Some time back I had written a post on why being sad makes me happy, but that was more of a generic post. There have been so many people coming to the blog searching 'why being sad makes them so happy' (one of them is now my facebook friend as well), it somehow made me think even deeper on why some people including me feel a sense of comfort when we are sad. I really couldn't come up with a satisfactory explanation. I think it depends more on our nature and our personality. I am an introvert person and don't open myself easily in front of others. We all are looking for someone who can really understand us because we are surrounded by people of totally opposite to our nature i.e extrovert and too over the top. It somehow makes me feel that I am some kind of a different person, not suited for this world. In this quest for a person who could really understand us and let me be as I am, we somehow feel lost and know in our hearts that we have to change ourselves if we want to survive. And it's not so easy to change yourself as you are. To completely mould yourselves with the society, requires great mental strength, which I do not have. Thus a sense of disillusionment sets in and feel resigned to fate as to I can never be really happy in life unless I change. Moreover, I have had some pretty bad experiences in life. Whenever I have achieved some real happiness, something or the other goes wrong. Now when something good happens, it makes me feel scared as to 'is this happiness really true'? It makes me feel as if this happiness is like an illusion, which will last for a fleeting moment. It is like feeling guilty to enjoy this happy moment. Guilty of what I don't know? How can this happiness come to me? Is God playing some wicked game with me..is it the warning before a storm? Whenever I have tried to come out of this negative phase, something or the other happens, it makes feel as if this was a signal that you are destined to be like this. Whenever I try to bring upon a change in myself, it goes horribly wrong, so I have accepted the fact I will be like this all my life. I have been unhappy for such a long time, that I have become so familiar with it, that when happiness comes it is like something unnatural for me. We have lived in darkness for such a long time that when light comes, we feel blinded as to don't know how to react this flashing beam. We want to quickly go back to my familiar state where we have lived for so long. It is like darkness comforts us and wee don't know how things will pan out when lights goes off again. So why let light come in the first place? And perhaps that is why I hate things changing around me. And it is said that change is the only permanent thing in life. Is it then the uncertainty of future that makes me like this? Does that make me a defeatist? Does that make a less ambitious person? Can introvert people not be ambitious? People say happiness is subjective. Is something wrong when I say that my happiness is sadness. Isn't it better than faking your happiness? Isn't it better than feeling nothing at all? Is that why I love sad films? Is that why I like sad songs? Do you have a better explanation for this?
I don't know what I wrote makes sense or not but I have been thinking a lot about this. So randomly what came in my mind I just wrote..