Thursday, December 30, 2010

Of Last Posts of the Year..

So am writing the last post of 2010. I saw some blogs talking about the end of decade. Although decade could be any period of 10 years but wasn't this decade over last year itself from 2000-2009? But we like to end things completely..2009 gives a feeling of one year left, so the end of 2010 feels more complete. But let's talk about 2010!! One of my favourite tweeters Surekha Pillai says "the last day of the year feels more important than the first day..it is like seeing off an old friend and meeting a new one" very true..

Yamini gave a beautiful summary of 2010 through photographs.. I don't have photographs (have some though, but not worth telling a story).. So I guess I will pen down..whatever I remember this year for..

Well, now I when I think about writing..most of what happened to me this year, I have put already here in that job poem post. Moreover, I have the habit of writing year gone by reviews ever since I started blogging, which look carbon copies of each other.

2010.. I finally came to terms with life. You know this thing like when we are in Class 10, 11 and 12, everybody realises that school is about to come to an end and everyone will go to colleges and everybody starts working towards getting in to the best college, and when we reach college, it is like you have three-four years, you enjoy your college life but in a way you know that college is also a means to attaining your as they say dream job or dream life. I mean we all are working towards a larger goal in life when we are in school on college, how so ever confusing or obscure that goal or life may be. Now, since I have gone pass through this school and college phase and finally started working for almost 1.5 years, I realise this is it! What next are you aiming for? There is nothing to go ahead to work towards a larger goal? Someone in office had put this status message.. Retirement is still 35 years away!! and I was like shit! I have to work all my life for earning my living!! I know I am sounding like what-is-that-word.. ummm defeatist I guess, I could start my own business or I could do whatever I like..but since I haven't been able to figure it out yet, I finally accepted that there is no goal now.. this is dead end!! I have to accept this.. I really don't know where will I be in 2020. Like I was in Class 8 in 2000, and in 10 years what a drastic drastic shift life has taken. Board exams, entrance exams, college life, started working, fall in love or lust whatever you call, develop physically (though not mentally in my case) and as they say boys stop growing after 21, in a way life has also stopped growing.. In 2020, if I am alive, I will be working in some job.. enough of this coming to terms with life thing, life goes on.. but I am totally shit scared.. In 6.5 years I will be 30!!!! OMG, panic.. Gul Panag's next film is Turning 30..I have already developed bald patches in my head..


Ok.. next.. everybody around me is getting married!! Richa got married!! I still remember the day she called me out of the blue and I was having lunch in office that she got engaged and I gasped like anything. I mean the person you literally grew up with and you see them married is surreal. That was another highlight of the year. In 2-3 years, people will have start having kids!! Talking about my marriage, I am safe because I will not get married because I am incapable of being loved by anybody : Hum itne bade ho gaye kya :( Now little kids have started calling me uncle :( Uncle mat kaho na..


Meredith said about her sister Lexie in Grey's that she has inappropriate feelings for inappropriate people. Having crushes is a part of life, in school, there would be definitely be some english or chemistry teacher, that you developed a crush for..There was this phase in 2010, when I realised that I had inappropriate feelings for inappropriate people, still do though :( I didn't know what happened but sometimes it just happens.. that was a very very difficult phase.

I have so much to write more..will continue in other posts. Till then Happy New Year

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Sugar Cubes

On Christmas, there was this thing called for Sugar Cubes, in which you could write a message to a person you want to send one and it would be delivered to him/her by the people. You could also write it anonymously. Nice no?
These were the ones I got.
Am guessing this is from Arpita..

This is from Jaspreet..

This is again from Arpita I guess..

This one is from our manager who sent it to all


This one is from Aastha..

These small things make us more happy than those material gifts..ain't it? And looks like that many people like my smile..didn't know that :)
I loved all of them. I had written for
आस्था, जसप्रीत, हितेश, अर्पिता, जेन्नी and ऋषि
I hope they liked it. Jaspreet put what I had written on FB which became quite controversial :D
And I wanted to write for अभिषेक but since he is not here, so will write for him here only...
Someone who is one of the very few genuine and real persons,
who is an inspiration to be good at everything one does..
I liked Sugar Cubes because some things you just can't say especially someone like me, so why not write...
Hmmm..Will write more..Cioas..

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

A New Solar System

What awesome pic na? I know totally photoshopped but still amazing concept. The yolk in the egg as a solar system, a harbinger of new life.. People just think brilliantly.
Pic Courtesy: The famous lyricist Swanand Kirkire of Bawra Man Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna fame, via Twitter

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Karz Signature Tune

video

Hi again.. it's me playing the tune of Karz. I felt so happy when I played it for the first time without any mistake. The notes were

G# F# G# A, G# F# G# A, G# F# G# A F#,

F# F# D# F# G# F, F F# G# G# F#

All that is required is practise, practise, and practise.. Isn't it wonderful that only seven notes can make an awesome music. Fascinating ain't it? Will put some another song next time.. Ciaos..

Friday, December 17, 2010

Kahan chali gayi hai saali khushi..

Sad again.. Don't kill me ya but whenever I am sad, I find solace here only..I promise, next time I will also write a post when I am super happy. The past week was terrible work wise. I had some client call, in which she wasn't happy at all and screwed our work..errr my work :( So, now have to work in less time..Now, had brought work home, so now working in 3 day weekend :( isliye na sad :( bahut sara kam hai.. and upar se aise hi thora low time chal raha hai ghar par bhi and personally also..:'( DevD ka gaana mere dimaag yaad aata rehta hai...
Saanp jaisi kaal raatein hai yeh..
Hai yeh zeher si yeh zindagi..
Kahaan chali gayi hai Saali khushi..
Kahaan chali gayi hai saali khushi..

Friday, December 10, 2010

Aur in aankhon ke peeche kaun si duniya chupi hai..kya pata..

this was the link by the Dil Chahta Hai community on FB. I had to put this!! How can I not?! If I make a list of Hindi movies you have to see before you die, this one will come in Top 5 for sure.

And this dialogue will rank 1 in my list.

Tara - Aaj maine tumhare bare me ek nayi baat jani hai..kehno ko to tum logo se milte ho, unse baat karte ho lekin tumhari ek alag hi duniya hai..tum apne khwaab kisi se nahi baante..balki main to yeh kahungi jo log tumhe jaante hai vo bhi nahi jaante..

Sid - Aur yeh aap kaise keh sakti hain..

Tara - Darwaza band hai andar koi ja nahi sakta, bakse ko kas ke tala lagaya hua koi kuch chura nahi sakta..aur yeh..in aankhon ke peeche kaun si duniya chhupi hai..kya pata..

I need to find this scene. Tara..how deep you can go?? I want to be like her. If only..

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Gubbare!

I am getting this intuition something is going to happen and I am going to land in some deep trouble. I am getting this feeling that someone is asking me to pay for my sins. Why? Because I sense negative vibes all around in office..in cousin's wedding..But what can I do, except only hope, a feeling which I don't have a good relationship with. Meanwhile, I went to my cousin's wedding. *Yawn* I wasn't interested at all but still went to show my shakal and eat some shadi ka khana.. The best part was playing with the balloon (those big round ones) with my 6 year old cousin..So much fun!! I love balloons. Nice concept no? playing with hava!!
Meanwhile, went to Anish Kapoor's exhibition..Will write more about it.. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant..what an artist.. exhilarating!!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Of Twinkling Stars..

video

It's me playing Twinle Twinkle.. Apologies for any mistake or lack of continuity as I am still learning.. Also learnt Mary had a little lamb. Will put that after some more practice.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Yeh kya baal bana rakha hai..kuch lete kyun nahi..

