Saturday, May 29, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
ooo..jane teri aankhen thi ya baatien thi vajah, hue tum jo dil ki aarzoo..
tum paas ho ke bhi..
tum aas ho ke bhi..
aise hai humko gile
tumse na jane kyun..
milon ke hai fasle..
tumse na jane kyun...
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Somethings have changed..something has changed definitely.. You know, for the last 15-20 days or so, I feel everything is different around me..I am feeling as if something is going to happen.. I don't know whether it is going to be a good thing or a bad thing..but I can sense the aura..there is this feeling of void as if something is unfulfilled..I don't know what it is.. For the last 5 months or so, I had worked with only 2-3 people in office but in the last month, I had worked with a whole new people..So, a lot of people know me..and no! I am not bragging!! How could I?? So people come to my desk, talk to me about random stuff, chit chat..it is kind of surreal because I have never been comfortable in knowing so many people..In school, I wasn't a famous or a popular student...was more like (and still am!!) a nerdish kid :( In college, I had only 20 people in my class and some friends from school who I knew very well..So I wasn't very much a known face in college either..It is not as if I am the most popular person in Office, I still am the least known face because of my inherent nature to not open up to people easily, but a lot of people (according to my standards!!) now know me.. So it is kind of different to see that i could be known by people..moreover, I am a very boring person..I won't start talking unless the other person starts first..And that makes me kind of uncomfortable that people coming and talking to me.. perhaps, it is this that is making me very restless!! I found some old friends on Facebook who said they specially searched me.. It was kind of weird because I have never been remembered by people or worth remembering so when that friend says that she specially searched my name because I was her good fiend, it made me feel good and bad.. Good obviously and bad because it made me feel as if things are changing.. and I can sense things are no longer the same as Phoebe said that she can hear the voices in her head.. It is as if something is forcing me to grow up and I don't want to.. as if some force is pushing me to change my personality which I don't want to..Everything feels incomplete these days.. there is something missing perhaps happiness, contentment, satisfaction... I don't know what life has in store for me as I turn 23 this week about which I am even more sad (will write another post about it as well).. I miss the things they used to be..
Came back from trip last week.. was kind of OK!! More about in later.. Ciaos!
Monday, May 10, 2010
I don't know what has happened to me but for the past few days there is this inexplicable feeling that you have cast over me. I am thinking about you all the time. When I don't get to see you, I just want to be with you. I keep on laughing and smiling on my own when I think about what you said or what you did. And when I am with you, I just want to keep looking at your face which helps me forget everything else that is taking place in my life. Your face has cast this spell over me. I want to see you, listen what you say, want to tease you, make you smile. I miss you like anything. I love it when you come over and say things to me which you don't tell others. It makes me feel special.
You are like someone who I always wanted to be like. Your ability to make people long for you is simply amazing. You are like my idol, in fact you are my idol. An idol is something Utopian. Yes, I can never be like you but in you, I see a perfectionist version of myself. Is there anything that you cannot do! Some people say that true love is finding your soul's counterpart in others. Perhaps that is why I see my soul in you? So, how do I say this? Am I falling in love with you or is it just plain liking for a friend? I consider those people lucky in life who get their true love!! Never ever, not even for a moment I thought that there could be something between you and me. We are not meant to be together. My love for you is platonic. I don't want to lose your friendship at any cost. But I can't help it. I know there is no chance for us but still you are so good that you made me fall in love with you. I want to get over you as quickly as possible but the irony is the more I try not to think about you, the more I suppress my feelings about you, the more I end falling in love with you all over again. It is as if you control me. Any song I hear, anything I do just reminds me of you. I cry every time when this thought comes to my mind that we are not made for each other. Sometimes I feel why did it have to be me. You will ask if I want to get over you, when was I under you? but the thing is I didn't realize when did this thing happen?
I sometimes feel you deliberately ignore me, and even the snob that I am I would not bow unless you talk to me first but it is fine by me who am I to say you anything, you have your own life, your own love, own dreams. I know that you treat me as a good friend and I am very happy about that. To just enter your good books is a sort of an achievement for me. But sometimes I do feel life has been very unfair. Life just doesn't turn out the way you want it to be.
Should I be sorry for what has happened? I never even want to tell you the way I feel about you. I just want to keep loving you in silence, I don't know who is to blame for this mess that has happened. I just wish you get everything I life and you get all the success in life for if you fail, it means my idealist soul fails. I don't know whether my love for you is like Catherine's for Heathcliff as she said that her love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods, time will change it but her love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath, a source of little visible delight but necessary. Nothing can change it. I just hope it is like hers but also I want to get over you as quickly as possible. I want to love you but I don't want to love you. See how paradoxical you have made me? You don't understand me and perhaps you never will but I don't expect anything from you at all. I don't know what the future holds for me but one thing is certain I will always always remember you. You are the one who made me feel and understand what love is, what it means to care for someone. Hope that years later when you hear my name, you at least remember me.
Miss you always. This is the best I could express my feelings for you, for never ever can I say to you or even want you to read this...
Yours (if I can use that)
P.S. Yamini, if you even copy even one line, I will kill youuuuuuuuu