Dichotomy of Irony

Of Rahul in Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu..

2012-02-12T03:58:00.000-08:00

I loved Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu! It's a nice, light and breezy watch with a surprising climax..I had gone in with the expectation that I am going to watch an emotional romantic comedy but I was pleasantly surprised. The movie is like another Hollywood rom-com..so clean..But I digress..

The thing is I loved Rahul (Imran Khan's character)..I think I will add him to list of my favorite characters. He is humble, under-confident, doesn't take a stand when he should, lonely, reserved, self-deprecating, stiff, formal, and always waiting for validation from others. When his girl friend dumped him, he says he probably wasn't good enough for her; instead of finding flaws in her, he admits to his own short comings. He was happy settling for a silver though his father pushed him for gold. He wasn't good at anything but was simply an average guy. At one point Rianna (Kareena) says to him, "You’re perfectly average. Tum koi bhi cheez kam ya zyaada nahi karte.” And being average is not a bad thing at all. She goes on to add that all the guys she had dated, some were good in one thing and weird in other things, but he did everything in the optimum amount. So, she coined somewhat of an oxymoron "Perfectly Average". And he felt happy to hear it. I think we love those movie characters whom we can relate to it the most. I could so relate to him because I am so much like him. All the qualities I mentioned reminded me of myself. I am so average. At one point he says to Rianna, main 25 ka hun and roz subha uthta hun aur mujhe pata nahi mujhe kya karna hai. Then she says to him, tum duniya ke pehle insaan nahi ho jo fail hue ho..he says, apni family me pehla hun..and then she says so feel good about it, at least kisi cheez me to pehle ho.

And Kareena!! She is terrific. Except Vidya and Kareena, we have no credible mainstream actresses who give a solid performance in every film (add Priyanka and Sonam on a case-by-case basis)..all these bimbettes Deepika, Katrina, Kangana and others are so hollow. Kareena has a striking screen presence and she communicates brilliantly with her eyes. Her character was more mature than Geet in Jab We Met, who, was more chilidish. Rianna is much more experienced and has gone through more in life than Geet but still lives her life to the full. I loved it when she gave a camera to Imran, and the way she pulled his ears and made fun of him. I don't blame Rahul for taking them as hints and falling for her. Rahul says, "maine apne dost se pyar kar liya aur tumne pyar se dosti" and "itna paas baithti ho aur bolti ho ki mujhe gala idea ho raha hai."

I loved that scene when Rianna says to him "Do you want a hug?" Yes, everyone needs a hug ya..Who doesn't? :( This also reminded me when I told you something.

Again this movie is about often talked about topic in this blog..one-sided love..Rahul again has no expectations from Rianna. He says, "Rianna roz mujhe kisi se milane ki koshish karti hai, but I still love her. And kabhi na kabhi main use convince kar hi lunga. Life is not perfect but I am happy".

I think Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu is one of the very few films that says it's ok being average, not every body is a hero and that is why I loved the movie for its realism. Average guys are also good guys :) As some critics have said it is one of the finest coming of age films even better than Wake Up Sid. Finding life through love - an eternal premise that never seems to grow old.

And I must add about references. At one point Ratna Pathak Shah says, do that hair transplant like Sarabhai..no prizes for guessing what this is is a reference to! And story is somewhat adapted from Ross and Rachel in Friends..I also felts some inspiration from an episode in Dekh Bhai Dekh. Imran in an interview says that he likes to work with first time directors because typically a first film is autobiographical..totally agree..a first film or book definitely is more of an autobiography..And as now we know Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu is directed by Shakun Batra..the same guy who acted as Pappu in the song Pappu Can't Dance Saala in Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na..Karan Johar is doing some great work by giving chances to new directors...this is the ninth director launched by Dharma Productions!

Dialogue of the Day:

Jo hua hai woh hota hai
Jo hona hai woh hona hai
Jo tere bus mein baatein hai
Unhe khamakhan kyun khona hai

- Kar Chalna Shuru Tu, Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu

...

2012-02-09T04:53:00.000-08:00

Serenity..accept..courage...change..wisdom..difference...Amen..

Of Winning And Modern Family...

2012-02-05T10:11:00.000-08:00

We tell our kids it doesn't matter if they win or lose. But let's be honest. Winning feels pretty great. There's nothing like that golden moment in the sun. I think every parent wants that for their child. I think for ourselves, too. Sometimes we push too hard, and that leads to a lot of resentment and guilt. So how much is too much? Here's how I come out. Guilt fades...hardware lasts forever.

- Modern Family

I love Modern Family!!

No Post..

2012-01-29T09:20:00.000-08:00

My keyboard and touch pad not working :( I am writing this using the on-screen keyboard. Will try to write a post soon..the next two weeks are going to be difficult :{ Will write the details soon...

Dialogue of the day:
Zindagi ke rashan mein.. gham ka quota zyada hai..
Black mein khareedenge.. khushi ka pitara re..

- Gun Gun Guna Re, Agneepath

P.S.- A lovely song..

Of Cosmic Theory, Heart-in-a-Box, and Terrible Days...

2012-01-22T09:25:00.000-08:00

Long time no see as always..This week again my cosmic connection theory came into play! In the last post, I had written about how I think one should tell the person about their feelings for someone. Now, this week I finally finished reading 'First Day First Show' and there is a delightful essay on Rekha. In the chapter Rekha says:

I am in love with someone I haven't met. It is a perfect image in my mind. I have had much more than love, such intense feeling overflowing and coming out of each hair and cuticle in my body. If it hasn't been real, it has been so strong in my imagination.

Q: Is this person a fantasy?

A: He is totally oblivious to what I feel for him. He has always been and will always be. He has no clue of what I feel for him. It is true and this is a huge confession.

Q: So why don't you just tell him?

A: No man or woman can know how the other person feels. There is no rule, no book, you do the best you can and not expect anything in return.

And this immediately made me think of what I wrote in my post..not to expect anything in return!! Cosmic connections!

Rekha's story is just so tragic..from abusive childhood to two unsuccessful marriages to a lonely existence. She is still in love with Amitabh Bachchan. The chapter on Rekha is beautifully written.

And the last week, I had a not-so-good day at office and was feeling a bit low. I came back and watched two back to back episodes of Grey's and I could not believe it..the theme of the two episodes was exactly what I was feeling at that time. So in one episode, Cristina was given the task of watching an actual-beating heart that's been placed in a box until it can be transported to its new recipient. Cristina was not very thrilled at babysitting a live heart-in-a-box until Richard informs her that the heart-in-a-box is the key to everything. When she finally understand the miracle of a living heart-in-a-box, she says,

“When you take an organ out for transplant, what do you do? You put it on ice and run to place it in the recipient's body. And then wait and hope for this cold, dead heart to warm up and come back to life, right? But “she” has never stopped beating. Never stopped being warm. Never stopped living. It’s a friggin miracle, okay? You’re standing before a miracle. I look at an item in my list and look at heart-in-a-box, and if that surgery is half as cool as the heart-in-a-box, then it's not worth my time. She lets you know what’s most important to you. That’s what heart-in-a-box does.”

As I had written in my post, that what I am doing with my life, I could immediately relate to what they showed by heart-in-a-box..find things that are important to you!

And in the very next episode, they talk about terrible days and ends with this quote:-

I had a terrible day, we say it all the time. A fight with the boss, the stomach flu, traffic. That's what we describe as terrible, when nothing terrible is happening. When the really terrible things happen, we start begging to God to bring back the little horrors and take away this. It seems quaint now, doesn't it. The flood in the kitchen, the fight that leaves you shaking with rage, coffee spilled on our clothes. Would it have helped, if we could see what else was coming? Would we have known that those were the best moments of our lives?

It was seriously a lesson for me. I was thinking I had a terrible day but then when you realize how terrible things can actually be, we wish for the less terrible things. Cosmic connections!!

And here's a brilliant analysis of Sanjay Leela Bhansali's Devdas:

Every prop in the movie echoes an emotion. Devdas' house, off-white and green, reflects sophistication. Paro lives in a glass room, which mirrors her delicate and fragile beauty. While Paro's colors are a happy pink and blue, her in-laws' house in shades of red, reflecting claustrophobia. Chandramukhi's kotha is a festive gold, reflecting her character as a prostitute with a heart of gold!

Wow! I always say that Hindi movies are far more intelligent than they are given credit for. I want to write such stuff :( Guess, you either have it in you or you don't..and I don't..

Anyways, it is high time to put life on track..to divert mind..

I have got two books..first is 'Handwriting of the Famous and the Infamous' by Sheila Lowe..the book contains tips for handwriting analysis...always wanted to read such a book..now have one more thing to analyse ;) and the second book is the one which I always wanted to read "The Last Song of Dusk" by Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi..finally bought it!! I have just read the first page where he has dedicated the book to some one called Padmini.He writes

To Padmini, who, in her waltz with Fate,

found her toes stepped on...

What a beautiful way to dedicate a book..so deep and so tragic..

Anyways, more later..

Dialogue of the Day:

इतने चेहरों में अपने चेहरे की पहचान.. ओह हो.. पहचान ओह हो..

बड़े बड़े नामों में अपना भी नामों निशान ओह हो..

जीने में फिर तोह क्या बात हो..दिन नया और नयी रात हो..

याई रे याई रे..जोर लगाके नाचे रे

- Rangeela

:-|

2012-01-17T09:02:00.000-08:00

There are some days when I feel so low, so low that I feel what am I doing with my life...I have come to this world for a purpose and hope I find it soon...

Of Telling, Missing, Grey's, Hitchens, Atheism, and CAT Result...

2012-01-15T10:00:00.000-08:00

Long time no see..I have so many things to write about but don't know where to begin..

The last week M told me that one of his friends was going through a very difficult phase. The problem was that that his friend liked somebody who was already committed to someone else, but still M's friend wanted to express her feelings to her special someone. M advised her not to go ahead with it because in the end, only she will end up disappointed, and things might get a bit weird, so ultimately whatever friendship is there will also be affected. When you know, there is no hope for the future, why to tell in the first place. I have always been a supporter of the opposite view that one should always tell the person you like him/her as telling things will prevent you from feeling any regret later on. But there is one pre-condition - if you are telling, you should never ever expect any reciprocal feelings. If you are strong enough that you can live by it, then I don't see any harm in telling. But if you think that you cannot face rejection, and start behaving as if your life depends on it, then you are better off not telling because in the end you will end up being hurt. But it always feel nice when someone tells you they love you. Like in that Friends episode, where Rachel tells Ross that she is still in love with him.

Monica: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone that you love them and not have them say it back?

Rachel: Yeah, I don't care.

Rachel: Okay. Ross, you know what, there's something that that I have to talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong. Okay, I think I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say it. I'm still in love with you Ross.

Rachel: Oh God, do you think that you just forget that I told you this?

Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is…

Rachel: The thing is know, that you're married to Emily.

Ross: That is what the thing is.

Rachel: Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?

Ross: No. No. No, I'm glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it's always great when someone tells you they love you.

Rachel: That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice.

Ross: No thank you for..Thank you.

So, you think one should tell or not?

You know last week, A wrote a sweet mail to me and she wrote that there is no one to talk to now and she misses me. And D sent me a message saying "I might never have been as close as H and A, but I still wanna say that I miss you and it would be great if we ever work together again." And it was very sweet of R to send me this message on FB "My Dear Pankaj... I read your blog today after so so many many days... and some of ur posts just brought a tear to my eyes...! I could not be there on your last day at TSC... but I can just say that.. u ll alwayz find me around... if I can be of any help to you ever! God bless alwayz alwayz. Cheers!" And yesterday, S sent me an e-mail, "I missed you very much today. I was listening to To Zinda Ho Tum and Bin Tere. How much we both liked it…I miss making those aimless conversations with you." It always brings tears to my eyes when I read such touching messages ya..makes me feel so loved and so not alone..that someone is there. I think after I have left office, as D told me that your popularity has increased. But seriously, I have never thought of myself as a person can be missed..because I don't speak much..so mera hona na hona ek barabar hai..doesn't make a difference..but it is always always nice when people miss somebody..Thanks so much ya. I also miss them all. We will always be in touch :)

Continued with watching episode 7 on Grey's Anatomy (Season 8).. Teddy just did the most amazing thing for Christina..she taught her humility and how to work in a team by telling her to go back to the basics..You cannot be the best unless you learn to be humble..so she makes her perform surgeries which a first year resident can perform like Appendicitis or Angioplasty rather than giving her the toughest of cardio-thoracic surgeries. What a brilliant scene that is when she finally explained to Christina that she is done..she has learnt the importance of team work..She says,

"I want you to make a list of every surgery you have ever dreamed of performing. Shoot for the moon and I will try to get you some. Because we are done. You have graduated. This is your present. At the beginning of the year, you nearly killed Alex in that OR because you just had to get in there...you had to be the best. and you had to be first but today I saw a different surgeon..every bit as good..every bit as advanced you were willing work on a team..today you put the patient before yourself and that was who I wanted to see, so you're done. Make a list!"

I like Teddy a lot! Grey's is awesome..learnt so much about medical procedures from it..in the last episode, they performed a penile transplant! And they are trying to find a cure for diabetes and Alzheimer's Seriously, watching it makes me feel that being doctors is so cool..(which is not true in reality)..they actually do life changing work..amazing it is..above all, Grey's has taught me so much about life..to learn to live with loss...that humans are imperfect..that death is just a second away..that life can change in seconds..too good it is..

I have been reading about Christopher Hitchens, who died last month. As an atheist, he simply hates the idea of religion. Though many would disagree, but his contrarian views on religion as so sound that it is simply too difficult to dismiss them. He says,

"I suppose that one reason I have always detested religion is its sly tendency to insinuate the idea that the universe is designed with 'you' in mind or, even worse, that there is a divine plan into which one fits whether one knows it or not. This kind of modesty is too arrogant for me.”

"Why, if God was the creator of all things, were we supposed to "praise" him for what came naturally?"

"If Jesus could heal a blind person he happened to meet, then why not heal blindness?"

"The only position that leaves me with no cognitive dissonance is atheism. It is not a creed. Death is certain, replacing both the siren-song of Paradise and the dread of Hell. Life on this earth, with all its mystery and beauty and pain, is then to be lived far more intensely: we stumble and get up, we are sad, confident, insecure, feel loneliness and joy and love. There is nothing more; but I want nothing more. We do not rely solely upon science and reason, because these are necessary rather than sufficient factors, but we distrust anything that contradicts science or outrages reason."

Very true..how can we disagree with him no? But as he says, we distrust anything that contradicts reason!

And talking about athiesm, I remeber reading a terrific post on Amit Varma's blog on atheism. He says,

Some people think that atheism means believing that there is no God. This is a flawed perception. The primary meaning of atheism that most dictionaries will give you, though there are secondary meanings that have evolved from bad usage, is of “disbelief” in God or a deity. That means that atheists are not people who believe that there is no God, but people who do not believe that there is God. The difference is huge.

The conviction that there is no God is irrational because one cannot prove a negative. (How do you prove that something does not exist?) However, it is entirely rational to not believe in something whose existence has not been demonstrated.

It is a common mistake to view belief in God as running along a continuum in which we have theists (who believe), agnostics (who are undecided) and atheists (who don’t believe). This is based on a misunderstanding of agnosticism, which doesn’t deal with belief at all, but with knowledge. The word ‘agnostic’ is a combination of the Greek α (without) and gnōsis (knowledge), and refers to a person who believes that the truth about something, in this case the existence of God, is unknowable. It has nothing to do with believing or not believing.

Indeed, it is possible to combine agnosticism with either theism or atheism. A believer may choose to believe in God while accepting that some things are fundamentally unknowable. An atheist may agree with that view. I see myself as both an atheist and an agnostic: an atheist because I do not believe in God, as His/Her/Its existence has not been proved; an agnostic because I believe that on this matter, we may never know the truth for sure.

The complete must read post is here. Seriously, people are so brilliant! How succinctly he has explained the difference between atheism and agnosticism.

And this week CAT result also came out...am so so happy for H and A :) I seriously hope they get through. I remember A saying to H "this is going to be our year." I seriously hope it is their year..they deserve the best in life. I did not give CAT..it's not my cup of tea ya..or as they say meri aukaat nahi hai..hehe but I feel sad for people who inspite of getting a brilliant percentile didn't get a call because they didn't have marks in 10th and 12th..so sad..ab bhai a student in Class 10 doesn't even know what MBA is..but there is so much competition..but maybe agar main thora sharp hota to mujhe atleast Class 10 and 12 ke mamle me itni fight nahi hoti because I scored 92.6% in Class 10 and 95.4% in Class 12 and 81.6% in engineering. :) Yes, I was a good student...Anyway, as I told H, thora ladkiyon se dimaag hata kar pad lete to IIM A bhi call de dedeta..anyway, wish them all the best :)

Phew..kaafi lambi post ho gayi..I still have so many things to write about..will save that for next post...

Dialogue of the day:

You have to go back to the beginning to understand the end. - Dr.Teddy Altman, Grey's Anatomy

Of Maya in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna..

2012-01-08T10:26:00.000-08:00

Long time no see.. I have been on a self proclaimed exile from social networks for about a week. Don't know why. Generally, so bored with everything. D said to me "You are just 24 and saying like this." I don't know but seriously am really bored.

After talking to my college friend V, my desire to become a teacher has rekindled. I always wanted to be a professor but never gave it a serious thought. After I spoke with her, I want to become a professor. She is doing her PhD and she teaches a class of about 25 students in the US and she loves it. I don't want to work in the corporate environment like a mechanical worker for long. Maybe I can still try. At least, I will be learning something continuously. So cool it would be no?..Pankaj Sachdeva, Professor, English Literature/Economics at Harvard University..winner of Nobel Prize for his work on the advent of surrealism in English poetry in Europe in the late 19th century..If Phoebe can get a Nobel for massage, then so can I :) Who am I kidding :( All I will end up is Google+Ctrl C+Ctrl V+PPT formatting..

This week the movie that I have been thinking is Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna. As usual, notwithstanding the popular perception, I love this movie, although at 3.15 hours it tests your patience..but I like it. The character that most of us hate is of Maya. I mean how can she not fall in love with a guy like Rishi! He is such a good husband and Maya goes and sleeps with a cynical irritable Dev! I mean why Maya! In that introductory scene,

माया: कभी कभी दोस्ती मोहब्बत की जगह ले लेती है, और फिर मोहब्बत के लिए जगह ही नहीं रहती| इसका मतलब आप अपनी बीवी से मोहब्बत नहीं करते

देव: हम खुश हैं, हमने अपनी ज़िन्दगी बना ली है, सवाल तुम्हारी ज़िन्दगी का है, ज़िन्दगी के जिस मक़ाम पर तुम हो वहा सिर्फ दो रास्ते हैं, एक खुशियों का, जो में चाहता हूँ की तुम्हे मिले, दूसरा इंतज़ार का, मोहब्बत के इंतज़ार का, जो हो सकता है, ज़िन्दगी भर ना मिले

माया: और वो मोहब्बत मुझे शादी के बाद मिल जाये तो..

देव: नहीं ढून्धोगी तो नहीं मिलेगी..

Maya says that she loves Rishi but not in that passionate way..maybe after marriage she could find love if she tries. But did she try hard? I think not..she only took Rishi as a kid treating herself to be his mother. Maybe she never wanted to love Rishi in that way. Was she wrong? Maybe if she had tried some more..Rishi would have been a perfect husband! But love doesn't work that ways no? As Sam says in the end,

मौत और मोहब्बत दोनों बिन बुलाये मेहमान है, वो किसी का साथ नहीं छोड़ते ..

Here is what one blogger says about Maya..