The next superstar is here :D
OMG..It looks like that I have a full fledged tond in this pic...yikessssss...
This wig is of my manager in office..borrowed it from her to get clicked :P
I will also buy one sometime..it is so cool..how different can clothes make us all look..
Anyway, super Ad show at office..loved the India TV reporter selling Men's fairness cream in Africa..what acting..what satire..a terrific black comedy..in just 30 seconds, one can express so much..brilliant!! I won an audience prize for identifying the logo for NCERT..my favorite books..still have all NCERT books of classes 9, 10, 11 and 12..Will put pics..sigh..I want to go back to school.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Going against your grain?

Will you go against your grain? We had our Unit Lunch today and as usual it was not a very great experience. Not because the food was terrible which actually it was, but because I felt so out of place. I had nobody to talk to, everybody was busy conversing in some topic or other..cracking jokes, narrating experiences..blah blah..but I felt so out of place..Yes, I agree that I am introvert and shy but I don't feel comfortable to just randomly start any conversation.. For the last 2 weeks, A and J have been forcing me to change myself..I agree that I should change myself but is it that easy to change yourself so easily..is it that simple to go against your grain..to do what you are not supposed to..I remember Priyanka Gandhi once saying in an interview that she has immense respect for her mother, Sonia Gandhi not because she is her mother but the way she has gone against her grain to become someone who is totally opposite to what she wishes for. She never wanted to be a politician but still she has moulded herself into a new avatar. Now, when I look at her, I can see what she meant..I know one thing.. I will never be successful or happy in life.. I will always remain a laggard :(
I keep on saying the Serenity prayer to myself but to no avail.. it actually makes me serene...
God, grant us the
Serenity to accept the things we cannot change..
Courage to change the things we can..and the
Wisdom to know the difference...
I don't want to end up like this ya :(

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Ruk Ja Ohh Dil Deewani...


I finally bought a keyboard for myself. No, it's not that I am a connoisseur of such a fine instrument but for the last 2-3 weeks things have been going real bad...it was all so negative..nothing felt good..now things are a bit better but still not completely ok..To ward off this negative aura, what better than music na.. I know nothing of it.. but I will try to learn online myself or play randomly.. I can't listen to music while working in office because then I can't concentrate on work, so I don't listen to music also...which makes me keep thinking some horrible thoughts :( I wanted to learn either a keyboard or a flute.. no guitar for me..it doesn't go with my uncool image :( So I bought a keyboard..Music is the soul of life..any art for that matter..photography, reading, cooking, designing..anything that helps you connect with your soul..with your passion.. I saw some videos and now know all the keys..I hope I am able to keep my resolve to learn it as my usual propensity to let go of things easily :( One day, I will play Ruk Ja Ohh dil Deewani like Shah Rukh did in DDLJ :)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Jab jab karta hun..mehekta hun..behekta hun..


Guzaarish :)

One of my most awaited films of the year..Ever since I have seen my all time favourite movie Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam, I have been a big fan of Sanjay Leela Bhansali...Devdas (what a grand film), Black (another all time favourite, still cry loads when I see it) or Saawariya (will not call this favorite but still has a special place in my heart).. Although still haven't seen Khamoshi completely.. Here comes Guzaarish..and must say this film will also go down as one of my all time favorites.

Guzaarish is about Ethan, a quadriplegic magician played by Hrithik Roshan. After living life as a vegetable for 14 years, he finally decides to file a petition for Euthanasia or as he calls it Ethanasia. His nurse for 12 years Sophie played by Aishwarya and friend Devyani played by Shenaz Patel assist him in filing this petition. The story as one can imagine is so so tragic but still it gives out a message of hope to live life fully, love every person who matters to you..

Bhansali's films have this larger than life and his strong sense of opulence always enthralls. The film is beautifully shot, every scene one can see the immense detailing that has gone into it.

There are some genuinely emotional moments that will make you cry. Here are some of my best scenes from the film

1. When Ethan's mother Isabel says to the judge to stop his pain and let him live a life of dignity

2. The magic tricks..spectacular!! the song tera zikr..
Ke tera zikr hai, ya koi itr hai...
jab jab karta hun, mehekta hun, behekta hun, chehkta hun
What lines, awesome :)

3. Ash - what a beauty!! her eyes, her earrings, her dress, her red rose, her lips..her emotions through eyes..her dance on song Udi.. Loved her in Jodhaa Akbar also for her ability to covey expressions through eyes and now this also..

4. When Omar asks him about Ethan's first trick - he says the laughter of his mother

5. Omar: Sir, I need to give you a hug Ethan: I have enough attachments already

6. 100 gram zindagi song - the scene where Ethan sees boys playing football and then a scarecrow that in a way reminded him of his life

7. The scene when Ethan asks the lawyer to spend just 60 seconds in a box so that he can experience how he has been living like this for 14 years

8. The haunting scene when Ethan fight a battle with the drop of rain from the leaking roof

9. His song at his mother's funeral

10. That crackling scene when Ethan gets aroused and starts making sounds, Sophia surprises him be reciprocating with her own moans :)

11. Sophia's outburst at the court

12. Ethan's accident

13. And above all, Hrithik and Ash..brilliant..magic..tragic..

In love with Guzaarish :)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Flower of the Day


I love clicking flowers.. they give a very relaxing feel when I look at them. This is the pic I clicked in the market today. I had read this on some body's slam book: Your idea of beauty and the person had answered A Red Rose. So true, nah!! beauty like happiness is subjective. What may appear beautiful to one may not necessarily appeal to the other. No more bhashan. Just admire the pic.. So comforting.. Sigh!

Loser

Life is fair but some people are born losers...

Friday, November 5, 2010

Kuch bhi nahi ab mere kal me...Guzaarish


Happy Diwali :)

As usual long time no see but what to do..my old crib office office..have been doing some real bad work for the last week or so :\
I had to write about so many things as I said in my previous posts..

So finally writing about Guzaarish..

I am in absolute love with the song Udi from Guzaarish..It gives a very Italian-Spanish-tangoish feel to it.. and Aishwarya is looking stunning in it and what a dance.. I wish I could dance..It reminds me of the tap dance in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam..so cool na!! If I had to tap dance on it, I would dance exactly like Vanraj with my two left feet ;)

But what gives me the ultimate high on listening to the song are the lyrics..

The lyrics are trying to show the unexpected happiness the lady feels.. she is probably in love or has attained something very dear to her..that she has come ahead of everything..

My favourite line is this

Jee lee umar sari is pal me,
Kuch bhi nahi ab mere kal me..

I mean how exhilarated she is feeling that she has entered into a state of complete trance and doesn't want to live any more. This line always makes me think? What is that one thing if I get that I can sing the song like her?

I have no answers I don't know..Remember that episode in FRIENDS when the spirit of the old lady enters into Phoebe and says that she won't go unless she has seen everything..and that spirit finally leaves when she sees the lesbian wedding of Carol and Susan!!

This brings to me another related post which I had told I would write after Anjaana Anjaani..what is that thing you want to do before die? I thought of so many things but couldn't''t narrow down to one and really don't know..which is a shame? ain't it?? A life with no purpose?

So my next challenge is to identify and make a list of things I want to do before I die so that I could also sing

Udi, neenden annkhon se..

Judi, raatein khwaabon se..

Mudi(a), yeh jaane main kahan..

Hmmm, meanwhile I had also seen Pyaasa..awesome film...probably one of the finest Hindi films ever!! Now waiting for The Social Network, HP and my love Guzaarish (Come fall in love with life once again)..

P.S.- Have you seen he awesome magic Hritihik does in the song Tera Zikr? I have just one word-spectacular!!!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Stuck

Terrible week going...please finishhhhhhhh :( stuck in jams, work, time..and moreover, stuck in life...

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Suno Aishaaaaaaaaa :)


I saw Aisha yesterday night and I don't know I liked it..I mean it was kind of ok.. it seems I have started to like films which have been panned all over (No don't include that grotesque Hisss which I have no intentions of watching ever even if some one some calls me to its premiere in LA).. Aisha is a typical sweet story inspired from Emma (one of my favorite books since we had it as our supplementary reader in Class 8). I love Jane Austen classics. Mr. Knightley was such a cool character which Abhay Deol essayed in Aisha. But since it is inspired and modified for an Indian audience, the characters weren't that witty. I really liked the girl who played Shefali. I love Sonam Kapoor, no matter what others think of her. I loved her in Saawariya and I hate Luv Storys and now in Aisha..that girl has style and kick ass attitude..and importantly she acts well..

