On Memories and Places

In Vianden in Luxembourg

Today, June 23rd, is Luxembourgish National Day. On this day, the Grand Duke of Luxembourg's official birthday is celebrated as the country's annual national holiday. I am writing this because I saw some friends posting pictures and stories on Instagram. It took me to the day I landed in Luxembourg City five years ago at the same time, and it was a Sunday as well. Life comes full circle. I cannot believe it is five years already. So much has happened since then. I lived there for about two years, then Covid happened, and then I came back to the United States (which was another nightmare; I remember when I came back, my manager at work told me that she was shocked I made it back given all the complications I had to go through). And so many other things. I was so nervous before going to Luxembourg. How will I survive? How will it work out? Will it be fine? It was not easy, for sure. It was very difficult at work, and I had to do some things that were way too technical. I had to work till 2 or 3 at night on some days. I once cried in front of a friend because it was stressful. Sometimes, I had to take the blame for others' mistakes. I still remember the day I took a conference call from a toilet in Paris because somebody had escalated something, and that was the only quiet place I found. I was traveling to Paris to get my UK visa. I also made some mistakes, but I survived. Take each day as it comes and go through it. Ask for help. Be dependable. That experience has taught me so much. I do not feel afraid of any complicated thing now. I am like, I will figure it out. It has instilled a sense of confidence in me. I am so thankful for the experience, even if it was difficult. As they say, no pain, no gain.

I have so many memories associated with the place. Someone living there must get a medical test within a week of arrival to the city. So when I arrived, I went for a medical check-up, and lo and behold, I found my friend Y from Seattle at the same place. I had no idea she was living in Luxembourg. We both joined the same day in Seattle and then remained in touch. Then, I saw her at the doctor's place. It was shocking, but I felt relieved she was also there. And, funnily, a few months later, she joined my team. Then, gradually, I got to know more people. My friend T became my lunch partner, with whom I used to talk about anything. My work partner V is now one of my few close friends. X still pings me after every few days. T and S are still in touch. We all used to sometimes walk in the winter sun after lunch for 15 minutes and talk about random stuff. I miss the time there. But I am not sure I will go back because the memories we associated with that time are still there. Now, these friends have also moved away from there. I have so many memories which I will write before I forget because, as they said in The Lunchbox, "I think we forget things if we have no one to tell them to."

My Friend T

I have been back in Seattle for quite a while. I am more settled here but feel I am not making any memories. I know a lot of people, but they are more like acquaintances. They are nice friends, but not close friends. The relationship is very formal. It is just work-related. I have only one close friend, S, who has been with me since graduate school. Rest, you know, people are busy and don't talk much outside of work. It is a very Seattle problem. It is called Seattle Freeze. Even at work, people don't wish birthdays or other events. It is very formal and kept private. The other thing is that most people are married and have kids. They get busy. Some friends just change suddenly. It hurts, but again, one must give the benefit of the doubt. Everyone is going through their challenges. I am not sad or anything, but only stating my experience. Our lives are defined by our choices, and all these are choices I have made. I am fine with them, but I want to make more memories. 

In other news, I completed ten years at work. It is a big thing for me personally, although no one really cares at work. When I first joined, I thought I must survive for one year. And now, it is ten years. I don't know how long I will be here during these uncertain economic times. But I will again say that it has changed my life in so many ways. It has taught me a lot and made me a stronger person. Sometimes, I compare myself to others and don't feel good. Because I wanted to achieve some things but could not. I feel bad some days. But it is fine. I will work towards them gradually. One step at a time. It will work out. Apni kahani hai, ending change kar lenge. Remain thankful. Ask. Believe. Receive. Nam Myoho-renge-kyo.

I got a new red badge. The old badge has an ugly photograph. I don't like it now. :)