The effort put in by Maya is just a sham; it does not arises from her own interpretation of a successful marriage but from the sensibilities pushed from another failed marriage. You can instantly tell why Maya fall for Dev; they both are covered extensively inside the emotional turmoil. Their problems are more in the minds; less in reality. He can't play soccer any more, she can't be a mother any more. He has a broken leg, she has a broken womb. He is sick of his wife being serious all the time, she is sick of her husband being funny all the time. He is embittered by his professional shortcomings, she is disappointed with her personal failings. They are imperfect people trying to find perfection in their respective marriages; in turn making it even more imperfect. In the end, which ever way you want to look at it...only she can fully make you comprehend the film's basic premise - Perfect lovers don't make perfect husbands, you need perfect, or almost perfect love to make a perfect marriage.

Very true..However, as much as we love to hate Maya, in an episode on We The People on KANK, Shah Rukh makes a very interesting point. He says that Maya and Dev both had an extra-marital affair, so why is only Maya being targeted? Wasn't Dev equally wrong? Is it because she is a woman why we love to hate her? Very interesting observation he makes! In fact, in that crackling scene in the movie when Rhea slaps Dev, she says would he have forgiven her if she had an affair? Very true! KANK was a landmark film in which a married woman has an affair without any strong reasons..usually it is the men who are the philanderers. From Guide to Astitva (another landmark film talking about female sexuality) to that TV show Saans, married women had affairs only if they were trapped in a love-less marriage..

But I feel so bad for Rishi. As they say, life is unfair..

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna had some crackling dialogues..

My personal favourite:

रीया: मेरा देव कही खो गया है

देव: खोया भी तो तुमने है..

देव: वैसे भी अजनबियों की बात सुन लेनी चाहिए, कभी कभी अजनबी अपनों से ज्यादा जानते हैं

देव: कहते है वक़्त हर ज़ख़्म भूला देता, पर कुछ रिश्ते ऐसे होते है की वक़्त के साथ साथ हर ज़ख्म और भी गहरा हो जाता है ..

There are so many more lines I love and a haunting background score!

And also, I saw a part of Dil Chahta Hai again on this new channel called Sonic..Of course, every time I watch it, I learn about that movie. Now, there is the scene in which Aakash and Shalini are at the underground station and Aakash enters the train while Shalini is left behind..I was like wow! what a brilliant scene!

They both don't say anything and yet they say everything..from that point Shalini probably realized that she likes Aakash as if he was going away from her..she was vulnerable and desperate to get along..Even Aakash felt something..otherwise given his nature, he would have made fun of her or asked her to wait and yet he feels locked out like he is leaving Shalini forever..Superb..I seriously love that movie like anything! Just look at their emotions..acting!!

Already said so many dialogues, so here is a statement that I loved from the weekly column Third Eye that Barkha Dutt writes..it is on the BJP..

The BJP’s mistake may lie in veering away from its right-of-centre ideological mooring when it comes to economics but remaining perilously right-wing on societal/religious issues. In modern India, it should be the other way around.

Perfect!

Of Last Post of 2011

2011-12-31T09:29:00.000-08:00

Ab year end post to banta hai.. 2011 was a terrible year..seriously a terrible year.. Even mom said that this was a really bad year..Broken homes, broken marriages, losing people..things were not great in the family..and more to follow in the coming year. And I have not even mentioned things on the personal front which were even more troubling. I should refrain from doing that. Let it be. But there's no point blaming the year. Que sera sera..What will be, will be..whether it is 2011 or 2012. Papa also remains tensed these days. Today, we had a Prabhat Pheri at our house this morning. Hope things get better.

So, any new year resolutions? Yes, in addition to those of the last year which will continue onto next year, I have two proper resolutions

1. To stop being vulnerable in front of others..it is not going to help in the long run.. as they say हम को मन की शक्ति देना, मन विजय करें, दूसरों की जय से पहले, खुद को जय करें..
2. To read, read and more read..more insights, more about politics, movies, culture, art..more books..and also have a strong command over written English especially grammar rules and vocabulary..I so want to be an editor (though I write in a very informal way on the blog showing no regard for the rules :)) At least one new word every day I can learn..

Bas, nothing else for resolution..these two are more than enough.

Dialogue of the day:

' चाहत के दो पल भी मिल पाएं, दुनिया में यह भी कम है क्या ' - Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara

Wishing you all a great year ahead..

Of Christmas, Fortune Cookie, Don 2, Conversations and Living On...

2011-12-25T10:27:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone. Seema Goswami writes beautifully about Christmas:

If you ask me, Christmas is the greatest triumph of our syncretic Indian culture: that our festivals retain their religious significance even as they are celebrated across religious lines. Contrast this with the West where political correctness now dictates that you should say ‘Happy Holidays’ instead of ‘Merry Christmas’’ for fear of giving offence to some minority or religious group.

Totally agree..

And before I forget I wanted to write about something else as well. I had gone for dinner at Fortune Cookie at my last unit outing. Now, as we know after you finish your meal there, they give a cookie which contains your fortune. Just as that silly and irritating Facebook app that I have permanently blocked as spam on my feed. But I like doing these stupid things although I don't believe in them. So D who was sitting next to me got his fortune as "There will be pressure at work, but you will sail through." D is actually doing a very difficult project but I know he will sail through :). And H got his fortune as, "You will soon be gifted by a close friend." Now, this is so true. We had gone on Wednesday and Friday was my last day. I had planned to give him something on my last day. So true no? These inane things sometime become so true. Haina? And you what I got as my fortune? "You will never be last. You will always excel." I don't know whether it is true or not :( I can only wish..

I start a new phase of my life tomorrow. I am going to miss all my friends and am going to miss my old office :( But as the cliche goes, life moves on. Scared, nervous..these are the feelings what I am experiencing. Theek hai..I will try to be positive :)

I also liked Don 2. The thing with me is that I don't watch English action movies much (I love Hindi movies more!!!)..so I haven't seen all the movies that it has been ripped off from - Ocean's Eleven, Mission Impossible. I liked the movie but I still feel Don 1 was better in terms of story and drama. This was more of a one dimensional movie focused only on the robbery but in terms of characters Don 1 was better. By Don 1, I mean the Farhan Akhtar one..not the original which I still haven't seen completely. There were no great dialogues..no edge of the seat moments but I loved the way it has been shot. You can make out it is Farhan's style.

I also called J to wish her Christmas. Whenever I talk to her, I feel happy because she makes me feel so happy. So today when I called her, she told me that cab bhaiya was saying good things about me. Now what happened is that there was this fellow C in my cab (J and I used to call him by many names with this letter :P) but let's call him late-latif :P It was my first pick up and then I used to go to his place. And now C has the first pick up, so as his name goes he comes by his own sweet time. And has the audacity to blame driver bhaiya that he comes late. J told me that this led to an argument in which he said that "P never used to come late, instead he had to wait for me. He was always on time." Chalo is bahane C ki akal thikane ayegi ki it's bad manners to let someone wait for you every single day :P Chalo bahut buraai kar di C ki..itna bura bhi nahi hai vo..thora spolit hai..Ab mujhe kuch nahi bolna chahiye uske bare me. Wish him all the best.

It is my sister's birthday today. My mom's Santa Claus :P I just wish things get better. Mummy remains worried these days :(

Anyways, lots of work still left...and lots and lots of more things to say..Long time no see..

Dialogue(s) of the day:

From Hum Tum:

Riya: Karan, बात ऐसी थी की मैं इंडिया में रहती तो Mumma और मेरे रिश्तेदार मेरी दोबारा शादी की बात करते रहते.. Sameer के जाने के बाद मेरा इन सब बातों से मन उठ चूका था.. किसी के जाने के बाद भी प्यार थोड़ी न कम हो जाता है ..Sameer का पयार मेरे साथ हमेशा रहेगा.. I will always love him.

Karan: I can understand that.. इसका यह तो मतलब यह तो नहीं की तुम अपनी ज़िन्दगी फिर से शुरू नहीं कर सकती..You can't stop living nah?

Like it when she says, किसी के जाने के बाद भी प्यार थोड़ी न कम हो जाता है...very true. and he says, but you have to keep on living. This reminds me of this post of mine.

The lovely scene here..winner of Filmfare Best Scene of the Year 2004.. Bye for now

वोह है सबसे बुरा..

2011-12-23T09:26:00.000-08:00

Anupama Chopra writes the following lines about Dil To Pagal Hai..

Karishma Kapoor, who picked up the role after Juhi Chawla, Manisha Koirala, Urmila Matondkar and Kajol had turned it down, is simply superb. She gives her heartache a quiet elegance and grace.

Reading this immediately reminded me of that superb scene from the movie where Rahul and Nisha are sitting by the pool side.

निशा: राहुल, तुम नहीं जानते, मैं अच्छी लड़की नहीं हूँ, देखो न एक लड़का है मैं जिसे बहुत प्यार करती हूँ और हमेशा से करती आई हूँ और आज मुझे पता चला की वो मुझसे नहीं किसी और से प्यार करता है..तो मुझे अच्छा नहीं लग रहा है. दर्द हो रहा है. गुस्सा आ रहा है, जलन हो रही है.. मुझे ऐसा नहीं लगाना चाहिए राहुल.. मैं बहुत बुरी हूँ

राहुल: बुरी तुम नहीं हो..पता है बुरा कौन है..वोह है सबसे बुरा..वो हम इंसानों के साथ अजीब तरह के खेल खेलता है.....वोह एक को दूसरे से प्यार करवाता है और दुसरे को तीसरे से...और तीसरे को किसी और से प्यार करवाता है...पता नहीं ऐसा क्यों करता है...

It's a brilliant scene (if we forgive Shah Rukh's hamming!) and as far as I remember this scene also won the award for the best scene at Zee Cine Awards.

I am a big fan of all such characters (Vanraj, Sid, Anjali, Deepa, Cuckold, George, Rachel, Aditya...) who deal with one-sided love with grace, maturity and poise...maybe because I look up to such people to deal with my own hopeless situation :( Anyways, more later...

Of Geet's Philosophy on Life...

2011-12-20T09:57:00.000-08:00

आदित्य: सब कुछ जो इंसान चाहता है, वो मिलता कहाँ है यार?

गीत: क्यों? मुझे तो लगता है की इंसान जो कुछ भी real में चाहता है ना, actual में उसको life में वोही मिलता है...

************************************************************************************************************

आदित्य: गीत, तुम बहुत बड़े problem में फँस सकती हो. Do you realize that? सिर्फ हंसी, खेल तमाशा नहीं होती यार life. Life में serious होना होता है.

गीत: तुम तो life में बहुत serious थे आदित्य. क्या फायदा हुआ? बहुत बड़े problem में तो तुम भी फँस गए ना?

आगे क्या होने वाला है, उसपर किसी का control तो है नहीं. तो ऐसे में मैं वोही करती हूँ, जो मेरा दिल कहता है. कल को मैं किसी और को blame नहीं करना चाहती की जी तुम्हारी वजह से मेरी life खराब हो गयी. मेरी life जो भी होगी, मुझे पता होगा की मेरी वजह से ऐसी है. तो I’ll be happy.

Things will just turn out fine. P, you have to accept somethings. Somethings are not made for you. Try to be happy. Don't worry.

Here's another fascinating insight on the movie. At one point, Aditya says: "Ek time that music se bada passion nahin tha meri life mein."

Geet's name means 'song', and eventually she becomes the music of his life. Hindi films are far more intelligent than they are given credit for!

Also, I found the complete script of Jab We Met. Reading a film script is a different experience. You can find the script at this link. Worth keeping and especially of a film like Jab We Met.

Of Ma and Mama...

2011-12-19T10:20:00.000-08:00

Ever since my renewed fascination with Luck By Chance, I am constantly thinking of what that movie is trying to say. A detailed post is in the offing but I have been reminded of another of my all time favorite movie - Taal. I loved Taal, notwithstanding its mediocre performance at the Box office. Now, there's this scene where Anil Kapoor talks about his ideals. He says his mom told him to follow certain principles which were

प्यार बलिदान से ही महान होता है
नेकी कर दरिया में दाल
कर्म कर, फल की इच्छा मत कर

And then he says followed this principles for some time but it didn't take him anywhere..all he could do was end up as a background musician playing छैना..

However, then his Mama told him some other ideals which he should follow these principles if he wants to be successful in life, which are as follows

प्यार सही लेन देन से ही मज़बूत होता है
नेकी कर पहले खुद से, फिर दूसरों से..
बिना फल के सब कर्म बेकार है
इमानदारी से ज्यादा ज़रूरी है दुकानदारी
Competition से जीतने के लिए ज़रूरी है जलन, इर्ष्या
अमीर बनने के लिए ज़रूरी है लालच..
बड़ा बनने के लिए ज़रूरी है दूसरों को छोटा दिखाना..

Ans he ends up as a millionaire!

By my own experience, I feel that the 'Mama' philosophy will help you survive in this world, but this has made me question many things - Can good people not survive here then? Will they be always left behind? Why do we have to do something by going against our grain? I really don't know.

Dialogue of the day:

ना प्यार, ना दोस्ती, ना इश्क, ना मोहब्बत, nope. दिल का खेल बताइये, दिल मत दीजिये. हम दर्द बेचते हैं खरीदते नहीं हैं

P.S. - At the end, when Vikrant (Anil Kapoor) realises that Mansi (Aishwarya Rai) will never be happy with him, he lets go of her. So, eventually, the mom principles triumph as प्यार बलिदान से ही महान होता है. But what happened to Vikrant after that? Did he go back to his simple ways? Did he survive? We don't know!

P.P.S. - Did you know that Taal was selected by the idol-of-us-all-wannabe-critics Roger Ebert for his 2005 Overlooked Film Festival!!

Of Last Day Emotions and Mummy..

2011-12-17T10:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my last day at my first job. I got selected on August 10, 2008 from campus, joined on October 19, 2009, resigned on October 31, 2011 and finally left on December 16, 2011. Life completely changes when one leaves college. I am that sort of a person who doesn't like stepping out of my comfort zone. But as I now again step out of comfort zone, I am again feeling that sense of insecurity. My life of the last two and a half years is now going to change. I didn't cry when I left school. I didn't cry when I left college but I cried the most when I left yesterday :( My friends have supported me so much during these two years - I am so indebted to them. I am not going to see them now everyday :( But as they say, you have to move on. I have taken certain decisions after a lot of thinking, I am taking some risks, I hope it doesn't boomerang on me.

I don't know what happened yesterday..maybe it was because only me who was leaving (as compared to college when everybody leaves) while my friends are here, that gave me a feeling of being left out. When I went to meet J for the last time, I couldn't hold myself and she also started crying :( J is my inspiration, even after going through so much in life, she always has a smile on her face. And after I gave a card to N, she also started crying after reading it :( And A (who is just like me as a person) also took me to a room and she told me certain things that I should do and she was also crying :(

And I couldn't face A the entire day because I know she was upset, and I couldn't meet her alone else :( And I randomly said to H, that I am leaving, so mujhe miss kar lena..and he said P aise mat bol, varna I will actually start crying..you know how much I am going to miss you :( A and H have done the most for me, been there for everything, listened to me, guided me..

Ab bhai sab nahi ro dho rahe the :)..S came to my seat and wrote a thank you note for me, J came specially from LA with the super cool Santa cap :), R brought something that is so me..and everyone else A, R, D, D, D and so many others..I will write more about them later.

And S called me in her room and talked to me for about 15-20 minutes. She said a very sweet thing that I am an introvert version of her, it's just that she speaks more and I don't speak much but as a person, we have the same likings, same opinion..but said that she understands that smarter people have smarter aspirations..

But the biggest surprise for the day was when I came home and showed my gifts to mummy and she also saw what all things I had kept on my desk. She got so emotional, so emotional! (I really don't know why!!) that she said I didn't know that people like you so much. She said that in the future also, people will like you and you will do very well. She said she will keep these gifts forever and will show them to my kids :| My mom has too much expectations from me..Maybe I should tell her that she shouldn't think too much of me, she might be disappointed if she has high hopes :P

And today morning, I woke up and read a message in my cell that said, "I miss you already. Please come back." :(

I will write more about the last days in later posts..

Interesting? Me??

2011-12-06T07:38:00.000-08:00

Ok..Hello again..Long time no see :)

This post is a narcissist one considering my penchant for self deprecation, this one might be too OTT :\ But I still want to write because it made me really feel good..

So, yesterday a new member joined our team in office. Whenever someone joins, our team has this new ritual attached. Like sometimes we don't have to introduce ourselves, the person sitting next to us has to introduce you..or sometimes it is like that you have to share one thing about you which no body knows..these types..

So, yesterday, the different part was that along with your introduction, you have to say who your favorite/interesting person in the unit (team) is..this was a bit of surprise that could lead to allegations of favoritism but it's ok..So, one by one people started saying who they found the most interesting person in the unit..clearly, R has a massive fan club in the unit..almost everybody in the team said that he is a very interesting person to talk to..

And you know what three people took my name :) I felt nice..So who were these people.

First was H :) He said P is his favorite person in the unit because he is a very interesting person to talk to and one could share anything with him :) :) :) And then he joked later "I said the truth what it is.. lekin zyada seriously mat lio isko theek hai.."

And the second one who took my name was S..She said as a unit head she should not take names of people who are her favorite as for her all are equal but in terms on interesting people there are two people she likes and they were P and A..And then she said that P is one of those quiet people who would sit in a corner and mentally dissect about characters..on the symbolic metaphors in Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge and would tell her trivia like in Luck By Chance, how the refrigerator that is endorsed by Hrithik Roshan stands for being cool..and he writes blogs analyzing various characters..and someone who is very interesting to talk to..And he has started this cryptic Cinema Paradiso quiz about movies..
I felt nice and I think it's all because of J that she knows I write..I have never told her that I write, it is only J who made her read it once..thank God, she hasn't read my other non-film posts..she would then realize how interesting I really am :(

And finally, the third person who took my name was D! He said he has started talking to me recently in the last one month and he has found that although he is quiet but P has an opinion on many things. And there is this thing with him that when you are around him, you feel a bit vulnerable and you can talk to him about anything. And can share a lot of your secrets. He then said that he has told many of his secrets to me and he knows I will not tell these around. Again, I felt nice especially D saying this..Ok D, of course, I won't tell who your latest crush in office is ;P Thanks so much anyways..

Honestly, I consider myself as a very boring person with no social etiquette but I felt nice when three people in my team think I am interesting..

So, whose name did I take? I actually took two names. One of course, H, that goes without saying. Because he is one person I can say anything without thinking of the consequences and can talk to him about any topic..And the second name I took was of S. And I said she is more of a friend rather than unit head and I could discuss about life, relationships, higher ends of life, people and have interesting philosophical discussions with her..

So after that there was an office party at Urban Pind in GK. I got so drunk for the first time ever..had about five drinks and my head was spinning..don't know how people have so much capacity..but it was nice.. Since it was going to be my last official party, I could see people trying to cheer me up..A, J..my usual partners :) even R!! And H got so drunk that he was out as always..He hugged me for so long, wouldn't let me go and kept on saying, Pankaj, tu bhi ja raha hai :( Now the sinking feeling on not being able to see these special people has started..

Dialogue of the day:

उन्हें मत भूलो जो तुम्हे तब जानते थे जब तुम कुछ नहीं थे..क्यूंकि बस येही है जो तुम्हे हमेशा सच बोलेंगे - Luck By Chance

Fits perfectly..no?

Anyways, as always, catch you later..

सपनो से भरे नैना, तो नींद है न चैना..

2011-12-04T10:32:00.000-08:00

Hmmm..

Someone called me a psuedo-intellectual yesterday :( I think that's the worst thing anyone could say..sob sob..I didn't feel bad because it's true in a way..that's what I am going to be all y life...pretentious :(

It's been a dull weekend..since Friday night, I am experiencing a *strange* feeling.. missing someone badly :(

The worst feeling is being forgotten by someone you will never forget..

