Long time no see..
Long time no see..
I do not know what has happened to me but it seems that I have forgotten everything. How to write, how to think, how to read.. I have not watched a Hindi movie since December :( I think I am losing myself as a person..whatever I had, it seems to be withering away with time. Becoming emotionless day by day. Actually there is too much on the plate right now that I don't even get the time to think. Somehow, I am not enjoying it all..too much pressure and all that. I like studying but the extra things are scaring the hell out of me. I have purchased a planner to sort it out. I forget the things that are to be done. Everyday I make a list of things to do and then keep pushing it till the last minute. It is not fun. But this is what I knowingly signed for, so who else will bear the brunt of it. The thing that worries is that I am not smart enough for all this. I have to really work hard for things to get done unlike some people for whom it might be a breeze. I see my friends winning case competitions, etc., etc. I could never win because as I said I am just not smart enough..what do I know? Finance, marketing, operations? Nothing except what I learn in class. I hate this feeling when you realize that probably you are not good enough but I have come to terms to it. So I keep finding reasons to convince myself.
And since this was Valentine's week, Meredith Grey Quotes writes on the page:
In the eight grade, my English class had to read "Romeo and Juliet". Then for extra credit, Ms. Synder made us act out all the parts. As fate would have it, I was Juliet. All the other girls were jealous, but I had a slightly different take. I told Ms. Synder, Juliet was an idiot. For starters she falls for the one guy she knows she can't have, then she blames fate for her own bad decision. Ms. Synder explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. At the ripe old age of 13 I was very clear that love, like life, is about making choices, and fate has nothing to do with it. Everyone thinks it's so romantic. Romeo and Juliet, true love, how sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink the bottle of the poison and go to sleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got!
Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then their time passed. And if they could've known that beforehand, maybe it would've all been OK. I told Ms. Synder that when I was grown up, I would take fate into my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Synder said I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone, and if I did, we would be together forever. Even now I believe for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending, most of the time, and that sometimes despite all your best choices and all your best intentions, fate wins anyway.
And this is what I what I was thinking. Is love a choice? Can you really force yourself to fall in love with someone? But then how do you fall in love? Everyone talks about falling in love, but I am not able to figure how do people fall in love and why do people fall in love with someone? I think love is not a choice, but as they say, it just happens. Remember how Maya tried so much in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna but she just could not love Rishi. And who does she fall in love with - Dev..an arrogant, cynical man. Somehow, I don't agree with the concept of first love, which I find preposterous. But then I still do not know why people fall in love or how do they fall in love? I just cannot think these days. What has happened to me :(
Who needs someone when we have Adele. She just shakes you from inside.. Love her..
Adele - Someone Like You..
Adele - Set Fire to the Rain
And this week's cosmic connection theory has been change. I had written this post for the school blog.
We had three different classes talking about how to manage change. And this week on Grey's, two episodes talked about exactly the same thing we learnt in class. We talked about standardization of procedures, removal of waste, lean principles to improve efficiency and change management. And the Grey's episode talked about exactly the same principles, so they decided to shut down the ER. And I hated it when they shut it down and then I realized how much of a hypocrite I was. I wrote about it and when it happened to something dear to me, I resisted it. As they say, it is indeed easier said than done. They said if they didn't shut down the ER, the hospital won't exist, so it is very important to take some steps now rather than regret later. It is funny no?
So this week, before I went to bed I started to watch some episodes of Downton Abbey. Oh! I am hooked onto it. I have always been a fan of English Classics and I simply love this show now. It is about an English aristocrat family living in Downton, England during the First World War. Lord Grantham's heir died in the Titanic incident and he has three daughters. As per English law of that time, women were not allowed to inherit property. So his property will now go to some third cousin of his, Matthew Crawley. It is the story of how they deal with the changes. What I really like about the show is that the Grantham family is so good to their servants. The servants form a very important part of the story. What I also like is that the characters are just so real. They are neither too good nor too bad. They are grey - just so real. All of them slowly grow on you. At first, I did not like Mary, the eldest daughter but as the story passes, you will grow fond of her. She is so troubled from inside. Also, the narrative ties in political events of that time like how the murder of Archbishop Ferdinand of Austria led to First World War or how feminism came into England or the invention of the telephone. It is fascinating. English culture is so graceful. My favorite characters are Matthew Crawley, one of the smartest people on the show, who has fallen in love with Mary but she doesn't love him back, so he gets engaged to someone else. I love Sybil, one of the most headstrong and feminist characters on the show. In fact, I really like all of them - Cora, Anna, Lord Grantham, Mr. Carson, Daisy, Mrs. Patmore. It is my current favorite. And as always, they also talked about change :)
"Life's altered you and it's altered me. And what would be the point of living if we didn't let life change us." -Mr. Carson
And did you see Valentine's Day Google Doodle. It was hilarious. If love was a choice, why would a hare fall in love with a turtle? ;-)
This week I had a dining etiquette session - how to eat using fork and knife. I still cannot eat using a fork and knife (it doesn't cut!) but now at least I know all the rules. It was nice..oh the things they teach in schools :) Will write later about it.
And it was M's birthday yesterday. She liked the present I gave so much that she wrote on her Facebook status as got the best present ever. Ah! she is just too melodramatic.
So much more to write but don't know how to write.. more later. I think I have lost myself for the bad :(
Dialogue of the Day:
"Aatma tab pavitra hoti hai jab manushya janm leta hai, phir dheere dheere manushya us aatma ko maar deta hai, nasha kar kar ke."
- No Smoking