Anyway, talkng of Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice is another must read classic. What I love about her books that her heroines are not typical miss goody two shoes, but very real..very selfish..very self centered..very independent.. Emma Woodhouse, Elizabeth Bennet, Marianne Dashwood..
Back to Aisha, I liked 2 dialogues..
1. Aisha: Muje laga tha jab mujhe pyaar hoga, to meri sari duniya badal jayegi. Chitra Massi : Pyaar koi toofan nahi hai jo aye aur zindagi badal de..pyaar to zindagi ke chote chote lamhon me hai.
2. Pinki: Hum kisi fairytale me nahi Delhi me rehte hai.. yahan hum rainbow nahi traffic ka dhuan hai..agar is me ek sitara bhi dikh jaye vahi bahut hai.. Hmmm
Meanwhile, I am addicted to the song Udi from Guzaarish..What awesome lyrics, na?

Friday, October 22, 2010

A year in which...

On 19 October 2010, I completed one year in my first job..Well..it had been a bit of a roller coaster ride with ups and downs..

A year in which I joined the so called nasty world of corporate life, leaving college behind..
A year in which I was actually paid for my work (still can't believe that though??!!)
A year in which I lost a little of my innocence..
A year in which I travelled outside Delhi after 5 years..
A year in which I travelled in an airplane for the first time ever..
A year in which I saw the beach and sea waves for the first time ever..
A year in which I walked the deserted streets in a mountain at 12 in the night...
A year in which I swam in an 80-feet deep lake relying only a life jacket..
A year in which I worked on a 6 month long project to a 6 minute project..
A year in which I got screamed at for not putting italicised inverted commas..
A year in which my oft repeated phrase has been "witnessed a growth of X%, primarily due to"..
A year in which I saw countless pictures of baby nipple bottles on countless websites..
A year in which I had some great gossip sessions..
A year in which I dressed up as a Hippie (with Dabangg sunglasses) for the office costume party..
A year in which I made and lost some great friends..
A year in which I sang a medley of songs with my fellow cabbies DJ in my croaked voice..
A year in which I literally fought a battle to reach office..
A year in which I actually prayed for no rain, in spite of my eternal love for it :(
A year in which I saw Yamuna flowing over the danger mark..
A year in which I got a certificate for being a quarter finalist in a pictionary game..
A year in which I got my first (maybe last) promotion ever :(
A year in which I came back so happy after a good day (read: no work)..
A year in which I came and cried nights after some really horrible days (and people) at work..
A year in which I realized how good case studies clinical psychologists can do on some characters in office.
A year in which I cut my first birthday cake ever..
A year in which I danced on Khawaja Mere Khawaja in front of the entire office (Thanks Karan!!)
A year in which I lost the sense of time..counting days instead of dates..
A year in which I started loving Fridays more than ever..
A year in which I started getting goosebumps from Sunday evenings..
A year in which I also realized how far behind have I been left..
A year in which I hurt so many people :(
A year in which I felt how terribly lonely people are..especially cab drivers..
A year in which I was humming Bepanah Pyar hai aaja (cab bhaiya's ear splitting ring tone!!)
A year in which I finally accepted that mediocrity is my second name :(
A year in which I questioned my self and my existence ( still do that )
A year in which I was taught so many lessons by life..
If only, I could teach life a lesson one day.....

My past year has to be defined only by my office.. Naturally like for others, it seems there is nothing else in my life..I don't know what is in store for future..I wonder if I'll be able to survive till my next year..Life has become very difficult..Anyway, I will try to be happy as always.. And I will be giving a a fashion makeover to my blog very soon..Ciaos!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I love Salman Rushdie. Period!


I just love Sir Salman Rushdie. He is a brilliant writer and am in total awe of him ever since I have read Midnight's Children. I have started reading his next Luka and the Fire of Life and the following passage is an excerpt form the first chapter, just love his imagination!! His writing gives me a high!! I still remember his description of Qara Koz in The Enchantress of Florence...what a piece of writing it is!!!! And Saleem Sinai of my favourite book ever Midnight's Children..what magic that book is...Sigh..he is never going to get a Nobel :(

Here is my collection of Rushdie...not showing off!!! just want to show my latest addition to it..Ahem Ahem!!


It's a pity that people don't read much of him out of hatred for him writing The Satanic Verses (which I desperately want to read, not the ebook but hardcover, but sadly banned in India)

The only thing that I look forward to these days is his writing :'(

Just read this passage!!

When Luka was only a few years old, his father's hands acquired lives and even minds of their own. They had names too; there was Nobody (the right hand) and Nonsense (the left), and they were mostly obedient and did what Rashid wanted them to, such as waving about in the air when he wanted to make a point (because he liked to talk a lot), or putting food in his mouth at regular intervals (because he liked to eat a lot). They were even willing to wash the part of Rashid he call bee tee em, which was extremely obliging of them. But, as Luka quickly discovered, they also had a ticklish will of their own, especially when he was within their reach. Sometimes when the right hand started tickling and he begged "Stop, please stop", his father replied, "It's not me. In fact, Nobody's tickling you", and when his left hand joined in and Luka, crying with laughter protested, "You are , you are tickling me", his father replied, "You know what? That's just Nonsense"

You are truly next to God as Prateik says.. Will keep looking forward to you always..

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Finding someone you can't live without...

So many things happening together..I can't think... Wednesday :
Still not feeling well :(
Please help me God!! I don't want to remain stuck forever..Will I be able to break this cycle?
Hmmm
Saw Anjaana Anjaani finally..liked it..not great though..just about ok!!
So quote of the day is from it only..it comes before the clock outside the church..
Love is not finding someone to live with, it's finding someone you can't live without

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Goodbye and Goodluck..

Hmmm long time..Nothing much has happened, so nothing much to write.. Every thing has become very dull..no excitement for anything.. just office office office and nothing else.. And I have become sick and tired of travelling and getting stuck in traffic.. I used to commute 3 hours a day when I was in college..and now also I takes me 3 hours daily even though distance is less than my college (and at least I could come early in college)..this CWG mess and the perennially jammed Kalindi Kunj..Now I have to reach office at 8..so sit in can at 6.50 AM :( But what can I do?


Also, had a costume party in office..earlier I wasn't planning to..then decided to go dressed normally but just a day before the party decided to dress up as Hippie.. I wanted to be a retro hero like Akshay Kumar looks like in Action Replay or Veeru of Sholay but just an hour before the party is not the time to hunt for dresses..but it was kind of cool, the party I mean..got some compliments on the look not necessarily good though ;) thanks to Y and J..the party was kind of good..some hilarious characters..my personal favourites were Lady Gaga (awesome wig), Hip Hopper, Ram, Gabbar, Thakur and Rocket Singh..Here is a look of mine with S's Dabanng glasses..




I know I know..it doesn't go with my image..though I was feeling a bit out of place which I always feel in parties :( In fact, there are very few places where I don't feel out of place.. I have kind of become a social recluse..today, a friend of mine pinged me... I wasn't in a mood to talk..So I made an excuse that it is my sister who is using my account and I forgot to sign out..very bad of me :( but I will write a long mail to my friend.. I love writing mails to friends..I miss writing letters too but sadly there is no one to whom I can write letters..
And it's almost 2 months that I haven't watched a movie (except Dabbanng, which I watched half heartedly) Anjaana Anjaani is the one I am currently waiting for (obsessed with its trailers as evident form the previous posts)..was supposed to release last Friday but Babri verdict put it off.. was planning to take a chuuti on that day to watch that movie but alas!! I hope it is good..looks good from the trailers and the music (Tujhe bhula diya is an awesome song)..will write another post on its theme..What do you want to do before you die? very thought provoking question..
It is exactly one year to Wake Up Sid..one of my fav movie released last year at this very time.. I have said this before also and repeat.. Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra (no matter how many surgeries she has undergone) are such 'beautiful' people..drop dead gorgeous..every time I see them together I am in complete awe of their beauty.. another person who makes me think like this is Scarlett Johannson..very very pretty..there are many others (both men and women!!) who can just capture you by just their beauty..
Hmm..and I am currently reading The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo..totally kick ass book..the film is making waves all over..
On the personal front, things not going very well but I have learnt to accept some things that some things (and some people too!!) in life are just not made for some people..
I want to do so many things in life but I never take the first step I will try to...OK enough for now... more later.. instead of dialogue today I will put a quote

Goodbye without reasons is the most painful one..Love without reason is the most beautiful one..