I have seen three terrific films in the last week - Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris, Zoya Akhtar's Luck By Chance and Milan Luthria's The Dirty Picture (this one was not exactly terrific save Vidya Balan).. Each of it deserves a separate review..will write about the first two for sure soon..if only I get time..so much other work to do :\

I am in love with Luck By Chance all over again..such a terrific movie..a movie with one of the most detailed characters ever..will write more in detail for this one for sure..super it is..

Dialogue(s) of the day:

Luck by Chance:
इतने दिनों तुमने किसी और पर भरोसा किया..अब अपने आप पर भरोसा करो..मौके मिलते नहीं सोना, बनाये जाते हैं, कामयाबी हम तक नहीं आती, हमें कामयाबी तक जाना होता है..अपने रास्ते पर चलते रहो..चलते रहो..धीरे धीरे सारी दुनिया तुम्हारे रास्ते पर आ जाएगी..

कामयाबी और नाकामी इंसान खुद ही चुनता है.. Success and failure are choices we make..

Pyaar Ke Side Effects:

अपने सपनो को पूरा करने की कोई उम्र नहीं होती..

More about Luck By Chance in coming posts..

सपनो से भरे नैना, तो नींद है न चैना..

Of Biggest Problem...

2011-11-29T09:14:00.000-08:00

You know P, what's your biggest problem is? Your heart stops your brain from believing in yourself.

I totally agree :-\

If you can avoid peer pressure on campus..

2011-11-28T09:20:00.000-08:00

Here is what I found on the Internet..We all know these points already but still worth a read.. I totally agree with 42, 43 and 44. If you can avoid peer pressure, then truly you are on path to becoming great!

1) If you think an IIM admit is your ticket to happiness, you’re already bracing yourself up for a lot of misery. Think ‘experience’ and you’ll just about get by

2) Unless you are dropping the idea of doing an Indian MBA or are going abroad (to a ‘better’ place) it is foolish to reject an offer from any of the IIMs(at least the top 6) for something better next year. Selection criteria of IIMs are as unpredictable as Sreesanth’s form with the ball. CAT has become a little like shooting in the dark and hoping for the best.

3) There is not necessarily any correlation between efforts and (at least short term) rewards… In fact more often than not it does not exist

4) It’s all about doing the right things rather than doing everything

5) Most people in an ‘Indian’ Institute of Management still feel they are representing their state here

6) No one likes attending guest talks. Somehow most speakers are made to believe that they are really wanted. Most young speakers promise not to bore by being short and ‘interactive’ and they do exactly the opposite

7) It is all still ‘Sarkari’. Very Sarkari

8) Fresher girls get placed fast and easily so. A boring engineer with IT work ex of over 3 years is a pain for the placement committee

9) Bigger the batch size, higher the free riding

10) Everyone ‘globes’. Even those who call others globers.

11) Facebook stalking of girls who could join your IIM is rampant. That guys in most IIMs are desperate is an understatement. Professors, Students and Recruiters – all are.

12) It is still ABC and the rest. But the good news is that L is almost there and I,K are catching up fast

13) Directors of all IIMs always want more girls in their incoming batch. Very few succeed

14) There are a lot of professors who are there just to make up the numbers. There is a severe crunch of quality faculty across IIMs

15) Everyone has a view on reservations but is too uncomfortable a topic to talk about openly

16) Everyone complains about mess food. No matter how many times you change the contractor, no matter which IIM you go to. Someone will always complain

17) Participate in B-school events. They are fun and an excellent opportunity to meet new people. About 50% of the batch goes/plans to go home or on a trip when their institute’s fest is on. Quite a shame

18) IIMs and ethics don’t really go hand in hand

19) Alumni play a bigger role than you can imagine. Follow them, network with them and make them happy.

20) Read cases. There are no rules to solve them and it is one place where you can combine creativity with intelligent analysis. If nothing they are nice stories to read.

21) Never miss a good professor’s class. They are a rarity and you may take back life’s lessons

22) Plagiarism is rampant and often excused. Good professors will make you pay for it

23) Teaching associates check your exam papers. With burgeoning batch sizes that’s the way ahead. There is always a question on how qualified they are.

24) Student exchange in Europe is really cool. 5^th terms can get extremely boring, especially if you have a PPO or/and you are not part of the B-School festivals in your institute nor are you participating in some.

25) It takes courage to be different in a B-School. Being courageous also means sacrifice

26) Higher the degree of honesty, greater the chances of you being in trouble

27) 100% placements of QUALITY is a relic of the past. That concept doesn’t even make headlines anymore. It’s all about the big names, big money.

28) Big money can make a mockery of all your loyalty towards a particular profile or domain during placements. In desperate times, placement policies force such an effect.

29) Batches of 2009 and 2010 are 2 of the unluckiest batches since liberalization across IIMs but more specifically at L,I,K

30) There is little value addition in most classes. That time can be used so much better. However, it is professor dependent. A good professor can make attending lectures a delight. Even the laziest bums on campus will work when a good professor is around.

31) PPT styles and videos of a lot of professors are of an era gone by long ago.

32) Communication lectures are the most abused but no other course is as important as written and oral communication. Ask people who have just been placed.

33) Microsoft Office is more important than any other software in the life of an IIM grad. Mastery over MS-Excel and MS-PowerPoint can take you places.

34) The probability of you getting into Mckinsey and Co. when you’re taking the CAT is less than 0.02%.

35) Entrepreneurship is cool. Being an entrepreneur while being on campus is cooler.

36) Pagalguy.com is part of B-school folklore now. It’s already a case study in IIM Bangalore and IIM Indore. It’s a lot of fun to see real life personalities of people whom you have made an image about while interacting on pagalguy. Double thumbs up to pagalguy.

37) It is a Post Graduate Programme in Management with a degree called PGDM and not a MBA.

38) Sports meets are awesome fun.

39) No one has a clue what they want to do with their life. Most just pretend that they know

40) Sometimes almost everyone seems better than you.

41) You will never get time for yourself. Trust me; it’s a good state to be in.

42) Do as many activities as possible on campus. It may be the last chance before you get back into the real world.

43) If you can avoid peer pressure on campus, you’re already on your way to becoming great.

44) No matter where you are, you will always feel something else is better.

45) It is not very easy to win B-school competitions. Respect the ones who do.

46) Generally it is clear from class participation/desperate class participation who has substance and who has the faff. Quality interactions between faculty and students are rare.

47) Never miss out on a rural stint. It can be life changing.

48) Never grudge anyone their success. Just know that if you’re working hard, your time too shall come.

49) Nothing is more important than networking. If you fail to know at least 70% of your batch and 50% of junior batch, then you have missed out on a golden opportunity. ( You can make adjustments to the stats if batch sizes are huge or/and if you’ve gone on an exchange programme )

50) Over 99% of the people in your age group in this country will happily swap places with you. No matter what the B-school communities say, you’re lucky to be in an IIM.

- Ankit Doshi'

Of Salim Bhaiya's Shaadi and Luck By Chance

2011-11-20T09:16:00.000-08:00

Long time no see :) Seriously, I have nothing to write in this post. Life has been a bit monotonous for the last few days. There is nobody at home also. I am alone as all have gone to cousin's wedding in Karnal.

And I don't feel like writing the review of Rockstar..forgot some of the points I was supposed to write on. I am now waiting for The Ditry Picture (Oooh La La Ooh La La, tu hai meri fantasy) and then Don 2. This is one of those very rare years in which the number of movies I have watched in a hall is very very less. Not more than 10 I guess. And those I watched turned out to be big disappointments.

And today is November 20. Our ex-cab driver Salim Bhaiya's marriage today! Ek dum filmi kahani hai..4 times engaged to the same girl and now finally getting married. He is very funny. He used to tell how he met his girl friend chupke chupke. I am very happy for him :) But he is a very nice person. Bilkul tension nahi lete..I wish him a very happy married life.

And now winters coming. I don't feel like waking up in the mornings :(

Again, my cosmic connection theory came to work this week. You know the movie quiz in office I talked about before called 'Cinema Paradiso'. So on Friday morning, I asked this question that in Luck By Chance, for which item did Sona and Vikram win a slogan writing competition. And can you believe that CNN IBN's Rajeev Masand asked a similar question in his quiz on his Friday night show Now Showing! He had asked "In 'Luck By Chance', what slogan does Farhan Akhtar come up with when he enters a contest at a supermarket, that wins him a refrigerator as a prize? I mean it is such a funny co-incidence that on the same day, a question is asked on the same movie about the same scene!! It is really very funny. And the movie's name fits perfectly to the situation - Luck By Chance! Seriously me luck by chance ho gaya! Cosmic Connections!!

Meanwhile, I read another fascinating piece regarding the refrigerator in Luck By Chance. Here is what one brilliant author says about it.

To me, the fridge was Vikram himself: resource-gobbling; too big for the space it has reasonably been allotted; deliberately tough, shiny exterior; very cool on the inside. Its whole point is to be cool. It isn't even absolutely necessary, but everybody wants one, is supposed to want one - so much so that it's endorsed by Vikram's predecessor Zaffar.

It is awesome!! How beautifully she has analysed a fridge as a metaphor for the characters.

I absolutely love love love Luck By Chance, so I have downloaded it and will watch it again soon! Ya, I want to write like this..As I have said before, analysis of characters and hidden references.. but I know I can't..

Anyways, more later..

Of Moms..

2011-11-13T10:01:00.000-08:00

Aaj na my maasi came to my place. There was no one at home except me. Mummy had gone to market. And aate hi my maasi started crying like anything. No hi..no hello..as soon as entered she started crying :( I seriously didn't know what to do. I thought something had happened. Then I asked her kya hua? She said A chala gaya Singapore! My cousin A went to Singapore for his MBA. So she was feeling very lonely. And the thing is she wanted that he gets married as his younger brother has got married and he still hasn't, so she was a bit worried for him. I felt so sad. I then told her ki yeh sab to chalta rehta hai.. aa jayega ek saal me..tension mat lo..Kuch bhi kaho moms always get worried. Jitna bhi kaho end me mummy hi sab kuch karti hai..I then made tea for her, which was quite thakeli. And then she was ok..and then my mom comes and the first question she asks, yeh chai kisne banai hai..I said that I made and then my mom says, mere liye to aaj tak banayi nahi..aaj kaise bana di :| Ek din pura khana bana dunga bas!

Meanwhile, I saw Rockstar! The film has its flaws but still it is so so much better than these stupid films. I can watch the movie again just for one thing- Ranbir Kapoor...he is brilliant! Seriously, the next superstar. He is without any doubt a terrific actor..this guy will go places..and what music..it slowly grows on you..like the song Tum ho paas mere brilliant..and I am still humming O yeyeyeye in my head..I have a lot of issues with the film but still I loved it.. there are some stunning scenes in the movie..More detailed review later.. I am still thinking about it. There are some scenes which I am still not able to decipher their meaning..very layered such as when Jordan is sitting in the bathtub and the guitar is burning..it is a very deep movie..

Anyways, will continue in later posts..

.

2011-11-10T10:39:00.000-08:00

Tipping point..mere se nahi ho raha itna sab kuch ek saath..so irritated and depressed..honestly, these past five months have been terrible - personally, professionally..And things don't look good..

Waqt Se Pehle Aur Naseeb Se Jyada Kisiko Kuch Nahi Milta Zindgi Wo Nahi He Jo Hum Sochte He Zindgi Wo He Jo Hum Jeete He.

And it's back :(

2011-11-07T10:05:00.000-08:00

Of Not Thinking and References..

2011-11-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

Hmmm..Long time no see as always :) It's been really long..nothing much is happening..the same old cribs about work, work and more work! I have taken some steps in the past few days. Only time will tell how right or wrong they are..

For the last few days, I am feeling I have become emotionless.. I mean I am not feeling happy, neither sad..it's just something neutral..And the things that have been bothering me for some time, I am now slightly better with them..it is because I am not even thinking about them at all..just have put them in cold storage for some time..and since I have been overloaded with work for the last three weeks or so, I am not getting time to think about them..In a way, it's ok..as they the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference..so I am feeling indifferent to certain things..if you can't do something about it, then stop thinking about it..

I mean I have watched only one movie in the last 4 months! I am not feeling like watching Ra.One also..Rockstar, I will watch for sure.. And Cinema Paradiso - the movie quiz I started in office is back for Season 2. It so happenned that yesterday's question was somewhat cryptic but easily doable..So I got mail from 4 people that it is a brilliant question (as R said it is genius stuff :)) But then I replied I think people who got it right are more genius as they can think what I am thinking..It is very easy for me to make a question but difficult for people to connect on what lines I am thinking.. So this was the question I asked..

Identify which famous character are we talking about! I thought it is a very simple one!

Anyway, I just found a new reference in another movie..Today's question was about Hum Aapke Hain Kaun. I just remebered that scene in which during the wedding when Nisha and the other saalis are trying to distract Prem's attention from the shoes, so they pull a prank on him and say to him that he has a call. During the call, the girl who is calling is hiding under the table and when Prem says who is speaking, she says "Ji main Suman, aapke pichle janam ka pyar". Isn't it referring to Suman from Maine Pyar Kiya?? And then Prem says, "Ji is janam ke liye Nisha ji kaisi rahengi"..Hahaha!

Hum Aapke Hain Kaun was the first ever movie I watched in a hall..was in Class 3 at that time..The movie inspired the Chopras and the Johars and went on to become one of the highest grossing films ever. Suraj Barjatya did a very clever marketing strategy. There were no video cassettes released for the movie and the ticket rates were hiked for the movie..this worked in its favour grossing crores!..But if you see HAHK is an unintenionally funny movie..Just look at Tuffy's role!!

Talking about reference, here's another one - Pooja and Nisha were the names of the leading actress in HAHK and Dil to Pagal Hai!

I simply love finding references in movies!

More later..

Of Dreams!

2011-10-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hmmm..So it's Diwali today :) Happy Diwali :)

Last week, on October 20, Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge completed sixteen years!! I simply love that film..Anupama Chopra writes about it that how it is more than a love story.. Like she says, that woman in this film are particularly more insightful as they really are..she brings this out by giving examples such as Simran's dadi who can easily make out that Simran is not happy from inside and when Raj finally turns up, she calls Balli and says that it is for the first time she has seen happiness in her eyes! And she also cites Chutki's example that at the first meeting only, Chutki can make out that Kuljeet is not really a great guy! And of course, Simran's mom perhaps one of the most understanding moms ever..she cites that brilliant scene, when Lajjo says, that all through her life, she was discriminated against her brothers..her education was stopped just because she was a girl and then she made a promise to herself that she won't do the same with her daughters but she has lost again.and that is why she has come to ask for Simran's happiness!

As usual too much digression :), so there is a very poignant line that Lajjo says to Simran, "Khwaab dekho lekin unke pura hone ki shart mat rakho".. I have been thinking of dreams for some time..infact, there is particular line in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara that is the reason..That scene where Kabir says to Natasha that she should not change her self after their marriage. He says that is was her dream project and she should pursue that. And then she replies "Dreams change Kabir, pehle me vo karna chahthi thi lekin main ab yeh karna chahti hun". Can dreams change so easily? If you change dreams so easily without even pursuing them, then is it worth calling them dreams.. but if people can change over time, why can't dreams change? As usual, I know I am thinking too much..the thing to always keep in mind is that we typically see life in terms of black and white, which in reality is grey..it is very difficult to generalise such things and that is the beauty of it..life is a mix of both good and bad things! So, a person might relentlessly pursue his dream, while the other might even change his dream due to circumstances..As someone said, there is a story behind every person. There's a reason why they're the way they are. Think about that before you judge someone.

Meanwhile I had put this as my Facebook status last week, "Khwaab dekho lekin unke pura hone ki shart mat rakho". So J sends me a message, "kya negative quote maarta rehta hai.. This quote from another SRK starrer is more like it - "Agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho to puri kayanat usey tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai".

I don't think it is a negative quote at all! So I send him this reply, "I don't think so it is a negative quote..maybe you are thinking negative..In fact, it is one of the most inspirational quotes..it talks about how to never stop dreaming and losing hope even when things are not going according to plan..don't be that rigid if things are not going as per the way you want..keep dreaming and keep hoping..and even in the movie, Simran started tearing her diary pages realising she will never find that andekha anjaana but her mom says to her you never know Kuljeet turns out to be that guy..so one should never lose hope!!"

So he sends me this reply:

"Now your quote does not look negative..I was thinking the other way - I feel all dreams can be made to come true, we need to put in the effort to make them come true.. And if we really badly need them to come true (and put in our best efforts to do that) well they do come true.."

As I said, we should stop looking through the prism of right or wrong..things in reality are quite complex and too hard to group them in such categories..

But you know what is worse? Having no dreams at all :(

Of Duniya and Diwali...

2011-10-25T02:49:00.000-07:00

Long time no see :) No time to write anything at all.. The past few weeks have been totally a disaster..but no more sad thoughts at least for these days :)

So, I watch Bigg Boss on Colors..No not on TV but on their website..This week Raageshwari was eliminated. I have loved her since when I was 11 or 12 when I heard that song Duniya..brilliant it is! She disappeared somewhere after that but now she came back on Bigg Boss! I mean she is such a positive person after going through so much in life. She suffered from facial paralysis but she still did not lose hope..You can actually make out she is a genuinely nice person..after all she will give no drama, that is why she was eliminated. Seriously a very nice person! I have been continuously listening to this song 'Duniya'..it has some amazing lyrics..worth listening again and again! Infact, I love all her songs..

Baatne se aur nikharta, hain pyar ka rangan maul

Mere hisse main aaya kitna, baith karu kya gaur

Yeh char dino ka mela hain

Arey ha yeh duniya yeh duniya badi rangin peheli..

Meanwhile, Happy Diwali

Waise to aaj raat diwali ki raat hai.. ik deep apne dil mein jalao to baat hai - Javed Akhtar

....

2011-10-22T09:08:00.000-07:00

Ya..nothing is going right... absolutely nothing..life has reached such an ebb that coming out of it seems so difficult..am trying to be so positive but something or the other is getting wrong..ya am so worried for mum..I am not that strong ya..please theek ho jaye sab..I can only pray...

Of High Honors and A's Mail...

2011-10-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

So long time no see :( The thing is for the last three weeks I have joined back office there has been humongous work :( I have have been working even on weekends and the thing is I have become very slow also. I don't feel like working as there are so many things going in my head these days :{

Anyways, you know this week I got an award as called R&R (Reward and Recognition) for this particular quarter. I had told about that 5 month long project that I had done with A. For that particular project, I got this trophy and a cash card of Rs. 5,000! Actually in our company, every quarter these awards are announced for people who have done some great work! So from my unit, I got this time. It was totally unexpected when S called out my name in front of the entire office and said certain things about me. I was so embarrassed as I just wanted to go back to my seat as soon as possible (as H said to me "your expression said just shut the fuck up and let me go back"). I am not very comfortable when I am in the limelight. S said about how dedicatedly I had worked on this project for such a long duration. Frankly speaking I think I got it because of the duration of the project. I mean I did not do great work in it, I did what I was asked to do. If I had not done it somebody else would have no? Maybe even better. The project was super tough and required a lot of re-work! I mean I used to make 15 slides and then one number changed all the slides and then go back to them and again re-do them! But I did not give any ideas on how to go about it. It's only due to A and S I got this.

Anyway, after that I sent a thank you mail to A.. this is what I wrote:

Yeah A as you know I am not very good with words. Today when S was saying about me, I just did not feel good because deep inside I knew that I don't deserve this. I am not buttering you and all but honestly I just did what you told me to do. H and aapne jo bola maine kar diya. If I had not done it, some body else would have done it no? Rather I should be thankful to you for giving me this opportunity. I have seriously learnt a lot from you. You know ever since my first ever project with you two years back (when I had no idea about anything), you suggested me so many things such as making excel file for sources, attaching PPT file in the mail, making mail folders in your inbox, I still remember all of that and even in this project I have learnt a lot..seriously a lot. I will just say Thank you so much for everything and apologies for anything. I am a very reserved person, but you know I had written about our meeting in my diary sometime back and I will like to share it with you and again say 'Thank you' as I sad that being praised for the only thing you have is a bit emotionally overwhelming.

