I wrote last week that I saw a video on www.ted.com. It was a ted talk by Susan Cain. She talks about the power of introverts and how they are not such bad people as they are made out to be. I loved it to the T. I had thought of writing it this week but I really want to write it now because I have just come from a party that was full of extroverts and I was the only one who wasn't talking much :( People were drinking, laughing, "networking", etc, etc. And everyone is like, you are from Delhi! But you don't look like one. Ouch! I don't know but there are very few places where I feel at home. Mujhe in cheezon se bilkul bhi khushi nahi milti. Maybe they like it because it helps them let go of things as Jay said in I Hate Luv Storys, "Kabhi kabhi khush rehne ke liye khul kar jeena padta hai...you need to let go.". And I am that sort of a person who doesn't let go of things. I hate to lose control over myself. This week I had a meeting with my professor M. In one meeting, she could figure me out. She told me to increase my space. She said you are an active listener but try to project more space for your self. When you sit, try to increase your area..expand your legs, sit completely on the chair..this will help project a feeling of confidence. And then she said, "I am not asking you to change but come out of the way you are temporarily for two years..don't change permanently." I know she was saying it all right but as always I felt why can't I be like this. Am I such a big misfit? And then I re-read the transcript again just to convince myself :(
We sat in rows of desks like this, and we did most of our work pretty autonomously. But nowadays, your typical classroom has pods of desks -- four or five or six or seven kids all facing each other. And kids are working in countless group assignments. Even in subjects like math and creative writing, which you think would depend on solo flights of thought, kids are now expected to act as committee members. And for the kids who prefer to go off by themselves or just to work alone, those kids are seen as outliers often or, worse, as problem cases. And the vast majority of teachers reports believing that the ideal student is an extrovert as opposed to an introvert, even though introverts actually get better grades and are more knowledgeable, according to research.
Okay, same thing is true in our workplaces. Now, most of us work in open plan offices, without walls, where we are subject to the constant noise and gaze of our coworkers. And when it comes to leadership, introverts are routinely passed over for leadership positions, even though introverts tend to be very careful, much less likely to take outsize risks -- which is something we might all favor nowadays. And interesting research by Adam Grant at the Wharton School has found that introverted leaders often deliver better outcomes than extroverts do, because when they are managing proactive employees, they're much more likely to let those employees run with their ideas, whereas an extrovert can, quite unwittingly, get so excited about things that they're putting their own stamp on things, and other people's ideas might not as easily then bubble up to the surface.
Number three: Take a good look at what's inside your own suitcase and why you put it there. So extroverts, maybe your suitcases are also full of books. Or maybe they're full of champagne glasses or skydiving equipment. Whatever it is, I hope you take these things out every chance you get and grace us with your energy and your joy. But introverts, you being you, you probably have the impulse to guard very carefully what's inside your own suitcase. And that's okay. But occasionally, just occasionally, I hope you will open up your suitcases for other people to see, because the world needs you and it needs the things you carry.
I totally agree with what she says especially the end part where she talks about the book and the suitcase. I also loved the part where she explains the difference between shyness and introversion. "It's different from being shy. Shyness is about fear of social judgment. Introversion is more about, how do you respond to stimulation, including social stimulation." I am shy too. I am very scared of social judgement. On my Facebook, I have put my privacy settings as custom, sharing my status updates with only about 1/4 of the total friend list :( So I am both shy and introvert :\ I am more active on Twitter because I have only about 4-5 close friends as followers, rest all are blocked. Pata nahi what will happen with me in future. If only I could figure out what I really want to be in life...then perhaps these things might stop bothering me..If only I could find out the places which make me really really happy from inside..There are free counseling services for students at the University...I will go there soon.
And as I came from the party now, everyone was talking about their girlfriends/boyfriends..blah blah..You know in Break Ke Baad, Aaliya (Deepika Padukone) says to her mom, "Maybe I am not meant for love." I have been thinking about this for a long time. And I am not talking about only romantic love. Any sort of a relationship...I don't have any feeling..whatever I had in past, I was only trying to convince myself..I don't know whether it is sign of growing up or emotional maturity, I have realized that I am indifferent to the feeling of love...And then I thought about what Meredith once said,
There is a reason I said I’d be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It’s easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don’t have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It’s like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever...
I am 25! Mera kya hoga na life me...I need help no? :(
Dialogue of the Day:
"Maybe I am not meant for love."
- Aaliya, Break Ke Baad