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I do give a damn...

Mere saath na kuch bhi theek nahi ho raha hai :(
For the last 2 weeks, I am feeling helpless..and alone...
Some people say to me..you have everything..what else do you require in life?
It is very hard to explain to them because they won't understand..everybody tries to look at the surface from their own perspective...no one is able to quite understand what the other person could be actually going through..I am not blaming anyone..it is a simple fact of life..
And my mom has stopped talking to me and the reason she gave to me made me angry and sad..sob :'(
I hate myself.. That is why I don't deserve anything in life..
I wish I could be like Rhett Butler: Frankly honey, I don't give a damn..
I can't be like him..anyways..
Three weeks I haven't watched any movie..not even at home.. I am also not reading any book..I am missing the old me who used to read so much :(
I hate change if it doesn't make me feel good.....
I will still try to be positive *hopefully*

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Of Lovers, Made For Each Other...

I had written a post Of Lovers not made for each other, that post made people think I am in love ;) here is another version but with a happier conext. Some instances have been inspired which you will figure out, the rest howevr is me..

Here it is...

Six billion people..six billion souls.. and all you just need is one..Yes, I have found my soul mate and you know who it is? Of course you know that who could else be...It is you :)

I don't know why but ever since we have been together, my life has changed. There is this new optimism and a sense of exhilaration that has come up, the two things which I don't have a good relationship with. You have brought a new hope in my life that yes..there is someone there for me..someone who will listen to me..you have brought this new zeal in me to survive..to fight..to not procrastinate..you are like a beacon of light in the stormy sea I am sailing my rudderless ship..At the end of the day, when I see you or hear your voice, it makes me fresh just like the smell of the parched ground when the first monsoon rains come..It is like you are my rainbow bringing the colours in my dull life..

As Ross said to Emily, that when he is with her she brings out a totally different side to him, it is the same with me..I am an altogether new person when I am with you, a persona to me which I knew I ever had, you bring out the best of me..perhaps an idealized version of myself which I always wanted to be but owing to circumstances had to retreat that new 'I' into a shell to protect that side from this dark world..and also you bring out the romantic in me which I never thought I could be one ;)

You know I read somewhere that God intentionally did not make our fingers webbed..because he wanted someone else's fingers to fit into ours when we join hands. Holding hands is God's first sign of people in love. As corny it may sound, but when I hold your hands, it makes me feel connected to you..to your heart..

You remember the song Tum Se Hi from Jab We Met, Aditya sees Geet everywhere he goes..in his office, in his work, in the rains, in his dreams.. the same effect you have cast on me. You have become an inseparable part of my existence. You are not there but still you are there. You know when people look at the stars at the night and how they find patterns there like some ship or etc. I see your face in those stars..in the patterns those shiny cottony clouds make.. in the sand that has been left ashore by the all powerful sea waves..I see you everywhere..as if you have touched my soul and I was born just to be with you..

According to a Chinese tradition, people gift a ring to their beloved that is worn on the ring finger as its nerve has a straight connection to the heart..Today I found one more reason for that..Join both your hands..Now with all your fingers joined, try to separate your thumbs..they would easily separate out..try this for the next finger they would also..But try separating your ring fingers, it would be very hard to move them away from each other..that is why I am giving you this ring as this would never be separated from you :)

Sometimes I get this urge to mess up your hair..to slap you like a kid..to give you a big hug..to dance in the rain..to wear your shirt and sometimes just to keep looking at you. I don't know why but it comes from within..

Yesterday was full moon night and when I was young, someone told me that if you try and focus on the moon, you will see God in the moon. I always tried but somehow I could not. I tried that same thing again and you know what I saw? I saw you.. as if you have become my God..perhaps I was missing you so much that is the reason but from that moment, it is as if I have found out what that eternal entity siting in the heaven looks like.

Someone asked me that who is the one for whom I will be willing to die a thousand deaths just to spend some moments with you. I closed my eyes and saw you. It made me think that I was born just to be with you.

Sometimes, I pinch my self that to make sure that I am not living a dream. It is for the first time that I feel happy and being happy makes me happy instead of being sad makes me happy. You are the exuberance of my life..of my existence.. I just pray that you are there with as long as I am there. I cannot imagine my life without you..you are the purpose of my life.. Miss you always..

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

One..

Six billion people in this world..Six billion souls.. and all you need is One..

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Of A******s

I am no sadist but I just feel like slapping one person real real hard..bloody asshole.. who does this weirdo think he is?
Today was a real real bad day..not because of work..but because of some bloody homo sapiens..but what did I do then? Just came back from the scene and kept cursing myself :(
Anyway why spoil my mood because of a bloody fool..
I will be happy.. One person just made my day..felt real nice after talking to you..thanks a ton R :)
Song of the day: Dil hai chota sa..choti si aasha..
Dlaiogue of the day: Main ek aisa khel khel raha hai hun jisme dono taraf se haar meri hi hai......#Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam 8-)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Of Jaane Bhi Do, Peepli [Live] and Class 11 Essay...

I remember watching Jaane bhi do yaaron for the first time ever on 26 January 2010 i.e. Republic Day. I had heard it to be the funniest Hindi film ever, instead I found it be one of the saddest films ever (of course, not in a ridiculing sort of way!). There was this uneasy hopelessness and a feeling of tragedy associated with it..as a black comedy, it was meant to be this way but it made me real sad..And see the co-incidence of fate, here I am watching Peepli [Live] on a day before 15 August i.e. Independence Day..

Peepli [Live] is one of the finest films that I have seen in a long long time and must say I had the privilege of watching a film second day first show ;) that would go down as a classic in the years to follow. Another black comedy in the same league as Jaane bhi do.. the satirical film would leave you in splits. Behind the veneer of humour, the movie is full of pathos and has a utter melancholy and dystopian side attached to it.

By now, many of you who haven't see the film (Stop reading this crap and watch it now), the film is about a debt ridden farmer who is tricked by his brother who convinces him to commit suicide as his death would give them monetary compensation to survive. A local reporter overhears this and contacts a national TV channel for this 'Exclusive' story. And here it starts, the India TV syndrome to grab the most eyeballs leads to all channels covering this story leading to a mela at Natha's house. Since Peepli by-elections are also taking place, the politicians enter the fray as they say 'rajneeti ki rotiyaan sekna'. The beauty of the film lies that without preaching so much it tries to portray so many issues - the paid news, the media wars, the caste politics, the corruption, the useful (or useless) schemes, rural migration, American lobbying, the life in rural India, the sensationalism in the media, and so many more..