And then also sent him the post where I had written about my conversation with him. (This link)

And you know this is what he replied:

Pankaj, I will keep my reply short and simple (we have already exchanged the pleasantries a lot of times :) :) :)

First, I did nothing to get you that award, it was just your hard work. And don't worry about the part that you did what we asked you to do - it is equally important to execute the ideas than just come up with it. You did a good job there :) - and now I am saying no more about the project!! :)

Second, it is a pleasure to know that you think of so highly of me. I did some of it (I will be modest :P) but not so much :P. Appreciate your kind words.

Third, I felt really touched upon reading your mail. You make me believe that I can be a good mentor too (never looked at that way here though outside I have been doing this long) - good to know. Thanks a ton.

Last, go get your dreams. No one expects you to be a Warren Buffet or a George Soros - just live a typical life. Peace is more important than money. Go give your best shot to this opportunity.

Cheers,

A :)

You know the sweetest part of the mail? In the end, he wrote Cheers A!!! As you know I never write names of people here, but only the initial letter. So in the mail I had written 'Of Conversation with A', instead of his name, he also replied me by saying Cheers A (and not his full name). I liked it :) More than the reward, what matters are these small things..haina?

Now office tomorrow..please deliverable chale jaye theek thak :( Will write more later about many many other things...

Of The Complete Man...

2011-10-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

I love this add..it is brilliant! I have always loved Raymond's advertisements. Something very classy and subtly emotional about them just like men are..that is why it is called Raymond - The Complete Man.. I wish my mom is someday proud of me..

Acceptance...

2011-10-07T11:35:00.000-07:00

Of Missing :|

2011-10-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

I read this awesome quote today. Me misses you a lot but it's okay...Life me har cheez nahi milti na :(

Of Life's Unpredictability..

2011-10-01T12:05:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been so so tragic ya.. These events confirm yet again that life is so unpredictable..

The obnoxious killing of Umeshkant Pandey, a toll collector at Gurgaon plaza, for a mere Rs. 27! I mean how insensitive and impulsive can people be that they can kill anybody like this! Brutal and gruesome! Whenever I pass through the DND flyover in the night, I always look at those people collecting toll and used to say to myself that it is one of the most boring jobs ever..sitting all day and collecting money. But not everybody is lucky as some of us to get a decent education...these people have come from far and for them this source of income is the perhaps the only thing they have! Umeshkant's story is so so tragic ya..He comes from a remote village in Madhya Pradesh..He has three married sisters, a mentally challenged brother, a crippled brother, old dependent parents, and a dependent wife! He used to send some money back to make ends meet..What will they do now? I feel so sad ya..

Send checks to Ramrati Pandey Account Number: 30496591243 State Bank of India Birha, Bijhauli, Hanumana, Rewa, Madhya Pradesh Pin: 486335

And then there was the earthquake in Sikkim..so many people suffered..And the way we treat North-East as some other country, no body was even bothered! May their souls rest in peace..

There is no greater loss than losing your loved one and there is no greater tragedy than losing your home in front of your eyes..

Azaruddin lost his son to a bike accident..Imagine losing your 18 year old son..CNN IBN's Gaurav Kalra wrote this poignant piece that brought a lump to my throat.. He says,

"I have often wondered why I wept at the birth of my child. Tears are usually logical. When my favourite uncle passed, his body ravaged by a vicious cancer, I wept in regret and pain. When my sister said goodbye on getting married I wept in trepidation, in fear of the new life that awaited her. But why was I weeping now? Why did this miniscule lump of meat have such an impact? A stranger who didn't as much as wonder who I was. A little human being I hadn't ever met, never shared a bond with, never as much as set eyes on before. Why was I weeping?.

For want of a better analogy, a child is next in line to take over the baton in a relay race. Its arrival is the surest sign of your life moving forward. Not as a grandiose keeper of your legacy but quite simply as an extension of your being. A relay always moves forward. If the sprinter meant to carry the baton forward stumbles the race is over. The team is rudderless. The first runner can't run again for the fourth. There is smoothness to the process. A protocol, if you will."

Just read the entire article here: http://ibnlive.in.com/blogs/gauravkalra/260/62709/when-the-child-was-and-the-parent-is.html

Life is really unpredictable ya..Thank God for everything..every breath is a gift..so we should celebrate birthdays everyday..It is easy to say this but try to live it up..

Of Talent-less Me...

2011-09-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

Ok.. my sabbatical ends tomorrow.. I am feeling so so depressed..ab phir se itni lambi chhuti nahi milegi..it is 25 days since office and still I don't feel like going to office..koi zindagi bhar muft ki roti kyun nahi de sakta :{

I had planned to do N number of things during these holidays but about N/2 have been done..Somewhat better than my target of N/4 =)

I really wanted to do certain things though, however, by the turn of events they could not be done.. I seriously hope ho jaye vo..

Mummy also doesn't keep well these days :(

Every third day I had a cold in these holidays, mujhe itna nahi hota tha pehle but ab to bahut frequently hone kag gaya hai..very irritating it is..huh!

I don't know ya..pata nahi phir se I am feeling that restlessness..hehe..lagta hai kuch hone vala hai..

Anyway, India's Got Talent aata hai na, usme yesterday Sonali said to a participant, "You are just brilliant! I feel so tiny in front of you. And I feel jealous ki mere me aisa talent kyun nahi hai." I always feel the same when I see talented people all around me! I feel so hollow in front of them. Mere paas to kuch bhi talent nahi hai. Some people are brilliant photographers, painters, artists, singers, writers, technocrats, dancers, actors, sportsmen, geeks, know-it-all, designers..I feel like so shallow.. I know I know..these things can be cultivated..no one is born with these..only with time these things come..but jab ab tak kuch nahi cultivate kiya maine..to aage bhi kya hoga! I seriously feel so jealous (My maths teacher had once said, never be jealous, be zealous!) The only talent I have is a) to appreciate someone else's talent b) to perennially crib that my life sucks (which does suck BTW)

I don't know..I feel very talent-less as a person which is a shame!

And I had gone to college..I saw this super car made by people..It is so cool..maine to college me bhi kuch ni kiya aisa.. Maine socha tha I will do this..I will do that.. but sirf soch hi reh gayi..

Anyways, theek hai..mediocre log hamesha mediocre hi rehte hain :-{

Will write more later..

P.S.- I read this amazing chapter on Shah Rukh..will write more about it!

Of Mausam :(

2011-09-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

Finally I saw a movie after nearly three months!! Mausam..

I had high hopes from the film but I am somewhat disappointed :{ The first half is splendid..the Punjab part is gorgeous! The detailing is done to such an extent that in one scene during the night, there is a dog roaming in the streets! Or in another one in Gulzari's tanga, it is written "Main bharke chali jaungi tu dekhte rahiyo." The hand knit sweaters, Rooh-hafza bottles, the yellow mustard fields..the awesome song Rabba..Sonam looking ravishing as ever without makeup! Shahid- the charming Punjabi munda..there after the film just goes down and down and down..I don't feel like writing why I didn't like. I am disappointed. But mind you, there are some superbly crafted moments.. I wish there were more of these! Could have been so so better!

Some things I liked -
Rabba song..my current favourite! what picturisation..

Even more beautiful was the picturisation of the song Zara Si Mendi Laga Do, in which Ayat and Harry write notes to each other while Pammo sleeps..Super super idea! Loved it totally!

The name Ayat (meaning a couplet!)

Sonam..she is just so pretty ya..she should not put make up! stunning she looks in the entire film, however, this is the first film which I thought she was not able to act :( I have loved her in all films even though people have just hated her! I loved her in I Hate Luv Storys..even Aisha but this film I found her acting to be somewhat mediocre..maybe the script was at fault..there were no good lines given to her..she just had to look pretty and helpless through out which she does! Don't worry Sonam..next film.. I will always be your fan...there is something charming and old school about Sonam..better than other plastic bimbettes!

The binocular sequences..something really different!

There were few dialogues I liked-

At one point, an air force officer asks Harry that it is seven years and he still loved Ayat..he says "the fire is still there" and Harry replies, "the sun only sets, it never dies." Infact, this was the entire premise of the film. And I totally agree with it. You cannot stop loving anybody, only some one else might take his/her place but you just cannot stop loving anybody.

I think Rajjo's character totally epitomizes this..Even after getting married and having a kid, she says to Harry "tu kahe to aaj bhi tere saath is chalti train se kud jaun." But she did what she felt was right..I would have given Ayat's letter to Harry if I was in her place.. I felt really sad for her :[

There is this another dialogue which Shahid says, "Mujhe koi bhi aisa nasha pasand nahin jo waqt ke saath utar jaaye. I love life."

Finally, the film is completely Shahid's..he is there in almost every scene..he dances brilliantly..he was terrific as the Punjabi guy but too stiff as the Air Force pilot but still he invests his heart in the film..

Rest all film is okok..one time watch maybe.. I am disappointed :( Sob Sob..now next awaited movie Rockstar..zilch hopes from Ra.One!

Of God and Unselfish Love...

2011-09-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

Today Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam was coming on Sahara One! I think I need to watch all my favorite movies again because every time I watch them I learn a new thing which I didn't see before. Been thinking about this stunning scene again and again!

समीर: मैं मानता हूँ भगवान् सब जगह है..बल्कि अभी हम दोनों के बीच में ही है..

वनराज: भगवान् हमारे बीच में नहीं, हमारे अन्दर है..

समीर: अगर वो हमारे अन्दर है, तो हमे इतना दुःख क्यूँ देता है

वनराज: क्यूंकि हम उसे तभी याद करते है जब हम दुःख में होते है और ख़ुशी में भूल जाते है.. वो हमे दुःख इसलिए देता है जिससे की हम प्यार करना सीखे. और निस्वार्थ प्यार करने से ही हम उसके और करीब हो जाते है..

Isn't this very similar to the concept of Tree of Life? How true is that ya!! Vanraj is too good to be true..almost utopian!

And see the colors? Sameer obviously a very colorful character is wearing a blue coat, and Vanraj who is more restrained and introvert, is wearing only black and white!!

And then there is this scene where Vanraj and Nandini both pretend to act like lovers so that they escape paying the ticket amount, when the station comes, Nandini's mangalsutra gets stuck in Vanraj's coat!! What a scene that is?!

Bhansali creates some brilliant moments. He is a rockstar!!

Seriously, I need to start watching movies again!

Of Pulp Plus Poetry...

2011-09-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

Exactly half way through my sabbatical..I get so tired studying all day :{ That is why there is a sudden spurt in the number of posts for the last few days..

I have now started reading First Day First Show by my favorite writer on Hindi cinema Anupama Chopra. Anupama is a well known film critic who also hosts the show Picture This on NDTV. She is also the wife of Vidhu Vinod Chopra and sister of director Tanuja Chandra (Dushman, Sangharsh, Zindagi Rocks, etc.).

There are innumerable film critics but I think there are hardly any writers on Hindi cinema. Anupama writes a weekly column in the Open Magazine as well as for The New York Times. She gives such fabulous anecdotes that any lover of Hindi cinema would treasure them. I have always said that more than the film itself I love the process of film making and that is why I love collecting trivia about films. How does a director think, what goes on the thinking behind, hidden references, et al.

She has also written two books before - Sholay - The Making of A Classic and King of Bollywood - Shah Rukh Khan and the Seductive World of Indian Cinema but have not got a chance to read them (due to them being perennially out of stock). So a few months back Anupama brought her third book - First Day First Show, essentially a collection of her writings over the last 20 years.

I have only read a few chapters and must say I am hooked. I am posting some things which I really liked.

Shah Rukh Khan writes a beautiful foreword, where he says that

"We have to accept the truth. The acceptance of truth actually makes the truth vanish. When you accept that you have a big nose, you stop hiding it."

A profound thought!

And then Shah Rukh writes

One of the funniest stories was told to me by a bearded, arty-type director who narrated the following script to him: I play a man who is unable to marry the woman he loves and becomes a Scarface- style mafia don. She marries a policeman. At some point, the cop chases the don and shoots him, but somehow the don ends up, wounded, on a train with his ex-love. He is thirsty. She is pregnant. There is no water. So she does the only thing left to do: take out her breast and offer him her milk, after which, somehow their relationship changes to that of a brother and sister. I die after that and she goes back. I told the director, this scene is a little odd. He got very angry and told me that my mind was cheap. A woman feeding a child is one of the most beautiful sights in the world. I said, 'Of Course. But I find it odd that she is feeding me at the age of twenty-eight or twenty nine.' It seemed a little sexual to me. The director got mad at my interpretation.

Hahaha :D

And then as a prologue Anupama goes on to tell how Hindi cinema has changed over the years. At one instance she says

"Javed Akhtar once dourly told me that most directors came to him asking for 'an original script', which had been done before."

And did you know Yash Johar had mortgaged his house for Duplicate. And if Kuch Kuch Hota Hai had not worked, his house was gone.

I also read an insightful chapter on Honey Irani - Javed's ex-wife and Zoya's and Farhan's mom. She says

"Come on", Honey Irani is saying,"there are more photographs of Shabana than me from Farhan's wedding. We are all mature now. Ab woh buddhe ke liye kya ladna?"

In one of the chapters, she writes the following brilliant lines.

"For me Hindi cinema has always been a sort of melodramatic magic realism, a necessary comfort, and a collective expression of hope. I love the color and overblown emotions, the exuberance and fantasy, the unapologetic lack of cynicism and irony. American film critic Pauline Kael had described the type of films that he most admired as 'the genre pictures whose forms had been imaginatively opened up: pulp plus poetry.' Pulp plus poetry. I think that is a near-perfection description of Bollywood. Which is why twenty years later, I am still seduced."

How true is that!!! For me too, Hindi cinema is escapist realism (perhaps an oxymoron!).. it's sheer poetry..

Will keep posted more on the book!!

Of Restlessness..

2011-09-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

There are days when I feel so restless.. that nothing is going quite right..

I am feeling the same since morning..very restless..scared..demotivated..worried..

I know it is a passing phase..

Go away negative thoughts :(

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference...

Of Geet's Pyaar and Mausam's Rabba...

2011-09-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

Geet: Tumhe apni maa ke bare me yeh sab nahi bolna chahiye..
Aditya: Kyun nahi bolu main yeh sab?
Geet: Kyunki vo pyaar me thi..aur pyaar me kuch sahi ya galat nahi hota hai

:-[

And have you seen the stunning video of the song Rabba from Mausam. There is this scene where Shahid touches Sonam's shadow. I love that! Awesome...Koi itna pyaar kaise kar sakta hai kisi se ya..

Love seriously makes the world go mad...

Of the Brilliance of Cuckold and the Betrayal of Urmila

2011-09-09T11:13:00.000-07:00

Finally, I finished reading Cuckold by Kiran Nagarkar..Yaaa..what a book..brilliant..amazing..touches your heart..makes you want to introspect..Cuckold is basically story of Maharaj Kumar, the heir apparent of Mewar and husband of Meerabai. It is a story told through his eyes, how does he feel when his wife is in love with someone who he can't even kill..How does he cope with his wife's mad love for the Blue Flautist..he is jealous, troubled, disturbed, and so madly in love with his wife but the thing is he cannot do anything..As he says, "You can exorcise a devil but how do you rid youself of a God." I had first heard about this book from HT and Brunch journalist Poonam Saxena who had written in her weekly Saturday column Small Screen that how she wished someone could make a TV serial out of it. I was immediately fascinated by the book.

And you know why I was so spellbound?! Because I always thought the same about Urmila - a woman who history never gave its due! Urmila was Lakshman's wife. I think she made a much bigger sacrifice than Sita. At least Sita had her husband by her side. All fourteen years Urmila prayed in the temple, lighting diyas, and wishing for Lakshman's well being. Her love for Lakshman stood the test of time. History extols Ram and Sita but no body talks about Urmila. Can anybody imagine what she would have gone through? Lakshman had refused to take her along as he wanted to take care of her in laws. Why does no body talk about her? It is so unfair. So is the case with Maharaj Kumar..he has been forgotten in the annals of history! Two other woman I have always felt sad about are Mandodari (Ravana's wife) and Rukmini (Krishna's wife). Mandodari was an ideal wife and she copes with her husband's love (or lust) for Sita so gracefully, all the while knowing that this would lead to his end. And about Rukmini? I mean the whole world says Radhe-Krishna. Where does she go? How would she would have felt..jealous? I don't know..But I always pause and think about these people who in-spite of being betrayed never stop loving their partners. Amazing! Maybe I should also write a book on Urmila and Mandodari inspired by Cuckold :)

A had gifted me this book on my last birthday..I finally started reading it this year and finished it yesterday only. I have become so slow in reading, earlier I used to read so fast but ever since job has started, I don't get the time. The thing with me is I need to read the book with full concentration and enjoy it. I can't read when I am tired at the end of the day or in cab or randomly..Anyway, too much off topic..

Kiran is a fabulous writer..he writes so deep lines that leave you enchanted and enthrilled to the core! Sheer poetry in motion..what prose..what language.. Yaa, seriously there are such creative people all around, be it any field, people are simply outstanding.

I am writing some of the most beautiful lines from the book..I wish I could write the entire book here!

It was the stuff of bad nautanki plays. Man, Woman. And Lover. Except that the last one was an Almighty God.

The green of grass is a possessive, greedy colour. It doesn't leave an inch of space for anything else.

The lapping up of the void is a soothing sound.

To combat a God, one must become one..or at least masquerade as one.. (This was my favorite part in the book when Maharaj Kumar dresses up as the Blue Flautist Krishna in the hope of getting some love from his wife)

We were that rarest of couples. Even after years of marriage we were madly in love. I with her and she with somebody else.

Identical twins are close but true enemies are closer.

Can Gods have birthdays? We thought they had no beginnings and no ends.

Ah! yes the truth. What a to do we make of this word, when we all know we could be so much better off without it.

Is there anything more painful and lonesome than betrayal? Yes there is. It is loss. And worse than loss are the tricks the memory plays.

There is no truer meditation than music and no journey of discovery greater than that of looking within.

If detachment is fear of failure, and hence never putting oneself to the test or if it is the fear of being hurt, humiliated or rejected, then one is closing all doors to life, to the possibilities of happiness, pain, dejection, achievement, and experience. The though of afterlife or lives or moksha does not mean that we miss out on this life. This is our only chance to engage it.

Eyes. You cannot unlock them. They conceal almost as many secrets, suffering, and the follies of men as the flowing river.

Bhishma is the ultimate icon for our notion of sacrifice and loyalty. But it might have helped if had ventured to question his beliefs. Is he recommending that we abdicate ethical choice and thus abandon the responsibility of our acts. Do we stick to people, however, mistaken or evil they may be, merely because we were born on their side or should we owe our loyalty not to people or institutions but to values. Bhishma ma have served humanity better, if he had the courage not to follow tradition blindly but to weigh in on the side of the right. Integrity is not enough, only when it is in the right cause then it matters. (On Bhishma's vow to remain celibate all his life)

There are so many more lines but I wish could write more! Such deep passages that hit you like a thunderbolt. Super!!

In love with Kiran Nagarkar. Am a fan!

Of Being Haunted by The Tree of Life

2011-09-06T11:32:00.000-07:00

I had been waiting to watch this movie 'Tree of Life' by Terence Malick ever since the buzz around it at the Cannes. Tree of Life is Terence Malick's sixth film as a director in a career spanning over four decades!! I had watched it last month and wanted to write ever since but am still trying to make sense of what I saw!!

After watching, I will say that I did not understand the film at all!! Maybe only 10% of it. You are not going to understand what is going on the film, even if you do you cannot be sure is this what the director really wants to convey this to you?! I have tried to understand what the film is trying to say through opinions of other people and the more I read, the more I am able to develop a faint idea of what the film is about.

