen in his review of Fashion, has actually written 

Aiming at showing Priyanka Chopra’s fall from grace, the film takes her from having an affair with a married man, to taking to drink, to taking to soft drugs, then harder drugs. What then could possibly further her complete descent into hell? Well, the film shows her sleeping with a black man — and then scrubbing herself off because of how unclean she feels.


And while coming back, our very own Yo Yo! Honey Singh's song was playing on the radio! Brown Rang!

Koi kaam utte jave na rotti paani khave na 

gori gori kudiya nu koi muh laave na

kudiye ni tere brown rang ne 

munde patt te ni saare mere town de

I mean, whatever your views on Honey Singh, you can't call him racist! Talking of Fashion, I had some issues with the film but overall I liked it especially PC!

So, Lexie is dead :( I loved much I have written about her and Mark :( I watched last four episodes of Season 8 and each one is too brilliant and terrific! I will write more about it later. But I have to write about one scene. I know it is very girly but I loved it. She finally confessed her love to Mark! And she said the amazing lines:

I love you, and I have been trying not to say it.. I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it.. I’m so in love with you...and you’re in me.. it’s like you’re a disease.. it's like I am infected by Mark Sloan and I just can’t.. I can’t think about anything or anybody, and I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe, I can’t eat, and I love you.. I just I love you all the time, every minute of everyday.. and I love you!

I love it when she says you’re in me.. it’s like you’re a disease....
You have to watch this video!

I have to write about so many things and will write soon more often at least this month.

Dialogue of the Day:

"People can surprise you. You get so used to thinking of them one way, stuck in their roles. They are what they are. Then they do something that shows you there's all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed." - Modern Family


  1. Brilliant Post!!

    I am so sad that Lexie is dead. She and Mark were supposed to be together till the end. I still can't believe it. She was one of my favorite characters in Grey's.

    All the very best for the future. As I have said many times, but will say once again - I am 110% sure that you will be happy and successful in life because you are smart, sensitive and intelligent. So, don't worry at all. Don't over think or over analyze things and just go with the flow!


  2. All the Best...Second NRI friend I have ;)
    Bhoolna mat!!!

  3. You write these awesome posts and it's like i'm addicted to it and i wish it was your full time job or write one at the end of each's because you are awesome :)

  4. @ Aastha Thanks, you are the one who always says this as I said validation from others :) :) And I do over analyse things..Ya Lexie :( They kill all our fav - George, Izzie, Henry and now Lexie..have you seen all?

    @Sumit Sunil Shetty said in Dhadkan, main tumhe bhool jaun yeh ho nahi sakta, aur tum mujhe bhool jao yeh main hone nahi dunga..hehe

    @Dips Ya thanks as always...makes me feel good...and if you pay me, I might start writing ;D

  5. Pankaj... visited your blog after a gap of few weeks (office mein nai chalta na)... i so so miss you in office...
    all the best... phoren jaake bhool mat jaana...
    alwayz keep in touch...
    am alwayz there for you... :))

  6. oh and one more thing... click, click and click... and share those pics :) all the best with your fotography course :D


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