In one scene, Naths's brother Budhia says something like this "agar marega to kitni izzat hogi" and Natha replies "agar zinda hi nahi rahenge to izzat ka kya karenge." In another dialogue (the strength of the film), a politician says "aaj kal zindagi to bell bottom ho gayi hai, aur khudh khushi to jeans se nikalta hua pet." The obsession to grab TRPs is so fierce that Natha is followed even when he goes to defecate "18vi baar ja raha hai lagta hai julaab ho gaya hai" or that scene where Deepak psychoanalyses Nath'a multi colored turd "Manovigyaniko ke mutabik manushya ke mal se uski mansik stithi ka pata lagaya ja sakta hai aur yeh raha Natha ka aakhri aasan"

My favourite subplot of the film was with Rakesh and the poor farmer Mahto. Rakesh watching the eight-pack ab ribs showing farmer digging and he remarks "C******, kaun sa khajana khod raha hai", later realising that Mahto used to sell that mud to a brick kiln to survive and one day Mahto dies while digging, as if in a way all this time he was digging his own grave.. This scene brought a lump in my throat.. In another hard hitting scene, Rakesh goes and tells Nandita ( a Brakha Dutt look alike) that does only Natha matter? Don't the lives of other nameless farmers who are living in horrifying conditions matter to us? and she pragmatically replies "This is journalism, if you can't survive it then don't be in it" This scene summed up what we are witnessing in our society today...

Apart from the media, the politician class isn't spared either.. the red tape has become so entrenched in our bureaucracy that even Kafka would be surprised. Rajeev Gandhi famously remarked that only 15 paise reach the poor of every one rupee spent on them. It's not that we do not have the resources but everyone wants to have a pie of the resources. Like the election symbol of the Jan Samman Party (look at the irony, samman???) was a lock and a key, but the problem is who will put the key in the lock? Lal Bahadur to de diya lekin use lagvayega kaun? TV to de diya lekin bijli kaun dega ghar me?? Natha card to start kar diya lekin lagoo state governments karengi (the same is happening with Right to Education).. Mare hue kisano ke liye yojana hai lekin zinda kisano ke liye nahi.. marne ke ichhuk kisano ke liye ek yojana start kar do.. How ridiculous is that?

But perhaps, my best scene was when Natha's goat playfully nudges him while he tries to sleep and he tries to shoo them away, but ultimately gives in to them and he starts playing with them.. Amazing scene..vulnerable, innocent, dreamy Natha..

Take a bow Anusha Rizvi (and please can we have less of publicity hungry Aamir Khan) it is her script and the script and the direction truly belong to her. A special mention for all characters epecially beedi phuking kickass Amma and her fiesty kulta Bahu, Budhia, Deepak, Rakesh, and Nandita..Mahangayi dayan and desh mera rangras hai babu deserve special mention too..

Talking of media, I remember in Class 11, in English exam, we had to write on "In India, the media is glamour struck". Since it was pre-India TV days, everybody had gone on and on about how media is obsessed with Bollywood ( I know Siddharth would hate me even more for using this term) and then our ma'am said it is not only about Bollywood, the glamour in the sense means that the media has made an issue as tragic and scary as the Iraq war in to some sort of a fantasy. And how things have changed, if we are told to write on this topic today, books could be written. I am not crtiticising the media but the needless romanticisation that it has become famous for. The 26/11 attacks, the Sania Shoaib marriage, the Prince in a hole, the Arushi murder case, the Gudiya-what will-she-do-now case (remember her, the lady who was raped by her father in law) and so many more issues that media has gone overboard.. Peepli [Live] showcase this brilliantly..The Saif 12vi-umar-ka-chumbhan!!

I have gone a bit hyperbole (an understatement) but Peepli made me think a lot. I wanted to write about left and right wing economic policies as well but I guess I will keep them for another post.

Long time, I had written about a movie. Peepli [Live] is worth watching again and again..

P.S. Since I have written so much of Peepli, dialogue of the day is from the trailer of Anjaana Anjaani

Kiara: Maine tumhe bahut jaane lagi hun..tum anjaane hi acche the Aakash...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Of Rainbows, Anjaana Anjaani and baanta hua pyar...


I love the trailer of Anjaana Anjaani..

Forget Worries
Forget Pain
Forget Sorrow
Forget Expectations
Forget Guilt
Forget Pressures
Forget Anxiety
Forget Disappointment

Sigh! if only, it was that simple in real life..perhaps that is why I love movies so much..It helps me escape from the realities I dither to accept..

Anyway..there is this scene in its trailer, when Ranbir opens his mouth and lights in the form on rainbow switch on and reach Priyanka standing on the other side..as if the rainbow is staring from his mouth..Just amazing scene that..I keep on watching that trailer again and again just because of that spell binding scene..
I like Priyanka's name Kiara too..what a couple they make!! Both drop dead gorgeous..mirror cracking material as orkut used to say when it gave shady options to define your looks on your profile..

Talking of rainbows, I have been fascinated by them since I came to know about dispersion in Class 8 I guess..isn't it just thrilling that a white light can split into seven colours forming this resplendent pattern??? Nature always surprises you!! And while sitting on the flight from Goa to Mumbai, I saw this rainbow from the window seat and just kept looking at it..as if it was following me..What a sight it was!! Maybe that is why I am in awe of the trailer from Anjaana Anjaani..

Long time since I wrote a dialogue or song of the day..
Malhotra: Shayd Rahul ki jagah aur koi hota tab bhi mujhe itna hi bura lagta..
Tina: Papa??
Malhotra: Tumhara pyar bat jayega na..

Song of the day: Tanha Tanha yahan pe jeena yeh koi baat hai..[special mention of the flute played in the song and Urmila's signature dance step :)]

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Of Chambal ke Daku and Courageous Gudia

Amazing!! Brilliant!! Courageous!! Daring!! Exceptional!! Ferocious!! Gutsy!!
I can complete the alphabetic list for this lady who had the guts to go to Chambal to get her husband back from the notorious dacoits. The dacoit sardar got so impressed that he called her sister and gave her Rs. 5,100 in cash. Now that is called brave..Would any woman, in fact anyone go to a place where there is no woman in a 50 km radius..it requires great courage and belief in yourself to do this..I simply salute that lady..After a really really long time, I saw something that gave me goosebumps..very very inspiring!! Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear..So fitting to this lady Ms. Gudia. Read the whole story here
On second thoughts, what a film this would make!! The beautiful Mahie Gill or Tabu would be perfect..
P.S.- I just saw a barsaati keeda fly in to my room and decided to scream for help :

Monday, August 9, 2010

Photo of the year...

I was so happppppppy to meet Rajdeep Sardesai at Delhi Airport..my first flight ever :) He was in our plane..late I saw his wife Sagarika Ghose was also there with him..else I would have taken a photo with her too :))
He is like my idol..I always wanted to be a brilliant journalist like him (there are others on the list too..)
Anyway what he said I will write later..
Back from Goa..I am in love with the sea waves..Can sit there all day..
P.S. - I am a horrible horrible person..I always land up in trouble or put others in to it..perhaps that is why God also does not support me :(

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Of Rachel, Ross and One Sided Love...

This is one of my favourite episodes when Rachel comes and watches Ross kissing Emily she realizes that nothing will happen even if she tells Ross that she loves him so much :(

I love Rachel's emotions in this episode..the way she said "I just came to say Congratulations" and she keeps on crying :(

The thing about Love is..Love is when you shed a tear and still want that person, it is when that person ignores you and you still love them unconditionally, it is when that person loves someone else but you still smile and say I am happy for you , when all you really do is cry...

You will know that you love someone when you want him/her to be happy even if it means that you are not a part of their happiness..

:'(

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Happy Friendship Day

01 August 2010
Happy Friendship Day
Chandler and Joey
Rachel and Monica
Phoebe and Joey
Christina and Meredith
Mark and Callie
Aakash, Sidharth and Sameer
Aditya and Geet
Zeenat and Meera
Rahul and Anjali
I missed you so much today :(

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Of Totems..

What should be my totem? My real life itself is a totem...I don't need a totem..
Hmmm.. Inception.. awe inspiring.. What did I watch?? I can watch it again!! reminded me of No Smoking..another brilliant film..Hmm
Song of the day : Inception inspired.. kaisi hai yeh ruth jisme phool banke dil khile..

Friday, July 23, 2010

Aadha sa vaada kabhi aadhe se zyada kabhi..