The film is basically about a family in America comprising a strict father, a compassionate mother, and their three children. The film's premise is based on the following quote -

"There are two ways through life: the way of nature and the way of grace. You have to choose which one you'll follow. Grace doesn't try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries. Nature only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the world is shining around it. And love is smiling through all things. The nuns taught us that no one who loves the way of grace ever comes to a bad end."

And incidentally, these are the very questions that I have been trying to find answers to. The film tries to say that there is an equilibrium between nature and grace and none can exist without the other.

In addition, Malick creates some spell binding visuals trying to re-create the Big Bang theory. They are simply out of this world. Malick raises existentialist questions about what is the purpose of our life? Why do we have to suffer? Where does God come into play? Does God really take care of us?

Bradd Pitt said some beautiful lines about the film, he said "And then there is the bigger questions of the impermanence of life that I think we all go through. I grew up being told that God's going to take care of everything and it doesn't always work out that way, and when it doesn't work out that way then we're told it's God's will. Many people find religion to be something very inspiring and leads them to opportunities. I myself find it very stifling."

Someone said that -

As intense, real, and important the suffering of this family is to these characters, in the greater scale of things…it doesn’t matter. A human lifetime doesn’t even represent a nanosecond in the history of the cosmos. How important could any of our individual lives, let alone our suffering within those lives, be?

And this is what I have been thinking for the last few days. Do any of our problems really matter? Does any one care four our suffering? At the end of it, we are just a tiny speck in this universe. How are things going to change even if you die? Human life ain't that important. We just have to choose the path of nature or the path of grace and try to live our lives fully.

In one of the scenes most powerful and confusing scene, we see two dinosaurs. One of the dinosaurs is injured and almost dying. Passing by is another predatory and a much larger dinosaur who then comes and sees the injured dinosaur. Then the larger dinosaur forces its clawed foot onto the wounded dinosaur either in an attempt to stomp it to death or suffocate it. Suddenly, the predatory dinosaur instead of killing him, gives a couple of affectionate taps on the head, and hops away. Why did he do that? Out of compassion? This is the lager point the film is trying to make that compassion is not only in humans, it exists in the world everywhere. The path we choose is solely ours. This is how someone brilliantly put it:

The dinosaur scene is emblematic for the movie, since it symbolizes that through humility, calmness of the mind and non- aggressiveness one can defeat the aggressor or at least bring reason into him/her. Another point of view might be, that efficient and violent as it is, nature has some grace in itself... one animal can completely "irrational" "choose" to not eat the other, because its weak. You can, indeed, observe this in nature sometimes... The implications of those two are that no matter if one is facing the ultimate evil, one shouldn't use the means of evil to defeat it, and more importantly one shouldn't be afraid of it. The dinosaur could have succumbed to Nature and eaten the other, but it didn't. Instead it demonstrated compassion. I think that is the message of the movie: you can choose to turn away from desire, anger, and hate. You can embrace compassion, love and grace.

There is this amazing quote comes in the film:

The only way to be happy is to love. Unless you love, your life will flash by.

I want to be happy ya :(

The film will continue to bother you even hours later. Watch it and get haunted! ..and explain me some more of it :(

P.S. - I had met P when I went to watch this. He also did not understand it..and D told me this was the first move he ever walked out of. But I did not hate it. Like I did not hate Saawariya. Infact, the more I read about it, the more I like it :)

Of Deepa, Sid, Tara, and Dil Chahta Hai

2011-09-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

Hmm..Long time no see.. Finally my three week sabbatical has started. I am looking forward to it and not looking forward to it. So much work to do..anyways, vo sab to chalta rahega..

This past week I have been thinking of Deepa, Sid, Tara, Dil Chahta Hai only..and the more I think of them, the more I fall in love with them all over again. I have already written about how much I love Deepa (here). She was the best character of the film. The more I think about her, the more I am able to relate to her..Hell, I am obsessed with Deepa!

I found about Sid as well..Now there is this person who has written about Sid's love for Tara so brilliantly that I have fallen in love with the guy or girl who ever it is ;) Yaar..how can any body write so so so so well..Just read the entire post here
http://ajnabi1977.blogspot.com/2010/05/khanna-o-rama-khanna-in-love.html

And I am copying some things which are absolutely stunning. The brilliance of this writer as well Farhan Akhtar..I am more in love with Farhan! Here the author is writing about the song Kaisi Hai Rut and he tries to decipher the meaning of the song.. Just read this section!!

"No! I know! Tara is like a McCallister's Paint-by-Number I once saw!"

Tellingly, Tara is not actually present in any of these fantasies. A shooting star, however, does make an appearance. (Behind Akshaye.)

Whoa! Dysmorphia! Sid gets turned upside down (get it? geddit?!)...

And merges with Tara's hair.

She's like the moon to him. Heh. Heh.

OMG!! How did he come up with this thing????????

And here he talks about some bears on Sid's painting probably referring to her daughter. I have seen those bears in the movie but just could not come up that there could be any reason for them!! Shit!! Brilliant!

Tara's neck.

A FREAKING TEDDY BEAR WITH A PARACHUTE. Clearly Sid's artistic vision was acquired from his 10-year-old feminine side.

A little girl with a parachute. I guess that could be about her daughter.

ANOTHER. FREAKING. BEAR.

And these expression on Tara!
What will she think?

Yaaaaa I have read that post about a 100 times in the last week.. I loveeee it..I have always wanted to write a book on this movie..I guess I will watch it again and then start writing my book on why it is such a mind blowing movie but I wish I could write like these people.

And in another blog by somebody, she has given such an amazing portrait of Sid (I lost the link)..you will fall in love with Sid all over again.. the blogger says that Sid is perhaps the best male character you ever saw in Hindi cinema..and she cites one character of his. She says that Sid is perhaps trying to find himself and is troubled from within. She makes this point because of the scene where Sid and Sameer are at Aakash's place and Aakash is saying to Sameer to become a man in front of Priya!! ;) all this while Sid was trying to solve the Rubik's cube!!! Shit!! It is so true..he was solving that cube, a reflection of his inner battle to find himself.. I want to observe such things ya :{ But I guess I will never have these :(

And one of the another bloggers proposed an alternative storyline for DCH. He writes

"Sid will continue to be in love with Tara. His love for her will be complicated because she is a cirrhotic alcoholic who's twice his age, and no doubt his (otherwise kindly) mother will object.

Meanwhile Tara is probably ACTUALLY falling in love with Akash, and I bet that Akash will find himself falling in love right back...it will be the beginning of his maturation -- the first woman he has ever loved -- but he won't be able to share this monumental milestone with Sid because Sid will hate him because of it. After a vicious fight where Tara is forced to let Sid down gently he will go off to painting school and Akash will go to Australia to oversee his parent's business...there he will run into Shalini again, and now she will fall in love with him too. This will create additional growth opportunities for Akash, who will find himself rejecting this fleeting love affair that he once strived for, while at the same time deciding to reject Tara out of a sense of loyalty for Sid (who he hasn't spoken to for years due to their grudge...a grudge they both wish would end, but which neither has the fortitude to do anything about).

Then, the distraught Tara -- rejected now by two men, since Sid will no doubt refuse to speak to her after she fell for Akash -- will drink herself into the hospital, which will prompt all three friends to finally reunite to see her. In a touching deathbed scene Tara will reveal to all of them that Akash refused to marry her because of his loyalty to Sid, and Sid will feel horribly guilty for rejecting and underestimating Akash, and Sid and Akash will put aside their differences once and for all and have another."

But I like Dil Chahta Hai as it is :)

Did you know there are three deleted scenes from the movie that are available on You Tube. I found a very very interesting one about Tara. Here is the one..

Tara wants to be happy like the bird. She feels trapped and wants to fly with her daughter or probably wants to die..

I have so much more to write about the movie.. Will continue in other posts...

.........

2011-08-31T09:41:00.000-07:00

I have failed as a friend.
I have failed as a brother.
I have failed as a son.
I will be a failure all my life.

For me personal relationships have always been of more importance than professional relationships and I have failed in each of them.

Sometimes, I don't even feel like ..............

I will be strong.

And I am not sorry for that...

2011-08-28T11:30:00.000-07:00

Sid: I am so sorry. I am so sorry की मेरी बात से माँ और आप को इतनी तकलीफ पहुंची. I am sorry की मेरी वजह से आप को यह सब सुनना पड़ा. लेकिन यह सच है के मैं आप से प्यार करता हूँ And I am not sorry for that. यह भी सच है की मैं नहीं चाहता था की आपको कभी इस बात का पता चले क्यूंकि मैं जनता था की आप नहीं समझ पाएंगी. मैं सिर्फ आप को खुश देखना चाहता हूँ..और अगर आज सच्चाई जान कर आपको दुःख पहुंचा है तो मैं सिर्फ इतना कहना चाहूँगा की यह बिलकुल मेरा इरादा नहीं था. I am so sorry.

I love this scene ya..I cry every time I watch this :( And when he says, he is sorry for everything but he is not sorry for falling in love with her...that's the way it should be. Why should he be sorry for falling in love with her? Uski kya galti thi..he just wants to see her happy..he has no expectations from her..why should he be sorry?

I am not sorry for that either...

Of Conversation with A...

2011-08-28T01:49:00.000-07:00

Aah..philosophical discussions!! This past week I again had this general talk about life in general with A ;-) I have been having a lot of such talks with people lately. So I had this meeting with A regarding some work. So, while sitting in the meeting room, I randomly told him that I am going on a three week leave to sort out things for the future..about what I want to do ahead..blah blah. And then he tells me if I am studying for MBA? Then I told him that I feel that I am not cut out for doing an MBA. It is like you have to make your life hell after doing an MBA..agreed, you will be paid in millions but is it worth sacrificing your entire life for it? What will you do with the money if you cannot spend that money and are perennially stressed out? Will you have the time to do the things you like? No!! And then I told him, that I am not very sharp also. Eventually after MBA, you will land up in something like finance, consulting or marketing. You need to think out of the box if you want to survive such hardcore professions! And am not such a sharp or intelligent person. What ever I have achieved, I have done through my hard work..I am not born intelligent as some people are. And I am not a leader at all. I think leadership is over hyped. If all want to be leaders, won't it lead to anarchy? I am a follower..I'd rather be a follower than a fake leader!

I want happiness and contentment in life..yes, I want money..but enough money that I am able to live a decent life..And then I told A, that I feel being ambitious and contented are two sides of the same coin. You cannot have both. And I'd prefer to be contented than being the former. Being ambitious will force me to change myself to what I am not..and I am not ready for that at least now!

After this monologue of mine, A tells me his version of story. He told me that he hasn't seen a more clear cut person than me because he himself doesn't know what he wants in life. He said that he also totally agrees that ambition and contentment are not compatible with each other. And he doesn't know what he will choose in life. And then he told me how he is also not at all intelligent person but it is through his hard work that he has reached where he has! He was like that people are either born sharp or not but you cannot increase or decrease your sharpness but one can increase the amount of hard work one does. He was like, he even being an IT engineer he could never write the code though he could develop some logic but he slogged all through to achieve what he has. There were two of his close friends who helped him, and he is indebted to them.

Actually, the context of our discussion was the feedback that he gave me for the project! He had written a lot, I mean seriously a lot!!! but one aspect he showed praise was the hard work and commitment. That is why I told him that I am not an intelligent person, I cannot write analytically rich sentences, I cannot make jazzy out of the box frameworks. And then he is like there is no need for all this, you just need to be some what more hardworking. He told me that I take time to open up to people and I have to reduce this time from two months to two days. He was like, I walk with a stoop, I should walk straight like a man with confidence. He told me that I never look into the eyes of the person I am speaking and then he made do that, he must have said 'look into my eyes' at least 10 times! :-) There is no need to be afraid of things. He was like the other person is equally scared to look into your eyes, so don't give him the advantage. And then he was like he was also an introvert shy person. He just used to speak to his girl friend and two of his friends in college. But then he realized this wasn't taking him far. His friend who was a brilliant public speaker then gave him a tip that always look into the eyes of the person, this will remove all your fears! You will stammer once, you will forget words..once, twice, thrice, but kabhi na kabhi ho jayega theek!

And then he also narrated a story of his friend. he was like that his friend was going to the US, and at the airport he got a bit emotional that he has to leave his family and all..and then his friend's Mama gave him the advice, "Bhenchod, dariyo mat." And then A said he still follows that advice and I too have to take out the fear in me. He said if people start pitying you, then you are gone. People should not pity you nor you should do self pity.

There were so many things we just kept on discussing. I have always felt that A is a very nice person, if one takes out certain things out of him but no one is perfect haina? I have seriously learnt a lot from him. And then I said 'Thank you for the last six months' :) Ab feedback ke bare me main zyada nahi bolunga :{

And then I came and told this thing to H, he is like, "You know you are a very nice person." I was a bit stumped and then I was like "isme maine kya." No further comments were made ;-)

August 26, 2011

2011-08-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

I will remember this day forever. One of my most special days ever.

Thanks ya for everything!

Of A Brilliant Passage and Parichay!

2011-08-21T11:57:00.000-07:00

"The essence of life is not cause and effect. It is perversity. There is no telling the consequence of one's actions. As you sow, so shall you reap has a neat ring to it but you are making a grievous mistake if you put your faith in that kind of cheap sentiment. There are no just deserts. The wages of sin are not necessarily hell and the path of goodness is often lined with treachery for the world is predicated upon the principle of randomness." - Maharaj Kumar, Cuckold

It is so funny! yesterday only, I was talking about my actions in my earlier post about selfishness, and just now I read this absolutely brilliant passage from Cuckold! This is what J sent me a mail today, "analysing every deed you do is not really going to help you." Cosmic connections! ;) This is what A had commented, "human beings are good creatures.. 10 out of 100 will con you, that doesn't mean you don't trust them all." Isn't it very similar to what the above passage says that the world is working on randomness? Great minds thinks alike I guess :-)

And, I am simply fascinated by the trailers of this new Sameer Soni show Parichay on Colors. There is this beautiful line that his brother says in one of the trailers, "hum ek kamyab insaan me yeh kyun nahi dekhte ki vo ek accha insaan bhi hai yaa nahi..kaamyabi kya sirf naam kamane se hoti hai?." Very true! I want to watch this show but I have stopped watching TV altogether these days! Will try to catch up on Saturday jab poore hafte ke saath me aa jate hai!

Of Selfishness, Goodness, and Melodiousness..

2011-08-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

You know last to last week, there is this watchman in office. Whenever I passed by the door, he used to smile and wish me. So, one day while passing by him, he stopped me and said that he urgently needed Rs. 100, so if I could give him as his salary was expected to come on 08 August. He told he will return me later. I was like ok. But you know after that, whenever I pass by him, he just turns his face and totally tries to ignore me. He thinks that I will ask my money back, so he deliberately puts his face down or hides his face and avoids eye contact. I felt so bad :( Why is he doing like this? Instead of being gracious enough, he is trying to show his true colors. It made me feel as if he conned me. Why can't he just behave normally? I am not asking my money back but since he is behaving like this, I feel like asking it back. And I told this to J, she said how easy it is for people to make a fool of you! :( You should not have paid him in the first place. So you know this event made me feel as to why did I pay him? What was my primary purpose? To help him? yes! but the secondary purpose? I felt good that I am helping this guy as he only asked me, perhaps he thought I might help him..why not others. So there was my selfish interest of feeling good involved in it right? And now since he is behaving so weirdly, I am feeling irritated. So wasn't it my mistake in the first place to pay him?! I don't know.

And one more! Our cab met with an accident at Kalindi Kunj. So there was this old fellow 'tujhe pata bhi hai main kaun hun yahan ka' whose car our bhaiya accidentally hit upon. He then starting abusing and hitting the bhaiya and then called the traffic police inspector. That inspector obviously was looking for making some quick money. So after the negotiation process, he asked for Rs.200! Now our bhaiya was a bit upset, so he started saying to me that how poor people are treated by this rich goons. So, you know out of sympathy I paid Rs. 200 to him that he should keep it and don't think too much about it. Why did I pay it? Did it make me feel nice about it? yes..so wast it a selfish act right? My purpose was that it will make me feel good and increase my standing in his eyes, so wouldn't it be wrong if I said that I paid him out of sympathy. So, it was actually a sort of business transaction which made me feel good! If charity makes you feel good, then you shouldn't be bragging about it. It is perhaps out of your happiness that you are doing this! If one of your transactions go wrong, then don't blame anyone for it! And very wisely, A tweeted to me that day "neki kar kuuen me daal.. u did something for good, not everyone will be the same" It is so true. And you know what the next day, this driver bhaiya of ours, he asked me that if I can pay him Rs.100!!! Theek hai I paid Rs.200 pehle to iska matlab mere se aur paise mangoge? I was so irritated again! It made me wonder as if this bhaiya is also taking advantage of me! He told that he has forgotten his wallet at home and since the tire has got deflated so many times during the say, he is left with no cash, so he will pay me back tomorrow! I paid him. And it did not make me feel good at all! I was suspicious of his intentions! But the next day, he himself paid me back the money..even with out asking! So, what I did was an unselfish act right? because I did not feel happy about it! So as people say, charity should be done in such a way that your right hand does not even know what your left hand gave!

And you know won't believe the cosmic connection of the week!! I was thinking that I will wrote about this in my blog and yesterday night, I watch this Episode of Friends (Season 5)! As I told before, that I don't name the episode, but rather pick them randomly and you know which one I watched??? The one with the PBS!!! That one in which Phoebe is trying to convince Joey that there can be unselfish acts in the world! Joey refutes her by saying that by giving birth to her brother's triplets, she felt good, so it was selfish! And then Phoebe purposely gets stung by a bee to prove her selfishness, without realizing that the bee would have been dead by now! But at the end, it is her call that makes Joey come on the TV and she says, it is her call that made Joey come on TV and she feels so god about it?!?! So, are there no selfless acts in this world? What Phoebe said, "I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!" Is it really true? I don't know!

Ok..some other topic now.. I finally saw Tanu Weds Manu..I didn't like it much..it is ok..Madhavan's charcater is just amazing! Itna accha hai vo.. When he says this dialogue, it is so true ya..

12 saal se London me akela hi hun..roz subha uth kar naashta banata hun..akele ji khata hun..aur akele hi office jata hun..koi dost nahi hai jo itna khaas ho..bahut hi unromantic si life jee hai maine..phir maa-baap peeche pad gaye ki shaadi karo..vahan London se India aaya..Kanpur pahuncha aur phir aap se pyaar ho gaya..bataiye galti hai meri? aapne kaha nahi karni shadi to main chala gaya..aur phir aap meri life me aa gayi..jitna bal pade aapse door rehne ki koshish ki lekin nahi hua yaar to kya karun..us din court me himmat nahi hui..to kya karun..bachpan se sunta aarahun..lekin ab lagta hai life me mila kya..

And I loved these dialogues by Tanu..

"Kuch bhi kaho Sharma sahab, tum aadmi bade darling types ho" :)

"Mujhe customise nahi karta vo..jaishi hun vaise rehna deta hai...mujhe chahta hai meri sari badtameeziyon ke saath"

Anyway, ya..I am addicted to four songs these days..first is Marjawa from Fashion..such beautiful lines these are..

Mar jawan mar jawan...

Tere ishq pe mar jawan

Bheegi bheegi sapno ka jaisa khat hai yeh..

Geeli geeli chaahat ka jaise lat hai yeh..

Soche dil ke aisa kash ho

Tujhko ek nazar meri talash hojaise...

Khwabo hai akhon mein base meri waise...

Neendo pe silvate pare meri

The second is Zara Zara from Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein..I love these lines, especially when she says jhoota hi sahi pyaar to kar..

