Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Of Post Partum Depression, Being Let Down, and Moving Up the Value Chain..

So, finally my project is gone. Went out yesterday night. for the last 40 days, I was all the time thinking about data on data (can we call it metadata??).. I don't know what the client thinks about it. She will let us know. Whatever! But as I went to office today, I don't know there was this weird feeling. I was almost feeling as newly-became-mothers experience sometimes a.k.a post partum depression! It felt as if I lost something very dear to me. No, I am not that obsessed about my work, it is just that after you have been thinking on a topic for so long a time, it gets ingrained into you, occupying a tiny space in the brain completely like becoming a part of the body. It didn't make me depressed, I was rather happy it went, but I could experience post-partum-mixed-feelings. My work is anyways like a delivery (deliverable) ;)

Anyways, yesterday papa who never says anything to me regarding my job, suddenly told me that I shouldn't have done engineering, instead should have become a CA. I felt terrible on listening this. It made me feel as if I failed him. He always wanted me to be someone worthy of respect in life, but when he said this, it was like I had let him down. My cousin Divya had once said that if you give happiness to your parents, you will automatically get happy. I kept thinking about it for a long time but...there is this community on facebook that says, Dad, one day I will make you proud.. I haven't joined because one should not promise what one cannot promise. I had made a resolution to be happy, so I will try to be :) Not to be sad! I have reduced the amount of cribbing especially about petty issues like cab problems, lack of time in life. What is the point to do it? Unless there are better options, all this cribbing does is spread negativity..

Meanwhile, one of India's most famous blogger Amit Verma of India Uncut writes on his blog

That’s really the great mystery about bureaucracies. Why is it so often that the best people are stuck in the middle and the people who are running things—the leaders—are the mediocrities? Because excellence isn’t usually what gets you up the greasy pole. What gets you up is a talent for maneuvering. Kissing up to the people above you, kicking down to the people below you. Pleasing your teachers, pleasing your superiors, picking a powerful mentor and riding his coattails until it’s time to stab him in the back. Jumping through hoops. Getting along by going along..

He adds
Besides this, I found that I was much more productive while working on my own than in a company environment. Maybe it’s just me, but I found that in a normal office day, I might be at work for 10 hours, but within that period I’d only actually work for a total of maybe one. The rest of the time would go surfing, faffing, idling, day-dreaming, gossiping and other such ings. When I am by myself, on the other hand, I may idle all day, but when I work, I work. It may only be for an hour, but at least I don’t waste nine more in a pretense of work, in an elaborate charade that benefits no one.
Still, that’s just me, and I speak of my experience in television (in the last millennium) and journalism (in this one), and I’m sure there are other corporate environments which are more productive. But Deresiewicz’s observation about the greasy pole, I suspect, holds true for them all. That’s the nature of the beast..

I was nodding my head all the while reading this, not that I am saying I am intelligent.. this is just so bloody true.. I wish I could think like him.. objective and to the point!!


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