My life sucks bigtime..I dont even want to write about it..This week was so bloody shit..Period!
Dialogue of the day:
Aditya: Geet pata hai, tumne mujha kitna hurt kiya hai...
Main tera sarmaya hun..jo bhi main ban paya hun..tum se hi ..tum se hi..raaste mil jate hai..manzile mil jaati hain...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Of Bailey...


Meredith: Lexie always has inappropriate feelings for inappropriate people

Pankaj: Who doesn't?

After George died (still in cry mood), I want to be like you Miranda..you are my idol :)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Peter Keating :(

I don't want to end up like Peter Keating :(
Will I?
I respect you so much Howard Roark..:(

Sunday, July 18, 2010

The voice in my head...

As I wake up in the morning..
the voice in my head gives me a warning..
how long will you on cribbing..
Till you finally find what do you want to do for a living...

The voice is my head is my all weather companion..
It makes me laugh till the point of exhaustion..
and makes me cry on my life as if I am peeling an onion..

As I try to decipher the enigma of Mona Lisa's smile..
the voice in my head says painter or artist for a while..
As I admire the resplendent moves of a a contemporary hip hopper..
the voice in my head echoes 'I too am a disco dancer'..
As I take an ambulatory stroll..
the voice in my head gives me another phone call..
See those pigeons flying in full vigour..
Just get your camera to capture them in full splendour..
As I shed copious tears while watching Up in the Air..
the old monster in my head screams hmm..the director's chair...

Confused, ambitious, perplexed, helpless, frustrated, hope hopen it makes me..
As I see an author, philosopher, or a tarot card reader...
if only the voice in my head could wake up the voice in my heart from its deep slumber..

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Of Solving the Equation of Life..

If X+Y+Z=0, then X^3 + Y^3 + Z^3 = 3(XYZ).. can we substitute our life into these formulae?

Then Schrodinger's wave equation would have tough competition to be called as the one of the complex equations in Physics as Life's Perpetual Complexity Equation would give it a run for its money..Life's Perpetual Complexity equation has this special qualtiy that the number of variables in the equation is also variable depending upon each individaul, such as date, time, period, people around you, mangal, budh, shani, shukra, rahu, ketu, and the list goes on..


One day I will get the Nobel Prize for solving the Life's Perpetual Complexity Equation.. Then I will laugh at Einstein who got Nobel for Photoelectric effect!!!! rather than the theory of relativity..heehaw! I must start preparing my speech for it as Phoebe and Rachel do..Phoebe says "Oh!! It's just so unexpected..I uh..oh boy, I tell you it is just such an honour to be nominated for a Nobel Prize and you know to win for a massage"

I love you Phoebe!

Thanks to Aastha for being the inspiration behind this post!

Noor-e-khuda, tu kahan chupa hai hume yeh bata..yun na humse nazre chura....

Dialogues of the day:
1. Abey luti hui Sultanat ke pite hue sultan
2. Wha re lallu, kya sochi door ki, shakal hai langoor ki, lekin chaht kisi hoor ki

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I complete myself...

This is what Javed Akhtar tweeted today..

Maine yeh keh kar dil ko samjhaya hai...vo jo chala gaya vo mera tha hi nahin....

Vo bewafa hua to iska gham nahi..hum be yakeen ho gaye haan iska gham to hai..

So true these lines are :'(

It's only words and words are all I have to take you heart away...

Notting Hill: I am just a girl, standing in front of boy, asking him to love her..

The day I died was the best day of my life...

Jerry Maguire: You complete me...

.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Thanks Angela!


Today Angela sent a friend request on Facebook..Curious that I was, I asked her who she was because I don't know her..Turns out she read my "A thing of beauty is a joy forever" post..It is amazing how people can connect just by words...Hey thanks a lot Angela...It really made my day..

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Of Impromptu Photography

My mobile phone camera sucks but still I love it..it is the only thing that comes to rescue when I have to click a picture immediately..

Jao pehle us aadmi ka sign le kar aao jisne mere haath par yeh likh diya tha...


The view from the office's 6th floor balcony on the day it was raining..it seemed I could catch the clouds..



Hitesh's heart shaped lunch box ;D jahan dekho apna dil baanta rehta hai...dil to lunch box hai ji..

Talking of shapes, I got this beautiful bottle..kya figure hai.. Men would appreciate more..36-24-28..

As they say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, a bottle can be as beautiful :)



This one I clicked when Disha was putting make up while looking in the rear view mirror.. Party me jaa rahi thi to gaadi me hi make up shake up start ho gaya..


This one is the standing truck!!!!! while going to office, it became some sort of a tourist attraction...Hope the driver is fine..


Bhaisahab Dhoni ki shaadi thi...to uski shaadi to hum bhi manayenge...kaaala sha kaala.. dulhan ke dewar yun tum dikhlayo na yun tewar..

I know the last one should get the Razzie for worst pic ever ;D I got this clicked at Shopper's Stop while window shopping..

Anyway I have got a digicam..so will put more pics..yipeee


Dialogue of the week: Chal Dhano, teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawaal hai..
Song of the week: Aishaaaaaaaa

Friday, July 9, 2010

Deewar....

Sometimes life questions you at every step....I mean just opening a new tab...What do you want to do next? I don't know :(
Can't wait for Udaan..I hope I learn something from it..
Why was I left behind...really really really behind...
Anyway... mere pass gaadi hai bangla hai bank balance hai..tumhare paas kya hai...
mere paas kuch bhi nahi hai :'(

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Of Random Chemistry...

Am I that bad :(
2 days.. 2 incidents.. 2 people..
Never mind..
The bond lengths of both double and single bonds in benzene is same, signifying that the position of bonds is not fixed but that the electrons are rotating in the plane of the ring leading to resonance..
When will I be resonating..seems that the electrons in my nucleus have found a better electrophile wanting to break both my double and single bonds...my ortho and para and even meta position is electron repelling..Friedal Crafts' electrophilic substitution of benzene ring..
Never mind...
Some things are just not made for you :( and those that are you don't want them..
Never mind...
Am I really that bad :(
Never mind...
The five stages of grief..anger, denial, bargaining, depression...and acceptance...
Never mind..
Phoebe: Jingle bitch screwed me over..go to hell Jingle whore..go to hell..go to hell..go to hell hell hell...
Never mind..
Kaun hai vo jiske saath ek pal bitane me tumhe 1000 maut kabool hai - Dil Chahta Hai...
Mera dil to sach much bahut kuch chahta hai but...
The hybridisation state of ethyne is sp..planar....
What is the hybridisation state of Pankaj? It's complicated..

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Sadka kiya yun ishq ka..ke sar jhuka jahan..deedar hua....

Jay: Kabhi kabhi khush rehne ke liye khul kar jeena padta hai...you need to break free and loose control..

Hmmm..will I ever be able to break free :(

Will I ever get my own love story :(

I loved the scene when Simran goes and dances in the rain..and another scene where she gets drunk when J say my wife is pregnant..

It is a bit embarrassing but I totally loved Simran's character when she falls in love with J and when Jay says pyar vyar kuch nahi hota and she says nahi! aisa mere saath hua hai..and she apologises for faling in love with him...:(

Loved the songs especially Sadka kiya.. and Bahara Baharaa..

Kuch khwaab dekhe hain..kuch rang soche hain....

Ab maine kal apne tere sang soche hain...

Is raah me jab bhi tu saath hoti hai,

Kisson ke panno ki har baat hoti hai

Roor mein jo hui fida..toh pal me uthi koyi sada..

Ke dil se hua judaa judaa..toota main iss tarah..

Sadka kiya yun ishq ka..ke sar jhuka jahan..deedar hua....

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Paris is a city of Gunthers....


Dear Pankaj,
You have been such a sweet friend, so enjoyed eating your yummy things from time to time ..take care always..I really hope you do amazingly well in life..will miss my neighbour..wish you all the best..
P.S. - No relation of the letter to the title.. just missing Phoebe :(

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

What will you choose? Love or Surgery?