Tadpaye mujhe teri sabhi batein

Ek baar ae deewane jhootha hi sahi pyaar to kar

Main bhooli nahin haseen mulaqatein

Bechain karke mujhko, mujhse yun na pher nazar

Roothega na mujhse, mere saathiya yeh vaada kar

Tere bina mushkil hai jeena mera mere dil mein

The third is Yeh Raat Khush Naseeb Hai from one of my favorite films Aaina..What brilliant lyrics ya!! listen the complete song..amazing lines!

Yeh raat khush naseeb hai

Jo apne chaand ko kaleje se lagaye so rahi hai,

Yaha to gam ki sej par

Hamari aarzoo akeli muh chupaye ro rahi hai

And finally, the fourth is re-mix version of Aaja Piya Tohe Pyaar Dun!!..I love its video also..these lines are too good!

Jal chuke hain badan kai

Piya isi raat mein.. thake huye in haathon ko, de de mere haath mein..

Sukh mera le le, main dukh tere le lu mai bhi jiun, tu bhi jiye..

Anyways, kaafi lambi post ho gayi..Have to write on so many more topics but later..Tata :)

Of Gifts from A, J, and S :)

2011-08-15T11:19:00.000-07:00

You know I had been working on a project for the last 4 months or so. There was just data, data, and so much data! Finally it ended last week! So S had this talk with my project lead A (the person with whom I actually worked with) and I think he gave a somewhat of a good feedback. More so of the fact, that I had worked on it for 4 months patiently!!! For the uninitiated working on a project in a KPO, where requests come even for a day or too, working on a project for 4 months is huge!! Although my first project was also five months long, this project seems to be one of the career defining projects I have done! I know the client so well now..I know that her five year old son wants to be an astronaut and her two year old daughter wanst to be whatever her brother wants to be. She is so sweet ya.. my client..ek dum apna samjh ke baatein karti thi..sab kuch share karti thi. She used to take our calls at 6.30 in the morning! Very nice person..And she also knows me so well..earlier she used to call me Panjak but later got used to speaking my name correctly :) She told that for her, family is more important..she cannot just work entire day..she has to spend time with her kids! A is so funny.on calls he used to talk for 15-20 minutes randomly on topics, such as trekking, India, traffice situtaion in Delhi. weather..and she also replied with much interest..A told her that whenever she comes to India, he will take her trekking to the Himalayas :D

So S gave me two books :) River of Smoke by Amitav Ghosh and God's Little Soldier by Kiran Nagarkar. She also gave me two notes. Thanks so much S. You know at first I felt that I did not deserve because see, if I hadn't done it somebody else had to do it no? And I have cribbed so much about certain issues, so I felt a bit guilty, and I did not take it at first. But then S told me I should stop this defeatist attitude and she said that never did I complain to her to remove me from the project, so I should just take it. And you know what after that A, my PL, also gave a chocolate with a note written on it. I will also give something to him. Chahe jaise bhi ho, I have learnt a lot from him!

This is what S gave me :)

And this is what A gave me..

No..the chocolate was not half eaten..it was half eaten when pic was taken...

Maybe this happened because J gave me this lucky charm which she got from France..

Thanks all..these mean so much to me..

The last week I don't know ya some weird things happening with me. I don't know I should talk about it here or not. I guess I am just not ready for it..will tell in a few days. Till then adios!

Of Bucket Lists :{

2011-08-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

So in my Goa post, I had written that a interesting unit meeting took place. You see every month we have a unit meeting in office where S tells us about the critical issues and events that impact us an organisation. For the last three four meetings, she has been showing us inspirational videos, such as those from ted.com

So this week we saw this video of Ric Elias, a survivor of the US Airways plane that crashed in the Hudson.

He talks about how it is so important to enjoy life and not postpone things you love doing in life.

So during the meeting, S asked us to write five things we want to do before we die. Aah.. isn't it fascinating? I am sure we all have bucket lists of our own..ain't it.. I love listening to people's things what they want to do before they die. I have so many things myself to do but when it comes to saying I forget everything. So when others say, they want to do this or that, I am like "Ohhh yess.. I also have to do this."

So everyone in the unit had different things to say. So D says that he wants to watch Wimbledon final some day..Aahh I was like me tooooo.. How could I forget this one? So another D said that she wants to take he parents on a vacation! R says she wants to get really really drunk some day. And R said that we wants to debate internationally and publish his poetry collection. S said that he wants to be a consultant some day! Isn't is simply fascinating what each one of us wants to do before we die..I can listen to such thoughts the entire day! It brings out the real person in you of what you really want from life.

So, here are the five things that H said he wants to do!

He wants to go on a Euro trip
He wants to watch a Chelsea match live!
He wants to go in outer space
He wants to own a KPO (seriously??)
He wants to open a dog shelter

Interesting there was nothing related to getting drunk..Hmmm...

Curiously, no one asked S what she wants to do during the meeting. So after the unit meeting, I asked her what she wants. Here is what she said

She wants to visit Rome
She wants to learn Braille (me too!)
She wants to meet Shah Rukh Khan!
She wants to be a kids' teacher
She wants to get married

So, I have not yet told what I want to do. This is what I had said

I want to visit Europe (it is my dream to go on the top of Eiffel Tower one day and have a nice kiss)
I want to study human psychology
I want to write a book some day
I want to be a political and social journalist and film critic
I want to fall in true love :-(

The last point was the source of numerous guffaws in the meeting with everyone in the meeting saying awwww :( Interestingly, H had mockingly said before I spoke my list that I will say that I want to watch all movies of the world. However, there is nothing related to film making. I am more fascinated by the process of film making rather than the film itself, perhaps that is why I love collecting anecdotes about films, finding references in the films, learning about characters..but I wish I could make a film like a Dil Chahta Hai or Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.. but I know I can't :{ But H and I are going on a Eurotrip soon :P I have so many other things like visiting the Pyramids (my desktop wallpaper), visiting Khajuraho, meet Salman Rushdie..the list goes on and on..

While S said it was a cute thing that I said about love, H made so much fun of me after the meeting :{ "So, P wants to fall in loooovvvve" with his weird eyebrow raising expressions :{ But then he also said it is a very sweet thing to say and in front of the entire unit, that requires so much courage and he was glad that I said it because every one wants to but no one says this. And you know what, I actually wanted to say that I want to fall in true love and be loved in return :( Will I be able to ever? I don't know.. So what do you want to do before you die? Any thoughts?

To Goa - My Muse, My Whore, My Beloved!

2011-08-06T01:40:00.000-07:00

Goa..Saal me hamesha ek bar Goa to aana hi chahiye..

Ya.. now what do I write about this trip to Goa ya..There are so many things to write that I am not able to understand where to begin from..I am not a big fan of mountains..maybe because I am not ambitious or maybe I am scared of challenges. I just love the sea and can sit all day long on the beach..even if I don't have to do anything.

So I had this flight from Delhi to Goa on Friday. The beauty of the clouds is just exhilarating..makes you feel like a bird but you know when I saw the clouds and the blue sky, I felt this feeling of extreme loneliness..as they say it is lonely at the top! There was nothing else visible in the sky except the clouds and our place. And when you fall from such heights, nothing can make you rise again. Then why do we say to reach for the sky or sky is the limit..is it because we want to be alone? Then why do we look for companions everywhere if we want to be high up than others? And then why do we say there is fortune at the bottom of the pyramid..isn't it a dichotomy? Can there be a middle path where we are equidistant from the top and the bottom? Is it too cowardly to not be an extremist?

Duniya ke saare sukh ek taraf aur Goa me kadam rakhne ki khushi ek taraf :) The hotel we stayed at has this private beach of its own..Aah..the sight of the sea is just amazing..the splashing noise of the waves..the whiteness of the waves..the furiousness of the waves..the deception of the waves..

I was at the beach till the night, playing with waves all the time..I just did not want to go back to the party where I feel lost. I could totally understand what Arjun might have felt after his sea diving in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara..Anyways, sitting at the beach, there is this flood of thoughts that come to your mind. I wish I could write poetry..managed only two lines :{ I wanted to write how waves can be a metaphor for the sadness in life.. Howsoever, we may try to stop the waves, they will come to shore. And they will once again go back to the sea. It is only you who has to bear them with strength. And when the waves go back, your feet are firmly entrenched in the sand, giving you the stability you always wanted. Although it may feel like the world is moving beneath your feet, it is actually putting your feet firmly in the ground. Now think of waves as the sadness..whatever we may try to stop, dukh to ayega hi na..aur har time thori rahega..vapas bhi chala jayega..bas tumhe khare rehna hai varna leher tumhe dooba degi..

Also, don't waves also mirror life..jaise taise everyone reaches their final destination..at the end, we all have to reach our shore and die!

The following are the two lines..

समुंदर का वो खारा पानी, मुझे जीवन की मिठास दे गया...

बारिश का वो मीठा पानी, मेरे खारे आंसुओं को ले गया...

Anyways when I went back to the room, H had ordered two beers for himself..so he asked me to take one. So I had my first beer ever :) It was a bit bitter but one should experience everything in life no?!

Anyways, then there was this party..every office party deserves a separate post..so many weird things happened and as usual I was on my detective mood and checking out who is doing what..such a desperate I am no? BTW I also had a vodka in the party..Mujhe ek ghanta lag gaya us drink to khatam karte karte..and after that when I started walking, I felt a bit dizzy..chalo thora sa hi experience ho gaya being drunk..

And you know during the party, S came to me and said that why I was not dancing as I was siting all alone, then I started telling her about what all I had seen in the party :D A called me on the dance floor many times..I felt nice..I think it's wrong on my part no? If people have to force you to dance, then why go to the party in the first place. BTW H said that I was looking the best of all people in the hat dance :) And though he doesn't remember who all he danced with...How can he find Ghodi hot who was totally coming onto him!!! And he doesn't even remember what he said to S and her fiance :P But the most funny thing in the party was when A, who was totally out came and pulled my cheeks ala woogly woogly wush like a baby. I was like what is he doing?? And G chepofying J..hahaha

And the next day we went to St. Xavier's, Bagah, Tito's and then Colva on Sunday. It was the first time I went to a Church and J said you can ask for three wishes. I asked for four wishes..one for mummy, papa, sister, and finally for you :( The gang of people I went with were just amazing. We clicked so many pictures..in so weird poses especially me, A and S! Will put a photo blog on it soon! Thanks so much for clicking my hero types pictures A and S! :) Also, I had my first cigarette photo :D And I got a tattoo also :)

And then at Tito's (such a cheap club) I saw this married couple dancing with their hands in each others neck. So I came and asked H, that does he dance like the same with R when he goes out. I know I shouldn't ask such personal questions but H ke saath to chalta hai because I think he doesn't mind. He tells me that he also dances like this with R..How sweet is that no? I have learnt this thing about him..He just tries to be funny but deep down he is a die-hard romantic..very old school 'The Wonder Years' types.. anyways, I was so badly missing you. How will I get over you ya.. I think I don't want to :{ And I have some pictures of H, which I can use for blackmail later...oooh Frenchie ;P

The thing that I have learnt for the trip is that you have to let go of yourself if you want to be happy. I am a very self conscious person, I have my inhibitions and maybe I am hiding certain things from everyone..perhaps that is why I can never let go..and that is why I feel I never be happy from inside..anyways, not to end on a sad note..

So here is my cosmic connection of the week..I had got this shirt in which it was written Reality is an Illusion..I wore that on the trip. And then when I was at Calengate, I was thinking of horizon...isn't it a perfect example of an illussion..it appears that sea and sky are meeting but in reality they aren't?

But the thing I regret is not being able to visit Fort Aquada. My Dil Chahta Hai moment has to wait for some more time..

Will write so more tomorrow about a very interesting unit meeting that took place in office this week!

Random :{

2011-08-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

So back from Goa!! It was an experience in itself..will write so much more later this week about the trip. There have been so many things to tell! But there is something that I cannot take out of my head. I have started this Hindi film quiz in office no? so I was just thinking of a question from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. And you know, there is this scene from that film that I just keep on remembering. That scene when Rahul and Tina are dancing on Koi Mil Gaya, and Rahul grabs Tina's hands and takes her along with him, leaving Anjali behind. Anjali felt left out and starts crying and moves slowly into the background. I don't know why but I just cannot forget this scene :(

And after coming from Goa, H is somewhat disappointed by my behavior in Goa. I apologized to him that it was not intentional. I can never intentionally hurt anyone ya, and of all people him?? No..never..I am so sorry H. I think I have failed as a person in front of you :(

Of...

2011-07-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

You know one of my very closed relatives expired today. She had been not keeping well for the last two weeks or so and had slipped into coma. Today she passed away. As soon as I came home, mummy told me. I don't know ya..God works in strange ways. Today while I was having lunch, there was this call that had come on my cell. It was from an unknown number but somehow it looked familiar. I wasn't able to pick up the phone, but the first thought that had come to my mind was that something is wrong and I immediately thought about her that something has happened to her. But I didn't call back the number, neither did mummy call me to tell about her and I forgot about it. Now, when I reached home and mummy told me then I realised that it was maybe one of my cousins who maybe had called me. I am not feeling good since then ya. May she rest in peace. I don't know but saying the serenity prayer actually gives me some peace.

Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can and the wisdom to know the difference..

I am not a big fan of family relatives but for the last 3-4 months, I have seen some things that have brought a change in my attitude. Whatever be the case, whenever something happens to us, it is our family people who come to support us. Papa was not keeping well for sometime and it was my uncle who stays next door came to his help. Same, when Mummy was not well, it was auntie who stays came door came to help her. Whatever small issues that we may have, family is family ya. I now respect them even more because we should value those people who come to your help when you are down. Chahe jaise bhi hon, kuch bhi ho sab bhaage bhage aate hain..

And you know all her life, she worked so hard and did not used to spend much. As soon as she had retired, she thought life will be easy but God has different plans. Within a week of retirement, she had jaundice and TB that had spread to the brain. She slipped in a coma but recovered somewhat though still had to frequent to hospitals. Then after a two years of being not well, she had a heart problem. And finally she passed away this time. And my auntie remarked that all her life she kept on saving..on her death, it rained so hard today that not even a tent was put for her..maybe she had to save on this as well. Ya seriously life is unpredictable. Kisse pata tum 40 tak zinda rahoge ya nahi..

RIP..

Of Soulmates, Character Books, Being Quiet, and Insecurity...

2011-07-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

Hmm..Long time no see.. Ever since I have written about Imran's poetry, the blog has been flooded with visitors from around the world. There have been nearly 5000 visitors. I don't know is it a good thing or not. I felt a bit weird because the kind of things I have written on my blog are so personal, and seeing these flood of visitors made me feel a bit naked. But it is ok.. And I will never ever monetise my blog. It is something very personal to me. And moreover, people are coming for Javed Saab's poetry not mine..so it is not ethical to make money out of somebody else's work. Anyway there is this very sweet visitor Tinkerbell, who finds my blog just like hers. She commented the following on one of the posts

I am speechless. Ever since I chanced upon your blog I havent been able to stop reading. And as I read each post and each line I cannot believe that there is actually a MALE like me! Im female BTW..:-)

But this post - again I'm at a loss for words - its SOOOO ME...I have heard & read about cosmic connections but never experienced it..well maybe im too practical thinking for that! But agan I really dont know what to say anymore....with each post I'm going - this is me! this is me! - sounds corny right? but well yeah there you have it!! :-)

I chanced upon this Blog while searching for the poetry from ZNMD. I am a blogger myself and I cannot believe that there is someone like me, with similar tastes and likes. My blog is also very personal and its a place where i vent and fume - my diary and your blog just made me think of mine in some way. I love the same soaps as you - Friends, Greys Anatomy, - and reading some topics like Letting Go - even I blogged about it!!!....But of course I didn't give in any examples from Grey's but reading your post on it - if I had given any examples - it would most defo have been the same ones!!!.....

That is so sweet no? This reminds me of the dialogue from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara when Kabira says "Duniya me kahi bhi jao, log same hi hote, it is human nature." But it is very sweet of her to mail me this. Thanks so much Tinkerbell..It will be nice Tinkerbell, if you are reading this, to share your blog link with me.. Maybe we can discuss about things more :)

It is just like that scene from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. when Monica meets her soul mate who is just like her..who cooks exactly the same dishes..who like the same ingredients..much to the chagrin of Chandler ;) BTW it was Phoebe who predicted using tea leaves reading that Monica is going to meet her soul mate :)

Do you think soul mates exist? I don't know.. Co-incidentally, the past week I asked S about her fiance..she said that he is just like her..he is her male version except that she is a bit more outgoing and he is more shy but both of them like the same things..the same movies..the same behavior in situations..Hmmm..Something to think more about..Has it necessarily to be of the opposite sex..Can two men or women be soul mates (ala Chritsina and Meredith in Grey's)..Will think about it..

So, what else is new? I watched Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara again with office friends. I loved it even more..Finally learnt new dialogues..I loved Laila's philosophy towards life..The first time I had loved Imran..this time I loved Imran even more and Arjun as well..there is an Arjun in all of us. Arjun's transformation is what completely stands out in the film. Imran loved open spaces (like his love for open cars)..maybe that is why he was feeling guilty of hiding his secret about his father..or as a cover for his secretive poetry.. And Arjun was more closed..he chose a SUV over the car.. And also, in of the scenes Kabir is reading this book - The New York Trilogy. Wikepedia says

The New York Trilogy is a series of novels by Paul Auster. Originally published sequentially as City of Glass (1985), Ghosts (1986) and The Locked Room(1986), it has since been collected into a single volume. Ostensibly presented as detective fiction, the stories of The New York Trilogy have been described as "meta-detective-fiction", "anti-detective fiction", "mysteries about mysteries", a "strangely humorous working of the detective novel", "very soft-boiled", a "metamystery" and a "mixture between the detective story and the nouveau roman." The first story, City of Glass, features a detective-fiction writer become private investigator who descends into madness as he becomes embroiled in a case. It explores layers of identity and reality. The second story, Ghosts, is about a private eye called Blue, trained by Brown, who is investigating a man named Black on Orange Street for a client named White. Blue writes written reports to White who in turn pays him for his work. Blue becomes frustrated and loses himself as he becomes immersed in the life of Black. The Locked Room is the story of a writer who lacks the creativity to produce fiction.

Do these stories have a relation to Kabir's character. I don't know but it is interesting to see the theme of the book 1 about identity and reality. Maybe that is why he did not like Natasha to lose her identity. That is why he did not want he and Natasha to be Do Jism Ek Jaan types as he wants to retain his individuality.. I don't know is it a conscious decision by Zoya to add this as a reference. At one point, Imran is also reading a book. It was too hard to read its name..

Anyways, this week I went to bowling as well with my unit. It was the first time I bowled. I did not score well. I think was second or third last ;P Theek hai..Then we had dinner.. I don't know what happens I am just not comfortable with people I don't know really well. I was sitting with some members of my unit. It is not that they are bad people, it is just that I don't know what to talk. At one point, S remarked "Pankaj looks so bored" :( I was messaging H (who was sitting at the far end of the table) on his cell and talking to him using sign language that I am so bored :{ My mom keeps on scolding me to talk to relatives but I don't know.. I feel shy. I have very very few close friends (as A diligently remarked in of our lunch talk sessions) who I can say anything but for others there is this slight air of formality that is always there when I talk to them. Then Ar tells me that I shouldn't have perceptions about people..and not think too much and stop thinking that I am a bad person. And she said environment is nothing but what we want to see..I totally agree..if you find flaws in yourself, you will find flaws in others too..which has been happening to me. I don't like 99 of the hundred people I meet and feel that those 99 don't like me as well. I know my flaws but it is very difficult to change..I will try :)

And you know I have started this Hindi films quiz in office in which I send out a question to my unit everyday about Hindi films (no use of Bollywood, it is such a wannabe word). Who so ever answers the fastest, wins the quiz and the one who answers the maximum at the end of the month will get a gift. The last week while thinking about questions, I have myself learnt so many things that I didn't know of. I guess I will start another blog of mine where I will only post these film questions (after all film question sochna ko aasan kaam nahi hai :P) It is called Cinema Paradiso :)

And also, you know..the past two weeks, I have learnt a new thing about myself. I always thought that I am a very secure person in terms of friends. That once I made friend, they will be there for me. But lately, I have become very insecure about some people in my life. I just don't want to lose them. Now when I see my friend is going out with others and making new friends, I feel that he/she will forget me and I will lose the importance that I have in his/her life. Why do I need constant reassurance from them that I am their friend? Why am I so anxious? Is it because I don't trust them? Why am I behaving like this? I totally believe in giving space to an individual..but isn't then my feeling of insecurity contrary to giving them space? I don't know ya..but I don't want to lose 'you' ever :( When you sent this message to me, I felt reassured that I mean something to you..thanks so much ya :| I will try...

