Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Grapes are not Sour but they are not for me!

Amitav Ghosh's interview was aired on NDTV this Sunday and when I finished watching it, it left me with a very weird..sinking and bizarre feeling :( When you see people so accomplished as Amitav Ghosh, Prannoy Roy or Barkha Dutt, you just admire them out of sheer respect for the kind of work they do. I always wonder whether I will ever be even half as good as any of them but somehow the answer I get is no! I could never become like them because I don't have a sense of creativity like them! sigh! I am so confused that what I want to be! I sometimes think that I could become a writer but when I see people around me write so brilliantly I feel like a tiny idiot in front of them. I could become a journalist but being one requires a great confidence level which I completely lack being a taciturn. I could become an MBA but my odds of belling the CAT are like one out of infinity consideing also the fact that I don't have the brains for it also! Or I could simply take a mundane job which I don't want to do. I hear so much of people's inner voice. It was Mrs. Sonia Gandhi's inner voice that refused the post of the PM. Amitav Ghosh said in the interview that becoming an author was his inner calling. But somehow my inner voice is still in a state of quandry like I. It is not telling or perhaps is still sleeping. I don't know what will happen in future . Nothing seems to be going right this year:( My already glass like confidence is shattered.People have gifted talents for various things but I was never a gifted child. I used to get good marks in school but still I was not intelligent.The other day I saw a video on you tube of a man who could solve the Rubik's cube blindfolded! Out of the world!I never had these things though I always wanted to. I knew I could never crack the JEE because to do that requires sharp acumen( as if you don't know that). I was a mundane conformist sticking to the conventional ideas but I had seen people think so unconventionally to a problem that it was just amazing how their mind worked. I never had that power and will never have that. I don't want to grow up as life becomes more complicated and sad. I am reminded of the story of the fox where she says that grapes are sour because she couldn't get them but I know that grapes are not sour but they are simply not for me:(


  1. hey Pankaj..lemme begin by reminding you of school days when so many of your own classmates used to look up to you for the academic excellence that you displayed back then....i havent been in touch with you since then but after reading your blog i can clearly see how you have become a socially conscious citizen..and such an understanding dawns on very few people..dont belittle yourself like that...you can be everything you want as long as you truly believe in yourself..you have a great thinking mind..put it to use...plus you dont want to be Barkha Dutt or Prannoy Roy..you want to be known as yourself..

  2. @ jasleen

    Thanks for the inspirational words :)


  3. It will be very stupid if I am gonna write any inspiring words here. I lack confidence too. But I think everybody is special in there own way. You are gifted...with intelligence. You are no tiny idiot!!

    On a funny note : watch taare zameen par! :D

  4. Sorry, a few years too late but I still sense the same tone of low confidence in your most recent posts so I want to drop a quote I had come across (Words are my Fascination so I write down Deep quotes, poems, articles and blogs and I've got one for every mood!):
    Just be yourself. You have already left your own unique footprint on Earth, You are just unaware of it. Keep Smiling Dost!


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