Grey's Anatomy :(
I am still crying..
1. Christina: I choose my gift
2. Owen: People do matter
3. Izzie: The surgery is the one you come home from but what is important is who you come home to.. Love is more important..
4. Man: You know what's demeaning? To love a person who thinks so low of you but you still love..
5. Fat Patient: I don't want to live life where I have to reduce myself everyday
:( :(

Of People Leaving and Unexpected Surprises...

Today it was Hitaishi (who by name appears to be Hitesh's sister :P) last day.. When she was leaving, I don't know I felt sad..I have known her for 8 months only but I was a little unhappy.. She is one the sweetest persons I know..everyone came to her desk and wished her well..I was watching this all day..I made me feel as if it was my last day..Well, I gave her the book Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez..Hmm and surprise! she also gave me soft toy with a message written for me..I will put its pic :) but it made me feel real nice, more so because it was unexpected!! Thanks a lot Hitaishi for that :) I also wrote something for her.
And it was Rahul's birthday also, to whom I gave The Bioscope Man by Indrajit Hazra..it was a book which he once told me that he wants it and I remembered that..so on his birthday, I gave him that and it made me feel nice that he really liked it (hopefully)...
He is also leaving next month and the 2 people who sit opposite me will be gone.. new people will come but I don't know will I be able to gel with them :( Left alone again..
Hmmm..

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Living in the Shell....

On Friday, Disha and I were coming back in the cab and she told me something which I have actually been experiencing for some time..
We were talking about change and making our philosophies for change.I told her that I hate change and she was like your life now would change so much that you would stop bothering about change...
But it was the second thing here that I am talking about....She has been working for three years and she told me that she was also like me earlier..but she has become very mature now..She said that till now you have been living a very protected life, you world revolves around your family or your friends..but now you have joined the corporate world so you are metaphorically speaking naked..Now you are all alone..there is no one to help you..your parents and all your friends will stop understanding you and relating to your problems..they won't be able to see what you are going through so you have to stand on your own...this world is a harsh one and you are all alone, so face everything on your own..
I actually knew this thing and have been feeling the same..the friends in college who I talked to, they can't understand what I face..everything has changed..my parents don't even know what I work on.. I must admit I have always been living in this protected shell and still am but these days I feel I am all alone..as my previous blog posts say, I feel something is different..I don't know whether I would be able to survive on my own or always need a helping hand..My friend just got married and I am still living in my dream world..Life is changing yeah..and really fast..God! give us the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that can be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other..

Friday, June 25, 2010

Of Experiencing Surrealism



Hmmm.. now about this fellow called Hitesh Sachdeva!! Never talked to him in college, different branch, but got in the same company, we are 10 people from the same college. But now I go and tell him everything!! every office gossip and every little crib that I have to do, I go and tell him.. He stays in GK-1 and we shared the same cab but now he has left the cab, so we became good friends during cab rides :) He is the exact opposite of me.. totally dashing (every girl is flat on him!!), even Mummy said "yeh ladka kitna sundar aur smart hai" :D, outgoing, cool, popular, good at everything he does, sensible, how to handle difficult situations, he knows every god damn sports in the world, smooth talker :D and I am his exact opposite..totally dumb and duffer.. but still you know there is this feeling of what do I say "apna jaisa lagta hai" as in like family (we have the same surname as well).. he keeps on telling me "jab mera birthday ayega to main tujhe daaru pilaunga" hahahahaha! piyakkad kahin ha..every weekend he is sloshed! But he is very good at heart. I just can't wait to dance on his wedding which is still 7-8 years away :D Pata nahi, tab tak to bhool hi jayega mujhe :( He scolds me sometimes to do things the correct way. I have a good time with him. I respect him a lot. I consider him to be my good friend but I don't know about the same from his side..sometimes I feel he doesn't like me when he is with his type of people : as in I feel I chepofy him :( There were many instances when I felt this way but it is ok..I am his good friend and not he! But he is one of my coolest friends..All friends that I have are like me..but he is totally opposite so it is kind of surreal that such a person could be friends with me :) Ok!! But I wish this friendship remains forever :)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Yamini Goyal is friends on Facebook with who all?

Hmmm...
The last two weeks in office have been quite stressing... running here and there..do this..do that..yeh vo..huh!
Anyways...

You know I feel awful ...why is that I have to run after you every time? It makes me feel unwanted.. Is there something in me that repels you? Ok fine.. I will not trouble you anymore..In life I have faced many disappointments, I will add one more to it..

Hmmm..so time is running out..a decision has to be made and that too real fast..but the problem is how do I make that? It seems I am trapped in Kafkaesque world..There is no one to help me and it scares me that if I take a wrong decision, it could spoil many things.. but I have to be brave..there is no other option..Pankaj..do it fast fast!! remember God helps those who help themselves..

All my life I have worked so hard.. I have not got anything served on a platter..burnt the midnight oil like anything..yes, no one forced me to do but I wanted it for myself..Life hasn't been that easy as it looks..I have made some big blunders and screwed so many things but still I did not give up..I have seen people getting things they want granted to them like charity..bas maange ki der thi..it has never happened to me..I had to fight for things..I have no one to guide me..no body to help me.. I have taken my own decisions.. but then I feel after 23 years, where have I landed? Sometimes, it really hurts that after so much did I achieve anything at all? I have been plagued by these thoughts for the last two weeks.. it hurts! it really does...
Anyway someone came on my blog searching "Yamini Goyal is friends on Facebook with who all" ... this brought a smile to my usually dull night... oh thank God! for the small mercies! See Yamini Sachdeva! teri judwaa behen bhi hai Yamini Goyal :D
I will still try to be happy.. I am happy :)
Song of the Week.. Aaj piya tohe pyaar dun..love this line especially tu sukh mera lele..main dukh tere lelu...main bhi jiyun tu bhi jiye...
If only someone could love me!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Door jake ke bhi mujhse..tum meri yaadon me rehna..

Rhea: Mera Dev kahi kho gaya hai...

Dev: Khoya bhi to tumne hai..

- Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

What a line!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Aise Kitne Log Hain...

Today Luck By Chance was coming.. It is one of my favourite favourite movies and Konkona says in the end "Main khush hun kyunki main vo kar rahi hun jise muje khushi milti hai, aise kitne log hai jo yeh yeh keh sakte hai? Paise bhi theek thaak kama leti hun aur maine khush rehna seekh liya hai." Hmm if only we all could say that...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Of 23rd Birthday...

Hi... As usual I have been ignoring you my dear blog..but you know I just can't live without you..you are my only friend to whom I tell you everything..


Hmmm.. So a lot has been happening lately.. the last I wrote about was when I was about to leave for Saat-taal.. A lot has taken place in life last month.. and all has been related to office only..it seems that office has become my life! Monday-Friday in office..come back by around 8-8.15 everyday and feel sleepy aate hi.. and Saturday and Sunday I keep thinking of what happened in office or what could happen in office.. It seems as if there is nothing else going on..