And finally, H told me a very sweet thing this week. He said that he wants to make people happy so he says things to them which will make them happy. That is his 'thing'..his 'specialty'. He told that whenever he meets his friend, he always compliments her that she is so beautiful and pretty because she is pretty and it makes her feel nice and happy. That is so sweet no? Such a nice thought? I don't even have any 'thing' of my own. Wait. I don't even have a 'friend' who I can say this too :}

Anyways, will write more later..till then Chao :)

Of Stumbling upon Lovely Lines from Kal Ho Na Ho...

2011-07-18T10:15:00.000-07:00

Stumbled upon this amazing dialogue from Kal Ho Na Ho..What a dialogue ya..amazing! I think it comes when Aman pretends to read from Rohit's dairy when Naina finds out that Aman has been helping Rohit to woo her.

नैना काश मैं तुम्हे बता सकता, मैं तुम्हे कितना चाहता हूँ
I love you, I love you very very much Naina
मैं आँखे बंद करता हूँ तो तुम्हे देखता हूँ
आँखे खोलता हूँ तो तुम्हे देखना चाहता हूँ
तुम पास नहीं होती तो तुम्हे चारो तरफ महसूस करता हूँ
हर पल हर घडी हर वक़्त मेरे नैना मेरी नैना को ढून्दते हैं
इसे प्यार कहो पागलपन या मेरे दिल की धड़कन
मेरे लिए एक ही बात है
प्यार तो बहुत लोग करते हैं
लेकिन मेरे जैसा प्यार कोई नहीं कर सकता
क्योंकि किसी के पास तुम जो नहीं हो
मैं तुम्हे भूल नहीं सकता नैना
मैं तुम्हे भूलना ही नहीं चाहतातुम मेरी हो , में तुम्हे ज़िन्दगी भर प्यार करूँगा

मरते दम तक प्यार करूँगा और उसके बाद भी..

Of Imran's Poetry in Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara..

2011-07-17T09:55:00.000-07:00

In the 24 hours since I wrote about Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, there has been a flood of people who have come searching for Imran's poetry. I have finally found four of those poems (found in the Facebook status of the official movie page of Zindagi).. Here are the four of them..they are sheer magic..the use of words hits your soul like a thunderbolt conveying the message to enjoy life to the fullest. There are some films that change your life. This one changed somethings in me. I really really want to make a film just like this..

Some of the poems have been written by Raghupati Sahay Firaaq. I don't know which ones but some are penned by Javed Akhtar himself. Javed Saab please take a bow! We are indeed very lucky to have you. Thank you for making us realise how shallow we have become..how lost we are..thank you for giving us some magical moments that will serve as talisman whenever we are losing the meaning of life.. Enjoy the magic below and fall in love with life all over again.

Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya
Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya
Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai
Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai...

Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin
Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti
Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi
Kuch lafz hain woh maangti
Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh
Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaye woh
Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai
Ahsas hi ahsas hai
Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti
Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai
Jiska pata tumko bhi hai
Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai
Duniya se bhi chupta nahin
Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai...

Pighle neelam sa behta ye sama,
Neeli neeli si khamoshiyan,
Na kahin hai zameen
Na kahin aasmaan,
Sarsaraati hui tehniyaan pattiyaan,
Keh raheen hai bas ek tum ho yahan,
Bas main hoon,
Meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein,
Aisi gehraiyaan, aisi tanhaiyaan,
Aur main...Sirf main.
Apne hone par mujhko yakeen aa gaya.

Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Nazar mein khwabon ki
Bijliyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise
Aazad rehno sikho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise
Lehron mein behna sikho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo
Khole apni bhaayein
Har ek pal ek naya samha
Dekhen yeh nigahaein
Jo apni aankhon mein
Hairaniyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum
Dilon mein tum apni
Betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho
Toh zinda ho tum

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara...

2011-07-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara :) First Day First Show ;-) Duniya ke sare sukh ek taraf, aur first day first show koi acchi picture dekhne ki khushi ek taraf :) I have been waiting for this film for the last two years ever since Zoya announced it..I had absolutely loved Luck By Chance and consider it to be one of the finest films in and about Hindi cinema. What dialogues that film had?!?! Crocodile in a shiffon saree! Here is the link about the film that I had written about it. Anyways, I had not been feeling well as soon as I reached home on Thursday. I decided not to go to office on Friday but the thought of three day weekend is just exhilarating. And how can I not watch this movie then :)

I will not write a full review. I have stopped writing reviews but I will write the things I liked and I remember..

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara, essentially a story of three friends and their journey across Spain. The three friends had made a pact in college that they will go on a road trip and each of them will choose an adventure trip which the other two have to do. Zoya beautifully captures their trip as they relive their past and confront their inner demons to bring about a better future for themselves.

The film is so beautiful that it is hard not to fall in love with it. The excellent cinematography by Carlos Catalan is simply out of this world. It made me want to go to Spain immediately. As Mani Ratnam’s Raavan was a photographer’s delight, Zindagi.. captures Spain with a splendour unmatched in recent times.

I totally loved Farhan’s character Imran, a copywriter by profession and a secret poet, the way he deals with unanswered questions about his abandoned painter father. Imran used to say such deep lines on poetry that it was sheer magic. The poems have been penned by Javed Akhtar as the film mentioned. I have been trying to search the lines on the Internet but not successful as of now. I seriously wish they bring out a poetry section in the DVD. It will be a collector’s treat. I actually tweeted to Farhan Akhtar and Javed Saab to tell us these lines. Farhan wrote these lines on twitter (I guess a lot of people would be asking him to do that)

पिघले नीलम सा बहता ये समां, नीली नीली सी खामोशियाँ , न कहीं है ज़मीन न कहीं आसमान , सरसराती हुई टहनियां पट्टियां , कह रहीं है बस एक तुम हो यहाँ , बस मैं हूँ , मेरी सांसें हैं और मेरी धडकनें , ऐसी गहराइयाँ , ऐसी तन्हैयाँ , और मैं ... सिर्फ मैं . अपने होने पर मुझको यकीन आ गया.

These lines come in perhaps the scene’s best film when Arjun (Hrithik) finally does deep sea diving and there are tears in his eyes, a cathartic moment where he realizes the beauty of life and the importance of taking pauses to hear your breath. Such a spell binding scene that is.

At one scene in the film, Imran says that his poetry is inspired by Raghuati Sahay Firaaq. I have googled about but there is nothing I could find about him as well. Surely, Javed ji used references by Firaaq while penning these lines. Mus find more.

The book that I read Cuckold had talked about how sex is more of a feeling than the actual act . The narrator says in the book -

"Is the mystery of the body in the clothes?

Is it in the knots that that tie the strings that tie the clothes?

Is sex watching putting on her anklets?

Is sex seeing her shaking her hair loose, gather it together and twist it into a bun?

Is it taking vermilion powder on her right index finger and zeroing it effortlessly to the center of her forehead and spreading a perfect tikka on it?

Is it her hands cupping together to hold water from the bucket, closing her eyes and splashing water on her face?

Is it the unconscious and voluntary gestures that she goes through everyday?"

I think I have fallen in love with Imran’s poetry. It has to be felt from within and then only it can bring about catharsis that it aims to.

The true star of the film is undoubtedly Zoya Akhtar. She creates such genuine moments of tenderness between her characters that one is left simply amazed by their brilliance. She is perhaps one of the very directors who understands human emotions and relationships completely. Do you think it could be any easy for a female director to create a story about three male characters with such nuances and details?

Her subtlety is what completely stands out from the rest and as some said it is an adult film for people with adult brains only. That scene where the three of them fight when Imran throws Arjun’s phone is created so poignantly..that how adults turn into kids in a moment!

Zoya leaves on the audience to read more about her characters traits – like the initial scene where Imran and Arjun are packing their clothes, one could make out that Arjun is more organised (clothes neatly ironed and kept in an organized way in the suitcase) where as Imran is more casual (simply takes out clothes from the almirah and dumps them in the bag without any order)

Or that song Khwaabon Ke Parinday that is so beautiful.. the scene where the horse comes is sheer magic :)

This is perhaps the fist film that I have loved Katrina’a acting..maybe because her character is so refreshing. When Arjun and Laila (Katrina) are watching the stars, she says 'Insaan ko Dabbay mein marne ke baad hee jaana chahiye.' Or when she rides this bike to kiss Arjun and says 'Mujhe afsos nahi karna aata' or the scene where she says 'Kise pata tum 40 tak zinda bhi rahoge ya nahi.' She brings a grace to Laila and it suits her perfectly.

Farhan Akhtar is a revelaltion. He gets the best lines and is a scene stealer. His charctaer is more like a mix of Siddharth and Aakash from Dil Chahta Hai. The goofyness that he brings out in Imran appears to be his natural quality. Whether it be Aaksh from DCH, or Karthik from Karthik Calling Karthik, or Imran from Zindagi..it appears that Farhan is like this in real life as well. He is just awesome!

I also liked Abhay's character. Although the Sigmun Frued game he suggested to bring out the the problem in you was clearly inspired from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai but I liked it when he said, that he doesn't want Natasha to stop working after marriage as it was the Natasha, the interior designer, who he liked. Such a mature and understanding thought it is..

Some of the film’s other rich moments were-
Sorry tabhi hi bolna chahiye yahan (dil) se nikle..

Sach kya hai..kar kisi ka apna ek version..

All three adventure sports were so spectacularly shot

The deep sea diving – The way Laila guides Arjun is sheer poetry in motion..the sun light, the bubbles, the blue colour, the fish..amazing..

The sky diving – The way the three of them join their hands in the blue sky..signifying their bond of friendship..and how they overcome their fears

The bull fight – Stunningly shot with the message not to give up without a fight..a perfect climax..

After so long, a film as given so much creative satisfaction..after Dhobi Ghaat, this is perhaps the only film with a layered story and characters. I might have gone a bit overboard but I simply loved the film. Do watch it and since I know Spanish a bit, it was so much fun to understand without the need of subtitles :)

Dil Chahata Hai or Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara.. I think both :)

I will end by these amazing lines from the film -

दिलों में तुम अपनी बेताबियाँ लेके चल रहे हो, तोह जिंदा हो तुम .. नज़र में ख़्वाबों की बिजलियाँ लेके चल रहे हो , तोह जिंदा हो तुम ... दिलों में तुम अपनी बेताबियाँ लेके चल रहे हो , तोह जिंदा हो तुम . नज़र में ख़्वाबों की बिजलियाँ लेके चल रहे हो, तोह जिंदा हो तुम ...

Of God, Rain, Lesson from Wipers, and End of Day

2011-07-09T10:58:00.000-07:00

Long time no see.. The past week in office has probably been the toughest till now ever since I have started working. There was literally humongous work and some real long hours averaging 12.5 hours for the last 7 days :{ On Friday, I had gone to office well prepared that I am going to spend my entire night in office. I had also taken food and snacks (with large packet of cheese balls and biscuits) for the night :) Sympathy eating makes me feel slightly better. After reaching at 11.30 the previous night (i.e. on Thursday), I had thought I will go office myself on Friday, a bit early to finish off the never ending work. But I don't know God works in strange ways. When I woke up in the morning, I got this feeling 'Let me go by cab only'. So I decided to go by cab. And in the morning just before I was about to leave, I saw a dead rat beneath the table :( Bad omen 1.. and while going to office, there was this dead dog on the road..RIP.. Bad omen 2.. I couldn't help but get this eerie feeling that it is not going to be a good day! And then it started raining heavily while on the way. And I just thanked God..what if I had got stuck if I had gone myself..Only the cab maneuvering skills of Salim Bhaiya made it possible to reach office on time otherwise I was gone.

So while going to office, since it started raining, how can I not click pictures..

This one is on the Modi Mill flyover..

The one below is just outside D's house..

The one below is at Mahamaya..

And no, the following one is not the Yamuna, it is Mahamaya flyover again !!

Also, made this video. I have been watching it since yesterday. It's nothing great but it's calming. I like the wiping motion of the wipers. If one looks carefully, one can find such wonderful instances anywhere. Now, see the video below..there is a lesson that wipers teach us..No matter how hard the rain is falling on them, they keep on doing their job. And all its work is being continuously negated by the rain..as soon as it wipes off the drops, another set of rain drops has already fallen on it! But still it keeps on wiping the drops. It happens in life as well.. There will be obstructions coming in your way that will make your path blurred but you have to stay positive and focused. And isn't this somewhat similar to what Krishna said in Geeta "karam kar, phal ki chinta mat kar."

And this is what has been actually happening to me the last week. I make a PPT everyday and the next day, our client says to change some figure and then I have to again change everything because the kind of project I am doing, one figure changes the entire output!! And it is so frustrating to change everything again almost negating the previous day work..but it is the work that I have to do no?

And while going to office, when it had started raining, I was thanking God for not making me stuck in jam, within 2 minutes of that, the song that blares out in the radio - तू ना जाने आस पास है खुदा from Anjaana Anjaani!!

So the entire day I was just so worried about work as to how am I going to finish it. Both A and Ar continuously asked me about the progress and told me to stay positive. And H came to my seat at least 4-5 times (inspite of me sitting just opposite him) saying that my face showed how worried I was! (He said "vaise all day you do quack quack like a duck but today you are quiet") Thanks ya so much! I seriously wonder how would I survive in office if these people are not there.

And so how it turns out finally.. we send a WIP file at 7 PM and then have a call at 7.30 PM to tell her that we will send the complete files by the end of day her time in the US. But as I said God works in strange ways. She said that you people have been working so hard, so no need to send the file tonight. Take a break on weekend and we will discuss it on Monday!! And she especially told me "Pankaj, I am a firm believer in taking weekend breaks. I know you have been working on it very hard. Thanks so much for it and please do take a break." I mean I never expected this! My PL and I were super happy and he told me to leave immediately :) And off I ran to tell A who was still in office :) I was so happy. And then I called H and disrupted him in his girl-friend-meeting-time :P

A day to remember..but still there is a lot of work left. I just pray that it all goes well

And following are the pics of the deserted office on one of the last few days in office. Usually there are 5-6 people working but seriously on Thursday there was no one I mean no one!! in office at 11 PM. Even my PL wasn't there. It was a bit scary when the server makes a snoring like noise :{ But it's ok.. Life goes on..Everything is a learning experience. Till then adios.. Hasta Leugo :)

Happy Birthday to Blog :)

2011-07-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my blog..it turns 4 today :).. Can't believe it is four years since I started blogging..I have shared my entire life with you..You are special and will always be..Thanks for being there..you have been my companion through thick and thin :)

As for presents, a new makeover will soon be given..Have fun :P

Of Letting Go!

2011-07-02T11:46:00.000-07:00

So the theme for this week's cosmic connection theory is letting go :( You know how badly I have been missing someone for the last few days..sob sob! So I finally decided to let go. I realized that I have to get over it. I have come to terms with it and maybe need a little more time. I will be fine. So I see and hear things related to letting go everywhere.

On twitter, on Thursday a friend of mine randomly tweeted - "The hardest thing in life is letting go of what you thought was real." -The Notebook (2003)

And on Facebook, one of my friend's status was - "Letting go of someone is the best way to say I love you so much that I could give up my happiness for you"

And yesterday I watched Grey's Anatomy Season 7 Episode 22 and you won't believe what its them was "Letting Go" - what a co-incidence is that! The entire episode was based on this :(

So there is this brilliant scene in which Henry says to Teddy, "I really tried to be a gentleman about all this, but now you need to get the hell out. Letting you go was the worst thing I've ever done. It's the most painful thing I've ever done, and I'm a guy who's had 82 surgeries. My threshold for pain is pretty high. You need to get out. I'm not your best bud. I'm not your security blanket. I'm a man who's in love with you, who waltzed you into the arms of a damn knight on a horse. So, go to Germany and have little spaetzle-eating children. And please, for God's sake, leave me alone."

And then Lexie and Mark have this conversation

Lexie: You have to stop. You gotta stop talking to me and checking on me and talking to my boyfriend. I love you, and I'm always gonna love you, but I don't want to love you. I want to be happy, and Jackson makes me happy. And if you keep pulling at me, I'll come back to you.

Mark: You're right, I'm sorry.

Lexie: You got what you wanted you wanted a family so please just let me have what I wanted.

Mark: I said you're right. I told Avery I was letting you go. Did he tell you that part?

Lexie: Yes, it's paternalistic and weird.

Mark: I'm letting you go, Lexie. That means you've got to walk away

And Meredith made this amazing quote at the end

"There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever."

"I don't think that things are simply right or wrong. Things are more complicated than that."

Apart from these amazing dialogues, there was this heart wrenching story about how a mother who loses her son in plane crash gives hope to another mother whose daughter survives..this story was simply out of this world..I have never cried so much after watching any Grey's episode as much as I did after watching yesterday. Watching Grey's is some sort of emotional catharsis :(

And continuing my cosmic theory, you know I randomly picked an episode of Friends from my collection. I have not named the episodes, so I just picked Season 5 Episode 2..and look what it turns out to be!! the one in which Monica is trying to convince Rachel that she has to let go of Ross as he is now married to Emily but Rachel wants to tell Ross that she is still in love with him..and when she tells it to him finally, Ross says "it is always great when someone tells you they love you."

This cosmic theory is driving me crazy :( There was another instance that happened in office that deserves another full length post about emotional stability!! Will write it as well :)

Of Callie's and Arizona's Wedding :)

2011-06-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

Callie and Arizona got married...yes, two females got married..I loved their wedding..so happy both of them were..I am so happy for them..Grey's is simply awesome. I have learnt a lot of medical stuff through the show..and the procedures they show are actually what happens in reality..the most brilliant thing about the show is that it portrays doctors as vulnerable and prone to make mistakes like we normal people..it doesn't create demi-gods out of them..I never had a fascination with doctors but whenever I see this show I want to be like them..so cool these people are..the show was also awarded by the LGBT community for showing these people in a positive sense rather than as sex crazy maniacs.. I think we should all slap Madhur Bhandarkar for showing homosexuals in such a negative light. Dostana was another cliched one..Hindi films have just one connotation of a gay - an effiminate man..it is actually offensive. I think the only sensible film to come out of Hindi cinema about the issue is My Brother Nikhil..a brilliant story of a budding homosexual (and not effiminate) swimmer who somehow gets AIDS..truly a masterpiece by Onir..

And another instance of cosmic connection - I have been thinking to put these images of their wedding and the day I watch this episode I read the editorial in HT talking about same sex marriages!! What a co-incidence! and yesterday New York legalised same sex unions!! It is something that I think will never be possible in India..Will write more about this..

