Sunday, July 24, 2011

Of Soulmates, Character Books, Being Quiet, and Insecurity...

Hmm..Long time no see.. Ever since I have written about Imran's poetry, the blog has been flooded with visitors from around the world. There have been nearly 5000 visitors. I don't know is it a good thing or not. I felt a bit weird because the kind of things I have written on my blog are so personal, and seeing these flood of visitors made me feel a bit naked. But it is ok.. And I will never ever monetise my blog. It is something very personal to me. And moreover, people are coming for Javed Saab's poetry not it is not ethical to make money out of somebody else's work. Anyway there is this very sweet visitor Tinkerbell, who finds my blog just like hers. She commented the following on one of the posts

I am speechless. Ever since I chanced upon your blog I havent been able to stop reading. And as I read each post and each line I cannot believe that there is actually a MALE like me! Im female BTW..:-)

But this post - again I'm at a loss for words - its SOOOO ME...I have heard & read about cosmic connections but never experienced it..well maybe im too practical thinking for that! But agan I really dont know what to say anymore....with each post I'm going - this is me! this is me! - sounds corny right? but well yeah there you have it!! :-) 

I chanced upon this Blog while searching for the poetry from ZNMD. I am a blogger myself and I cannot believe that there is someone like me, with similar tastes and likes. My blog is also very personal and its a place where i vent and fume - my diary and your blog just made me think of mine in some way. I love the same soaps as you - Friends, Greys Anatomy, - and reading some topics like Letting Go - even I blogged about it!!!....But of course I didn't give in any examples from Grey's but reading your post on it - if I had given any examples - it would most defo have been the same ones!!!.....

That is so sweet no? This reminds me of the dialogue from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara when Kabira says "Duniya me kahi bhi jao, log same hi hote, it is human nature." But it is very sweet of her to mail me this. Thanks so much Tinkerbell..It will be nice Tinkerbell, if you are reading this, to share your blog link with me.. Maybe we can discuss about things more :)
It is just like that scene from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. when Monica meets her soul mate who is just like her..who cooks exactly the same dishes..who like the same ingredients..much to the chagrin of Chandler ;) BTW it was Phoebe who predicted using tea leaves reading that Monica is going to meet her soul mate :) 

Do you think soul mates exist? I don't know.. Co-incidentally, the past week I asked S about her fiance..she said that he is just like her..he is her male version except that she is a bit more outgoing and he is more shy but both of them like the same things..the same movies..the same behavior in situations..Hmmm..Something to think more about..Has it necessarily to be of the opposite sex..Can two men or women be soul mates (ala Chritsina and Meredith in Grey's)..Will think about it..

So, what else is new? I watched Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara again with office friends. I loved it even more..Finally learnt new dialogues..I loved Laila's philosophy towards life..The first time I had loved Imran..this time I loved Imran even more and Arjun as well..there is an Arjun in all of us. Arjun's transformation is what completely stands out in the film.  Imran loved open spaces (like his love for open cars)..maybe that is why he was feeling guilty of hiding his secret about his father..or as a cover for his secretive poetry.. And Arjun was more closed..he chose a SUV over the car.. And also, in of the scenes Kabir is reading this book - The New York Trilogy. Wikepedia says 
The New York Trilogy is a series of novels by Paul Auster. Originally published sequentially as City of Glass (1985), Ghosts (1986) and The Locked Room(1986), it has since been collected into a single volume. Ostensibly presented as detective fiction, the stories of The New York Trilogy have been described as "meta-detective-fiction", "anti-detective fiction", "mysteries about mysteries", a "strangely humorous working of the detective novel", "very soft-boiled", a "metamystery" and a "mixture between the detective story and the nouveau roman." The first story, City of Glass, features a detective-fiction writer become private investigator who descends into madness as he becomes embroiled in a case. It explores layers of identity and reality. The second story, Ghosts, is about a private eye called Blue, trained by Brown, who is investigating a man named Black on Orange Street for a client named White. Blue writes written reports to White who in turn pays him for his work. Blue becomes frustrated and loses himself as he becomes immersed in the life of Black. The Locked Room is the story of a writer who lacks the creativity to produce fiction.

Do these stories have a relation to Kabir's character. I don't know but it is interesting to see the theme of the book 1 about identity and reality. Maybe that is why he did not like Natasha to lose her identity. That is why he did not want he and Natasha to be Do Jism Ek Jaan types as he wants to retain his individuality.. I don't know is it a conscious decision by Zoya to add this as a reference. At  one point, Imran is also reading a book. It was too hard to read its name..