A lot of bad things have happened while some good things also did take place..
Hmmm.. on May 19, 2010 I turned 23 :(
I know birthdays are an occasion to be happy about this was probably the saddest part for me..turning 23!!!! OMG! 23?????? shit! it hit me as it always does like a thunderbolt.. 23 is such an aadmi type age.. I had imagined that at 23 my life would be like this like that but alas! kuch nahi mila abhi tak voh.. I don't even know how to behave properly even though now I am a working professional. I don't want to grow up..life is running too fast and all life I will keep cribbing rather than taking any action...some of the people at 23 have everything in they wanted..pata nahi ya! I am very sad for turning 23 :( So, how was the birthday? Hitesh was the first person to wish me! I will write more about him in the coming paragraphs...He calls me at 8.45 PM on 18 May only, saying, "yaar, main bahut tight hun aaj, jaate hi so jaunga, so Happy Birthday. Apne birthday par na kuch bada kariyo! Samjh gaya!" Hahaha! tight???? pagal hai ekdum pagal vo! then at 12, friends started calling and messaging.. thanks to all :) Normally, I don't put my birthday as a notification either on Orkut or Facebook but this year I did not remove it from Facebook, so a lot many people sent their wishes.. but I was very sad that I had expected a call from 3 people who still haven't called..lagta hau bhool gaye mujhe but theek hai who am I to expect anything.. I had gone to office on birthday and in office, balloons are put on your desk so that the whole office knows it is your birthday, which I feel is very embarrassing..so people came and gave their wishes.. I had taken muffins for everybody and everyone loved them :) Then a cake was ordered! I have never cut a cake for my birthday..In school every time it was holidays and in college it was always exam time, so treat and all used to happen later but no cake! but this time proper cake was cut..I will put the pics.. and everyone came and Hitesh bhaisahab ne poore muh par cake laga diya.. so what gifts I got? Aastha gave me Cuckold, the book that I have been dying to read about the story of Meerabai's husband :) Jenny, Raj, Dipanjana and Hitesh gave me 5 movie CDs- Pyaasa, Sahib Biwi aur Ghulam, Sujata, Guide and Baaton Baaton Mein :) Jyotsana gave me Levi's wallet :) I was happy for all the gifts :) I still have to give a treat to all of them...




I still have to write a lot about my trip. Since it is an off today, I gave the day to my blog. it is almost 3 years since I started blogging... Will keep on writing more..Till then Ciaos!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Tum paas ho ke bhi apne nahi...

I have been listening to this song and makes me very very sad..always want to cry when I hear this :( I love these lines especially..
Nigahon me dekho meri jo hai bas gaya, woh hai milta tumse hu bahu...
ooo..jane teri aankhen thi ya baatien thi vajah, hue tum jo dil ki aarzoo..
tum paas ho ke bhi..
tum aas ho ke bhi..
apne nahi...
aise hai humko gile
tumse na jane kyun..
milon ke hai fasle..
tumse na jane kyun...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Why is everything so different?

Somethings have changed..something has changed definitely.. You know, for the last 15-20 days or so, I feel everything is different around me..I am feeling as if something is going to happen.. I don't know whether it is going to be a good thing or a bad thing..but I can sense the aura..there is this feeling of void as if something is unfulfilled..I don't know what it is.. For the last 5 months or so, I had worked with only 2-3 people in office but in the last month, I had worked with a whole new people..So, a lot of people know me..and no! I am not bragging!! How could I?? So people come to my desk, talk to me about random stuff, chit chat..it is kind of surreal because I have never been comfortable in knowing so many people..In school, I wasn't a famous or a popular student...was more like (and still am!!) a nerdish kid :( In college, I had only 20 people in my class and some friends from school who I knew very well..So I wasn't very much a known face in college either..It is not as if I am the most popular person in Office, I still am the least known face because of my inherent nature to not open up to people easily, but a lot of people (according to my standards!!) now know me.. So it is kind of different to see that i could be known by people..moreover, I am a very boring person..I won't start talking unless the other person starts first..And that makes me kind of uncomfortable that people coming and talking to me.. perhaps, it is this that is making me very restless!! I found some old friends on Facebook who said they specially searched me.. It was kind of weird because I have never been remembered by people or worth remembering so when that friend says that she specially searched my name because I was her good fiend, it made me feel good and bad.. Good obviously and bad because it made me feel as if things are changing.. and I can sense things are no longer the same as Phoebe said that she can hear the voices in her head.. It is as if something is forcing me to grow up and I don't want to.. as if some force is pushing me to change my personality which I don't want to..Everything feels incomplete these days.. there is something missing perhaps happiness, contentment, satisfaction... I don't know what life has in store for me as I turn 23 this week about which I am even more sad (will write another post about it as well).. I miss the things they used to be..

Came back from trip last week.. was kind of OK!! More about in later.. Ciaos!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Of Lovers, Not Made For Each Other :(

I don't know what has happened to me but for the past few days there is this inexplicable feeling that you have cast over me. I am thinking about you all the time. When I don't get to see you, I just want to be with you. I keep on laughing and smiling on my own when I think about what you said or what you did. And when I am with you, I just want to keep looking at your face which helps me forget everything else that is taking place in my life. Your face has cast this spell over me. I want to see you, listen what you say, want to tease you, make you smile. I miss you like anything. I love it when you come over and say things to me which you don't tell others. It makes me feel special.

You are like someone who I always wanted to be like. Your ability to make people long for you is simply amazing. You are like my idol, in fact you are my idol. An idol is something Utopian. Yes, I can never be like you but in you, I see a perfectionist version of myself. Is there anything that you cannot do! Some people say that true love is finding your soul's counterpart in others. Perhaps that is why I see my soul in you? So, how do I say this? Am I falling in love with you or is it just plain liking for a friend? I consider those people lucky in life who get their true love!! Never ever, not even for a moment I thought that there could be something between you and me. We are not meant to be together. My love for you is platonic. I don't want to lose your friendship at any cost. But I can't help it. I know there is no chance for us but still you are so good that you made me fall in love with you. I want to get over you as quickly as possible but the irony is the more I try not to think about you, the more I suppress my feelings about you, the more I end falling in love with you all over again. It is as if you control me. Any song I hear, anything I do just reminds me of you. I cry every time when this thought comes to my mind that we are not made for each other. Sometimes I feel why did it have to be me. You will ask if I want to get over you, when was I under you? but the thing is I didn't realize when did this thing happen?

I sometimes feel you deliberately ignore me, and even the snob that I am I would not bow unless you talk to me first but it is fine by me who am I to say you anything, you have your own life, your own love, own dreams. I know that you treat me as a good friend and I am very happy about that. To just enter your good books is a sort of an achievement for me. But sometimes I do feel life has been very unfair. Life just doesn't turn out the way you want it to be.

Should I be sorry for what has happened? I never even want to tell you the way I feel about you. I just want to keep loving you in silence, I don't know who is to blame for this mess that has happened. I just wish you get everything I life and you get all the success in life for if you fail, it means my idealist soul fails. I don't know whether my love for you is like Catherine's for Heathcliff as she said that her love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods, time will change it but her love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath, a source of little visible delight but necessary. Nothing can change it. I just hope it is like hers but also I want to get over you as quickly as possible. I want to love you but I don't want to love you. See how paradoxical you have made me? You don't understand me and perhaps you never will but I don't expect anything from you at all. I don't know what the future holds for me but one thing is certain I will always always remember you. You are the one who made me feel and understand what love is, what it means to care for someone. Hope that years later when you hear my name, you at least remember me.

Miss you always. This is the best I could express my feelings for you, for never ever can I say to you or even want you to read this...

Yours (if I can use that)

.......

P.S. Yamini, if you even copy even one line, I will kill youuuuuuuuu

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Adios!!

Going to Nainital and Sattal for Office Outbound training.. Will be going somewhere outside Delhi after 6 1/2 years.. last I went on a school trip to Dalhousie in Class 12..I don't like to go outside Delhi.. I am such a contradictory person.. I want to travel to exotic places but when it actually comes to travelling I am the first person to back out.. don't like to leave my Delhi.. How will I survive without reading HT??? And that a Sunday one!!!! Twitter? that makes me feel connected to the outside world..but now it would be like completely cut off from reality.. mera man nahi hai jaane ka... and I have this terrible cold with my nose leaking (and I don't even have a handkerchief, so using my shirt sleeves and hands to wipe it off :D) as I write this from office...Hmmm Housefull releasing tomorrow..but main nahin dekhu.. I don't like Akshay..huh but I love the film's songs.. Like the Apni to jaise taise and Oh girl you're mine!!!!!!!!! But I don't even like Deepika so mujhe koi enthu nahi hai dekhne ka..
Not even Kites looks exciting..
But the 2 I am eagerly waiting for are Raavan and Rajneeti!!!!!!!
Anyway have started to read Franz Kafka's The Trial..
I don't want to go but have to :(
Miss you..