And Bailey said while performing the marriage that she is witnessing some magic magic..it truly was..how happy Callie and Arizone were..I love both of them..such great doctors..and my current favourites are Teddy and Henry..hope they fall in love although they are married.. still miss George though..but have started to like April a lot..just look at the pictures..so touching :(

Of Camera and You :(

2011-06-26T11:41:00.000-07:00

Ok..first things first..I have finally purchased a SLR - Nikon D5100 :) yeyeye..my only big-item purchase in the last 2-3 years..so happy..super clear pictures..now I hope to learn some photography as well..I have always believed that a good photographer is the one who has the ability to tell stories through his pictures..anyone can be a photographer but only a good photographer has the ability to bring out fascinating stories through his pictures..just as writers use their pen to tell stories, a photographer tells the same through clicks..I just cannot click pose-for-camera pics..I can only click natural poses (as I have already said that this word is an oxymoron)..and I am more of a micro person..I like to click photographs of micro details bringing out the finer nuances..I don't like to click larger than life views or macro pictures..like the mountains..(only due to personal choice)..and whoa! today only monsoon arrived in Delhi..how can I not click pics then :) and I have a fascination with drops..all the pictures that I clicked today have a drop. and I love clicking nature..flowers, gardens, leaves, rain, water..these give me some peace..maybe I should become a nature photographer..I now hope to learn clicking portraits.. let us see how things turn out..

Hmm..ok..I have been writing some real real personal stuff lately..unless it harms the privacy of the other, I am comfortable sharing my personal life here..I can lie to thousand people but I can never lie to my blog..my diary..my life..so I am writing some more personal stuff.. You know about one year back I had written two posts - Of Lovers Not Made for Each Other (May 2010) and Of Lovers Made for Each Other (August 2010). People had asked me whether is it for real? I had lied that time that I just imagined someone and wrote. But to tell the truth I was so madly in awe of somebody..Should I use the word Love..I don't know..I still not know whether it is love.. I had completely told what I felt about you in these two posts but you know there was no future between you and me..It was sheer blasphemy to even think about it. I knew you loved someone else and I have not seen both of you together but I am sure you both look amazing..after all with whosoever you are, you anyways look good :-) I have cried nights thinking about you but you know the worse thing I cannot even tell you how I feel about you. It took me so much time to get over you and now look at the turn of events you again come back in my life. Now what do I do? I cannot avoid you and cannot even think of blocking you on FB..how will I get over you once again?

You know I was having this random discussion with neighbor-cum-friend S in office and I just asked her "How do you get over somebody?" She told me that you cannot stop loving anyone till the time you find someone else..and then I told her what if the other person is going around with someone else and you are not their first choice? Then she told that this is the most painful thing but you should just simply avoid thinking about the person by getting immersed on other things and get over with it somehow.. and then I kept thinking what if I don't want to get over? And then H tells me, it is all infatuation :( and that I should tell you and get over with it..but is it that easy to get over someone or is it ever possible to get over someone? I don't know..of course, I haven't told (S and H) them that I am going through such a crisis..

I am just feeling like Joey when he really really liked Rachel but it was killing him from inside when he could not tell her what he felt..and you know why I love Deepa so so much..because I am exactly in her position. I know how she would have felt..People say to me you are such a good person, everybody will want to be with you..and then I just think to myself just as she said to Sid, if I am so good, then why can't I get you..what is my fault :'( And you know why I love Sonam in I Hate Luv Storys..because I can totally identify with her..when she says to Jai..magar mere saath aisa hua hai..

It is just so difficult to realise that you are not meant for somebody..it is such a painful feeling ya to come to terms with it..and as my cosmic connection theory says that whatever you are thinking you see that everywhere :( On Colors, Balika Vadhu comes no..I just saw an episode on Friday, in that also Anandi is finding it very hard to accept her husband's second wife but she still says that she will not curse her as the new wife is connected to her husband.. and then I watched this episode of Grey's Anatomy..Lexie and Mark are still not over each other.and they miss each other terribly :(

I have been listening to the song Bin Tere from I Hate Luv Storys (the best break up song ever) and O Re Piya from Aaja Nachle continuously for the last week or so :( Ya I miss you so much..

And someone told me casually the other day you know you look the kind of person who doesn't need anyone in life..you appear to be emotionally very strong (huh?!) I felt so bad.. so bad because I could not tell how emotionally weak I am and how terribly I need someone.. I need you..How will I live without you ya..why can't I get you.. :(

I think people get the ones they love are really lucky.. I know it happens to others..why does it happen to me..Miss you always..am back to listening to these songs..and have added one more the list Chandni Raatein :(

And check out this amazing video and Joey and Rachel..can't embed it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQsRmQI_rz4

Will write a better not-so-emotional post later this week..

Of Chutki from Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge..

2011-06-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. so I had written one post yesterday but took it off as I felt it was probably too personal. So I am writing another post that I have been postponing for a really really long time (there are still many left especially Mukteshwar trip)..

The last time I had written about Deepa from Dil Chahta Hai..never did I imagine that there are so many people who love her. Every 2-3 days someone or the other gets directed to that post here when they search for Deepa. This is the best thing about blogging, you can connect with complete strangers just by their thinking and it gives immense pleasure that yes, someone there is probably thinking like you :) I think we all who love Deepa should do something more for her..don't know what..maybe ask Farhan about where did she go :-(

Hmmm..continuing my love for secondary characters in films, I always think Chutki of Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge is another strong character. She comes across as someone who is much more intelligent than Simran, more practical than her, more forthcoming about her choices in life..and I don't think she would ever agree to compromise on something as important as her marriage. I think she would have fought with her father had she been in Simran's place. Simran was more docile and seems resigned to her fate..it wasn't her fault though..maybe she being the elder one brought up in a conservative family made her like this and you know that second children always get more because howsoever they may grow in age, they will always be 'chote' in front of everybody. But me thinks Chutki was much more feisty than Simran. look at the way she scolds her probable brother-in-law Kuljeet that she likes being called Chutki only by a few close friends and that he should stop treating her like a kid. As her mother use to say, she tried to behave older than her age. And her Miss Lucy sayings are actually a lesson for us. Like she said

" आदतों को अगर सही समय पर न बदला जाये तो वो ज़रूरतें बन जाती हैं" when she makes fun of her mother calling her dad everyday "तुस्सी पहुँच गए जी" :)

or the scene where she says "बचपन जवानी कुछ नहीं होता, आदमी की age उतनी ही होती है जितनी वो feel करता है" :-)

And another one when her dad comes home angry after the beer incident, she advises Simran "बहती नव में हाथ नहीं डालना चाहिए, डूबने का खतरा रहता है"

Her quality to say things on the face and not being diplomatic reflects clearly when she sees Kuljeet for the first time. If she had been a subdued and a mellow person, she would have kept her dislike for Kuljeet to herself and tried to placate Simran but she clearly shows this (the scene when Kuljeet comes back from शिकार.. ( I cannot control my laughter when Preeti says जी भैया शिकार पे गए है :P)

Another instance where she refuses to be quiet is when she tells Simran that even Raj hadn't eaten the whole day on करवा चौथ.. Sorry Raj, मैं अब और चुप नहीं रह सकती

However, my personal favourite scene (and one of the movie's scenes that I absolutely love) is when she finds out that Raj is the same guy whom Simran had met in Europe..she says to Simran "दीदी, मुझे न यह Kuljeet अच्छा नहीं लगता, लेकिन यह छत वाला बहुत पसंद है, तुम ना इसी से शादी करना"

I love this scene :) Saying things on the face without being diplomatic!

This is what I came across when I tried to search about here

"Interestingly enough, while the film is all about Raj's love for Simran, Simran is rather spineless. Very much like Raj, she can get her will if she really puts her mind to it. Only she has been raised the conservative way and has only so much gut or isn't raised to be confident about her decisions. Her respect for the older generation is natural yet it comes across as obligatory. Writer-director Aditya Chopra has his way of making the film about his lady protagonist but not really about her. Mamma-darling, Lajjo (Fareeda Jalal), is strong yet unsure. But her fear respect for her husband precedes everything else in her priorities or the priorities as she sees for her daughters. Remarkably enough, Chutki (Pooja Ruparel) is nothing like her mother or sister. I can see her getting away with more than what Simran was ever allowed."

There are so many other characters that are more strong than the protagonist. One of my other personal favourites is Sandhya Mridul in Saathiya. She plays Dina, Suhani's (Rani Mukherjee) sister. What a charming scene is that one in which she asks Aditya (Vivek Oberoi) to whistle at Suhani :P कैसे आशिक हो तुम and the he makes noise from his bike ;-) prompting Suhani to say "दी, तू आती हो या मैं आउन नीचे" :-) Sandhya Mridul is a terrific actress, acted very well in the film

Since we are talking about DDLJ, I think I found a goof up in the movie ( I may be wrong).. You see in the end the picture that Simran's dad sees when he finds out about Raj's truth is the one in which Raj is shown trying to give a rose to Simran..it is that scene when instead of giving the rose, he puts a stream of water in her face..now if you clearly see that scene in the beginning of the film there was no camera in any body's hands..neither did Raj's friends had any camera (they were clearly standing behind him) nor did Simran's friend had any camera (as they were also standing behind).. So how did this picture come? From some stranger ;-) But I think itna to chalta hai :)

Anyway, will write more if I remember about other lovable characters (there sure are many)..till then Ta Ta :)

P.S. - I also love that scene of Chtuki and Simran dancing to the song and as soon as the bell rings the song gets changed to K.L Sehgal's कितना नाज़ुक है दिल and they turn into Miss Goody two shoes..here..so true! If I start taling about DDLJ's scene, this would never end..Peace for now.. More later :)

The Groom's Blush and The Color of Marriage :)

2011-06-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

I was talking about the pictures I took at my cousin's wedding in Dehradun है ना? These are the ones that I loved (and clicked). So here it goes..

Aah..the way he is blushing..it was when everyone started singing 'हम तुम एक कमरे में बंद हो' :)

The serene one..

The side one..

This one is a confused smile :)

Again the blush :P this was probably when another leg pulling song was being sung..

And this is one of my absolute favourites.. all smiles :)

And the 'आरती की थाली' ..

Another one..

Again he is all smiles :)

Me also likes this :)

The flower close up..

The side view..

The side view -2..

Another fav of mine :)

Somewhat okayish..

Red - the color that defines marriage - सिंदूर..

Real Real Sad Post...

2011-06-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

Hmmm..Long time no see.. What to say.. I was out of Delhi, had gone on an office outbound training program to Mukteshwar last weekend, therefore did not write anything..and what to write here, in any case, people think I write negative all the time, but the thing is my blog is more like a diary..how can one write positive if one doesn't feel like? Anyways, this is going to be a really really long crib post, so I advise you to not read further as it will make you depressed further! You remember the episode in Friends when Joey is in love with Rachel but he can't tell her that, so Phoebe in order to cheer him up brings supposedly 'the happiest dog in the world', but at the end it is the dog who ends up getting depressed! Same is with me, you will end up getting depressed, so don't blame me later.

You know I have been dealing with a lot of work issues in office that have completely damaged my self confidence. I already suffer from a lack of self esteem and the events of the last 3-4 months have further made a dent in my confidence as a person. I don’t know why it happens to me but somehow or the other I end making up a fool of myself in front of my boss. I don’t have a problem with him, he is a very nice person, the problem is me, myself. And I really can’t understand why it happens. I do my work so carefully so that there is no error but it is so embarrassing when your boss can find so many errors in the same file. It is depressing. And this problem has come up more in the last 3-4 months only. Earlier it wasn’t like this. It makes me feel mediocre. I was so good in school. And if I tell anyone that I scored 95.4% in my Class 12th board exams and topped my school (all sections – science + commerce!) with getting 99/100 in Economics, all will laugh at me in disbelief. And people tell me that they have a problem with my sentence structuring! In contrast, the final exam of Class 11, my English ma’am showed my paper to all English teachers in school and I was awarded the certificate for the highest marks in English in Class 11 – all sections combined. No, I am not the kind of person who brags about myself but it really makes me feel was all that a hogwash? Was it some banal childhood thing of the past? Was it all a lie? Even in college, I was a pretty decent student. Am I that bad? You know there are people who are actually quite dumb but they don’t know it. Say someone like Peter Keating in The Fountainhead. But there are also people are quite dumb and know that as well. Just like Ellsworth Toohey of The Fountainhead as Ayn Rand defines them as ‘a man who never could be, but know it’. And you know it is even more depressing one you see all your peers doing so well and going places. I also feel that I should achieve something in life, make a great career of myself, do something pioneering. But whenever I try to do this, it is like some evil thing that comes up again and I start having doubts about myself. I was having the same discussion with my friend and neighbour P (who is one of the very few persons I wish to be like in the future).He told that we people slogged 2 years of our life in Class 11 and 12, went to such great colleges and then end up at a place where our entire hard work is negated. Am I destined to be like Ellsworth Toohey?

And my mom made a comment yesterday about how average people have got ahead in life and how I am left behind all this. Isn’t that such a shameful feeling? And when there are very few options that you see a bleak future, that is even more depressing. I have become so quiet that the other day my sister and my mom had a fight with me about why I don’t talk to them.

And there are few problems going on at home, so I don’t feel like staying at home too. So whether it is office or home, I am just depressed and more depressed. I have not tweeted since two weeks though I do read all the tweets. I haven’t updated any Facebook statuses. In any case, how does it even matter, as if my opinion will change something? I am no celebrity that people look forward to my tweets and blogs. And in any case, whatever I write some people think I am just so negative so why do I spoil their timeline but a blog is a very personal space. Here I am allowed to do whatever I like..no? I haven’t watched any movie in more than 2 months! What is happening ya? Kuch bhi theek nahi ho raha mere saath..

I have so much more to write ya but I think I should stop here. I hope the next posts are some good ones. I think I will probably write about something about my not-so-good trip to Mukteshwar and about my observations with people’s behaviour and what I wish to be in life. Till then happy (really??) reading...

Of Cousin's Shaadi :-)

2011-05-28T11:20:00.000-07:00

So it's been more than two weeks since I wrote something (except the birthday post)..sigh! Was very busy.. Last to last weekend I had to a cousin's marriage in Dehradun, and last week the weather in Delhi was no nice that I was just enjoying it so did not do anything.

When I had come from Dehradun, I had thought of so many topics to write but the moroseness of modern life has almost made me forgotten what all I had hoped to write.

So let me write about the wedding. Considering my deep abhorrence for family functions and irritating family relatives, I knew what I was going to expect there in Dehradun, and as always these irritating people never seem to disappoint me. Look at the audacity that some of them were bitching about my mom even all the while knowing that I could hear each and every word of theirs. I wish I had relatives like Hansa of Khichdi. Hello-how-are-khana-kha-ke-jana-haan. And after doing aur-beta-kaise-ho-kya-kar-rahe-ho-kitna-package-hai routine with uncountable relatives, I just quietly moved in the corner away from all the hullabaloo in the guava orchard (ok..there was no guava orchard but I love this title of the book by Kiran Desai whose other book's name was my blog's first name inheritance-of-loss). Since I hate relatives of my age group as I don't like to talk to them, I was busy with my small seven year old cousin. The thing about kids is that they are very natural, they say everything on the face, and as we grow up we tend to become artificial, we like to keep things to ourselves. However, as usual I felt so lost in parties and as usual I was just looking for things to eat to keep me busy. So I gulped down plates and plates of spring rolls and dahi bhalle..I can have these two things anytime anywhere..

Anyways, my primary motivation to go to the trip was wedding photography! and no not those video-vale bhaiya with lights in hand who always comes to capture you when you have a plate full of the all the available food there that makes you wonder what people will say about when they watch the video! And no my aim was also not not those going-on-the-stage-with-the-family-to-get-clicked-photographs, instead I wanted to click natural pictures of people. As my cousin (the elder brother of the cousin getting married) has an awesome SLR Nikon D60, I was game for the trip that I will click some amazing shots.

So one of the functions is in which the ghadoli is filled. This is the ceremony in which a sarvala (usually the groom's jija) and a sarvali (usually the groom's bhabhi) go to the temple to fill a ghada (an earthen pot). Before this, some ladies sing and dance and make fun on the groom by singing some folk songs :P Think of something on the lines of baari barsi khatan gaya si or check this two year old post where I tried to decipher the meaning of the song madhorama pencha from the movie Monsoon Wedding. This is the link. My massi (my cousin's mom) did not call a photographer for this event. Voila! So I was given the task of photography using the SLR :-) Aah you won't believe I clicked about 600 photographs in two hours!! of course not all were good, but some had some super shots..all natural poses (which I think is an oxymoron how can something natural be posed?) my best were pics of the arti ki thali and the groom's smiling side pose :-) I don't have those pics but will put them here as soon as I get them..but here's the bad luck! my cousin (the one who owns the camera) forgot the battery charger in Delhi only...grrrrrr.. my only reason of going there! I had thought of some shots that I would click in the wedding but alas, that was not meant to be..no camera..WTF..bleh! :-(

So wedding day finally came and I had decided I will sit the entire night and attend the pheres as I believe that a true wedding is the phera ceremony..else if you take that out it is just a dinner! I like to sit the entire night in weddings and watch pheres..now you can do that only in a close relative's wedding no? And I love tradition, especially Indian customs (though these at times enter into the territory of blind faith and superstitions which I don't like, such as Kundalis)..As I was sitting during the beautiful phera ceremony, the panditji came to the topic of vachans..there are seven vachans, popularly called shartein (yes, these are different from the saat pheres) which the groom promises to the bride while the bride vows only one vachan.. how sexist is that ;-) I immediately thought of writing them, I can guarantee that groom won't even remember any of them if you ask him today ;P I missed out writing on the first but here are the rest 6 in brief (I can't write the entire gyaan which panditiji was saying in shhudh hindi)

Vachan 1: (I forgot to write)

Vachan 2: I promise to give food to you

Vachan 3: I promise to give you money (hehe)

Vachan 4: I promise to fulfill all your wishes

Vachan 5: I promise to inform you before any impending foreign visit (this used to happen in earlier times when the groom had to travel abroad and the wife stayed in the home)

Vachan 6: I promse to inform you of any charity I wish to undertake

Vachan 7: I promise that I will have no addiction-inducing substances in life (this led to roars of laughter from the audience..ya the groom and bride were drunk a day before :D)

Where as the bride promises that I will fulfill all your wishes with my heart so that we can have a happy married life...

However, the most beautiful thing that I learnt was during the kanyadaan..the bride's father usually takes the thumb of the bride and hands it over to the groom signifying that he has given is daughter to him..yes, we all know that but what we may not know is that why does the father offer the thumb? The panditji explained that thumb prints of a person are perhaps the only thing that never changes even as one grows up. It is a mark of permanence, similarly by offering the girl's thumb, the bride's father has permanently offered his daughter to the groom. This was pretty interesting.

I have so much to write more of the wedding, but I guess will write more if I feel like in other posts.

P.S. - There was this foreign kudi who was my uncle's friend and was the cynosure of all eyes in the ceremony. She was forced to do some Indian jhatkas and matkas..it was funny when she was dancing on the dhol..hehe but she was pretty hot ;-P

Of 24th Birthday!

2011-05-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

I am 24 :( It sucks to be 24! and while discussing this with Jenny in cab, I told her that I do not like to celebrate birthdays. Firstly, because I don't like to be center of attention for anything. And secondly, I do not like myself as a person. And I had thought life would be some what different (perhaps better than what I have now) at 24, but the flaws in my personality are stopping me to reach that place both personally and professionally. And birthdays are a reminder that life is not turning out to be as I had planned. I am not proud of myself, what is there to celebrate.. and talking about birthdays, every second is a birthday..it is a gift that we are alive.. we could be dead in a second..so we should celebrate birthdays every day no?

But I was so touched by the gifts I got. I have never received so many gifts on my birthday. Thanks all..especially Jaspreet (who made this beautiful collage for me) and Aastha for organizing everything..and special thanks to Jenny, Arpita and Shivangi :) And when Jaspreet made this collage, I somewhat felt bad because I have never taken so much pain and effort for doing something like this for him and others :( I felt I didn't deserve this..

And this is the farewell note he had written for me and I haven't thanked him yet for this :(

Thanks for everything ya :)

This is the note...

Removed out of privacy concerns :)