Anyways, this week I went to bowling as well with my unit. It was the first time I bowled. I did not score well. I think was second or third last ;P Theek hai..Then we had dinner.. I don't know what happens I am just not comfortable with people I don't know really well. I was sitting with some members of my unit. It is not that they are bad people, it is just that I don't know what to talk. At one point, S remarked "Pankaj looks so bored" :( I was messaging H (who was sitting at the far end of the table) on his cell and talking to him using sign language that I am so bored :{ My mom keeps on scolding me to talk to relatives but I don't know.. I feel shy. I have very very few close friends (as A diligently remarked in of our lunch talk sessions) who I can say anything but for others there is this slight air of formality that is always there when I talk to them. Then Ar tells me that I shouldn't have perceptions about people..and not think too much and stop thinking that I am a bad person. And she said environment is nothing but what we want to see..I totally agree..if you find flaws in yourself, you will find flaws in others too..which has been happening to me. I don't like 99 of the hundred people I meet and feel that those 99 don't like me as well. I know my flaws but it is very difficult to change..I will try :)

And you know I have started this Hindi films quiz in office in which I send out a question to my unit everyday about Hindi films (no use of Bollywood, it is such a wannabe word). Who so ever answers the fastest, wins the quiz and the one who answers the maximum at the end of the month will get a gift. The last week while thinking about questions, I have myself learnt so many things that I didn't know of. I guess I will start another blog of mine where I will only post these film questions (after all film question sochna ko aasan kaam nahi hai :P) It is called Cinema Paradiso :)

And also, you know..the past two weeks, I have learnt a new thing about myself. I always thought that I am a very secure person in terms of friends. That once I made friend, they will be there for me. But lately, I have become very insecure about some people in my life. I just don't want to lose them. Now when I see my friend is going out with others and making new friends, I feel that he/she will forget me and I will lose the importance that I have in his/her life. Why do I need constant reassurance from them that I am their friend? Why am I so anxious? Is it because I don't trust them? Why am I behaving like this? I totally believe in giving space to an individual..but isn't then my feeling of insecurity contrary to giving them space? I don't know ya..but I don't want to lose 'you' ever :( When you sent this message to me, I felt reassured that I mean something to you..thanks so much ya :| I will try... 

And finally, H told me a very sweet thing this week. He said that he wants to make people happy so he says things to them which will make them happy. That is his 'thing'..his 'specialty'. He told that whenever he meets his friend, he always compliments her that she is so beautiful and pretty because she is pretty and it makes her feel nice and happy. That is so sweet no? Such a nice thought?  I don't even have any 'thing' of my own. Wait. I don't even have a 'friend' who I can say this too :}

Anyways, will write more later..till then Chao :)


  1. I don't agree with you have so many beautiful ppl around u in office...see J is joining from tomorrow...and A is also there...I don't expect any of them would mind if you said good things about them

  2. Sumit..I should have been more clear.. friend means girl friend here ;)

  3. Yes, you need to be specific or else it changes the meaning :-P

  4. H is very happy.. A would be proud..

  5. You mentioned that you manage to find flaws in almost everybody you meet and hence dislike them. But, you missed out on one key point here. Despite knowing the flaws of a person, you don't let them negate that person's positive points, which is a great quality you have (and I can sight several examples).

    Also, I think everyone is insecure about the people they care, some less and some more. I was, and still am, quite insecure about my friends. But, overtime it becomes clear that one might make hundreds of friends, but to share even the smallest joys or problems, there are only a few very special and close friends one will look for.

    Lastly, echoing Hitesh's words: A is definitely proud :)

  6. P is happy that H is happy ;) P is proud that A feels so proud :)

  7. put google ads on ur blog and gimme all the paisa u get..


    i hv no issues makin money that way ;p

  8. Wow!...Ok Im not gonna keep saying that! Sounds so corny even to me...:-) Well I have heard about 'soul mates' and have heard friends speak of 'soul mates' but never in life have experienced it. Maybe one day I may find someone like that - I dont know - but I do know that reading your blog keeps reminding me of ME..:)

    As to this particular post - well arent we all insecure at some point or the other? We may have loads of friends and some are very close and some are just acquantances. And we do feel that insecurity cuz we ourselves are not very secure. And it is understandable but with a friend or for that matter anyone - give space - and believe in yourself - trust that they are with you cuz they love you as you are and will be there for you. Just becuz they make other friends does not mean you are forgotten. This is something I have also learned and for that I believe we need to be secure in ourselves, about who we are.

    I would love to share my blog - but its very personal. So this post I shall use my Google account to publish. :)


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